Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The Investor

-Don’t know why you pay me. Never take my advice. It’s past time to start looking at some long-range...

-Hey! Bing Bang Boom! Short-range only! In and out!

-Just a little long-range helps the country.

-Since when did you acquire a fuckin conscience? Leave that to the Teachers’ Union Pension Fund. Long-range is like just about everything else in this country: submitting to anal rape. Financially by CEOs, laydown boards,
leeching politicians.

-Which party most closely fits your philosophy?

-Both when I grease them. Neither when I don’t. Then again, they’re long range propositions too, aren’t they?


Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Anti War Moment

-You got three quarters of the people against this war and you can’t really get a push against these immoral, lying bastards.

-Not enough hatred on the ground.

-But Bush and Cheney make Nixon look like a girlscout.

-Watch that imagery! Richard not 21st Century GOP.

Monday, October 29, 2007

The Senator

-Lots of movie people lost houses in Malibu fire.

-Fuck ‘em. Most Jews.

-That from the foremost Christian-Zionist in the Senate?

-They’re simply not our Jews.

Sunday, October 28, 2007


Like pee,
I hafta.

Saturday, October 27, 2007


When Adventurers Meet,They say

Let’s have an adventure!
Then the vicious logistics.

Friday, October 26, 2007

The Pirates

-For a gag, we all dressed as pirates for the victory celebration.

-Then the wrong party swept everything!

-Just switched our patches over to the other eye.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Discussion

-Remember when we had that wonderful discussion?

-The wine was good.

-Agreed. And I complained that the traitors wanted to impeach the president
and vice president...?

-And they didn’t stop there!

-All that talk about lying us into war, and abridging one’s rights, and violating the Constitution.

-Rhetoric. Music.

-But that’s not what you said then. You...intellectualized it. You said...

-That it was all too abstract for me. What of it?

-Well, I’m afraid it just started being a good deal more concrete. For you.

-Just talk! It was...!

-Well, you’ll soon have some facts to tie it into.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

"The Innocent have nothing to Fear"–Higher Securitists

-But how can I be sure I'm innocent?

-We'll let you know. If we can't learn we'll ask
The Water Board for help.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

GOP Foursome – 1st Tee

Well, what’s the bet?

I’m betting your programmers have it just right.


And your guys?

They’ll be grateful after Wednesday’s vote.

I require such emotion upfront.

Consider it done!

WHEN it’s done.

I’m the only convicted criminal here. Twice inside, but now legit.
Well, legit as you guys. (Much privileged laughter)

MAFIA DON (cont) Y’know? My caddy’s a literature student or something.
He even quoted some Jew writer to me. Milton John or something. They also serve who only fuck you up the ass! It’s amazing the vulgar shit they got in college today!

Like all revolutionaries, all talk.

I’ll still slip him a C-Note. I used to work for a living.

Why spoil disobedience?

Monday, October 22, 2007


Proud to say I’m a BEB! Funny how it started. We held a minstrel
show and one of the black-faced characters was Bomb Everybody Bob.

And before you rear up on your PC gelding, our actual Negro laughed his
ass off!

Then the acronym transmuted to “Bomb Everybody Boys.” We have
a weekly breakfast on Thursday. Hey, Thursday was drink and
drug yourself blind on most campuses. Except for the assholes
who studied. What every happened to them anyway?

Always looking for members but be cautioned. We consider
Mainstream Republicans Communists, and Democrats traitors.

Iran is next to bomb. No secret. After that we lust again! I wouldn’t
rule anyplace out in the long run, even Chicago.

Just kidding. We’re always laughing, unlike the pussies condemning us.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Coalescence, Not

All my research and reading doesn’t really coalesce.

Call it the fog of self.

Oh you can pretend it does. “Fake it before you make it,”
often describes the process.

Nobody ever makes it. It’s courageous to talk from practically
nothing–for some. For others, just the usual bs.

And all that’s not a secret, not really.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Side Effects

Well, for the speaker who needed no introduction I know I went
on an unconscionably long time, but without further adieu...and, by the
way, I hear those comments, and do have a conscience! (laughter)

Well, I don’t know that I can attest to that! (increased laughter)
But one thing that strikes me this lovely afternoon is...(much burping,
farting) Oh I am so sorry. You know from TV that side effects can
include gas and vomit....and even death! Please excuse me...I hit the
nearest bathroom and remedy...please ex...(flees)

Well. How to think on your feet, right? I feel it best to just go on
with your desserts and get refills on the coffee, until our honored speaker...

(Ten minutes later) Uh, could I have your attention? I sent our young superstar to see that he’s all right. Voila! He has returned and here’s some face-time
for him. Though it may well be the first little shove out the door for me!
(mock cheer)

I realize I’m not a physician, but I think he’s dead!

Recording Secretary will record those words exactly. Now I’ll appoint a committee of three to confirm. One of the members will be a woman, so I hope there’s no false modesty. When their report comes in, I’ll probably call our CEO and then 911. Proud to say I trained in this company! First death on the can presents no unsurmountable problem.

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Mentor

-I can get pretty conflicted. When is it true patriotism?

-When there's a buck in it.

Thursday, October 18, 2007


Well...we’ve been caught.

One digs in his heels and admits nothing.

The Capitalist Model in America is a wonderful one indeed!

But a baby! We have an honorable and ancient history of cheating and bribes.

As the strange Negroes on American TV say, “I’ll drink to that!”

Their nation is corrupt in racial and sexual ways, and yet they point fingers.

We have the self-righteous here also.

But they don’t add to their hypocrisy by murder. Oh excuse me, wars to
spread their laughable “democracy.”

But as Confucius says, “Forgive those who pay on time.”

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Setting the Future

I was privileged to be invited, even though in an offhand way.

The meeting took place at the Greenbrier, those sub rooms sealed
away from the atomic warfare which had never arrived.


The first speaker announced that we have two goals:

A) Waging continuous war

B) Enriching our friends

I stood up then, enshrining my quiet name. “I have no objection,
except to say we must reverse those priorities.”

It’s all hard-surface down there and the applause very
nearly burst my eardrums.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Christian Soldier

-You run a huge operation.

-Sort of Conglomerate for Christ!

-And wear several hats.

-Let me show you a couple.

-I didn’t mean literally.

-I mean everything literally. This one’ll surprise you.

-A beret! My oh my! But I don’t see...

-Soft, no angles. It represents the aesthetic of Faith, its beauty.

-I can’t get over the image of you under it!

-But...this one won’t surprise.

-World War Two surplus from Lou’s Army and Navy Store?

-My helmet for the coming Race Wars.

-Is that Christ-like?

-Not the impotent wimp in the garden, no, but my commander, wrapped
in bandoliers!

-I’m speechless!

-Then I won’t recruit you. We’re looking for folks to stand up at PTAs!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Reading in Common Dreams and others US should be ashamed!

Today pirates have none.
As to the shiploads wait-
ing out in the fetid bay?

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Very Short Dialog w/St Peter

-With all due respect, why are we segregated?


-Well that would’ve been our bodies. Does it count with souls?

-There the poison is acquiescence.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Craphead Harp

came steerage. Drank
& brawled & screwed--
often boys’d do.

Beefed up & Holy
Name Society smoothed
out till, no longer thick, stopped

beating on wife for her own good.
Before he got here, Yankee Masters

orated “We don’t need any more
of these Craphead Harps!” 1%

right, 100% righteous, way many
are now: “We don’t need any more
of these Craphead Spicks!”

Friday, October 12, 2007

Collateral Lives

Mansions in Palm
Beach widely spaced,

not much of a trick
to fire a rocket

from Singer Island
and take out #1

of leading Moslem
"Charity." But as

to #2 in his Fifth
Avenue condo flanked
by retired farts,

well...some sacrifice
for country. Such as,too,
Newsstand Louie,& how

his spastic phosphorescence
will forever entertain rut-

ting José the Puerto Rican
taxi driver,and winner,now,
of the hand of manicurist,Rita.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


-We did it! Rid ourselves of the bureaucrats. It’s all yours now!

-Cost enough.

-It’ll be worth it, and, of course, the lovely machine‘ll keep
chug-chuggin’ and oil the party. Win-win!

-We gotta make a buck first.

-What could be easier? But the big thing is stay out of the media.
Rule One is Don’t get caught! If the other side can get an oversight
toe in there...?

-We’ll take care of it.

-I know we can trust you. After all, the money is falling from the skies.
We should all have the opportunity to grab some. Obligation, really.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Capitalist and the Plumber

-As a plumber you should be interested in this. DEMS WILL RAID THE RICH

-I’m the plumber’s helper. He’s into higher echelon work on the Ladies’ can.

-Wall Street Journal! When they come after the rich, you better hold onto
your own wallet!

-Why? I’m not rich.

-Let me explain it to you.

-Don’t bother. With all due respect, Sir, my job brings me into contact
with actual shit!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Killing Them Softly

You don’t understand fuckin English! I wanna talk to the president.

He’s unavailable.

Unavailable to me? He wasn’t unavailable on several other large occasions.

Whatever you want me to tell him, I’ll...

Tell him for starters that his veto of Children’s Health Insurance totally
bums me out.

It’s a complex issue. We can’t let the other party demagogue it.

The voters don’t care diddley shit about complexity. They care about
children being harmed. Is everyone up there too fuckin thick to
understand that?

There may be a small compromise.

Your ass is a small compromise! I’m running in ‘08! I can write the copy
of their ads now. A trillion for wars, but for children... !

As I say, they’ll demagogue it.

How dreadful of them! Don’t invite a one of them to your next tea-bagging!

Will that be all, Sir?

Tell that fuckhead he might as well just shoot me!

Monday, October 08, 2007


-We’re so not bigtime.

-We’re doing all right. Better, really.

-I don’t ever wanna go inside again. All that country club talk
is really exaggerated!

-I got a way to really stay out. Guaranteed! Just wave a few flags.

-Uh huh. I’m interested.

-Well, we’re in several rackets, but are missing the monster one.

-And what would that be? asked Bud Abbot.


-Which part? It‘s a fuckin, how you say?, cornucopia!

-I’m sending three boys to Blackwater in Iraq.

-Won’t get hired. Criminal Records.

-Funny thing happened at Central Police. Some stuff mysteriously lost!
Isn’t it the weirdest shit?

-Who could imagine?

-They’ll learn the ropes and come back here. Then we’ll bid on a contract.

-Hey the fuckin war will, like, cease someday.

-Nah. Never.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Women are hot

in TV dramas, driven
to kiss deeply
as prelude to as-

tonishing fire
during **The**BIG***LAY***

Usually, other women laze
about the screen, secretaries

or such small-like. How they
kiss or fuck remains

For in the Home of the Bravely
Free it’s CLASS, Stupid!

Phony Soldiers and General Betrayus & Legislative Blabbing & Posturing on Both!

Turkish Proverb: If you can 't beat the jackass, you beat the saddle.

Social Bit

Commercials showing Dads,
little daughters. Implied:

Mama dead, or fled for love
& reworking that wrinkle.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Only 2 Channels in Hell

CH1 Black Women talk endlessly about shoes.

CH2 White Women talk endlessly about shoes.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Dealing In the Army

-Odd conversation to have in a war zone, but I’m tasked to find out about
your re-enlistment plans. Hell of a cash bonus out there now!

-Save your breath, I’m going with Blackwater. Like, almost ten times the salary
and no chickenshit!

-I’m sorry to hear of your projected walk on the wild side. But where will they be when you’re coming round to retirement?

-Right here. Iraq is Forever!

-I mean pension and...

-Hey! I just buy an annuity with about one fifth of my salary. Better than the dinky one the army gives.

-I’m really shocked! You are so Army!

-No fuckin longer! And speaking of cash bonuses, got one in my back pocket
for you to come onboard!

-You representing them now?

-I’ve done a bit of work.

-That’s not legal.

-Let’s not be too literal. Except in THIS !

-Wow! How much is that?

-We won’t bother counting.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

GOP Operatives, Again

-This is a quiet room. Say whatever you want and in any style.

-I do that anyway.

-The question on the table is: How can we further lift the obscenely rich?

-Fuck ‘em!

-Have you gone over to the Dark Side?

-Slash their taxes and they kick back a percentage that’s less than they give
the waiter at their club! And they’re stiffing him too.

-What do you suggest? “Here’s your tax cut and we’d like it back!” ?

-That and more! We enrich them and they screw us!

-Give is a repugnant verb. Republican, not.

-And you’re funny. Not! We’ve showered these obnoxious pricks with bushel baskets of money, and now the Dems lead us in fund raising.

-That is a serious problem. Okay, what’ll we do?

-One-on-ones where we talk turkey.

-These are the hardest, toughest people in the world. That won’t move ‘em.

-Then just a hint how we’re sidetracking certain investigations?

-Blackmail, is it?

-Three quarters of these fuckers should be in prison anyway!

-That’s your fraction is it? Well, you’ve always been conservative.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

The Witness

-Well, I’m not sure it’s a clean choice. I mean really random.

-Oh they hacked the computers at first, the way they once did
with elections. We have them perfect now. Thus, you were
chosen randomly and honestly. I’m afraid you’re it.

-I could refuse.

-Not advisable.

-All my friends know I’m against. I haven’t been shy.

-Makes no difference. You’re an American citizen. You’ll represent us all
at this particular torture.

-Card says B197 type.

-Oooo! That’s the nastiest!

-It’s all so horrible!

-Can be. Look, why make a big deal? You just have to witness.
You’re behind glass and the sounds are piped in.

-Can the victim see me?

-They make sure he can. You’re Decency.

-He? Meaning it can’t be a woman.

-There are a few. The fellows get a bigger charge out of them, really.

-I’m so ashamed to think of it. It’ll make me complicit!

-You’re already that.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

USA 2500 AD

-The children like to blow other children up.

-Which was fine when it was virtual. Now it’s the real thing!

-Oh well, there’s such a surplus! I mean how many do we need
to manufacture the suppositories to stick up our ass, and
those other necessities?

-You do have a vision. Answer: practically none. Robots handle about everything.

-There you go! So let our children have their fun. It kills two birds
with one stone.

Monday, October 01, 2007


Well first, we don’t get any kind of Great Mufti or anything like that.
Because we’re so small, we’ll get some sort of fanatical youngster.

But, except for the praying, the town’s business will proceed exactly
as before.

The frequency will be a pain in the neck, but most religious people around
here never paid attention before and will do the same. The nonbelievers
will get it from both sides.

Nobody listens to their bellyaching and so nothing changes.

After a while, employers whittle praying down to once a day.

Before long, our “leader” marries one of the Catholic girls, probably
named Bridget. They’ll eventually get so busy with a tribe of squalling
brats, that even the once daily prayer gets forgotten.

Except when the inspectors arrive and we all pretend, life in Deep River
will be the same as it is now.

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