Sunday, March 31, 2013


The Very Lonely Man

decides to talk to everyone.
The cops ultimately notice

this super-voluble enthusiasm
and hold him for observation.

Police psychiatrist opines
went too far but is otherwise
normal. When he gets back to his

efficiency, mail shows invitations
to a wedding, a bar mitzvah, and an
installation at Knights of  Columbus.

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Saturday, March 30, 2013

What the Sound Man Did

The dentist not taking, Denise hooked
back up with Herve when he returned.

"Do you promise excitement?" she laughed.

"You never know."

The second night he's wrestled to the kitchen
floor by Detectives Eccles and Raffratry.

Mistake. They sought his twin. Soon enough, they
all killed a 1.75 of Wild Turkey, Law Enforcement
telling of their more bizarre cases, and Herve of
doing the sound for incorrigible boy bands, and,
on this last trip, El Shrieko, Peruvian tenor embedded
with ragged Andean dancers.

Denise spoke of the dentist.

“A dentist who couldn't drill,” cracked Raff.

Eccles quickly asked what a sound man does exactly.

“Massages the vocal and instrumental talent, often
when there’s little or none.”

The detectives ultimately calling for a cab since
they had sent the two patrolmen back, Denise
told them it was her best time in years.

“Welcome to Civilization!” Eccles warmly proclaimed.

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Friday, March 29, 2013


The Second Amendment Is Bullshit

enlarged by inane Justice
leaned into by bullies.

That is not to say people
shouldn't have guns. Limited,
as is every right in fact. Most

concur, in 21st Century
language shorn of pretty

ornamentation and pseudo
rhetorical balance.

So, a new amendment. Better yet
a new document. Horrors! cry
Originalists and other turfmeisters.

From quarters less monomaniacal
we hear the times too contentious!

Taunts would fly as to “Socialist-
Communist-Fascist.” Whatever

sliming. Name a time not
contentious. Let's
get going!

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Thursday, March 28, 2013

Which of these is NOT a vegetable?

a) Broccoli

b) Kale

c) Interesting

Both Nop and Ripper picked c. Nop because
he thought it was a trick question.

Rip because it was a stupid answer and the
program and teachers were beyond stupid.

One of the objects seemed to be that students
helped each other. Fulfilled in a way with Rip
fleshing out Nop's machine pistol fantasy
for him, directed at the most caustic instructor.

They played the way children do. “I must sneak in
and he’s at the board, and I order him to turn

“Nah, you must just wait there until he senses your
intellectual presence, and turns around.”

“You promised stop teasing me!”

The question in question crossed the desk of
Sen Crons, who then deemed the program
worthy of his Golden Pickle Award.

But when Fruitful Steps became Ever Glowing Dawn
with privatization, he backed off–-brother-in-law
now heading it up.

He phoned him. "Word to the wise," he began.

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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I was inert yet vocal

in the Reagan years, mostly
kept refusing to believe

they were happening.
& he became doty
when not primed

with a hogwash speech.
Plus he told grandpa

stories & that defused
much inchoate hate.

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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

One thing I've noted

in foreign TV drama:
the promises at funerals

more jazzily elaborate.
For what that’s worth.

But did the New World err
in flattening Heaven
to speed up Earth?

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Monday, March 25, 2013


-I’m still totally pissed against Fox.
They convinced me we had whipped
that Teleprompting N...

-Just putting the best face on it they knew how.
And when the polls fatally turned, towards the end,
you could hear some frail ambiguity if you truly listened.

Ah never really know. Thus hope! As Dr Johnson said 

when the old fart married the fresh wench:

“The triumph of hope over experience.”

-Never mind the literary crap it doesn’t apply.
And leave the ambiguity to fairy poetry.

-Okay. The upshot is you and favored network 

brutally lost.

-Got my teeth ground down to the gums!

-Stop! Why should dentists profit?...not, uh, gonna buy a machine pistol are you?

-If I did I’d head for Fox first!

-Wouldn’t bother. Their security must rival the Pentagon’s.

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Sunday, March 24, 2013

Wine Snob

-You’ve seen movies. Thus the pouring and sniffing and swishing?

-Not a problem.

-Then you must say something, after a pause.

-Like? “How interesting all attempts to be interesting.”

-Not bad. Some bite and that’s the idea mostly. 

How about: “a blunt attempt, more savage than Sauvignon.” 
That’s the thrust anyway.

-Veto! That’s too nasty-queer. Wish to maintain my
battered hetero...

-Nonsense! Why knock it and not try it?

-The Betties have ruined me, be fucked if I let the
Bruces start.

-I’m talking love, not your coarse view of it.

-We’re getting far afield of wine.

-Nothing is.

-Glad I’m not paying for these lessons.

-I’m hoping you will. Oh my! Relax, Mr Face of Thunder!

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Saturday, March 23, 2013

Two Women, Young, Somewhat

-We're in forgiveness mode, having left Jeff
and Claire's party with others.

-Who first? The second actor always seeks revenge.

-Sort of simultaneous.

-Was it worth it?

-I can't speak for him. Well, neither can he, really.
My guy was cute but from an Arkansas or somewhere,
and driveled cornpone shit when we were...

-A talker?

-And not a good one!

-How about the rest of  it?


-But I've heard passion in cheap motels! So it exists!

-They're playing a recording.

-My ex and I got it going pretty good. After watching porn.

-Mine was Christian.

-How flat was that?

-He still is.

-I'm told it's good to have some sort of faith.
Anchor, you know, in all the crap?

-He had the anchor down.

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Friday, March 22, 2013



Scoreless committees
and their like before

serving Senate or House.
Handling solid waste
or neighborhood stinks

back then, political individuals
have anyway paid their dues.

The corridors of power being flanked
by many a boring alcove--even
presently–-they deserve our thanks.

You bring up stealing,
your obsession. And a stretch.

Let's say a perk is seldom missed,
and not a few invented. Edisons
in the majority.

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Thursday, March 21, 2013

The Owner

The mayor begged, so he drove one of the Lincoln
convertibles in the victory parade.

The baseball champs were merely minor league,
but tell that to the crowd!

Each back seat held two players, and in the passenger seat a civic stalwart. 

Except in his case he somehow got the Catcher’s voluble Dominican wife, 
who showered him with Spanish and kisses-–TV cameraman running alongside.

“Please,” he implored--though not much could happen
at ten miles an hour--“me honcho automobile. No safe!”

“Si si si!” and kept kissing him.

When the parade ended, he got to his company.
Bonnie, Prince, and Charlie were fielding calls.

Charlie saying "Mr Higgins, how are you?
More to the point, how’s that daughter
who wins all the prizes? Listen, I just
have to take a few seconds to straighten
out this hysteric on the other line.
So, please hold. A few seconds guaranteed!"

A 100% from the boss on that one. Make it personal
and light, the first commandment.

He found out, too, that Prince and Bonnie had
fielded some new business.

So all had gone well with the Royal Trio.

Upon going to bed that night, Carrie laughed
"You were smooching it up pretty good with
Conchita Fireball!"

"She wouldn't leave me alone!"

"Corky and Mickey on the sports show claim
the video could go viral."

"Hope not! I probably look silly."

"Of course you do! And it's a good thing."

"Uh...could I take two Zantacs? They're only 75s."

"Yeah, be daring."

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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

New Chrysler 9000 self drove to his office

Was telling friend Larry of the best parts of
deal, but kept tripping up or forgetting.

"I’m ready for Bide a Bit!" he blurted. Referencing
the county’s old persons home, now privatized.

"Haven't called it that in years. Now it's
Sunset. Slang once was Republicans Emeriti,
when the county was suffocatingly Right."

“Well let me enjoy my 9000 before...!"

“Selection Robot comes after YOU?

“I heard it's all robots up there.”

“Just about. They slide you outa bed and rip off
your pajamas. Clamp you into wheel chair which
joins others in a radio-controlled pilgrimage
to a huge bath where all are dumped."

"Male and female together?"

"What's the difference at their age?"

“Then dressed by the same robots, and off to breakfast?”

“Exactly. Joke last week was they jammed a Dogpatch
print dress on some grandpa.”

“Why is efficiency a comedy?”

“Always has been.”

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Tuesday, March 19, 2013


Chavez Gave Oil to Poor Bostonians

If we won't take care
of our own,

might as well have
Venezuelans do it. Right,

though, continues to desire
frozen corpses as examples in
wretched personal direction.

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Monday, March 18, 2013


A Nice Bar

-I’m pulling a double shift. Linky got the flu.

-I’ll go easy on my drinking, Rita.

-As long as you don’t on your tipping. We had teachers in here last night talking about the new pope. He was a Crazy Bird in a Parliament of Fools or some such.

-Just shop talk. If it were machinists, they’d have their own in-language, jokes and puns too.

-More big spenders from the East!

-Bartender slang. You’re not immune.

-Never noticed.

-...they probably said Parliament of Fowls. From Chaucer.

-Yeah! That’s what they said! I thought it was basketball. Do you know everything?

-Let’s just say I’ve been educated far beyond my abilities.

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Sunday, March 17, 2013

My Wife and I Lead Quiet Lives

I’m bookkeeper in a small firm, which pretty much
prospers evenly through booms and recessions.

You’d cite management, but...well, run strangely
is all.

The partners despised each other. Mr A confided in me
early on: “Never trust that shyster! Any problem you come to me.”

Mr B: “No wonder the wife goes with horny kids. We got one icy fish here!”

Well, that’s the flavor. Think of ten years of it!

Ended, as the TV says, in a hail of bullets. I know, I know, I’m risking being melodramatic. 

For a bookkeeper.

Mr A exits the Cadillac in the garage, and whammo!

You’d think the cops would want to talk to his chief
antagonist. They did, but couldn’t get a word with
the sobbing! So, he deeply loved A would you believe?

Mrs A did not so much. Within a week she was arrested. Alongside freshest 

Romeo. A plot of such mangled complexity as to engender hilarity 
in the precinct.

They got Life.

Niece inherited A’s stake and she’s a Tartar!
Refused B’s buyout offer and is threatening to
drag the firm into the 21st Century by any force

Also, she warned me against him before he could
rally from the tragedy.

My wife and I lead quiet lives.  

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Saturday, March 16, 2013


Departure Modes

“Professor” Angelo determines to die like Otho in some way. Noble Roman Emperor Style.

But a safe flattens him to Market Street on his way to buy a Daily News. Cable broke.

Crane company’s owner is mayor‘s brother, but mayor
acknowledges such in insisting on full investigation.

Lippy, of Lippy’s Dugout, clicks off remote at that point. “And the farmer took another load away!”

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Friday, March 15, 2013


Gaul Divided Into Three Parts

United, though, in Banking,
with bonuses shoved up front.

As everything else waits,
and especially you

can go fuck yourself.

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Thursday, March 14, 2013


Rocco, Fr Mike, and the Food Stamp Pope

ROCCO (singing)
Down Argentina way...

And a Social Justice Advocate!

They'll call him The Food Stamp Pope. But I'll tell you,
Father Mike, the drooling sentries in my bedroom
put down their weapons in amazement that there's
a continent down there.

We all must widen our focus. Present company included.

I might just take that slight hint. In thinking ten years or so a chocolate cardinal might transform to a white pope on that famous balcony.

Be an even greater universal day!

I can't wait for the gigantic insuck of ghinny breath!

I'll pray for your patience.

Don't bother.

For your Catholicism then?

FWB Catholic suffices, thank you.

Funerals, weddings, baptisms? Church offers
a greater spectrum. Let's sit down over...

Fettuccini Alfredo?

Thin out the sauce and add clams. I don't wanna
be laughed off the handball court.

Rocco encounters few priests in South Philadelphia.
When they leave the rectory, there’s an argument.


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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Wrinkling the Universe

When Lucille left Bucky for the last time, he metamorphosed
into a sexual idiot.

The girls he bribed with presents should have spent
their time with the studs they craved, but they did think
he was funny. Funny.

At the end he hooked up with a real criminal, a woman
who extorted many before. Had served some time.
Unjustly in her intricately articulate view. Insanity!

His health, no wonder, went to shit.

Internist, of course, informed him he was killing

At this stage I met him again–-after mucho avoidance.

He asked for my sister’s number. I didn’t politely
withhold it, I told him flat out that he had lost his
character, and I wouldn’t inflict him on anybody I loved.
Or anybody, really.

He told me I wasn’t a friend. And that it was easy to be cold
with puny inexperience. And that girls were looking for
fun and sex and not quotes from Wallace Stevens!

So that last stung? Many have done as well.

He was stopped with his criminal on the Blue Route,
trunk of her powder blue Cadillac loaded with high-end
watches lifted from Sansom Street jewelers.

And toasters. Toasters!

Cocaine in passenger door. He rode next to it,
knowing or not. So, in deepest shit.

I don’t say this lightly, but better he should die. 

Narcissus cannot rehab, knowing more than 
the rest of us combined.

No, I’m not just nursing the hurt he gave me...maybe a little.
But the issues are larger here if we wish to continue with
some kind of moral, and not animalistic, world. Okay,
sounds pretentious. I must own it though, since I do feel 

that way.

There always exists the risk everywhere that “cool” 

people will call you asshole. Courageous individuals 
relish it. I’m not there yet.

But I call them as I see them, however tremulously.

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Tuesday, March 12, 2013


Cardinals at Pool

Two cardinals shoot Nine-Ball as the seminarian enters with his more than tipsy guest. 

-Oh I’m sorry your eminences! We thought the room was empty. 

He shoves the aromatic drunk but not before:
-I hear the new pope’s a darky! 

If  possible to turn inside out from embarrassment, the seminarian borders on the state. 

-Now don’t treat your guest roughly on our account. We knocked around this raw world before the cloth. 

-He...well we both a bit, uh, imbibed. 

-Admirable frankness, so let me respond in kind. You may be looking at the next Pope. 

-You’re kidding! Oh I’m sorry!—we’re just all disrespect. 

-It’s not me. That shark that just banked in the nine ball, whole-table length? 

The drunk, feeling left out of the ecclesiastical moment, blurts
-Gotta know your bank shots for the job then? 

The winner bellowing
-Wouldn't be surprised!

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For the People

-I came here to work for the people!

-How’d that go?

-For the party more like.

-How’d the people react?

-Remarkably quiescent. Of course I threw them the occasional cookie.

-How so?

-When Noises didn’t need my vote I was allowed off the reservation.

-So, the great maverick on Face the Nation.

-Spitting fire! Spitting fuckin fire!

-All in all, though, despair?

-Just about. Leads to booze and ladies who give a shit 

about nothing.

-Wife back home?


-Worse and worse.

-Our constituent service, though, top drawer! We got young people who work like Trojans.

-Well there is some pride then!

-Yeah, I came as Patrick Henry and leave a really good 

7-11 manager.

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Monday, March 11, 2013


Republicans Fighting Each Other

What could be more natural?
Rotten losing brings it out, true.

And, hopefully, the recognition
that the same old bullshit won't

carry into this new world. So,
throttle it finally or die. Choose!--
alongside necessary contrition.

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Sunday, March 10, 2013


The Walk

He happened to stare
into The Bonnie Tart.

His exes at tea and
they beckoned him.

"So what are you two plot-
ting?" came out with
double the edge

he intended. "I'd say
laughter," laughed

Mizbeth. "And I'd add
giggling," giggled Lil.

Nothing about ex-husbands,
they insisted, reminding that
they knew each other

before him. "Just wonderful
plain old gossip!" Mizbeth
stressed. “But actually we
were plotting.”

“Yeah! Putting a dome of glass
over this weird borough and
having sex professors come

study it!” So, true girltalk. Thus tacked
he from the most surreal of it. Though

not before a humongous chocolate
chip cookie they treated him to.

On the net that evening he found it among
eleven bombshell foods and popped a Zantac.

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Saturday, March 09, 2013


A Moral Talein a car dealership would you believe?

When Rell's line dipped far below Despicable's on
the sales chart, the boss wanted to talk.

He told him he had no excuse, but “Proverbs” finally
forced out of him the personal crisis.

Sort-of-girlfriend Jenny had left for Disney with some slickster.

-Examples gross as earth exhort you!

-Or something.

-Hey, you had no deal with her, really. Gotta lock them in!

Then there was the feud between him and the new carwash man he had labeled Jimmy Too-Slow.

-You're picking on him! He's retarded. If you can't hit the donkey you hit the saddle.

And lately, Too-Slow had appeared knowing, had put on this sarcastic face, Rell confided. Plus, a surprisingly effective insult or two came from out of this...dope!

-Everybody knows! So what? Anyway, nothing stings like the taunt of a fool. Listen! You straighten out the personal, you sell more cars. First thing, get rid of the revenge daydreams. Huh! I struck a chord by your look! Goofy whispering filthy things in your ear, is he? About Jenny and Whatsisface?

-Something like.

-Something must be the only car salesmen with so few words.


-Yeah, perhaps. At any rate, when you see her again don't act all cold. Kill her with kindness.

He took this last proverb to heart, and she eventually burst into tears. They started planning their wedding.

And his sales line hopped above Despicable's. Wiping out that perpetual sneer. Thus, some revenge did take effect.

A dish best eaten cold.

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Friday, March 08, 2013


An Incident Untoward

Mrs Resperson-Shawcross, vending towards the specialist
who has retired, though not to a few patients of quality,
decides to check out the vacation cottage.

All proves neat, Jeanette competent. But sounds
of unmistakable passion infiltrate.

She flings open the bedroom door to the couple
in final throe. "Oh My God!" they shriek.

"What do you...? Who are you?" she gasps.

"Please, Ma'am. I'm Baker, Jeanette's boy,
and this is..."

"Baker, huh? Well not to make any little loaves
in my best sheets!"

"Why does your sort always put the dirtiest aspect on
everything?" issues forth from saucy scarlet-face.

“In  your position, young lady, it is difficult to launch
any argument.”

“We're engaged!” she rejoins.

“Indeed?” They have popped up, she wrapped in
the sheet. He bold as anything ever hairily projected.

“Please, don't watch me dress,” she finally whispers.

Mrs Resperson-Shawcross complies as an example
of Class.

The lovers having departed at sartorial sixes and sevens,
she flames Jeanette from her cellphone.

Back late after stopping for dinner, and Mr R-S snores.

(He had arrived with the hyphen. Since she hails from the
best family in Sussex, thought given to adding her name.
Rejected as too too.)

She endures fits of restless righteousness before a profound
sleep visited by dreams of urgently filthy sex.

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Thursday, March 07, 2013


Dictator--shorthand our big boys like

So Chavez is dead?
Big C unafraid of
the outsized ones.

I'll read about him now,
but not through filters

of media, most especially
not the Right Maniacs. How

he challenged and be-
littled our power! So
what? More should.

We seek toadies everywhere,
in resonance to the super-
abundance here.

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Wednesday, March 06, 2013


Vulgar Strategy

-We're running you as fuckin Mr Smith goes
to fuckin Washington.

-A certain euphony, but I'm not a boyscout
or boyscout leader.

-Who cares about that shit?

-And Jimmy Stewart was a rail. I'm challenged
in the avoirdupois department.

-Forget all that! Video of you staring and teary
at the Lincoln Memorial! There's ten thousand
votes without lifting a finger! Your fresh eyes!

-My eyes as jaded as an old whore's! Hey I
represented trade associations. Been here
hundreds of times.

-Let it go!

-A lobbyist!

-Don't know this word.

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Tuesday, March 05, 2013

-There may be senoritas

with dark and flashing eyes.

-If there be, then a brace or three of 

Brad Pitts will absorb their flash.

-So, no go?

-Of course we'll go!

-Our success rate is abysmal!

In the toilet!

-No matter.

-Why bother?

-It's the going!

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Monday, March 04, 2013

Reagan’s Great Charm

Keeping his crazies
at bay.

Presently--God help us!--
at full bark.

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Sunday, March 03, 2013

Jimbo and Jilly

tangoed. The ticket!
She whore-attired,

He, stylish Gaucho!

I don’t like saying
they came in so last!

“And after all that
freakin work!” spat
Jilly. Head sunk, knife-

knees wide. Mid paper cups strewn
across the dance hall basement.

“This just the new beginning!” main-
tained he, shakily finger-combing

hair for Travolta’s look. I know.
I know. Our two misunderstood all

subtleties to say the very least. But a lot
commences from humiliation, even as most

tried trapping them forever more inside
this doltishly bizarre sliver of time.

One day they muse on their once watery
selves: a couple confident and winning.

Let’s not movie-ize. A few Firsts only. Though
one in Argentina. Mostly Seconds and Thirds. But
World-Class being admirable in any art, especially

for two buzzed kids with
less than nothing
at the start.

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Saturday, March 02, 2013



-My group of lesbian hunters is going to Africa.

-Excuse me for laughing, but you know what I 
just HEARD?

-Do don't be juvenile this one time!

-Okay, I'll go along. But, then, I can't go along.

-Nope. Don't qualify.

-I wouldn’t want to  join any group that'd
accept me as a member. Generally speaking.
Nothing personal.

-Let me top off your beer. Firing on no

-Well, just warming up. Are you accoutered
for this extraordinary trip with this more
extraordinary group?

-We don't consider it either, but yeah, I've
got comfortable hunting clothes and a gun
to stop an elephant.

-Make sure it's a boy.

-We usually do.

-I shot an elephant in my pajamas once.
How that elephant got into my pajamas I’ll
never know.

-Cease! Groucho Marx again.

-I could use the Marx Brothers right around here.

-And I the Marx Sisters.

-Oh well--and I'll cite my source this time--
you can rely on the old man's money. Billy Joel.

-It's how he shows love. You must always let
people show love in their own way.

-Who's stopping them? But I must leave.
My Incongruity Quotient is full for the nonce.

-You’ll stay for the roast lamb. My treat.

-Weakness, thy name is man!

-We’ve noticed.

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Friday, March 01, 2013

The Parties in the Next Ten Years

Slip-sliding around.

The brand continues to stink.

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