Sunday, April 30, 2017


She Noted

Carlos never spoke
just after. Lull.

When he did so,
was instructional.

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Saturday, April 29, 2017


Reading Smart

-Smartest guy I knew back then
accountant at our ad agency.

Never went to lunch he didn’t
hit a bookstore after.

Come back with two to five
paperbacks. That’s every freakin
working day!

Key to Nordic Philosophy!
I’m making that up, but
everything! Everything!

-But, so what? That’s book smart.

-No, it rubbed off.

-Good! Why are so many proud of
being dummies?

-They’re not proud. They’re ashamed.
The arrogant front is their very best cloak!

-More to be pitied than scorned.

-That’s an ancient old song.

-Hey! Can’t I come up with weird 

deflections also? I’ve read books.


-Can’t say that. They ramble so!

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Friday, April 28, 2017


Lies, High and Low

-This president lies more than his share!
I can’t figure why.

-The reason many men and women do.
To look better.

-We lie to boost our stock?

-Turgenev put it in a more literary manner:
Better the falsehood that exalts
than hosts of baser truths.

-Sometimes you feel like shit doing it.
But other times just terrific!

-That’s the art part.

-How come you can quote all these writers
and shit?

-Educated beyond my ability.

-Noticed that.

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Thursday, April 27, 2017


Chubby and Jackson

-Hamlet said Frailty thy name is woman!”

-Got that wrong too.

-Part of his tragedy.

-His was a great tragedy!

-Oh, I don’t know. We’re sort of on our way.

-I’m not up to killing a king!

-He had one hell of a problem with it also.

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Wednesday, April 26, 2017


Behaviors, Often Direct

Leila on a boil, and this new guy: 

"Well the essentially stupid Republicans
finally got their even stupider guy, and
he's re-instituting all the old programs
that never worked! So it 's screw everybody
but the Holy Rich!"

She politely attempted to get him to shut up,
and just grab her.

“I ran out of my phoney wiles," she confided
to her vibrator later.

Then the phone rang. Old Reliable Lanky!

"You've got to get over here in ten minutes
or never call again!" informed she him.

"Just...our little chat first, and I'll leave here."

“No freakin chat! You're on the clock, and I'll
lock the freakin doors!"

He did as told. All’s well that ends etc etc.
Her circle of friends and colleagues thankful.                                                                                  

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Tuesday, April 25, 2017


The Dollar

Peg and Barbsy agree
they'll run the beanbag
toss at the neighborhood

Barbsy claims to "have a
beanbag here somewhere."

In the garage, no luck,
but Peg spots a dollar
on the floor and sticks
it hastily in her jeans.

The few streets home in
the Subey, she cries.

Tells an imaginary judge
"We were so so poor!"

Then she does the oddest
thing of all. Blots out
her tears with the dollar.

Returns it the the next
day, pretends to find it
on the living room floor.

“Spies” it under her recliner.

"I swear," says Barbsy,
"there's enough loose
money around here to
go to McDonalds. By the
way, thanks for the
reason for Peg's visit.

“I just knew I had one,
and when you couldn’t
find yours...?”

The following week at
work, she's awarded a
hundred dollar gift card
to Sonnenberg's.

Buys a pretty blouse.

On the way back,
extracts it from the
candystripe bag she
helped design.

Touches the blouse to
her face as the traffic
light turns Caution.

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Monday, April 24, 2017


Varieties of Human Personality

Brent Andrews didn't have
to labor very long to line
the closet with aluminum foil.

There he sat a few hours a day,
and felt stronger. So, avoiding
the rays important!

Mickey Karks laughed, ripping
down much of the foil. And
tearing off the closet door!

He stopped him too late. But
berated him. "You'll feel shame
someday! Not now, since you're
a cruel amoral pig!"

The pig continued laughing.
"Are you getting bombarded
again by all the raysie-waysies?
Might affect your balls if you
had any!"

Randolf Haker stopped in after
Mickey left.

To Brent, Mickey's sneer and middle
finger still imprinted the trailing foil,
but Randolf his equal self.

"We are forbidden to judge the stupid.
Leave him to Heaven!" On their knees,
they prayed as zephyrs from an open
window flashed them extraordinarily.

That evening, Jenny Toles brought her
clothes and hung them mid metallic shreds.

Brent tried on a sweater and tennis skirt along
moonlit dapples.

“I don't know if I like your doing that!” Her gray
eyes, though, always remaining kind.

“Whitman said I am all men and women!”

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Sunday, April 23, 2017


The Small Box

Old was she but fairly chipper.

She led me on a tour of her attic.

"Just ancient junk!"

In tangles and jumbles and piles.

Innumerable newspapers and magazines,
both yellowish-brown.

On extremely stuffed, large floral,
furniture. Atop all that, arthritic rockers.

Walls held gummy photographs of people
looking continually surprised.

After a bit, I felt covered in dust myself.

Finally to a locked room in the eaves.
Very sparse and neat. Just a small table
holding a mini cigar box.

“A record here of the truly rational decisions
I made during a long life.”

“Not much?”

“An awfully small part of existence.”

“Well, yours.”

That set her a-cackle!


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Saturday, April 22, 2017


Standards of Beauty

-My first husband was ugly. Like, I mean
“Meet-him-on-the-street-and-scream!” ugly.

-So nobody would steal him?

-You'd think. But Ugly became the vogue and
I had to fight the women off of him!

-What happened to the lovely blond hunks?

-Drug on the market, so they became queer for
each other

-Nothing happens in a vacuum.

-Uh huh? Especially the one in their collective head!

-Now now! So cruel to the boy dolls!

-I suppose. Our...uh...conversations, yours and mine,
always end up stupid shit, don’t they?

-Awaiting the right subject.

-You have patience!

-Only thing I’ve learned.

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Friday, April 21, 2017


Approaches of Benham and Corky.

-Re this New Woman?

-Easy to understand. You make
everything whatchacallit?  too

-Not a subject incredibly complex?

-Nah. She just does whatever the
fuck she wants!

-Which, once upon a time in the
West, was our prerogative.

-Is that PERogative or PRErogative?

-Pre. As in sovereign.

-Too bad. They're really pretty nice
when they purr.

-Kill some time whilst getting primed
to hatch sheer Hell!

-I just say “Yes, Dear!” then.

-Would that were sufficient!

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Thursday, April 20, 2017


The More Things Change

-What you think of this New Right?

-Like the Old Version, they think that
cruelty is wit.

-Homeless and Unemployed a barrel of laughs!

-It’s useless to legislate for lazy crazies!



-The fewer the better!


-Means the freedom to buy what’s required.

-And if I require a Congressman?

-Go for it!

-Stepping over bodies?

-Never wear your good shoes!

-My sacrifice for Justice!

-How much can you afford?

-Plenty! I hold that Truth to be self-evident.


-Along with my dick!

-Are we reducing the Nation to your pecker?

-Love of Country is shown in many ways!

-And I thought you were just a thieving tax-cheating  son of a bitch!

-Spell that P-A-T-R-I-O-T!

-Are we done here?

-Not till the prayer.

-Then I wanna look at the schedule.

-Yes! Let’s not miss the Reichstag Fire!

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Wednesday, April 19, 2017


Playing With Cars

When Dorine met Dr Rodgehill, at Home Depot,
he tried to sell her a course he still had open at
the Cow Ridge Night School.

Genealogy. No interest.

So he asked her what she was interested in,
and told her he could design a course for
her and a friend or two, and get a few
others to join.

“Tell me a film you particularly like. That could
be a starting point.”

She and buddy Georgette, had watched Jules and Jim 

innumerable times.

So he designed “New Wave Cinema and Lit”
and got Dr Maurice Petit from the French
Department of the university to handle it.

When Malcolm heard about it from Georgette
at his accounting firm, he decided to enroll,
knowing nothing of the field but desperately
requiring some culture.

He had a new Lexis and it seemed important
that the three arrive at the high school in it.

He worked out the logistics wherein the other
two would drive to his house. Then his wife,
Buster, insisted they bring their mates and
the three would have an impromptu party as
the scholars did their thing. Then welcome
them upon their academic return!

“Buster” because she had been a tomboy, and
it stuck.

Things became out of whack that first night,
though. Grandma was late picking up the kids,
and they left a mess in the den.

Buster attempted to sweep up up the toy cars scattered
about, but the husbands of Dorine and Georgette, Jerry
and Cart, stopped her and started playing with them.
She left to get beers and their voices drifted up
to the kitchen. A children’s language.

“You must be Stump Stumpzel, a real bastard
of a dirty driver, and I’m Joe Curley, the champ!
And you try to–-”

“You mean like this and this and THIS!” Sounds of

When she showed with the beer, Cart asked her
to be Doris Dale, a female driver trying to break
into the boys club.

“No way! I fight that fight every day! I’m Count
Briley and I’m dying, and this’ll probably be
my last race.” Then she made great pre-launch
RMMM  RMMM sounds!

“And I’ll WRECK you!” screamed Jerry over them.

But Cart tried to intercept him and wreck him

In the protracted fury, Buster ran the car into
the old broken TV console. And was killed!

Whereupon, she became Rookie Don Darling!
He’d show the other two some new tricks!

Well, the evening went this way, but they
didn’t tell the scholars anything when they
returned, primed for conversation existential.

The course lasted five more nights over three weeks
and Buster, as Holy Hodge Pettigrew, finally won the
championship race against two of the filthiest villains ever!

The excitement had faded a bit when the other trio returned.

Dr Petit, a calligrapher also, had fashioned each a Certificate
of Completion.

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Tuesday, April 18, 2017



Madge and Del taking the kids to
Coney Island for Easter, and Madge
tells her sister, Ev in Connecticut.

-That’s Jews and fairies!

-Well, there ARE old Russian Jews
sucking up sun in our stretch of
the boardwalk, and you can get
great blintzes!

With the other folks, you got things
mixed up with Fire Island.

-Yeah, that’s it. Fire Island. All fairies!
They’re on fire for it.

-Aren’t we all?

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Monday, April 17, 2017


Two Acceptably Right Wags re Budget

-Kill Big Bird!

-Grandma too, No more meals for ancient schlemiels on our dime.

-Like, freeze her to death first. Cut out the freebie heat!

-Big Bird will warm her up in the act of fucking!

-Our wit is under-appreciated.

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Sunday, April 16, 2017



Marcie-Jen flat out lied!

Frequently challenged, she complained that people
painted her into a corner, thus forcing more lies.

“That much is true,” maintains our Elder One.
"You shouldn't show how clever you are by
trapping her."

“Yeah, first you should work on your own behavior
first!” That from Derrick, who never did. And fancied her.

He was warned away by the wise Elder. "Just don't depend
on her! Push will really really come to shove, and she'll
let you down by telling the truth."

“Then the truth will be a lie!” added Tess, who thought
that funny.

“We’re getting to something here!”

“Yeah, Philosophy!” Derrick spat. “No wonder I flunked it.
Religion too! Same teacher. A small college.”

Too many of those!  And we went off on Education, leaving
Marcie-Jen to lie as a lifestyle.

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Saturday, April 15, 2017


The Short History of Such Things

Pretty effortless. The subscription service
loaded sound bites and they played on

Usually came off chaotic, scattered, strident.

Full of thumps and pain and complaints.

Thus homeless beaten on his laptop as the
Deco wallpaper therein asserted its art.

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Friday, April 14, 2017


The Right Agreement

-I’ll tell you one thing, this contract safeguards
me better than one any union could negotiate!

-Even so, you are a slave!

-That’s not soft-pedaled. Mark Hospins is my
Master, a good and grave and fair man.

-Who can beat you?

-That’s hedged round with many rules
I’m quite protected. I’ve even tested him.
Slacked off to see what he’d do.


-Got whipped. Oh, mostly ritual and a good
talking to.

-This time.

-We even started with a prayer.

-What’s more natural?

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Thursday, April 13, 2017


Criminal Match

A Man With Felonious Intent

met a woman, same.
You'd think Society'd be
in for it! Awful! you see,

a la Bonnie and Clyde.
Truth is they cancelled

each other out at a degree
angelic! This partially explain
lovely couples?

Just as unbelievable!
At any rate, negotiate
them cautiously. Like so

much else,
slide by.

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Wednesday, April 12, 2017


Claim In Usual Mode

Started each morning with
a mock toast of coffee:

“With charity towards none,
and malice towards all.”

A Republican, felt the greater
claim to Lincoln’s words.

Especially in parody.

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Tuesday, April 11, 2017


Criminal Justice, Creative Branch

-You're the nicest criminal yet!

-Thanks. One and done! The guy
was insulting, and I had been
in a frenzy. My girlfriend having
left with most of my clothes.

-Her new fella your size?

-You got it!

-Well, anyway, Simple Assault.
Another shit case to clog the

-Sorry. Not really interesting,
I know.

-Here comes the deal from the
printer. Here! Just sign it.

-Sure! Get it over with! Uh?
Whoa! This is entirely wrong,
I'm afraid. Lots
double-dealing it looks like.

-We...need someone to admit to
this one. much as I'd like to...!

-No jail time! Guaranteed! Maybe
dismissed off the bat from lack
of evidence. Whereas your shitty
little infraction depends on the
judge's mood.

-Oh well then...easy come, easy go!
I become a respected...banker it
looks like...instead of a hothead.

-We’re rising you in status!

-And...can't stop laughing?

-It's the job!

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Monday, April 10, 2017


Saved Documents

The Constitution is extraordinary,
its interpreters too clever by half.

The Bible is extraordinary,
its interpreters too depraved
by any measure.

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Sunday, April 09, 2017


The Meaning of Something

Mr Nevers was perfectly nice.

-Well! Then! Is it A or B?

Jordan was sure of A, and
Louisa pretended to be.

But she couldn’t keep it up.
-We need more time!

So, Nevers suggested a fifteen
minute break.

Whereupon Louisa brought out
the guns previously sheathed.


-I’ll go along with you, and B, if you’ll
just shut up!

Thus Jordan worn down. Another of
her little victories.

When the conversation resumed
with Nevers, the smiling man
accepted B, but mentioned that
the computer had suggested C
and that he, himself, was confident
in D.

Louisa took them all on. No machine
or bureaucrat or husband would
defeat her. End of story.

Except for your opinion. The decision was

1 Right!

2 A disaster!

3 The usual inconclusive mishmash.

4 Forgotten, anyway.

You need more info?

Dodging again?

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Saturday, April 08, 2017


Men No Longer Young

-And for bonnie Annie Laurie
I'd lay me down and die.

-Isn’t that doun and dee?

-Speak English! Don’t add to
the problem!

-Anyway...we've said it.

-But he meant it!

-His problem. They’re only bonnie
for starters.

-And what are we for starters?

-Who gets to start anymore?

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Friday, April 07, 2017


Not Ever Getting Old

Budgey never objected to his
title of Errand Boy, though
almost forty.

But Mr Delser did. When he
took over, Personal Messenger


It was sensed in the small
company, then, that most of
the teasing should cease:
the standard stuff about
not having a girlfriend etc.

Budgey got famous in New Haven,
though, not for his new title, but
because he was attacked shortly
thereafter by a maniac at Church
and Chapel at High Noon.

Beaten with his leather bag,
then with his Converse sneaker.
In front of an attentive crowd.

Last, this maniac, Nels Nelsomer,
wrestled down jeans and jockeys,
and attempted to ram the sneaker into

All the while screaming of Puerto Ricans!

At that point, the police arrived, macing
and clubbing the agitated nut into Catatonia.

Mr Delser ordered Budge to take a week off.

When he returned, all his recipients
sympathized, but after a few weeks began
teasing him on the girlfriend matter again.

Then, a development! When Budgey testified
at a preliminary hearing as the State tried
to avoid a trial and stow Nutty Nils into
a facility for the criminally insane, Defense
produced a blurry tape purportedly showing
Budgey eating at the same Lighthouse Point
hot dog emporium as Nils.

Then by a startling leap of logic: the men
had become acquainted, the whole business
blossoming into a romance, etc.

The assault actually a lover's quarrel!


The State had enough of this nonsense, and
didn't even bother proving that the red
and blue messenger bag shown in fuzzy
closeup belonged to A1 Business Expediters,
and not Budgey.

The attorneys conferred and agreed on Nils
becoming a lifelong guest at the Quinnipiac
Retreat. In the Criminal Wing, but that
did not have to be publicized.

Unfortunately for Budgey, the homosexual
angle stuck, and he was teased about it daily.
Sometimes ingeniously.

As an example:

-Where there’s smoke, there’s fire!

-That’d be mire.

-As in muck and...?

-Wheels within wheels in the preponderance
of Queer Business!

His renewed outrage and affront being
funny always. Never getting old!

The police had asked, by the way, if they
could keep the evidence sneaker for their

He concurred, dollar entrance fee waived
for him in perpetuity.

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Thursday, April 06, 2017


At the Call Center

When Jensy actually went to work at the Call Center,
she discovered that the most sophisticated robot
had handled calls to her previously, when she had been
a mere random prospect, because she was labeled TSS.

Totally Sloppy Speaker.

That hurt, and she sought out Dr Kildad Morrisey
for enunciation lessons.

He helped her, and she eventually received a small
promotion to Rural Targets.

But, one evening she encountered an Enunciation
Emergency! Reached him on his cell at the Lakers
Game, where he drunkenly labeled her a stupid

She flew into the embrace of old Dixon at the
Akimbo Arms Tavern.

“Why do they hurt and hurt and hurt?” he asks.

“They say it’s to make us better.”

“Bullshit! It’s for their own vile sickness!”

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Wednesday, April 05, 2017


A Modern Definition of Art


spouts inanely re
travails of HERO

She functions as
ditzy personality,
cardboard, not bale-

ful character. Feminists
insist her being

written out. Playwright
asks only Could someone
like this exist?

Perhaps your pouty Aunt
Dorothy? Or wittier Delilah?

(Next time give her a prick?)

His grating, prissy rule derided
roundly, play starts losing money. So

Producers order Chuck her!
He still tries sticking with Art.

Has full 24 to soundly luxuriate,
since Fat Jack truly observant.

But next day informed “Fuck you!”
Additionally, "Art is a fart blown
though the asshole of Time!"

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Tuesday, April 04, 2017



Brel finally decided 

in order to get the rest
of them off his back!

Then almost immediately,
felt sick.

He confided in Rugsy.
"I feel...The Great Pretender.
Some of our friends are
rational, do things step
by step. They're happy!"

“Seem to be. Whereas you throw
the dart and then draw the
bullseye around it.”

“I give anything to know what
I was doing!”

“Ah but you do. Called doing
what the fuck you please,
and screw everybody and
everything else!”

“That bad?”

“Bottom line: You're just a
stubborn Irishman.”

“But I'm a Frog!”

“Not in this!

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Monday, April 03, 2017


Della and Rack Consider a Film

-“NITWIT SWITCH, the sex romp to end all etc.”

-I like Doris Hadley.

-She can’t save it.

-Thin gruel anyway. A stupid woman
becomes a stupid man. Give me a break!

-The opposite plot being impossible.

-How’s that?

-Dodo as a lady? The softening and love
he learns in the process makes the usual
macho imbecility impossible.

-You said impossible twice!

-I’m a woman.

-How about inconceivable?

-Not after three babies!

-You’re...too quick for me, aren’t you?”

-Not too dead to notice? Look out you
don’t lose your male union card.

-Or union suit?

-Nice try!

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Sunday, April 02, 2017


The Creation of Paradise

proved, as much does, political.

No problems whatever for those
desiring gooey cheeseburgers and
chocolate peanut butter cups--to
mention the more trivial requests--
but posher cuisines had to be limited.

As you can imagine, the real hangup
came with Sex. 

Which the Preamble had already 
projected as "Wholesome and Abundant."

A group arose, self-designated "Fiends!"

They wanted to amend the Preamble, but
Chair ruled that language had already
been voted in.

The Fiends then chanted, and performed
lascivious dances!

They were expelled, but continued outside,
surrounded, of course, by TV Cameras.

To everyone's satisfaction, they were
eventually transferred to the Arch-Fiend.

We felt that Heaven had to stand for something.

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Saturday, April 01, 2017


The Thinker on a Block of Ice

Roark luckily reached a human.
Robots never assured him.

Even though Mr Chance quoted
the robot, Roark worried less.

“It says don’t fret about a temp
of 136. Start getting concerned
around 150.”

In the meantime he was to seek
every opportunity to cool down.

In the Non-Radiation Zone he had
permission now to enter, courtesy
of Mr Chance, he could sit on a
block of ice.

The gossip there pointed to young
women wearing clothes again.

The doctors saying on All-Media
that it was unhealthy.

“But, aesthetically,” Roark remarked
to a paunchy Lillian on the closest
block, “adding a bit of color?”

She’s firm, though, in calling
them whores.

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