All Over the Place

POLITICAL CLOSET DRAMA, MERCIFULLY SHORT

Bare stage except for table containing box.

Enter stage right, REPUBLICAN.

Stuffs pockets from money in box.

Offstage: (basso) Morality, Abortion, Patriotism! Squeeze the fairies’s bitty balls till they cry uncle! Guns! Nuke the Ay-rabs back to the Stone Age!


REPUBLICAN (a little dance)

Amen, Mothers! But-ttt
all of it ain’t worth a fuck
if it don’t fetch a buck.

(While exiting Far Right.)
So long, Suckers. (waving fistful of bills) I thank God every day for you! And on my knees, no shit! Now I’m going to get laid. Boy, girl? What’s the difference as long as you get off? Can’t believe pressure serving the people!

Voice (more basso) A/C D/C for you and me.


Enter stage left, DEMOCRAT. Shakes box.

DEMOCRAT

My keys are somewhere. I’ve looked and looked. Oh this is so disturbing, confusing! And I do wish the preachers would stop trying to run things. It’s hard enough!

(comes downstage to apron and pleads to audience)

Is there anyone out there who can help? Anyone?

Curtain falls behind him. He starts to flee left, then right. Finally crawls under curtain.

Effort loses pants, exposing panties.

Voice: (shrill) Butch is a bitch!


Immediate murmur behind Curtain. Grows. Someone is coming.

Or some thing.