Saturday, April 30, 2016
The Dangers of Kidding Around
Harpy’s old weird Grandfather insisted on sitting
on Mark’s lap.
Then he made Mark sit on his with reedy coaxing.
“But I’m afraid I’ll break you down!”
He just about did before sliding off.
We were all laughing like hell by then. Subsequently, Mark sat on all our laps.
Atmosphere turned with Hobart.
“Jesus! Hobart! I didn’t know you cared!”
We tried to rip off Hobart’s pants to show the evidence, but both men escaped into a closet and locked it from the inside.
Gang never the same after that.
Friday, April 29, 2016
The White Wonder of the Republicans
moved into our co-op, and soon ran
a vicious campaign to become its
Crushed a retired librarian sporting
gray, bouncy curls. She became the
Whore of Babylon.
Well he played for keeps, naturally.
Prepping for the Big Show.
Libertarian cats did him in. Peed in
the upper hallways.
Insoluble problem since his biggest
supporters owned them.
At any rate, he failed. Voted out.
Did the National Stage still beckon?
Would have, if his wife hadn’t left and
a male partner move in.
Thursday, April 28, 2016
Managing a Personal Crisis
-Your Government has a stake in
Dorine’s accepting you back.
Maintained “Drack” Carruthers–-
as his official badge announced.
-Cut it out! I don’t believe it!
-You’d think, but both political parties
see our Nation’s future as comprised
of vibrant families.
-What is you and she marry, produce
-Uh huh? Well, let me tell you
something! How about my
taking HER back? Why am
I always the meeching victim?
-Well, you mostly are. It’s been
-Is it...just the Government?
-Well, with our partners. Primary to your case:
-You shoot a goose grease up your ass daily?
-Precisely. Cost them a penny a pound.
By the time you use a pound it’s over a
thousand bucks to them.
-But I don’t understand. With or without
Dorine, I’d still use the product.
-Yeah but outside of a stable relationship,
you get erratic, miss a dose now and again.
-And multiply that by other fuckbrains...?
-Bingo! They’ve asked her to take you
back also...and there are others.
-I’m mad to come in contact with them!
-Your profile mentions your quoting him. I...like your
eyes when you do. Dreamy not a bad approximation.
-Stop it! My eyes? Hardly know they’re around.
-Nonetheless. And I’m being objective. Dreamy.
-Well, I get a kick outa that! Coming, uh, back to Dorine...
-Oh I think we just moved on from her, don’t you?
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
-That’s it! She put my jar of cashews in the frig!
-New to her! Give her a chance! She has one shot: you!
Or it’s back to Wasooga Land!
-She’ll never get another visa.
-Then you and the Church better work something out.
I wash my hands!
-What a prick! Did she hafta go back to sure death?
-As luck would have it, the New Revolutionary Force
marched up Park Avenue, ended up sending HIM to
Wasooga Land. She and a boyfriend stay in his penthouse,
and put all sorts of things in the frig! You’d never guess!
-That’s the only Case of Justice I’ve ever heard!
-A few more before the inevitable Reign of Terror.
-Can’t we head THAT horror off?
-Not before we purge the Wealth Spawn!
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Self etc Help
-Everybody's hot after these
Models of Behavior now.
-All over the net!
-How would you describe mine?
-Running in front of a tsunami and in
danger of tripping.
-That totally precarious? What can I do?
-I could pray!
-As I said, nothing!
-God could grant me a few milliseconds a day!
Lay out my case.
-Not entirely impossible, I suppose.
-BREATH returns to me now!
-Oh ye of...Great Faith!
-Best I can do!
Monday, April 25, 2016
Jerry and Cart
-I’m glad I’m not rich! All that lying!
-You’re too nervous, and you’d cave!
-Tell the truth?
-If you still could recognize it!
-End up in Danbury?
-Rare, but possible in your cowardly case.
-I suppose you’re happy I’m finally being punished!
-Yes and no. It IS one hell of an imposition that the waiting
lists for the tennis and golf pros are so long!
-God help me!
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Most Find Odd
Introducing an academic couple.
One so bizarre that their graduating
program in Linguistics has asked their
institution’s name not be mentioned.
Cliff and Mandy, their real names.
Hear them conversing, and you'll recognize
not word one!
They have invented a language and speak to
each other only in it.
Oh I think some English might creep in,
but I've not heard it.
At any rate, the language resembles most,
in feeling, that of Italian Gypsies, rich with
curses and insults.
I freely translate this last from Mandy
towards Cliff. "You remain a disgusting
pig from an equally disgusting sty!"
He responds in kind. This is their life.
My wife thinks they love each other in
this bent way. She's deluded!
They have the intellect to skillfully hate!
Well, they're getting up there, and feel
a responsibility to pass the language on.
So they're working on a web page.
It's under construction, she tells me.
“All of life is a web page under construction,
he laughs bitterly.
Then they turn on each other in their fierce module.
I feel excluded: their fondest desire.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Oh How We Danced...!
Mr Cheap Solutions
had his daughter and her inattentive beau write
their own marriage ceremony, prompted in its
less-than-moving recitation on the Great Day by
an inexpensive clergyman of approximate sobriety.
The reception catered by the latest immigrant group,
whose cuisine consisted of lumps of dough laced with
Their native champagne tasted of burnt matches, but
effectively lit the guests, who danced furiously to a
When the starving musicians broke to devour the
"food," flasks of sulfuric fruit liqueur were passed
Anyway, It proved, all-in-all, our Cheapskate's Paradise!
Trifecta of penurious, gastric, and inebriated.
Okay okay! Just my point of view.
One Academic Couple pronounced it cultural and lovely
Another trifecta! This time of the Deluded. And what
would we do without them?
For one thing, they’re guarding the whole concept of LOVE!
Friday, April 22, 2016
Competition: An American Story
kids, and traveled to the Great-Great-Grandparents.
Clint had lost another job, and we presented an
appearance most bedraggled.
“Well, is this it?”
“Not even close!” And they bragged of the privations of
the Great Depression.
the Great Depression.
We knew the next visit would be the last.
Their voices, then, are feeble.
We show ourselves in clothes from Low Threads, a charity outfit.
“Is this it?”
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Stopping For Directions
-So, okay, he hiked the jungles of Panama
as a nineteen year old. Backpack and all!
-Pretty pictures of flowers in a notebook.
He still draws.
-What a freakin boy scout!
-You got something?
-Stopped in a whorehouse for directions.
-The girls fussed over such a naive blusher!
-So, over in a few minutes?
-Yes. In truth. But not, of course, in political fiction.
-Seems to be a slim horse to ride.
-We’ve ridden slimmer.
-We run Jenny against him?
-Perfect! Little Miss Hurt!
-She’ll cry at his treatment of women.
-And get some great digs in when she’s dry!
-Well, a whole campaign...?
-Yes and no. We’ll apologize three quarters
-Uh huh? And then allow the snide wisecracks
to surface again?
-Thus he loses the women?...been better
to fuck his brains out back then.
-No way! Don’t want him on our side!
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
toss some scabrous
Walk them back,
The essence re-
Like the chef
from trash to
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
A Sexual History
The last cruel woman leaves the crude town.
And her mark on the young girls.
Who eventually prove wild and intractable.
The Village Council asks them all to go when
the youngest comes of age.
The young men given a chance to vote through
They okay the move.
So, men only, and they fight continuously.
And arm themselves, naturally.
After a year of fatalities, The National Guard raids
one ice-dead of night.
The original woman comes back and invites others
via the internet.
They eventually form a squabbling government,
instituting an “Only After Sunset” rule for men.
Monday, April 18, 2016
Two at Tea or Beer
-What could be easier?
-That woman broke my heart!
-One in a line.
-She’s fishy over there, and so is he!
-I’ll put clothespin on my nose!--
collecting for Little League.
-HE'LL be Bishop.
-Here’s to old times! Uh, have you lost your wife?
-Another found her.
-Marriage a habit with you? Serially?
-Square Dance Call: Change partners and screw.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Her own Holy Person told her to
as to what to remember of
She tried to wipe the slate
clean, then choose
what to write down there.
the plan, specifically the
things he said
But now, when she closed her eyes, he
and could be
The slate very nearly pure,
she mused as
to what of the present to
chalk down there.
Re-enter Carl, begging
-Uh uh! You can’t play me like a piano.
-Ah the magnificent chords yet to be struck!
-People come to me for advice. They can’t
get that from a mess!
-Where better to get it?
Plan A, they’ll
work it out.
B, they won’t.
Plan C, what sayeth Ho-
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Buzz and Hal
-Well...not all at once.
-Nothing’s all at once.
Friday, April 15, 2016
Rip and Monica
Monica turned utterly sweet.
Next day, singularly vicious!
He fled by running through the
park. There colliding with a
dwarf on roller skates, who
sneered "I told you so! Didn't
I tell you?"
"How could you tell me? I never
Following day, Monica beyond lovely,
and it led to mad sex.
Predictably, it wasn't long before
her scorched earth policy again
“Enough!” she finally yelled. “I'm
gonna be steady-state from this
moment on! Not more ripping, Rip.”
Only joke she ever made, and she
enjoyed it, but moderately.
Ordinariness eventually led Rip to join
a group building a prayer tower in the
Too much junk enabled them not to lay
But, mellowed Rip, and he rejoined Monica
to speak of Jesus, though conservatively.
They got married in a storefront church on
a roaring boulevard.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Datz explained to Gloria the French Press.
Not a lover’s or wrestling move, but a way
to brew coffee.
“So okay,” she shrugged, “you spoon in the ground stuff, and add boil–“
“Not boiling, not quite.”
“Oh! So damn important! At any rate, you wait five minutes, plunge the crap down to the bottom,
etc. But there’s a rub, as Billy Shakespeare
noted in another context: In five minutes,
the mixture cools off just a bit. Defeats
the purpose if you don’t have piping coffee.”
“Ah but I left out a step in my description!
You have poured hot tap water into there
and let it stand for a minute. Pour it out
just before adding the coffee and the
really hot stuff.”
“Thus you start with a hot vessel, don’t you see?”
“I’m a hot vessel. You might notice.”
They both stared out the windows to the
foundry, where the windows glowed.
He told his mother in generalities, as if
the men under him had upset things.
“Just when you get a nice routine, some...”
“Cherchez la femme!” pronounced she. Laughed.
“You’re nobody’s fool, Mother.”
“Know the game, is all.”
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Everywhere an inside game. Which Cal
had played with some little skill...and then
often stepped aside for chaos to sweep in.
He enjoyed picking up on clues of chaos
Case in point: the upcoming Republican
The Morning Maniac kept drive time
hopping with little dialogues.
Delegate A: What are you thinking?
Delegate B: Nothing.
Delegate A: That dangerous?
But a big official had been a guest all week,
and tried to anchor the nuts. “There are rules,
and they’re being followed!”
“Of course,” he added to the Maniac’s glee,
“the rules can be changed on whim!”
All this had Cal on edge. He considered
himself a Connoisseur of Chaos! but felt the
need for additional tips this time.
Had to catch a series of deep breaths
walking into work from the parking garage.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Rich Is Better
His college partner did affect European Manners,
knife shoving food up the back of his fork.
This sort of fey behavior persisting, Clip moved
to actual Paris upon graduation. And onto women.
All in the American style: lazy, but genuinely
intellectual. Ate mostly baguette sandwiches.
An uncle supports him: “...my pissy little horror!”
An operative of the Paris-Dusseldorf agency
Confidential Assist Skypes him yearly at his
Wall Street office.
“An Arab woman moved in!”
“I didn’t hear that.”
“Black as shoe polish.”
Monday, April 11, 2016
Love In This Time
The couple who itched together,
scratched together. Often with
chants and prayers and mantras.
Naked a good part of the day
to let the air get at them.
Medical Science supplied many
pills and ointments, of course.
But best relief came from a
goose grease purchased online
from The West Virginia Granny
They slathered each other at
bedtime, and then made a form
of ritual love.
Which specifically consisted of...
Subscribers only beyond this point.
Nuns at Catholic colleges forbidden
to subscribe re Church Directive Alfredo.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
The Prosecutor told him he was such a small fry
that he wouldn’t think of indicting him if he didn’t
see him every day at the club.
Whereupon, Cliff quit the Lincoln and joined the Sachem.
There, his blood curdling cry became the gold standard
at the ritual scalping.
The very day he became Vice-President, the new Prosecutor
Found guilty, and Maximum John gave him ten years.
But letters from international War-Woops had been read in
court, so he suspended it.
Citing Cliff’s frequent performances at Children’s Hospital.
Saturday, April 09, 2016
Laurel Josephine, aka LJ or Mixxy
The last alluding to her propensity
to mix it up, quarrel.
So when the coiffed religious headliner
came to her college, she was nothing if
not primed to deal with his load of shit!
She got him on the sweaty run, but he did
make one interesting point. That her liberal
stance took of what she accused him of:
So she vowed after not to be doctrinal.
Losing thereby some of her Lefty pals.
Well, truth be told, she lost her few
friends on the other side also.
So, she reasoned, must be doing
She thought she'd go into the Sciences,
but that proved surprising political also.
Maybe just the Age.
The men came and went, lying.
She ended in Education, counseling Junior
High kids. She had an affinity for their
search for justice, and their vulnerability
mid exploding hormones.
The other teachers got married and she
became the durable bridesmaid in the
terrible dress. A stale idea, and she got a
kick out of it.
Besides, people of her age danced a
fury at weddings. And she loved that!
Enter Whatsisface. What she called him
for a good while. He was a realist and
expected no more of her than her self.
How to relate, she mused, to someone
not a goddamn fuckin fool!
They had fun. That was the ticket!
Then...the discussion re marriage.
Not for them!
And, then, for them.
Biggest discussion took place at a
weekend at the Jersey Shore.
There they actually took the misty
afterglow walk along the beach, hand
in hand, but didn't fall embracing
into the surf.
Rather, she performed a solo dip,
nude, laughing uproariously all the
while at the previous movie stereotype
“Take the vaseline off the lens, assholes!”
roared she over the loud waves.
At any rate, the two realists started
writing their own ceremony. Leaving out
Though his mother, a self-confessed
Old Fashioned Girl, actually tried to get
him to squeeze “to obey” back in there.
Friday, April 08, 2016
The Political Life
When Wesley decided to run for Congress,
Opposition Research cranked up!
Soon, statements from Madams, and one
literal girl named Ginger.
Also, a video from Blaze Urprivates, exotic
These transgressions, though, attributed
to the wrong Deldestry.
His brother, “recovering” from a motorcycle
accident at Bide-a-Bit, roasting marshmallows
at the weekly fete for Incurables and Squirrel Heads:
Come back in fifteen minutes for Scout.
Thursday, April 07, 2016
Question With Answer Built In
-Why you sitting in the dark?
-She always leaves.
--It’s always the final time.
-I’ll make coffee.
-No decaf. I want to live!
Wednesday, April 06, 2016
Melody and Charlsey
-I just threw out Marv!
-What crime this time?
-Same. Drinking. Like...Cal
before him...muse I.
-But Marv is funny!
-I'll miss that! A laugh not
amiss in this Vale of Tears.
-You're so harsh, Mel! Judge not
that you be not judged.
-A nice proverb. I'd like to
know how to get through
this life without a little
judging from time to time.
-I guess you'll be throwing
ME out sooner than later.
-My cue to say we're galpals forever!
-Then say it!
-We're galpals forever. Life proves
simple when you tell everyone
what they want to hear.
-Look out I don't throw YOU out!
-Let's throw each other in!
To the Flower Show! Forget lying
souses mid Glads and Roses!
Get your chapeau.
-You'll...eventually need a man.
-After the last last molecule fades
from those marvelous banks
-How long, Lord, how long?
-I wonder what you mean by that.
-I don't know.
-Temporary Insanity. We're off!
-And Devil take the hindmost?
-Ones totally lovely! I must add.
(Sings) Born free!
-That’s from a movie. About a lioness.
-Let’s hear our grrrrs!
Tuesday, April 05, 2016
From a Family
Wasn’t beating myself up thoroughly enough,
so became standup comedian. Masochism
runs deep in my family.
Anyway, limited success. Emphasis on the limited.
So my agent wants to send me to Longshoremen
“Are you sure? My stuff is uppy-urban-neurotic.
They won’t relate.”
“They’ll love it!”
Not quite. But nobody yelled “Sit down, Faggot!”
Other things, yes.
I tried my slowest fuse one. A Revolutionary Act!
Blank, blank, blank reactions. Walls! But not hostility
of the murderous variety.
THEN! A wave of laughter. This after four, five beats.
Knocked me back! The whole place bloomed and
brightened! And, gave me something to play with from
“Like that one, hey? And not a whiff of sexual
violence...which is more than I can say about
My weird Uncle Ralph. He...”
My buddies now. If I walked the docks they’d
run out with thermos bottles. Coffee laced
Monday, April 04, 2016
She arranged her makeup on the desk, musing.
Suddenly stamped the document. "No smart
Well, you're promoted. Clerk Two!" She started
applying lipstick. Watermelon Ecstasy.
All her bright makeup named for fruits.
“Congratulations definitely in order!" laughed
Barmaid Lilly Nessley later.
Five regulars joined in singing "For He's a Jolly
But somebody did deny. Other Kelly swept over with "Another rung on the Ladder to Oblivion?"
"Clerk One forever!" Bixxy sneered back at him.
The two eventually separated.
“Bad blood there!”--Kelly eventually shaking his head. Then telling Bixxy of the woman’s Smart Answers crack.
“Serious!” he warns. "She mixed you up with the Other Kelly. You never, ever, gave one in your whole entire life!"
“I'll never get promoted again then?”
“What can I do about it?”
“But there must be something!”
“Stay content! The graveyards are full
of people tried to straighten out the
The gang starts another verse "That nobody
can deny, that nobody can deny!"
The Other Kelly lurks in a dim corner.
Sunday, April 03, 2016
The Man Who Found Himself
-Oh there you are! Moping about your
certainties? And Beatitudes? Blessed are the...!
-Where’s that garish tramp of yours?
You couldn’t have farmed her out to
ruin the lives of others!
-Good riddance! Depravity!
-Even took that florescent lipstick that had
rolled under the...
-You’re a Moral Disgrace!
-I was going to.
-Plus...that financial rigamarole that confused
others, but not me. Just a crook is all!
-Booze haze mostly, but I’m walking it back.
I’ll make whole anyone who...?
-Wouldn’t our Mother be proud!
-I want you to come along again. In her name
I’m keeping off the Grass too! Presently.
-I pray to God he vaporizes you!
-There IS one, then?
-I know that my Redeemer liveth!
-Good thing! Who else could stand the both of us?
Saturday, April 02, 2016
Ginger and Mr Hoxley
Before bed, she chose Mr Hoxley. The other
bears and dolls pretended not to notice.
-Mr Hoxley, I must confess.
-I gave him my all and he was so stupid
he hardly noticed!
-This is a Two-Bear Problem!
Thus, she fetched Wicky Wunderlally!
-Aren’t those shorty pjs cold?
-That’s all you think about!
When she put him next to Mr Hoxley,
they said nothing further.
Friday, April 01, 2016
-I feel particularly lousy!
-A moment ago: Terrific!
-Where’s the consistency? Are you
Trump or Hillary?
-I still pee standing up!