Saturday, August 31, 2013
Marriage and War
Debate on Regrets
-Marriage is like war.
It's mostly chaos.
-Your track record enables
you to say thusly?
-How about those
that last? Seems
a good bit
of order in there.
-Playacting. Or booze
in the bog. Where-
in is a self-deception
that is SO...!
-Nah! True happiness.
Or something close.
You can freakin feel it!
-A miracle from God!
-From acid unbeliever!
-Making an exception.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Keep Repeating Whatever
Caution With Buttons
Personnel guy explained that my psychological
tests revealed what I already knew: that I'm
a total fussbudget and a man for detail.
The job they gave me involved close monitoring
of several gauges, with instruction to
press certain buttons if particular readings
went out of range. Well, right up my alley.
The engineer in my one-day course had stressed
"Never push the blue button! Ever! End of story."
The only problem I ever had was because of
the previous shift. They left coffee cups around,
etc. So I had to do a meticulous cleanup every day.
Then another time, housekeeping didn't keep
up with the rainy weather and the mud had
dried into a mess.
I searched out a broom and swept as cleanly
Unfortunately, I had moved rocks in the
garden the previous day and my back was
Well, ten thousand to one! A back spasm
struck and the handle of the broom lined
up perfectly with the forbidden blue button
and I lurched and...
“What have I done?” I asked in my panic.
“Will somebody be injured or killed, or
some process be ruined and cost the
company thousands?” But I heard nothing.
When I finally got to inform the engineer, back
from a conference at national headquarters,
he said, "Blue button connected to nothing.
No danger of any type, so relax!"
"But you warned me...!"
"So? I was ordered to pass that on."
"But it was erroneous information!"
"Look! Where you been? Not a boyscout
jamboree here! Or anywhere, for that
matter. And this conversation never occurred!"
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Getting Married Again
Target and Opposition
-Unless you want to become some really old September-
May joke, you’re running out of time to get married
-Well, as bad as I’ve done, it does suit me. I don’t know
how all these guys stand the loneliness!
-They don’t. Drink, or act out in infantile ways.
-Brrr! I don’t wanna become that kind of laughing stock.
-Well, at your age, it’s late! You gotta mount a campaign!
Pick out a target and bombard her with the whole smear:
gifts, and minute-by-minute professions of love.
-You got it! It is! Now get yourself in shape for it!
-I don’t have the energy.
-Invent it! Guys with less are swooping up all the...
-The WHAT? The women who pay attention to me
are as jaded and faded as I am.
-The both of you gotta grasp at that last straw!
-A good BM makes me happy. Hardly romance is it?
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Mid Something or Other
Unsure of what anything means.
Not nihilist who thinks everything means nothing.
He feels there’s meaning he just can’t arrive at.
His train hits final station. He gets off.
It’s Nowhere. Trains forbidden to leave
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Back to the Land of Shed Grace
Travel for No Apparent Reason
-Well, how'd it go?
-Too many Chinamen!
-You'd expect that there.
-In your face!
-I heard there are about a billion.
-They musta bussed them all in to all the decrepit
tombs and whatever. You couldn't move!
-So? Culture huh?
-That's the wife. She picked it.
-A college girl, if I'm not mistaken.
-Whole shitloads of ivy has grown since she--
-Any culinary discoveries? Maybe you could
persuade your favorite Chinese restaurant to...
-We go to Lee's once in a blue moon.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Name that Rapist!
Taste and its Americans
-Name that Rapist!
-They’ll let that go through?
-I hope and pray in the interest of truth and quality.
-How discrete is the rape?
-Very. About as graphic as we can get away with. And longgggg.
-Then, the panelists?
-Split into teams of two. Speak first to Examining Magistrate.
-What’s this, French or something?
-Well, they’ll all be the detectives, so we’re employing
a literary device of sorts.
-People will swallow that?
-We think so. Anyway he gives them legal background to rape--
clay models. And describes the suspects. Then each team gets to
-Some. We ARE Americans.
-Who are suspects?
-Preliminary list: a meticulous doctor, brutal entrepreneur, body builder...
-Six pack for the ladies?
-And doorstop dumb! College poet. Bookbag, bicycle,
endless line of shit for adoring coeds.
-I hate those creeps!
-And insurance man with some odd policies.
And, of course, a minister.
-Scarlet, you left your letter here!
-And on and on.
-A lot of edge, but where’s the twist?
-It’s a female doctor.
-But how can she?
-You’ll find out when the whole bunch forcibly strips her!
-That Nielson’ll shoot off the chart! But, in the interest of
Science and Detection, how much can you show?
-Everything. Since our motives are pure! Plus we got
one hairy actress, or actor--of pubic interest to say
-Well, I got enough of the whole sordid picture.
One last question: You done a lot of TV, awards all over
this office, why on earth...?
-This Monster? In its debased, even subterranean taste,
even for TV, it should kill off Reality Shows for all time!
-Altruism! I knew you had it in you!
-Somebody had to do it!
-Rest in Peace, Smarmy Genre!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Old Jail Karma
Max didn’t like the karma of leaving a couple
of cells intact in the recreation wing.
The contractors had locked their tools in one.
Renata laughed it off. “I just know we got a beautiful
new apartment! So it was a prison, full of the stink
of desperate men. That was then! Now, Mickey
and Chippy can play like mad in the old walking
yard, if that’s what they called it."
But one of the King Charles Spaniels bit a teasing child,
and a law suit appeared in their mailbox.
Then Chippy started staggering and the vet thought
it was something he ate, or was fed him.
And after Mr Hogart, retired shop teacher, was mugged
in their apartment’s vicinity, they started staying in
Renata’s Brother came and mounted a 60 inch TV on
the beige wall.
“This place is built!” he proclaimed. “What the hell, it was
Max joined the newly formed Condo Watch Group,
“Though I’m nearly under indictment, or something.”
R. Rindle, the lawyer, settled, though, so that the problem
“The amount is reasonable, but I won’t tell you exactly
until the siege calms down. Medical look at the brat,
and not all that much more.”
The couple got caught up in their activities, so began to
get out quite a bit more. Max heading up the watch group
in their wing, and Renata taking Thai cooking lessons in the
beautiful kitchen next to the cells.
Max started playing pool with some of the watch guys
on the lovely red table outside the kitchen.
They both walked the spaniels and chatted with the
new move-ins and the relative veterans.
“Still bad karma, but everywhere is.”
“Karma-shmarma!” she answered. “We worked like dogs
to get here. I’m for enjoying life, and the hell with
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Rehab, Sex Dept Again
-Well, you signed on as Boytoy. Hence, flashy Rolex.
-The lady's for burning!
-Burnt me out!
-You must continue being the good little machine.
-Hey! There are hobbies, walks, Nature, like!
The great old sports bar with the gang! ...
where a strange woman would drop in without
a past or future. Then try to sit in your lap while
you’re standing up.
-Belay that bushwah! We know YOUR future. It's just the
getting you back in shape. Once, you were in the pink!
-That last an allusion saying I'm not macho enough?
-We'll get you there! Can we get a few more hours?
I know she's into her other lust presently: shopping!
-I'll text her using our babytalk names.
-To my grave with them! People are laughing enough.
-Okay, then. First step. Joint down by the river.
Cook by name of Blinky. One-eyed.
-That's sufficient color.
-His fried liver with enough onions to stink up Albany!
Charge up your blood! Protein and all that other good shit!
-Why is Albany the joke now?
-It shifts. Fashion. Google “jerkwater burgs, history.”
-Into the breech then!
-I can smell those onions from here!
-Don't get too enthusiastic. It’s for me: handsome youth!
Don’t ever forget that you're too old to be a boytoy.
-I can dream. Most do in color, I in black-and-white
-Film noir with ancient operator. Sam Spade on Social Security.
Don’t make a mistake with my Mrs Rutledge.
-I make many mistakes, young Sir.
Friday, August 23, 2013
-How went the date?
-Foundered on information not revealed beforehand.
-Oh? She just pardoned for some Lucy Borden-like infelicity?
-Worse! An Insane Righty.
-Well, you're insane Lefty, so?
-Couldn't work out.
-So you agreed you’d just disagree, and thus chatted on about
flotsam and jetsam? Celebrities in Rehab or...?
-How was her performance? I know yours was unstinting!
When it got focused.
-Tiger! And unlike many of her brothers and sisters,
-Makes her all the more dryly dangerous.
-Lethal! But ‘twill be the business of some other sucker.
-So you'll never see hide nor hair of her again!
-Who said THAT ?
-I'll never understand people?
-Vice versa. But we two agreed we didn't cover all the
-Two senseless intellectuals!
-I guess. Pride goeth before...fall for one of us.
-You both make a Pride, that’s for sure. Of lions!
Any cub wandering in gets eaten.
-Interesting you say that. Certainly we could individually
devour the softies on either side.
-And then make common cause to...?
-Whatever comes up.
-You both should arrive with explicit warning labels!
-I’ll phone her now. Keen to get fighting again!
Thursday, August 22, 2013
In Line at My Precinct
“Yeah, like we’d vote for Obama!”
From a seething, sarcastic confidence weaned by Rush
and the other propagandists.
So so sure they’d win as their polls anointed.
Then the crash. The betrayal! With Righty
TV and Radio ratings in the toilet in retribution.
“They’re continuously checking out and into
Sheer Revenge Hotel.”
“Uh huh? And how does the country get governed?
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
In Another Country
Best Way To Murder
At a remove
Lots of chat of
to ideas diadems
achievers & nabs
tops to be toasted
(not for victims) with
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Helping a thief is not being one, exactly
Two Market Watchers
-Warren Buffet a pretty good investor.
-I’d say so.
-But there must be better.
-Of course. But they don’t wanna be seen.
-Because they’re thieves?
-Not themselves. They aid and abet, of course.
So long as the thieves make money.
-It’s a wonderful country!
-It is, and we’re not being sarcastic.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Right's Exhort Proxy
CSPAN deals with anger and discontent in failing democracy
calls. It’s all there
if you work! Win-Win.
Go freakin away, Georgie! So
take a greasy Capitalistic hike
to nowhere. Like,
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Most Youthful Curiosity
The Very Young Bride and
Her Younger Girlfriends
Is it wonderful, Jen?
Tell us about it!
At times, yes.
Then do tell us about THEM!
Nobody ever pulls up the darn curtain!
That's cuz there nothing behind it!
Is and isn’t
You’d drive a saint crazy!
Do you drive yourself crazy, Jen?
Saturday, August 17, 2013
What Attitude Accomplishes
-I shake my head!
-Seen you do that before.
-I'm not surprised.
-What does it signify, exactly?
-Nothing exactly. Only that something
quite bizarre has come down. Again.
-And also that you, the possessor of this
shaking head, are vastly superior to
it and everything else?
-Don't I wish? Whatever is wrong, I'm part
-Then, what can you do?
-Do? Where did you get that naive notion?
I shake my head!
Friday, August 16, 2013
Think Only Righties Pigheads?
Uncle Ralphie responds to
-135 Unicorn Statues have been presented
to Climate Charge Deniers.
-All Republicans. They define stupid.
-In this area.
-In ALL areas!
-Oh come on! Take any community in the US
and you'll find a few intelligent Republicans--
some even brilliant.
-Bring them to me one by one, and I'll
demolish their selfish inanities point
-Difficult logistic problem there.
-Point by vacant asshole point!
He’s screaming then. Rivaling
a Tea Partier in foaming action.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Money Never Sleeps
-The Republicans’ll never give up in destroying Obamacare.
-That’s cuz Money never gives up!
-But the insurance companies will tremendously
benefit! That’s Money.
-Other Money trumps.
-Take that word and shove it up your ass!
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Come Fly With Me--Not
Short Take on Airlines
One carrier is featuring old movies.
The first, Deliverance.
When the degenerate rapist orders his
male victim to "Squeal lahk a pig!"
the entire cabin squeals.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Into each life some crap must fall
Clean Air Act
Mackie, our neighborhood plumber, fights the
power company tooth and nail over foul air.
Mr Hollidez, President, toasts him sardonically
at a board meeting. Best champagne.
Then, the oddest thing. A third arm grows from
Mackey’s chest. In no time, full-sized.
“Well,” Hollidez remarks, “quite an advantage
for a plumber!”
Monday, August 12, 2013
The Wages of Capital iz less for u; of Sin, not so bad
The Very Partial Picture
-Wow! You coming to HR! Like the Enterprise docking
-I’m interested in how the Big Hiring is going.
-Swimmingly! But just started.
-Same for past five years. Some pressure to
nudge them up. Competition.
-Cut them across the board. Thirty percent.
-We’ll lose some...!
-In this desperate climate? Doubt it. As to present
employees, write a letter asking them to swallow
fifteen percent. If they don’t, we throw all healthcare
to Uncle Obama.
-I feel shell-shocked! I thought profits were zooming.
-That’s only a partial picture.
-Jesus! Blood, sweat, and tears.
-Do me a favor? Follow my instructions, and leave the
violin in the fuckin closet. Okay? Like a good boy.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Two should tango
Whoever casts and directs those Cialis Commercials
knows what they're doing. You’re
presented a sexy, mature woman,
bit rounder than most. She’s get-
ting kittenish! And ole
...Limpdick. Who's funny
and warm and wanting
to measurably play. O well,
take the pills, Dude! Wanna
lose your zaftig treasure
to some greaseball?
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Growing Up With Some Help
-We were in heavy coats so not as bad. But...
I was sneaky. Tripped him and then couldn’t
stop pounding him. Mr Tessler, the Rec
Supervisor, yanked me off him.
-Terrible. How is...?
-He, like, I don’t know, all sobs.
-Five percent physical injury, ninety five percent
-Yeah? Well, Dad says kids have scrapes.
-Stop! You’re on the hook! You did an awful awful thing!
-Well it’s too late now to...
-Go right now to tell him you’re sorry!
-I don’t know where he lives! We meet at the playground!
-But it’s ten to one he’s on your cell, no?
-Call him immediately!
-What’ll I say?
Friday, August 09, 2013
Working for the Nut Libertarian
-But making his drivel comprehensible...!
-Your father was a professor. It's all the same.
-It's a far better thing I do than I have ever done.
It's a far...
-Drink up, Sickie. Need your gifts down the line.
Thursday, August 08, 2013
Bits of Fate
On a Cyber Afternoon
It instructed “Click here to listen twice to the selection.”
Rappy misunderstood and clicked twice, and the screen
Then the message:
You’ve been had by
But the Government as quickly intervened.
Your system is restored
and MCE arrested.
Then the questionnaire. Would you like him
a) jailed indefinitely b) lectured and let go c) executed.
Enough was enough. Rappy ticked c.
Then thought he’d been too hard, and endeavored to change his vote.
Nothing doing. They had strapped the miscreant
to a gurney, and injected hm with the latest fatal juice.
All channels covered it, even the Quilting one.
Which, also replayed it more than the others,
superimposed on a quilt.
Wednesday, August 07, 2013
-They’ll take the Senate if we can’t scare more
-Humongous black and white billboard with
-STOP THE FASCISTS HERE !
-Why is there such understatement in politics?
-Have no idea. Did they teach you fancy rhetorical tricks
-I don’t know. I just tried to keep from freezing. How about Emory?
-We sipped bourbon and laughed at Hee-Haw Georgians.
-Thus have we come to this!
Tuesday, August 06, 2013
The Times, They Are a-Limping
-We conclude, then, that the best lenses into urban
anxiety are provided by the TV show Jerry Seinfish,
and the films of Woody Alum.
-Multitudinous neuroses! How could they even
-Thank you, Female Colleague R. But let's
get recognized by the Chair. No blurting.
-Ah yes? Our Male Colleague Z?
-Too much emphasis on what already is
wretched hyperbole. When can we explore
the rural? The so-called boob?
-If you read the outline, in the section
on Talk Radio. A medium which prompted
him to possess more and more weapons.
-Mine is bigger than yours!
-Again, Female Colleague...? Blurting?
-And not a little gold. Anyway, the so-called Rural
Wars swept the United States in the two thousand
thirties. Again, Male Colleague...?
-Give up on any Reason thereabouts!
-Just look up Republicrass. Excuse me again!
-You’re again excused, Female... And ah, Male
Colleague B? Finally? You usually chime in to
-It's RepubliCANS. They encouraged idiocy
all round. Their core voter drooled.
-I see. I'll make a note of the drooling.
-The other party is DemoCRATS. Thus the mixup.
They went along, having the same corporate
paymasters, but pretended otherwise. They do have
a signal achievement, however, labeling the main
stylistic movement of the era as Breadline Chic.
Additionally, it's Jerry SeinFELD and Woody ALLEN.
-Thank you. Let the record show...!
-Excuse me, Professor...?
-Female Colleague...? Yet again.
-Such a sleazy, greasy, meretricious nonentity
of a time! Couldn't we just...?
-Well it is the topic. Shouldn’t take long.
Monday, August 05, 2013
-It's Ecology up the whazoo! We got safeguards
on safeguards. This pipeline is just about perfect!
-Which means it will leak and, one day, explode.
Turning a good part of Nebraska etc black.
New variety of corn, anyone?
-Uh huh? And the poor widdle fishies and birdies?
-Why ask since you don’t care? But go ahead and
Elmer Fudd everything!
-I DO say: Fudd Everything!
-All is trivial!
-Wise! Well, anyway, no filthy mayhem will ever get to
The Lake, where Lindy-Ann and I are to retire toute suite.
-You jettison the mistresses?
-And she the boyfriends. We're prepared to grow up.
-Wow! Giving up all the Power!
-That what this is, huh? Kissing multitudinous ass
Sunday, August 04, 2013
For Art’s Sake
Racky couldn't stop thinking of Lil-Anne. It made
him queasy. As love would have it, he saw an
Dr Kip Krissimohn and Picture Your Obsession!
You answered a questionnaire, and the program
assembled a graphic picture of the whole business.
Racky used his Paypal and then printed out the...
well it started as a bar graph of many colors, and
then sort of mishmashed into a kind of haze.
He figured it was mostly the cheap printer.
But he actually liked the result and took it to the
frame shop. Corwell there said it'd work better much
enlarged, so Racky dropped it off later on a flash drive
and Corwell printed it 60 x 100.
After “Photoshopping the crap out of it!”
They both picked out an ornate frame more suitable
for an ancient banquet portrait. “It works,” Corwell
pronounced, “but I haven’t an idea in hell how!
No charge for it–-going to Salvation Army anyhow."
When Racky got it home and studied it, said nothing
of Lil-Anne to him, which was okay since she had
joined the Navy and was instantly gone for training.
And that stinging fact made it look even more odd
to him as it leaned against his TV room wall.
Even his favorite Lakers made him uneasy that evening.
“Maybe it bothers the players too,” he joked to his
mother, a retired VA psychologist. She said bring it over.
At her apartment she laughed, “Knowing you, I don't
see anything in it to help as to the girl who got away.
Instead of trying to think about that, why not just
forget the original reason you printed it and enjoy?
It’s kind of pretty.”
Tillie the Decorator dropped by with paint samples,
and immediately started to croak: “Over the
Upshot, she gave him a thousand. She had offered
seven hundred but he sincerely told her he couldn't
let it go for that. The processing and framing alone
had cost him six–-he tripled for effect.
Rabinowitz despised it after a week, and wife, Carly,
persuaded him to hang it in their smallest jewelry shop
in the grimy strip mall.
There, Manager Darlene said it made the engaged
Tillie exchanged it for a primitive print of maritime
Maine, and took it back and hung it in her shop.
With a ten thousand dollar price.
In a week, Jinky Romards, Netflix producer and world-
famous depressive, threw it in the back of his Jag.
Mickey-O, Racky’s friend from work, had gone to
Vegas with his girlfriend, and they lost everything--
smashing up their relationship for a sardonic chaser.
With the idea of cheering him up, Racky lifted a picture
of his Basset, Renton, from a desk drawer and took it
to Corwell to frame.
He told him about his foray into art with Tillie.
“I’ve worked with her and she’s totally toxic-nuts!
Don’t offer her anything else. She’ll never accept
So it proved a one-shot art career.
Flirtatious, and yet mercurial, Kevvy then entered
And no program could ever ever approximate her!
Saturday, August 03, 2013
Adding It Up
So long you dif-
fidented about. Oh
there were highlights:
your standing up! May-
be 2%, but beats most.
Hey, kids to raise, and wife
and jobs to negotiate. Want
courage? Should have been fly
on wall: so have glimpsed
scant few glints amidst
the long cowardice. But
even on flashy ramparts,
sandwiches get sent out for.
Friday, August 02, 2013
Freebies and the Couth
Staff acted, de-
positing him & trophy
wife into poshest suite.
Giving both a bitty casino
bag of mini toiletries & whatever.
Cheapo-shampoo&soaps with fancy
labels. Plus, fortune cookies!
These latter evoking joy
out of all proportion. They read their
futures to each other! The Rich,
having everything, so love freebies.
Thursday, August 01, 2013
Many a great story has been over-verified
-The guy went to Church and just about stayed.
Must have bunk in the back.
-No women? Or men?
-Nor gambling or shady shit. No nothing!
-Ping Pong once where they bet a Pepsi!
-Oh well, everyone here wants to write a novel anyway.
Just compose...nice juicy story starring that pipsqueak!
Whores and graft, with a queer tossed in for fun.
-Make it up? We can‘t do...!
-Thank you, Jerry. Send in Laurette.