Thursday, October 31, 2013
Two Farm State Senators
-Big Agriculture gets big subsidies, Little Agriculture,
not so much.
-How about The Family Farm?
-Fence it round for a museum! Let the scratch-ass
farmer explain to urban slicksters the difference
between a horse and a whore.
-How would he know anything about the latter?
-It’s a new world, and rural communities have been keeping up!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Having It With Women
Twin Political Views of Mystery
“They gotta gynecologist to come and show us slides.
Explain procedures in the more enlightened states to
totally shame the wanton girls.”
“I’m not going. I just repeat abortion plank in debate.
Taking no chances. But I’ve got to say I’m sick to
death of their freakish plumbing!”
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Investor, Small & Nervous
“If we act today, I can get you into this WIPSO which is,
like, totally hot!”
Did, and it shot up.
Next time he looked, had fallen precipitously.
He got another accountant on the phone, his
vacationing in Fiji.
Older voice assured, “WIPSOs volatile, but
has started inching up again.”
WHAT’S SKY LIMIT FOR WIPSOs?
Business Week counters
WHICH SUB CELLAR FOR THOSE WHIPPED BY WIPSOs?
I was all too much and he dropped in again, got to see
Prodigious Drunk Accountant.
Red faced and brusque. “Get you outa it? No fuckin
problem-o! A penalty of course.”
“Hey!” protested our beset hero. “Waive it!
I've been through enough shit without that!”
“Done! You’re in luck I’m rushed. Bingo, and all
back into your bank! Well, gotta a tee time, so...?”
He walked to his bank to totally affirm the
“It’s here,” counseled quiet Mr Andrews. “We'll talk of
some sedate vehicles someday when you’ve a mind.”
“Well-put. I don't have one now. Been completely
“If you don't mind my saying so, they're for
Monday, October 28, 2013
The Jews were always there, but that couldn't
His radio guys filled in the other groups.
He kept the running total in his laptop. In code
of course. None too small for cataloging. Thus
Blutenheimer Icelandic Conspiracy was bic.
His local lamestream press recently full of stories
about “Mini-Silicon Valley,” as a few cyber firms
had established in the new industrial park.
He watched these employees dropping in at
The Ice Cream Store in his strip mall. The usual
queers and oddballs, but terrestrials merely.
Two, though, fit the profiles in Dr Hobart Grimshaw's
Newsletter. “Definite Space Aliens, of the Mongolian
He'd follow them next time, but it sufficed on this
occasion to get them in his laptop: 2dsamft@ics.
In his mind he called them Mongolunars--
for those of you denying him wit.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Mipsy had to speak of the old hurts.
And with Nix, who didn’t know him then.
Nix refused, saying "Your vaunted ‘closure’ only
comes once. To everyone. That’s life. Or the end
Hey, though, meet me at Lefty’s. We'll go depths
and heights, all right!--with our football team.
And Ruthie is bringing two from the bank.
Ass around with them--invest a few drinks
for total silliness!
Hey! Distraction or shitstorm.” Nix shrugged.
“I'm picking the former. Like, forever!”
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Hard and Soft
The couple went into their eighties saying
"You're a poopie!"
"Well you're a poopie-doopie!"
An occasional affectionate turn produced
"You're my poopie."
"And you're my poopie-doopie."
Does their long interchange have larger import?
How could it not?
Friday, October 25, 2013
The Ax Falleth
Awaiting a Turn
“Something is probable,” our boss winked.
Next day, twenty with identical cardboard boxes
escorted out by guards.
“Ordering more boxes,” our boss winked.
Morale shattered, if anyone cared.
Following week, twenty-one. Including boss.
New boss didn’t wink. He was in Omaha and we had
to Skype him.
Young, enthusiastic. “Stop worrying. It’s cool!”
And it was. Until required two months later to speak
to Rappy Robot, also in Omaha.
He hardly rapped, let alone said anything but normal
greetings and weather. “Warm for time of year.”
We cell-phoned a Shreveport guy at lunch.
“We got Rappy too. He’s a cagey one!”
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Paying People to Have Sex
goes the Republican plaint.
(So, paying buds to hammer
us in other ways just fine?) Hey!
if a down-and-outer
can still get it up,
I say more power
to him in any case.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Playing into Stacked Decks
a brutal exercise in
brutalizes us. That’s
the way all such clever
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
To Have a Cause
is to need another.
Thus damn O-Care
for high Tea Party.
To The Ramparts!
Monday, October 21, 2013
State of Ignorance
Old Texas Hand and Newbie
I didn't believe the stories before I moved here,
but my development--brand new and everything
the best--is loaded with Creationist-Racists.
That's a mouthful. Salt of the Earth if y'look at it
If that's the salt, the earth's in a bad way.
Give yuh the sleeves outa their vests.
What's the upshot? The school boards only approve
texts endorsed by jerk-off ministers. The kiddie’s
picture books have dinosaurs mixed in with
cavemen and biblical characters. The mishmash
takes your breath away!
Well, we got you now. You talk to 'em. I mean the
ministers and their stone-dumb flocks.
I'll eventually try...something. Will I have to ship my
kids East to keep them from becoming super-ignorant
good ole boys and girls?
Lotsa folks do, but they come back and we grab 'em fast.
Pretty soon they speak our language all over again.
It's a disease!
Maybe so. We're all sick, but in the top layer you don't
notice it so.
I'm in a quandary!
Hell, you're mostly inventing it! Join the country
club and get the genteel version.
And then become what I hate? But more polite?
I don't think so!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Stronger than Language
Our Brilliant Friend
I won't quote him. Might not get it exactly precise.
Suffice to say, he was beautifully articulate always.
Even took our breath away at times.
This once, unlike the dark stories of stupid and
cutthroat business, genius was rewarded. Prominent
man, super-big job.
One day he asks Lil, at the restaurant where we
periodically grab a quick bite, if any eclairs left.
"I saved one just for you!" Not her usual kidding
tone, but sultry would you believe?
She eventually got restraining order against him.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Officer Loses It
Mitch loved the action part of policing. Dozed off
during lectures, and messed up paperwork.
Alive as he has ever been while chasing a burglary
suspect over the wet cobbles fronting Darsen’s
Shoes. Spotted him exiting a Chase branch bank,
and radioed for help.
In keeping with the Victorian theme, Old Man Darsen
had installed boot scrapers. Mich’s forehead ends
up on one.
Sgt Olgrow discovers him after cuffing the suspect.
Mitch had rolled over with a groan, and Olgrow, in
the dim light from the old-fashioned streetlamps,
sees the gash as filling with red mica.
Mitch gets on. He doesn’t yet know the year. Speaks to
Gwen who isn’t there, but left him months before his
When? he asks himself in a clear moment.
The first thing he says to the doctor that next
morning. “It’s funny. Somebody named When.”
After a year the old doc says it takes time. Young
one recommends early retirement.
The city throws a nice party. Even the Governor,
who’s considering a Presidential run, emails him
He’s learning the computer afresh and it’s his
first message. First he reads the Subject Line as
“Grim Christ Fixer” but shakes and shakes his
head until “Great Crime Fighter” appears.
Gwen never returns, though he feels she has.
Has conversations, even arguments.
The green trees have turned liquid. He jams his
eyes shut when this happens.
Friday, October 18, 2013
-The whole country is a fundraiser! Latest perversion not
out of a New Dixiecrat’s mouth, that the Lefty sites
don’t light up my internet for contributions against him.
-Well they hafta super-frantically tap the little guy, since
the Billionaires are mostly in the Racist Republican corner.
-They’ll be happy when they hafta take the kids to
the beach in a Patton tank,
-Think of the firepower! Righty Nirvana!
Thursday, October 17, 2013
The Reach of Figurative Speech
Getting Squat For a Great Price
-The Republicans closed down the government and
then threatened insolvency in a great overall fractious
snit. And got nothing.
-Yeah, they pitched a no-hitter against themselves.
-You’re supposed to go on with the baseball metaphor.
-No need for metaphor. It is what it is. We must
avert our eyes out of Christian Charity.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
-That senator is a bald-faced liar!
-Isn’t that bold-faced? Most of us sorta bald-faced.
-Bold or bald, do you think you Republicans simply
lie more than Democrats?
-And ideologues really believe their lies too, yes?
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Countries and Their Vulgarians
Assignments, Plum and No
When you got Paris or London or Prague or Tokyo,
as examples, the inevitable vulgarians at State
asked "Who'd you blow?"
But my assignment: Wyruskikan. “So who did you
really really piss off?”
It was a toilet. And so dangerous that hazard pay
My job was to mix in with the natives, and they
proved a sad and fatalistic lot.
Bodies were carted away wholesale in the
capital daily. Chicago plus New York times ten.
Wyruskikians took no precautions. Just shrugged.
In fact, many were shot, or exploded, while
I wondered if their religion gave then solace
in all this horror.
They just laughed. "Which one?" About fifty, and
they each changed faiths periodically. There existed
a state religion which all, of course, ignored.
I...shouldn’t give the impression that all shrugged.
Like here, they had constitutional guarantees
and freedoms. In conversations with me they
felt ours as much of a joke.
I, of course, told them we were a work in progress.
They just gave back the slit-throat gesture they
ended most conversations with.
In the hills, rebels organize. The revolution is
imminent until we...well take them out with
mercenaries hired off Craig’s List.
I become CL liason. Told this will insure my future
through future layoffs under Republicans.
Another operative gets rocket launchers online, next
day FedEx delivery. “Paris next!” she brags.
Monday, October 14, 2013
When Something Truly Horrifies, Make a Commercial
To Oldster, pants falling down at O'Hare
We all look the other way
until you get them up,
and loop belt, no harm,
when your shoes go astray--
even TSA Dude. Airlines
feature beautiful ads, slickest
plane slides over blue, super-
warm service inside immaculate tube.
Like horror flick
Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Images of You
Back to the burg for childhood intelligence
“You were the quiet one. Hardly a peep.
Thinking all the time. No wonder you do
all that science stuff now.”
“A hellion! Into everything! And that was
some brassy mouth for a kid! You never
knew what was coming outa it.”
Complaining to a friend later of these
“Well, we go by the preponderance of evidence.
Weighing this against that. Then make our minds up.”
“But never getting the real me! The true me!”
“Excuse me, but the rest of us have lives.
You get attention for the time we can spare.”
“Live with it! God also too busy, even for
your highlight reel.”
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Words and Their Absences
-It’s all language!
-We do that by talking.
-What if I refuse?
-So great literature could consist of nothing.
-Not exactly. But pauses everywhere underline our lives.
-Talking to you is flat, stale, and unprofitable.
-As is not.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Examples Gross As Earth
Go to school board,
town council, Senate
and House Committees.
How you'll hear blatant
idiocies and shame-
less lies! Get your fill.
Note to the shy:
The more you
the more empower
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Politics Waxes and Wanes
But Poker Is Forever
“Who melt this dess?” Mick-Mack, our Teapartier, exclaimed.
“Finally losing it totally!” Worse remarked.
“Don't you DISH?” He meant wish.
Worse was for ‘Worse than a Communist.’ Our leader, Clock,
had stepped in back then, pronouncing no more politics,
but Worse's name stuck.
When Mickey-Mack didn't show the next time, Clock tried
home and cell, then called police. Everybody always had
gotten here, or phoned.
Patrolperson Webberly entered at the next game, asking us
questions. MM had disappeared without the proverbial trace.
Worse guessed he spontaneously combusted in rage.
But the Professor scoffed that all such cases on shaky science.
“Rather, he fell into the river and drowned.”
“Like in Goodnight Irene?” Worse asked him.
“...his body f-loating to sea, then slowing sinking.” On went
Professor, as if with the body.
“Full fathom five
our colleague lies,
his bones are coral made.”
Webberly sat in for the first time.
Now she’s a Captain and never misses. She's also ‘Nose.’
Though a beauty, one generous proboscis. When winning,
she often says “The Nose knows!”
Our teapartier never found, so less anger in the game,
The professor opines that he could be discovered,
or a fragment, if the department only thought outside
Nose claims they’re required to do only that presently.
“Who melt this dess?” Clock yells at that moment.
We all laugh. The perennial ‘Dealt this mess’ never
again would be said that way here.
Clock finally announces the evening’s last hand,
and muses that he has played twelve years and
is twenty-four dollars ahead. “But that could be
behind. Since I lost my Evvie, my bookkeeping
“Well she left a legacy: Made you into a total pussy!”
Nose finally goes down the aisle with a house dick
from Sears. We’re all invited and like him off the bat.
But he couldn’t play. No couples!--from sad experience
with pair who continued their sniping into the game.
Clock dismissed them forever.
They wanted a vote, but he said “I’m the vote.”
“Who melt this dess?” our bride laughs now.
“Don't you worry about hubby's fidelity while you’re doing
your cutthroat thing here?” Clock occasionally kittenish.
“I never worry about anything. Wasted effort. I’ve seen the dregs
of everything and I’m immensely better off. Immensely!”
Well, rest of us still sorta worried a bit about our lost teapartier.
Icy cold case. But I guess that's life , or Poker, or something.
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
Pals at tech
Modes of Communication
In olden days
from their places
on the mountain
midst cows, so
as to make sure
Now they Skype.
"Well, you still look like shit!"
"Und you der BRAD PITT?"
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Dedicated to Another Proposition
-I say carve out a new nation for these secessionists.
-Oh South Carolin-ia-Missi-Georgia.
Somewhere in that enlightened swamp
at any rate.
-But, how about the Western Imbeciles?
Be Trail of Tears getting them there!
-Somewhat like, but more blinding: Trail of
-A plan! Not! I say one new nation with Southern and
-I'll go for that. Imbecilia then, containing Gunlandia
-Speaking of former, will either have atomic weapons?
-Right after the Ay-rabs.
Monday, October 07, 2013
Important Coffee Shop
New and Old Congressman
-I know you paid the last time too, but (turning
his pockets inside out).
-No sweat! Soon be lined.
Sunday, October 06, 2013
At times, Judith draws a storyboard by way of prediction.
Thus, guy installing wall TV in conference room,
she has shown as muscular and flirtatious in one panel.
Begging a date in the next.
Actually, scrawny and uncommunicative. Only saying
"These walls, cheeseboard. Hafta brace from
However, when he comes back in a week to check tuning,
her charms don’t fail.
She storyboards their date, but afterwards this time. He sings
Vesti La Giubba naked. Belongs to an opera club.
My half-gay boss photoshops the last for his Mancave.
Judith's Hall of Fame proves to be "Buying a scarf
at Macy's." It turns out just as she drew it.
Anime version nearly goes viral.
Saturday, October 05, 2013
What the Sexes Know, Or Utility
Young Persons in Discussion
-You want my conclusion?
-Hadn't thought to ask, but shoot!
-At work, in Washington, everywhere:
Everybody's totally full of shit!
-Profound enough for now.
-Except my girlfriend.
-A decidedly minor saga.
-Last night I played the tapes of
the women who fought it through.
-Uh huh? Then back on the shelf?
-Like vacuum cleaners.
Friday, October 04, 2013
In Comfortable Suburb, Presently
Wise Guys of a sort
-You know, the pendulum always swings.
The Repubs can come back in.
-Who doesn’t know that? I’m scouting out
locations under bridges now. Get dibs
on one early.
-You can really doo-dab a place like that up.
Like, comforts of home!
-Can I bring my bowling trophy?
-Especially. Get a class system going there and
they might leave you alone.
-Doubt that, with Law and Order. Anyway, I can swing
it at National Guard guys when they’re sent on
-For you own good! Who wants to smell like piss and shit?
-Quite a profound question!
-Don’t sound so surprised.
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Glories of Music
The Grand Old Chorus
"You sing so richly! And under note and syllable,
always a vibrance, resonance. I can even feel
it afterwards. Don't know anything about musical
terminology: What would you call it?"
Wednesday, October 02, 2013
Exploring the Depths
Searching For a Slicing Word
-This Republican House is despicable!
-New York News says House of Turds.
-That's much more clever. Are there
stronger words than despicable?
-I suppose, but...
-why not stick with it?
-A proper fit.
-So...let’s not take a survey, right?
-Another one can’t be stomached!
Tuesday, October 01, 2013
Writing the Speech
-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! If we're gonna lie, let's
just keep the fuckin things straight!
-Don't you think Lincoln lied?
-Not much. The party was new then. Before racist
assholes, and their brethren thumping the Bible
with one hand and jerking off with the other.
-Uh huh? Well, put on your big boy pants, Mel.
You really need those you degrade. You're in the
fight of your life!
-Again? Every election seems to be.
-With that whiny attitude I’m like to label you
a Pussy Democrat!
-I no longer know what I am.