Friday, November 30, 2007
Pearls of Great Price
-I can get you into a waterboarding.
-Uh uh. Never again! I was drowning myself.
-Sensitive type. You must be a faggot.
-Don’t go there.
-Okay. So you wanna see something else then?
-Yeah but no loud rock. Get that in any college town.
-I suppose sleep deprivation out too?
-Haven’t got forever.
-just the ticket! Watch Carlos Coo-Coo Wee. Title “Interrogator.” That’s like
saying Mantle played baseball. The man is an artist. Cost you double.
-Oh come...!
-That’s what you’ll do!
-I can get you into a waterboarding.
-Uh uh. Never again! I was drowning myself.
-Sensitive type. You must be a faggot.
-Don’t go there.
-Okay. So you wanna see something else then?
-Yeah but no loud rock. Get that in any college town.
-I suppose sleep deprivation out too?
-Haven’t got forever.
-just the ticket! Watch Carlos Coo-Coo Wee. Title “Interrogator.” That’s like
saying Mantle played baseball. The man is an artist. Cost you double.
-Oh come...!
-That’s what you’ll do!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Observing
-I think of them as...horny.
-You don’t know the half.
-No kidding?
-Or half the half.
-I don’t know. Five hundred bucks to watch?
-Not a computer thing. You’re right there. One way mirror.
-But what if they do nothing. I mean just their everyday things.
-Their everyday things are screwing and fighting!
-Hooray for them!
-With...variations.
-You’re swaying me.
-I think of them as...horny.
-You don’t know the half.
-No kidding?
-Or half the half.
-I don’t know. Five hundred bucks to watch?
-Not a computer thing. You’re right there. One way mirror.
-But what if they do nothing. I mean just their everyday things.
-Their everyday things are screwing and fighting!
-Hooray for them!
-With...variations.
-You’re swaying me.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Americans lag in geographical knowledge*
We don’t give no shit. We
buy here and don’t need
to know any fuckin thing
about other asshole
countries or their slimy
pig languages neither.
*Chi Trib
We don’t give no shit. We
buy here and don’t need
to know any fuckin thing
about other asshole
countries or their slimy
pig languages neither.
*Chi Trib
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Insider For America
Not a leak from Energy-Security Taskforce! So I’ll open things a millimeter.
They brought in a pie and it expanded before our eyes! Slices stay
proportional, of course, so we divvied it up.
Always the secret promise to tithe to RNC.
Now how ‘bout a fuckin drink? I asked Dick Cheney.
“Please, dignity of office.”
Nation’s lucky we don’t steal the rugs from the floor! Now put out
the good stuff!
He did! Strong and smoky whiskey’d curdle your urine.
Whaaatsaat? Crooks? See this fuckin American flag in my lapel.
Patriotism, Asshole! And under Republicans that’s always
compatible with profit! Chicken n’ egg!
Anyways, bigger miracle than Christ! We put oil and security together and the
fuckin money fell outa the sky! Like a good ole-fashioned Texas gully
washer but with greenbacks.
And, as if you needed reminding, not a fuckin thing you can do about it!
I’d say best thing this administration did, it taught people their place.
Stay there, stay happy.
Not a leak from Energy-Security Taskforce! So I’ll open things a millimeter.
They brought in a pie and it expanded before our eyes! Slices stay
proportional, of course, so we divvied it up.
Always the secret promise to tithe to RNC.
Now how ‘bout a fuckin drink? I asked Dick Cheney.
“Please, dignity of office.”
Nation’s lucky we don’t steal the rugs from the floor! Now put out
the good stuff!
He did! Strong and smoky whiskey’d curdle your urine.
Whaaatsaat? Crooks? See this fuckin American flag in my lapel.
Patriotism, Asshole! And under Republicans that’s always
compatible with profit! Chicken n’ egg!
Anyways, bigger miracle than Christ! We put oil and security together and the
fuckin money fell outa the sky! Like a good ole-fashioned Texas gully
washer but with greenbacks.
And, as if you needed reminding, not a fuckin thing you can do about it!
I’d say best thing this administration did, it taught people their place.
Stay there, stay happy.
Monday, November 26, 2007
American Decision
-Just look at the movie part, then scroll down.
-Okay. The Switch. “A woman finds a man is not what he’s cracked up to be.”
-Number two?
-Switcheroo. “A man finds a woman is not what she’s cracked up to be.”
-I despair for three. What’s left in this paradise of ideas?
-“A crack, uh...”
-You could die watching TV. It’s not till five days you’ll stink as bad.
-Just look at the movie part, then scroll down.
-Okay. The Switch. “A woman finds a man is not what he’s cracked up to be.”
-Number two?
-Switcheroo. “A man finds a woman is not what she’s cracked up to be.”
-I despair for three. What’s left in this paradise of ideas?
-“A crack, uh...”
-You could die watching TV. It’s not till five days you’ll stink as bad.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Fuel Folks
Shuttle at Orlando Airport
powered by Chevron Hydrogen.
“We're your Fuel Folks
& are constant-
ly looking for
innovative ways
to fuck you.”
-------------
No post till 11/26
Shuttle at Orlando Airport
powered by Chevron Hydrogen.
“We're your Fuel Folks
& are constant-
ly looking for
innovative ways
to fuck you.”
-------------
No post till 11/26
Friday, November 16, 2007
Spick-O-Rama
-Rustle me up another Scotch and Soda, Double!
-You got time?
-What does C-SPAN say?
-Preacher on now.
-Black or white?
-Black.
-Good! More wool-gathering.
-You’re making me nervous! When do you really hafta be there?
-After Spick-O-Rama.
-Whaaa?
-Bunch of Josés and Pablos have stopped bullets in Iraq. Spick legislators
will play violin solos and make us feel guilty about illegal immigration.
Anyway, with the last Hispanic sob I flee. My driver out there?
-Yeah. Little squat brown guy.
-Guatemalan.
-Illegal?
-Naturally.
-Rustle me up another Scotch and Soda, Double!
-You got time?
-What does C-SPAN say?
-Preacher on now.
-Black or white?
-Black.
-Good! More wool-gathering.
-You’re making me nervous! When do you really hafta be there?
-After Spick-O-Rama.
-Whaaa?
-Bunch of Josés and Pablos have stopped bullets in Iraq. Spick legislators
will play violin solos and make us feel guilty about illegal immigration.
Anyway, with the last Hispanic sob I flee. My driver out there?
-Yeah. Little squat brown guy.
-Guatemalan.
-Illegal?
-Naturally.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Rail
The verandah at the golf club has an expansive view over the first tee
and fairway. When a twosome showed up, each in a separate golf cart,
I strolled over to object. “Carbon footprint! Why not share?”
One attacked me with his driver, but missed. The other stepped between.
“You mustn’t be offended. He’s a Republican and hates ideas.” We nudged him
to a bench and he began to calm down, but pointed to his head and moaned.
Other fellow removed the hat and unzipped to uncover a rail running front to rear, enameled with the letters B U S H.
“Murderer!” I spat, but the victim just smiled inanely, with the pressure
relieved.
“And how can we be sure Dems won’t find another?” the other questioned,
fanning him with a towel.
“We can’t.”
The verandah at the golf club has an expansive view over the first tee
and fairway. When a twosome showed up, each in a separate golf cart,
I strolled over to object. “Carbon footprint! Why not share?”
One attacked me with his driver, but missed. The other stepped between.
“You mustn’t be offended. He’s a Republican and hates ideas.” We nudged him
to a bench and he began to calm down, but pointed to his head and moaned.
Other fellow removed the hat and unzipped to uncover a rail running front to rear, enameled with the letters B U S H.
“Murderer!” I spat, but the victim just smiled inanely, with the pressure
relieved.
“And how can we be sure Dems won’t find another?” the other questioned,
fanning him with a towel.
“We can’t.”
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Two Cons in 3/4s Time
GEN PERVEZ MUSHARRAF
Elections coming!
COMMANDER GEORGE BUSH
We don’t torture.
GEN PERVEZ MUSHARRAF
Nuclear weapons secure.
COMMANDER GEORGE BUSH
We don’t murder.
GEN PERVEZ MUSHARRAF
Shut it down!
COMMANDER GEORGE BUSH
We don’t whatchacallit.
GEN PERVEZ MUSHARRAF
Elections coming!
COMMANDER GEORGE BUSH
We don’t torture.
GEN PERVEZ MUSHARRAF
Nuclear weapons secure.
COMMANDER GEORGE BUSH
We don’t murder.
GEN PERVEZ MUSHARRAF
Shut it down!
COMMANDER GEORGE BUSH
We don’t whatchacallit.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Fitting the Shoe
Q You’ve had a helluva week! Fuck our children and blow theirs up!
A I don’t recognize that as a question. Especially the vulgarity.
Security cuts all microphones
Q (screams) Send in the goons!
A (aside) Only part of fuckin apparatus still working.
Q (being dragged off) ...inaudible
A (aside) John Wilkes Booth yelled. My job is to maintain the dignity
of the fuckin office!
Q You’ve had a helluva week! Fuck our children and blow theirs up!
A I don’t recognize that as a question. Especially the vulgarity.
Security cuts all microphones
Q (screams) Send in the goons!
A (aside) Only part of fuckin apparatus still working.
Q (being dragged off) ...inaudible
A (aside) John Wilkes Booth yelled. My job is to maintain the dignity
of the fuckin office!
Fitting the Shoe
Q You’ve had a helluva week! Fuck our children and blow theirs up!
A I don’t recognize that as a question. Especially the vulgarity.
Security cuts all microphones
Q (screams) Send in the goons!
A (aside) Only part of fuckin apparatus still working.
Q (being dragged off) ...inaudible
A (aside) John Wilkes Booth yelled. My job is to maintain the dignity
of the fuckin office!
Q You’ve had a helluva week! Fuck our children and blow theirs up!
A I don’t recognize that as a question. Especially the vulgarity.
Security cuts all microphones
Q (screams) Send in the goons!
A (aside) Only part of fuckin apparatus still working.
Q (being dragged off) ...inaudible
A (aside) John Wilkes Booth yelled. My job is to maintain the dignity
of the fuckin office!
Monday, November 12, 2007
The Heart of Republican Leadership
More soldiers,marines etc gone?
Oh well,like waiters at the club,you
can always find another.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Query Profound
Walgreens sent 5-buck check.
Kicker: hadda spend 20. Tried
but 19.21! Finski de-
deducted anyway. Cashier’s
option, or elbow room built
into corporate algorithm?
Can’t guess answer but I’m
mad to come in contact with it.
As Walt Whitman spouted in
another context altogether.
Walgreens sent 5-buck check.
Kicker: hadda spend 20. Tried
but 19.21! Finski de-
deducted anyway. Cashier’s
option, or elbow room built
into corporate algorithm?
Can’t guess answer but I’m
mad to come in contact with it.
As Walt Whitman spouted in
another context altogether.
Query Profound
Walgreens sent 5-buck check.
Kicker: hadda spend 20. Tried
but 19.21! Finski de-
deducted anyway. Cashier’s
option, or elbow room built
into corporate algorithm?
Can’t guess answer but I’m
mad to come in contact with it.
As Walt Whitman spouted in
another context altogether.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Bonjo and Itzykitzy
When my friends landed an agent who pursued a recording contract, they asked me about their chances.
Why not? You’re as good as Bonjo and Itzykitzy
That dropped a rube curtain. She said their musicianship was nil, and he just looked crushed.
Was then I affirmed once more you could never say the right thing to
sensitive types.
Time farted by and they forgot their dream and landed a rug cleaning franchise. They still jam with some Chamber friends occasionally, but not much time.
At the tenth anniversary of the rug thing, I was invited to a big party at their McMansion. There I discovered a whole wall dedicated to Bonjo and Itzykitzy, their CDs, posters, etc.
The sensitive must be allowed to change their minds, the rest of us with great caution always.
When my friends landed an agent who pursued a recording contract, they asked me about their chances.
Why not? You’re as good as Bonjo and Itzykitzy
That dropped a rube curtain. She said their musicianship was nil, and he just looked crushed.
Was then I affirmed once more you could never say the right thing to
sensitive types.
Time farted by and they forgot their dream and landed a rug cleaning franchise. They still jam with some Chamber friends occasionally, but not much time.
At the tenth anniversary of the rug thing, I was invited to a big party at their McMansion. There I discovered a whole wall dedicated to Bonjo and Itzykitzy, their CDs, posters, etc.
The sensitive must be allowed to change their minds, the rest of us with great caution always.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Rocco and Fox
ROCCO
I call Fox the A L D Network.
CHUCK, INQUIRER REPORTER
Don’t tell me what that means.
ROCCO
Typical curiosity of a smalltime reporter! It means
Administration Lap Dog Network.
CHUCK
Not very euphonic. Doesn’t quite trip off the tongue.
ROCCO
Truth can be like that.
CHUCK
That’s why propaganda edges it out.
ROCCO
Yeah, the frenzy of shopping. Poor John Q can’t screen it all.
CHUCK
Shopping is Republican patriotism.
ROCCO
What’s Democratic?
CHUCK
Clucking like a chicken.
ROCCO
The real shame of this administration is not waterboarding, but that because of
the fairy PC climate, they can’t be robustly proud of it.
CHUCK
Now that is a real shame. If Bush and Cheney aren’t arrested, there is no justice.
ROCCO
Damned liberal media ! Republicans redefine justice daily with kiss-ass judges,
and you never salute.
CHUCK
You expect too much of us. We enter the den of thieves daily and you expect us to come out with one or two. We’ve failed so mightily, we’re not even Godless Communists anymore.
ROCCO
I call Fox the A L D Network.
CHUCK, INQUIRER REPORTER
Don’t tell me what that means.
ROCCO
Typical curiosity of a smalltime reporter! It means
Administration Lap Dog Network.
CHUCK
Not very euphonic. Doesn’t quite trip off the tongue.
ROCCO
Truth can be like that.
CHUCK
That’s why propaganda edges it out.
ROCCO
Yeah, the frenzy of shopping. Poor John Q can’t screen it all.
CHUCK
Shopping is Republican patriotism.
ROCCO
What’s Democratic?
CHUCK
Clucking like a chicken.
ROCCO
The real shame of this administration is not waterboarding, but that because of
the fairy PC climate, they can’t be robustly proud of it.
CHUCK
Now that is a real shame. If Bush and Cheney aren’t arrested, there is no justice.
ROCCO
Damned liberal media ! Republicans redefine justice daily with kiss-ass judges,
and you never salute.
CHUCK
You expect too much of us. We enter the den of thieves daily and you expect us to come out with one or two. We’ve failed so mightily, we’re not even Godless Communists anymore.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
The Billionaire
-I heard you have deep pockets.
-I truly need them.
-How so?
-Well this one is for American politicians and media.
-That leaves its opposite free for play...the models and yachts etc.
-They’ll have to wait just now. This pocket for Brits.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
CIA Dialog
-Which technique gives you the biggest hardon?
-Water boarding. You hafta listen, so you don’t hafta scream. That relaxes
all but the one part.
-Is it effective?
-Only once.
-What...?
-One fucker drowned...and just when I was coming. Not 'spose to happen but...
-Probably really bought the Ragtop farm with heart attack.
-You talk to doctor? That’s what he said.
-Then somebody talked to him. What do you think of all the pussies who cry about all this? And they say you’re the sick one!
-We’ll be in Danbury together. I got the love.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Towards Definition re Senator
Just got itch
& yearned
for action. Gay
means more
staying energy:
parents meet-
ing partners:
very small talk
giving no one
a hardon, funding
each Family’s Values
damage.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Equal Voting Opportunities
-Look, fuckin José! You do Democrat! Comprendhe?
-Be patient, Chief. He was sleeping in his own shit just yesterday in Mexico City Drunk Tank.
...
-These are critical precincts for Republicans. Order the Nig-Nogs to come back day after election to vote. They’re stone fuckin dumb enough to fall for it, but promise Walmart coupons anyway. We’ve already scrubbed the criminals and their very extended families.
-Will we really have the coupons?
-Nah. When you fuck ‘em, double-fuck ‘em! That’s how Rockheads get
to understand. Really a mercy.
-Compassionate Conservatism?
-I like that! Pointing out to folks how fuckin stupid they are.
-Look, fuckin José! You do Democrat! Comprendhe?
-Be patient, Chief. He was sleeping in his own shit just yesterday in Mexico City Drunk Tank.
...
-These are critical precincts for Republicans. Order the Nig-Nogs to come back day after election to vote. They’re stone fuckin dumb enough to fall for it, but promise Walmart coupons anyway. We’ve already scrubbed the criminals and their very extended families.
-Will we really have the coupons?
-Nah. When you fuck ‘em, double-fuck ‘em! That’s how Rockheads get
to understand. Really a mercy.
-Compassionate Conservatism?
-I like that! Pointing out to folks how fuckin stupid they are.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Dude who photographs
naked groups.
Sagamore Pool,
Miami Beach. Lotza
female shoulders,breasts
on the aquamarine bob,
pink mass.
Dotted here and there
by comb-overs.
Looking
for action!
naked groups.
Sagamore Pool,
Miami Beach. Lotza
female shoulders,breasts
on the aquamarine bob,
pink mass.
Dotted here and there
by comb-overs.
Looking
for action!
Saturday, November 03, 2007
When he saw the light
it was dark--so very
rapidly. There-
after tabbed
The Moe Green Effect.
it was dark--so very
rapidly. There-
after tabbed
The Moe Green Effect.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Bedfellas
-Drivers’ Licenses for illegals? Give me a fuckin break!
-What would you do?
-Ship their fuckin Spick asses back!
-We got enough busses?
-We’ll get ‘em.
-How about Grandma who’s been here fifty years?
-She’s first. I’ll go down there personally to shove her fat ass over the fence!
-Well don’t let her panties show. Some of your confederates get disturbed.
-Drivers’ Licenses for illegals? Give me a fuckin break!
-What would you do?
-Ship their fuckin Spick asses back!
-We got enough busses?
-We’ll get ‘em.
-How about Grandma who’s been here fifty years?
-She’s first. I’ll go down there personally to shove her fat ass over the fence!
-Well don’t let her panties show. Some of your confederates get disturbed.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
In Afghan Fields the Poppies Grow
Among the corpses row on row spreading-
out from there and carpeting this green-
verged world with graves. Victims all
of craving, greed, and war. If you
break faith with those
who've died the nightmare
will come home to you.
Other's children AK47'd on
their way to school suddenly
becoming yours. Won't be for
a while, but it's the only thing
this illegitimate government
will be right about,
having purchased it for us
to enrich their friends, thus
does madness migrate in
the craving, war, and greed, that
loyal triplet continuously endorsed by
meretricious leaders everywhere.
Among the corpses row on row spreading-
out from there and carpeting this green-
verged world with graves. Victims all
of craving, greed, and war. If you
break faith with those
who've died the nightmare
will come home to you.
Other's children AK47'd on
their way to school suddenly
becoming yours. Won't be for
a while, but it's the only thing
this illegitimate government
will be right about,
having purchased it for us
to enrich their friends, thus
does madness migrate in
the craving, war, and greed, that
loyal triplet continuously endorsed by
meretricious leaders everywhere.
In Afghan Fields the Poppies Grow
Among the corpses row on row spreading-
out from there and carpeting this green-
verged world with graves. Victims all
of craving, greed, and war. If you
break faith with those
who've died the nightmare
will come home to you.
Other's children AK47'd on
their way to school suddenly
becoming yours. Won't be for
a while, but it's the only thing
this illegitimate government
will be right about,
having purchased it for us
to enrich their friends, thus
does madness migrate in
the craving, war, and greed, that
loyal triplet continuously endorsed by
meretricious leaders everywhere.
Among the corpses row on row spreading-
out from there and carpeting this green-
verged world with graves. Victims all
of craving, greed, and war. If you
break faith with those
who've died the nightmare
will come home to you.
Other's children AK47'd on
their way to school suddenly
becoming yours. Won't be for
a while, but it's the only thing
this illegitimate government
will be right about,
having purchased it for us
to enrich their friends, thus
does madness migrate in
the craving, war, and greed, that
loyal triplet continuously endorsed by
meretricious leaders everywhere.
