Tuesday, September 30, 2008

 
Grassroots


WOMAN'S VOICE
What's on about the bailout? It flopped, right?

MAN (watching TV)
The governed wouldn't consent to bankers sticking it up their ass
and getting the gift of seven hundred billion to break it off even further in.

WV
I'm not gonna fold these underpants. They're disintegrating! Into the trash!

MAN
When it's my turn to fold, your panties are inviolate.

WV
Is that McCain? I can hear his voice.

MAN
Some nasty little prick looks like he's been dipped in Clorox.
Oooops, there's the other fellow, the one with a brain.
I like his color--coffee with a dash of cream.

WV
He picked that woman to jazz things up, McCain did.

MAN
She could do the same at a funeral home. Eureka! Here's an ad for her.

WV
What's it say?

MAN
That she's not really stupid.

WV
Is Biden that smart?

MAN
He speak encyclopedia articles, in number of words anyway. And just edged Mickey Mouse in the polls.

WV
How's she doing?

MAN
Still dumb.

WV
No I mean in the polls.

MAN
Have you heard of the concept of Absolute Zero?

WV
Aren't you just saying that cuz she's a woman?

MAN
That much shit for brains transcends sex.

Labels: , , , ,


Monday, September 29, 2008

 
John Q and The Mega-Mega Banker


JQ
One eighty bil, huh? Isn't that the age of the earth or something?

MMB
I don't know and I don't care.

JQ
Just deliver the bailout cash, hey? And what do we get
in exchange?

MMB
My ancestors would give you a thrashing for insolence!

JQ
And you're always trying the bring back the good ole days, right?
When you're not thrusting the begging cup?

MMB
You're too ignorant to understand.

JQ
I understand that it's a culture war and you're winning--
even when whining and begging.

MMB
And there's not a fuckin thing you...!

JQ
Laser guillotine. Now there's an idea.

Labels: , ,


Sunday, September 28, 2008

 
Pointed Time

What'll we do with the young?
Not a thing. They'll take care
of us. Prior to a neighborhood

softball game, the young guys vs
the old, I stood with the young,
as I had always. They shoved

me to the other side. I, still,
behold the dust
cloud.

Labels: ,


Saturday, September 27, 2008

 
Ichabod and the Steaming Kettle


Look! This is the last glass of water for both of you! Now get
to sleep. Why haven't you...? It's hours since bedtime!

You didn't tell us a story cuz you hadda watch the stinky
debate-y thing~!

The stinky debatey thing indeed!

Tell us a story now, Daddy.

Tell us a story 'bout the stinky debate-y thing!

Okay, but a short one. Let's call it...

Labels: ,


Friday, September 26, 2008

 
Rocco and the Wharton Professor

ROCCO
Well well! Mrs Onofrio's little boy, now teaching at
Wharton School of Gouging Capitalism, University
of Pennsylvania. So, DR! Onofrio, how’s the latest
government bailout of the fiercely independent
private sector going?

DR O
I’ve screamed about these excesses for five years!

ROCCO
What do you teach at Right-Wing Wharton anyway?

DR O
Economics.

ROCCO
What is that, exactly?

DR O
Nobody knows. It’s in Discovery.

ROCCO
So? Tell me, is this new government ownership of
private companies Socialism or Communism?

DR O
Who the fuck cares!

ROCCO
Wouldn't want your department chairman hear that, would you?

DR O
Okay Rocco, so I'm a fuckin hypocrite. It's a big club.

ROCCO
The biggest. And don’t despair that nobody listens to you.
First fuckin grownup lesson.
------

Strivers leave Rocco’s South Philadelphia, but they always return–
most often for Mama’s food.

Labels: , , ,


Thursday, September 25, 2008

 
Prospect


-Nobody’ll buy this vile shit. It’s too toxic! There are no more suckers left! Period!

-Looks like Uncle Sam will.

-Yeah, the hick from the sticks.

Labels: , ,


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

 
The Mega-Maximum Screwing of John Q -- a kind of Psychodrama


Cast

John Q -- The Patsy

Wall Street -- The Criminal

Government -- The Enabler


Setting

Any Disgusting Place
...

Background Music, Kazoo, Sounds a Little Goofus to Me



JOHN Q (
Entering, skinny and harried)

Something brutal has barged up my rectum!

Cut music

Lights come up to reveal two enormously bloated, florid twins.

WALL STREET
Stop whining!

GOVERNMENT
(To Wall Street) I'll second that! And am I gonna show you
a few new tricks! For one thing, give you his money in order
for both of us to fuck him blind! Well, blinder.

JOHN Q
I can't see!

GOVERNMENT
That’s the idea.

WALL STREET
This is actually hilarious!

GOVERNMENT
Be careful! There's moral hazard in laughing at the lower orders.

JOHN Q
Can’t anyone help?

WALL STREET
Always with his hand out!

GOVERNMENT (to John Q)
Hey! It’s a democracy. Nobody preventing you from forming
a constituency with all the other losers!

WALL STREET
And Man do we love losers!

GOVERNMENT
Well, anyhow, after all the falderal and bailouts, o wondrous Money God, have you learned anything?

WALL STREET
Next time, steal more.

Music up full. Stars and Stripes Forever











Labels: , ,


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

 
Helping the Committee


CEO
Though they don't know it yet, the Bonus Committee met
at my house last night and okayed doubling last year's
individual totals. Handle it! Except for the two newer VPs.
Give them mil each. I thought this decision should be
made prior to the Government takeover. Relieve them of it--a favor.

ASSISTANT
So the virtual committee strolled up that lovely walk flanked
by hostas.

CEO
By what?

ASSISTANT
Hostas, a flower.

CEO
I don't know one fuckin one from the other. We hire a spick.

Labels: , ,


Monday, September 22, 2008

 
Dialog In a Pretending Democracy


John Q
Let me get this straight--and you've complicated things so
as to make that nearly impossible–-we're to buy the toxic
debt that you accumulated though greed and stupidity?

MEGA BANKER
That's about it. The former imperative, that is,
not the naive editorial.

John Q
Sounds like yet another nudge-and-wink time to me.
We'll get screwed on price and everybody‘ll pretend we're
stealing the crap. Man! Attention Bribe Central! Red Alert!

MEGA BANKER
O ye of little Capital faith!

John Q
And where’s the reciprocity? What do we get in exchange
for bailing you out?

MEGA BANKER
What part of Go Fuck Yourself don't you understand?

Labels: , , ,


Sunday, September 21, 2008

 
Modern American Family


HUSBAND
Great lasagna, Mom!

WIFE
Just threw it in microwave.

DAUGHTER
But with loving hands!

SON
Mom puts loving hands on the whole world!

TWINS
She's our bestest Mom of all time!

HUSBAND
Never forget it!

WIFE
Oh Yeah? Well fuck all of you!

Labels:


Saturday, September 20, 2008

 
The Usual Sedition


-I'm bypassing bonus committee and declaring double last year’s
amounts. Alleviate morale problem before government takeover.

-But! If it gets out...

-I'll be out before that.

-CEO ever been lynched?

-Nah! That'd be for just deserts. I'm talking unjust deserts.

-Chief, your wit shines through the shit-storm!

Labels: , , ,


Friday, September 19, 2008

 
Memo--Top Eyes Only

Senators making political noises over executive salaries and
bonuses of firms bailed out or taken over. Severance packages
of those execs dismissed also under fire.

Our policy is not to interfere with personnel matters.

May I remind you that the anti-regulatory posture of this agency
has served the country well before these recent blips?

Seminars prepping officers for TV interviews and Congressional
testimony begin tomorrow!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

 

The Procession


-I heard you before you got here. We take the profits, you
get the losses.

-Our mantra. We have bankers, brokers, insurance dudes. And your
government, John Q, in its infinite wisdom and in loving memory of
our generous bribes, has bailed us all out.

-And now you're celebrating. In togas, yet. Wrong look
for fat, pink shoulders. Except the women swarming around.
They sure look wild. Some frenzy!

-They're a part of a serious, religious, ritual. Our Dionysian
explosion of gratefulness. Prodigious Screwing comes later.
All for the right reasons.

-And the wine, phew! Everywhere. Perhaps you could spare...?

-Not a chance! Not your end of things. We don't flick
any fuckin flagons to finks.

-No harm in asking.

-Ah that’s where you’re wrong. Great harm! Know your place!

-Wow! Three guys carrying an immense dick!

-Vulgarity entirely inappropriate! It is a sacramental object!

-What will you do with it?

-Stick around.

Labels: , , ,


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

 
One Side of Debate On Economy


Well the million buck shack on the mountain is out. What with the government
taking over and Senators threatening our bonuses, this family tightens
the belt on vacations!

Okay okay. Little one we saw for seven-fifty? Call the realtor up there.

You wonder what the poor people are doing? Don’t make such jokes.
Plenty of people like us have been ruined in the past, and some even
jumped outa windows!

Yeah that was before bailouts! Hey! Temporary fix. We’ll get going
again and even stronger!

No, not fucking the people! And I thought it was cute when you protested
everything in college.

Labels:


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

 
Apology

Massive financial structures
toppling! Taking the pipe.

I'm sorry. All my fault.
The whining.

Labels: ,


Sunday, September 14, 2008

 

Rocco and Hate Everything Fred



ROCCO
Well, Happy Fred! How's the election going to your jaundiced eye? How 'bout Obama-Biden?

HATE EVERYTHING FRED
Boy Scout and Babbler!

ROCCO
McCain and Palin?

FRED
Coot and Cunt.

ROCCO
Who would you have be president, o Hate Everything?

FRED
Ron Paul!

ROCCO
The seeming opposite of your crabby liberal sentiments!
At least that's what I get from all the spew over the years.

FRED
Constitution not a joke book to him.

ROCCO
And VP?

FRED
Joe Hill.

ROCCO
Joe Hill! He's been dead forever! You hafta at least pretend to be alive.

HATE EVERYTHING FRED
Nobody dies who Fascism kills. Utah put five bullets in
his left side. That's the wit of Fascism.
That kind of wit is very alive today in this despicable country!

ROCCO
But left-body is also where the heart is, no?

FRED
You got that right!

ROCCO
Does Hitler live, Fred?

FRED
In America yeah. But he’s dead in Germany.

ROCCO
You wouldn’t overstate now, would you?

FRED
Why do you think we brought all those German scientists here
after the war? We knew they’d be right at home!

Labels: , , , ,


 
The Compromise

Hey, it's a deal then?
I'll knock off A,
and really strive on B.

All right, I agree.
My part is to stop C,
and try harder on D.

Seething subtexts:
I despise you.

Labels:


Saturday, September 13, 2008

 
Divorce, Celestial


-Yeah she's going all right!

-Giant escalator into the rapturous sky!

-Something like that.

-And you?

-No chance!

-Pretty awful!

-Only if she takes the remote.

Labels: , ,


Friday, September 12, 2008

 
To Obama

Fight & fight
back, of course!

Might as well
stop short, though.

Never can out-vicious
Republicans. Their DNA.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

 

The Christian Forgiveness Gig


Strayed child and boyfriend white-wrapped
in Grandpa’s forgiveness image. Silent mo-
ment on tarmac. Give us pictures

and you can keep words: usual GOP
lollipop for suckers. Oh well, whatever
break we can cut children,

of course. Those tiny Afghan babies
dead on a quilt? Why, let's go right
ahead and forgive them also.

Labels: , , , ,


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

 
C'mon Leave Pigs Alone!

Especially no lipstick!
They're already vastly
smarter than cats & dogs.

& most Republicans.

Labels: ,


 
View

Blue truck
behind shrubbery
becomes mammoth

lilacs. What deceives
can be lovely.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

 
Spot History of Campaigns


Tippacanoe and Tyler too!

An innocence.

Chicken In Every Pot.

In fat prosperity, who’ll starve?

Man On the Wedding Cake

Shorthand cruelty of image.

(And today?)

Engines of spew spew spew!

Labels: , ,


Monday, September 08, 2008

 
At the Oil Museum


-What’s that? Marble cube, gold door. Looks like where priest keeps Host.

GUIDE
It contains the first gouging lie told by an oil executive.

-Good! If the children aren’t reminded of history, they’ll forget it.

GUIDE
We’ll let them have it all right!

Labels: , ,


Sunday, September 07, 2008

 
Sorry Girls

But the glamor-puss
ginning up color &
reporting knowledge

on the sideline--well,
nobody hushes the room
to hear. Yet the walrus

pulsing with rum blossoms
& probably reeking
of Jack Daniels &

piss? God help him, & you, & all,
he might have something to say
about, would you believe, football?

Labels: ,


Saturday, September 06, 2008

 
The Commercial


-He's a French knight, or something, in France.

-I don't give a fuck if he's a French whore in New Jersey, get me the
bald little fat guy back!

-Rotund Roy? Isn't he a tad obvious?

-Look! Product is ginger ale. Frenchy sniffs and is vastly superior.
Roy stares with all the love he can muster. That ginger ale, to him,
is the golden piss of gods!

-Well, we're egalitarian! In commercials.

-The only fuckin place then.



Friday, September 05, 2008

 
Newsroom


EDITOR
Gotta be more on this vicious Palin broad. Or they wouldn't
threaten us and ice us out. Get up to Anchorage!

REPORTER
Hey! They shoot people up there and no one gives a fuck!
It's Texas with reindeer!

EDITOR
Well if you're shot, we'll send another reporter.

REPORTER
You’re all heart!

EDITOR
So much so that I'm thinking of registering Republican.
It's the party of wondrous symbols! And unbridled robbery.

REPORTER
Yeah they never get enough credit for the latter.

EDITOR
And find out if those family values frauds have a prayer before fucking.
And how many they’ve worn out.

REPORTER
Now you’re teasing!

EDITOR
You still here?

Labels: , ,


Thursday, September 04, 2008

 
Snapshots From GOP Convention


Motto: Fascism! Bring it in!

MCCAIN
White-on-white. (“Makeup!”)

PALIN
Chroming up
the leaking truck.

THOMPSON
Ham 'n...
ham.

LIEBERMAN
Who licks
can bite.

THE WIVES
We're wives.

BUSH & CHENEY (lurking presences)
Gravitas of those
who've murdered,
tortured. (Hey! just ragtops.
Like spicks in sheets.)

MANY
Where are the hookers?
They almost went home,
what with Gustav.

REGISTERED NURSE
I know why I’m here, and it’s
not to give uppers to these snips!
And those millionaire doctor delegates
didn’t specialize in Gerontology.
I did!

SARAH the FASCISTIC HORROR
So I lie! It’s what we do. Mess with me
and you get what they got in Alaska!
Don’t I look sweet, though? Meet me
at the book burning. We’ll throw a
couple of faggots on the fire. Wood, I mean.
Little Republican joke.

JOHN, FINALLY
Feel the love! as I scorn the pussies
and get revenge on the Bushes.




Wednesday, September 03, 2008

 
Salty Irish

Teen pregnancy in news,
a prominent young woman.

She'll marry. In my family,
Aunt Ilene, matriarch,
very strongly advised

in such. The girl presented
her case, describing fellow.
Ilene usually counseled

against marriage, sensing
a loser wouldn't improve
with age. One girl protested

BUT I LOVE HIM! Her reply:
"Love, My Dear, goes up a pig's ass!"

Labels: , ,


Tuesday, September 02, 2008

 
In Fear of Another Katrina, Republican Substitute Prayer For Some Activities at Convention (This, as Dr Pangloss informed Candide, is not a new thing.)


-Hey Mister. Could you spare a little? I'm starving!

-It is MY chicken pot pie. Gain employ and you'll be able to afford one, my man!

-I'll lick the pan after!

-Well yes! And where will that lead? To asking for a whole one? Or stealing?
Oh no! Give a man a chicken pot pie and he'll fill up. But teach him to raise chickens and make pot pies and you...!

-That little black-y part there on the very edge of the crust?

-I'll pray for you.

Labels: ,


Monday, September 01, 2008

 
Split Screen Terror!

GOP doesn't want
Hurricane Gustav
on 1 side. Say blacks

pushing Grandma in
plastic tub through
the flood, while

a quartet of pink straw-boaters
from Des Moines harmonizes
over prosperity--happying up, too,

the usual bottom-feeding war message
re pussy Democrats. & although

the mission could certainly be outsourced,
a Paddle-Wheeler stocked with stale Little
Debbies could take many partygoers

down the Mississippi to
New Orleans! (Working Whores
should be loaded first, quietly,

to patriotically service
The Family Values Gang enroute.)



Labels: , ,


This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?