Monday, May 08, 2006

 
Medical and Political Account, Middle Tiyunkunum Island


The Canoe People Elders had to have their war. And since Ohgo the storyteller had died, the exact grievance against The Burning Patch People was unknown.

Finally decided was that an ongoing insult could be endured no longer: Their young men jumped from bushes near paths separating the areas and exposed themselves.

But they had always done that, always running away as Canoe girls taunted in song.

Baby toad penis,
no wonder you run.
Send a man next time.

Maybe you can find one
your volcano has made hot!

Only hot men will do
for Canoe Women!

In their own meeting, The Burning Patch people voted to wage battle on the basis of that insulting song. Even though they laughingly sang it in their own village. Sometimes giving Canoe men the baby toad penis, and sometimes not bothering.

The war was held and young men waded into each other with ferocity. And two minute later, mutually withdrew.

Each said the other retreated out of cowardice, and claimed victory with honor.

Triumphant, drunken orgies were performed to celebrate complete avenging.

Since most priests had expired, both tribes shared a healer. He applied a hemorrhoid cream to the Burning Patch commander who suffered a painful flare-up from the tension, the same to a Canoe brave's poked eye.

The following month a Burning Patcher exposed himself in the same old way, but was tackled by an Amazonian Canoe girl and held captive by her.

They soon announce plans to marry and both assemblies vote for war again.

The priest intervenes, inviting everyone to a party in neutral territory.

At the staggering height of chaos, he marries the couple and both sides sing out the penis song at full throat.

Despite terrific hangovers the following day, both sides affirm that a state of war still exists.

But the newly-married couple call a meeting of young people in the neutral area. They combine to overthrow both assemblies, sending the elders shrieking into the bush.

The new Canoe-Burning Patch Nation is led by The Amazon, who states "Love is the end of nonsense."

Husband proposes amnesty for elders, but she spits, "Let them wander like that Moses the missionaries blabbed on about!"

"Well...I rule in the hut," he tells the other players at the hybrid cricket-baseball game the islanders had fashioned from British and American occupations.

"That's always an illusion," Priest-Umpire declares. "Now batter up to the wicket! Three strikes you’re out! Three outs we have beer!”

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