Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Making One’s Way...
With a Car
After a week's wait in Motor Vehicles, I was given a moldy Danish
by a Lion.
The hiring freeze years old, most of the old employees had died
in place, and Lions Club took over the operation.
Had presented an old pair of glasses and got a number.
Today was supposed to be its day, but...another required because
the southern state I had moved from had so far refused to let me go.
Thus I had their plates on my car and was in violation here!
Enter the Fixer. No cards today: you show your iPad. It flashes red at me:
We have a Cray, hey hey hey!
Blink and we solve the ruckus
for a hundred buckus.
Then it changes to For two hundred
buckus we true the ruckus.
“Which do you prefer?” he asks.
“You mean for prose style?”
“Exactly so. That's why we changed it. Solve was so weak!”
“Well...true is better?...come on! I'll pay the two hundred.”
‘For Art! Our HQ has paintings and sculpture nobody can fathom.
And musical afternoons.”
“Well, then, my money's going for something.”
I wave my Mastercard over his iPad. And it signals Done!
“A little slower than usual due to that state you moved from.”
“Oh yeah, good ole...”
“Don't say it! Just the mention opens us up to slander suits.
Their argument is that it evokes the corrupt, incompetent,
racist past. Or present. One.”
Suddenly my phone vibrates madly. Wife texts plates arrv.
“Those are the permanents. My crew already has temps on
your car.”
“But how?”
“They were put on right after you drove in. The Cray anticipates.
Like your lunch at Bald Louie's with Dorine from Accounting?
Better go easy there! We've red-flagged her for breaking up
three marriages already.”
“It's business. Tax stuff!”
“Uh huh? Cray pretty suspicious.”
“Will it follow me everywhere now?”
“What do you mean, will? By the way, Today’s Special: I entered
you into the Dominican Lottery and you won twelve bucks.
Comes off the tab at Louie’s.”
When I leave he whispers, “Apropos of nothing, that itch is
from nerves. Get some Gold Bond. Unfortunately, outa samples.”
Labels: car, fix, Gold Bond, hiring freeze, Lion, marriage, Motor Vehicles, red tape, Southern
