Monday, August 24, 2015
Poor Bill Shakespeare
-Doing my version of Measure for Measure.
He...gets his actual pound of flesh in this one.
-Good God! Shylock does?
-And for Antonio, I got Antonio, a foreman down
at the docks. The only one not using a bullhorn there,
a real screaming ghinny! He complains about
everything in real life, anyway, so when the cutting
begins on him...?
-Horrible!
-Goes C over C in shrieking!
-And the Jew?
-Random casting. Anybody can play him.
-Because a vengeful homicidal maniac resides
in us all?
-Exactly! We’ll pick him from the audience, or
someone passing by.
-Can’t wait! The beautiful Portia?
-Just knocked her down to the one speech, since
we get to the bloody climax pretty soon.
-The quality of mercy is not strained...?
-IS! Changed it to conform with reality.
-Well, she doesn’t have much to do then?
-Swells a progress, like most women.
-Ah hah! Now we get Sexist, to add to anti-Semitic
and anti-Italian. Any racist?
-That comes in the Epilogue.
-After the flashing knife, or scalpel, or whatever?
-Laser.
-Another modern touch! It all sounds like such
a thoroughgoing mess, you’ll be labeled Genius!
-I’m expecting it. I’ve been genius-ing around
lately in preparation.
-How long is this Slaughter on Second Avenue?
-Fifteen, twenty minutes. Surveys tell us the audience
couldn’t take any more.
-So, you soften with the Epilogue?
-Two hip-hop guys who despise one another.
They summarize the play in a couple of
lines back and forth, and then really go at
each other! And, of course, at the racists out
front too!
-How do you know there’ll be racists?
-You gotta be kidding! Is the Pope a Catholic?
-There’s some debate.
-I thrive on all of it!
-This alleged play sounds like something gets
a Pulitzer! Making you an even greater asshole.
-I’m humbled.
Labels: Antonio, black, director, hip-hop, Italian, Measure For Measure, mercy, Portia, pound of flesh, Shakespeare, Shylock, theater
