Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Uniqueness of The Academy
The usual academic conference. Papers read
which started concretely enough but then
wandered into thickets impenetrable .
Discussions after, worse.
Finally, Professor Derven of The Ohio State University
stood up, cleared his throat exaggeratedly, and
shouted “All the relativity! Can’t anybody SAY anything?”
“Well, I can!” piped up Dr Carrathers of Penn. “The Coke
Machine in the lobby is broken!”
Pressed for specifics by the Chair, he told how he put in
coins never returned. Just another Existential Dilemma!
Had he tried a dollar bill?--from Associate Chair.
“No, just coins.”
Unsatisfactorily foggy picture indeed! So a committee
dispatched to compile an accurate account.
They returned, having tried everything. Conclusion:
Definitely Broke!
Also it was important to note that the machine stocked
other sodas, lemonade, and ice tea.
Doctor Darlene Valiant-Dark of Cornell thanked them for the
new information, then objected to the word, broke.
An expert would have to testify.
Thereupon a discussion raged–-and, finally, a few tears.
(NOT a sexist comment—evenly distributed.)
Meantime, Starlight Amusements send Jetzy Ogontz to fix
the machine.
It’s perfect again, but many hurt feelings have to be
soothed over dinner.
Labels: academic, academic conference, academy, posturing, sexist, trivial
