Saturday, May 21, 2016


Howling Devils Ice Cream

Zetz had been the rebel against
the orthodoxy of parents who
conformed flawlessly.

Any misstep viciously punished.

But they were no less unspairng
of themselves. When Mother helped
herself to the last piece of French
Apple Pie at the Church Supper, knowing
it was Mrs Donsey's absolute favorite,
she had no sweets for a month

Or the Mister taking a shot of Old Overholt
after a Christening. His favorite Mac and
Cheese disappeared from the menu for a year!

Anyway, Zetz escaped from the punishing
atmosphere to The Radcliffe Hicks School
of Agriculture at UConn, majoring in Dairy.

After junior exec-ing at Sealtest for three
years, he took the plunge and opened up
his own store on the West Haven Shore in
Savin Rock's Amusement Park.

All the flavors there were pretty conventionally
named before wife, Marselly. As a fierce atheist,
she invented Repeating Sinners for Chocolate
Macadamia, and Lusting Daughter for Butter Pecan.

Caused total disengagement with his fervent
parents. After only one Thanksgiving Dinner,
pictures of Saints looking down.

As to good old full and natural Vanilla, it could be just
that, or by the addition of a candy stick containing
hot pepper, Howling Devils!

But, Vanilla also eventually fell to Marselly’s wit: Rigid Spinster.

Though asked frequently to do so, Zetz would never
combine flavors in the same scoop. Sometimes the
children wanted pretty sherbert colors.

One night, Patty Hully, visiting from Rhode Island,
and the sweetest sixteen imaginable, coaxed him
to combine Rigid Spinster and Holy Smoke, a faint
plum concoction.

When he handed her the cone, her eyes became
pinwheels of fire.

He dreamt of them, and the following week was treated
by Dr Grimes for ulcers.

He helped along the medicine by eating a pint of Rigid
Spinster daily. Seemed smart then, dumb now.

His parents prayed an hour daily especially for him.
They never could be persuaded to do the same for
that wife of his!

Whatever. He got better for some reason nobody
could fathom, and they came up with new flavors.

He kept up his daily pint, but now added the fiery
candy stick for Howling Devils.

Parents bought new funeral clothes anyway,
and they molder away. As do they.


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