All Over the Place

White House Primer

Let me get this straight The White House runs
a perpetual political campaign. That's why all the
sliming,and image. As opposed to actually getting
things done.

Bingo! You've grown up. The Ace is how things LOOK.
What they really ARE is,like,the Two of Spades.
I'll go further. Image IS reality. IS!

Man,it's seeping in. And they're criminals because
they appear to be so.

The Conference

This kid's a beast! He flies down on kickoffs and rips off arms and legs before giving the ballcarrier a wall to run at. Stretchers come onto the field!

What do you need me for? Sounds like he's ready for Washington Redskins already,without you or me.

Me he needs, and vice versa. I'm Special Teams Coach,and without him I'm fired. And fired means no Masters.

What's that in anyway? Booze has always blocked the question.

Nobody knows. But find the right guy to blow,degree is mine.

Ah the cynical young! How would Jesus watch?

Anyway,got his English composition before he turns it in, and I thought I could read it to you,and...?

Sounds like cheating.

No! You tell me and I'll help him! You be editor and I'm tutor! Hey you teach the shit. You must know something about it.
I can't let this monster flunk out! I'm begging you!

Read the first line.

"I come down road."

Couldn't we cut the top off this fucker? Blobs out like syrup. Horsehead Brand. Caber Neigh Savage Son. It's a shoddy joke!
Who sold you this?

So I don't know wine and all that shit like you do! It tastes nice. So it comes in a box! So,Big Deal!

I can feel it rotting my socks. Okay, wine's crap. Don't stretch the farce with the gag composition. Now read the first line again. Really!

"I come down road."

You know,I've compromised by passing morons around here. Pushing submorons through takes the last shred of dignity.

Maybe we could,like,wrap the sentence into something funny or creative or some such shit?--I mean while keeping the thrust of the kid's personality.

His what?

Well,you're right. We don't want it to look like cheating.

"I come down road!" exclaimed my illiterate grandfather.

That's it! That's it! That's it!

The Hamlet Dialog

Absent thee from felicity awhile,and in this harsh world
draw thy breath in pain,for 'tis not a white house but a
black one rather. All besotted, friend so good and true.


What means my Lord?


Treason.

Time's Plot

What'll we do with them?
Not a thing. They'll take care
of us. Prior to neighborhood

softball game,the young
vs the old, stand with

the young as I have always. They
manhandle to the other side.

Beholding the dust cloud. Inside,
choking. From here,my hover-
ing brain an angel with dun wings.

Debating Hurricane Wilma Food

10 hours without power
when it kicks in precisely
for Monday Night Football!

And stuff in freezer com-
partment still mostly
hard to touch. Safe?

Probably cook up
mushy,some. Waste to
toss for mere aesthetics.

And if any taint creeps in? I've
had annoying upsets,but friends laugh

at past descriptions of poisoning.
"Nope. You get that you wanna die!"

Even so,apparent risk being tiny
at the moment...?

It all goes!
Frig compartment too.

Nice small potato salad there in
sealed container,and,cool feel...? Hey!

If germs had a magazine
every issue'd feature an
Ode To Mayonnaise.

I'm Lot's Wife

Forbid doing one
thing & what-
cha think, Fool?

Nobody turned
anybody into anything,

White light sears
a salt lake. Fantasy
accomplishes the rest.

Fantasy upon
shimmering fantasy.

Those called theologians
& priests & ministers &
prophets,pillars themselves,

rabbis & mullahs
feel entitled to
threaten also& can

glom onto nitwits to
kill you for bullshit.

Tragedy On The Take

Cruel dawn explodes
on flashpan thieves
and praying miscreants.

But what is the payoff
for honor? Digging
in for beliefs

which glitter
in their good

common sense?
Solid thought
it really is

doth prosper,its
succoring the rich

an accident just.
What profits a man

or woman to sur-
render a soul thus?

Plenty. Therefore
God will aid
this holy fight

against indictments.
(His ministers, and
treasonous prosecutors,
take heed!)

And shower currency
upon the Right-
eous.

O that Christian Gas!
You can dance to it
over dollar bills!

Meantime, reform
our prisons!

Hire more tennis pros.

The breakdown of the actress

shows chutzpah
can take you so far:

she can’t, simp-
ly, act, and

the nasty swish
of a drama coach
helped her,

not.

Literature

as a sort of social math
trying to add people up,
but knowing another theory

must be better. So you ask
am I like so and so in
such and such a work?

No,you're too sickly devious
ever to be captured thus.

& For the Gander

10 Commandments in-
scribed by finger
of God. Free-

ing it for
dire use
thereafter.

Or just
a thrust
to boost

you on
your way.

Upside Down Day

Know-it-all Ramsey from Advertising spouts, "Hardly a new thing.
Numerous European precedents. Even in Russia, they had days where nobles
served the peasants. And they all ended up in a democracy of inebration!"

As a middle manager, he shifts neither up or down, but floats with the rest
of them like suet.

Anyway, Malcolm the mail boy becomes CEO and yells and shakes so much
in his nerves that he totally pisses the real CEO, who maintains coldly,
"That's too much of an exaggeration. I don't scream like that!"

Hairy Al admonishes the great man about knowing his place, if only for the day, and
sends him for coffee.

As to Malcolm, he has burst into tears, and is being comforted by Lucille,
vice president as is Al, now breaking into the liquor cabinet.

After pouring a half tumbler of single malt Scotch into Malcolm, Al shakes
him roughly. "Buck up! You're our boss! We depend on you!"

Lucille says they should really do something, and Al finds a big deal on the computer.
She has to take his chair, his fingers too large for the keyboard. "Looks like they
closed on this one," she chortles, "Trans-Allied Industries! Oh mama!"

With their coaching, half drunken Malcolm phones to cancel the contract.
"He's in Japan? Well you reach him, lady! And tell him we don't do no business
with with with..."

"Cut-throats!" Al offers.

"Yeah, cut-throats no more!"

When the CEO gets back with coffee, Malcolm dispatches him to take sandwich orders on
the factory floor. "And don't take so long about everything!"

He thereupon falls asleep as the other conspirators finish the Scotch. "Are we in trouble
over this?" asks Lucille.

"Nah, they'll just schmooze and bribe their way out!"

Blond at Cocoa Beach Pier

honeymooning with hubby
mid fisherman: a charm-

ing mosaic in flashes
of sun, till she
discovers it.

The Boss

uses his babe
in commercials.
She's too full

frontal and tough
talking,but moves
sure enough,

Mercurys. They marry in
all the hammering

mix as she soldiers through
kids,delivery smoother,body
thicker. The new girl at

the service desk bubbles,
naturally,clues no one
respecting her ambition.

Members of the Wedding

When George and Cynthia announced their marriage,the media rush overwhelmed them. With over a million channels,TV took its news
where it could get it.

In one interview George said they didn’t want children, but a VP from the wedding sponsor flew in,and George informed reporters God
would decide. Thereafter,he drove around in a new Hyundai.

"You come cheap," I told him.

"We're all whores. My integrity is being one of lesser degree."

I responded by farting. "Now let Fox Ten Thousand cover that!"

Halloween at The Office


Hairy Al is Raggedy Ann,with Purchasing's Lucille as Andy. And for once they didn't slobbo it up, meticulous makeup for one thing. Actually,formed
a sweet couple.

That atmosphere failed at lunch. It started when Bo Peep announced, "Most men in this office have hollow weiners all right!" Her masquerade was tough to pull off when you looked like an NFL linebacker.

Next to her Paul Bunyan swiped a plywood ax at passing men. Bo Peep took the cue and snagged a few legs with her shepherd's crook.

A sort of wallish object in gray sheets plumped down, explaining at their puzzlement, "I'm the dike the little Dutch boy put a finger in." To raw hilarity.

Which didn't know when to stop.

Obviously, more stevedores than women.

Brunson Weatherby, second banana in Accounting, minced by with his health salad. "There's fun and then there's menace." They hissed and booed him, a dinner roll passing an ear.

And yet when the CEO as bemedaled General Patton dropped in, the rough girls couldn't be more seductive.

"Miraculous transformations every day hereabouts!" scoffed Lucille,after depositing dishes at the jammed window nearby.

"What's the surprise?" snapped Hairy Al. "Every day is Halloween around here!"

"Nah, you mean Kissy-Ass! Like this! Smooch smooch smooch!" This action proved too wet for Hairy Al, not to mention how ill it looked for Andy to leap on Raggedy Ann.

Al exited, the tomboys giving him the finger. Lucille seemed leaving also, until Wall shot at her, "Tell us where your famous bodies are buried!"

"Yeah we'll dig 'em up and bring 'em to life!" shouted Bo Peep."

Still shaking her head, Lucille removed herself to the counter,was soon pouring a coffee. Leaning forward to drink it so as not to stain her Andy outfit, still pristine even after jumping on Hairy Al.

"That Al got hair in his eyeballs but can he fuck?" Paul Bunyan asked.

"You strayin' off the reservation?"--from The Wall.

"You know,I have felt stupid lately."

Montage

The calendar leafs as
Fred and Ginger fling by

lesser cities,finally
to New York’s Palace! I've

seen days like old men
inching up eroded stairs.

The Gladness of the River and the Bright Flow

Walt.
Word.

Classical Gas

God created the Industrial Revolution
and it was good,for the rich to be

aped by the bourgeoisie--in turn,work-
ers got castoffs,or shoddy geegaws
assembled by other wretches. Many

forgot dark jobs by drinking.
Some forged labor unions,a few

of which prospered before
being methodically destroyed:
which God saw as positive

retribution for drunks;annoying
others above their station. Splendid

opportunities to outsource ensued
then,busying tubercular children.

Governments organized better
to take bribes more efficiently,
& War became obligatory in

the search for a workforce
too poor to booze. God thought
how it is good that heathens

be apprised of Him. All in
all,He sees the Truth but waits--

yet another proverb ladder-
ing the Mission Statement. Such
delay engenders Faith as Money

piles up, right &...right
that a true Christian Nation is just

a matter of time. Look in your books for
Hymn Forty-Nine, "A Joyful Noise." Now!

Roles At Work


It’s Cross-Dressing Day and Finance males flaunt the trashy. In the hallway you nearly go blind from sequins. And miniskirts more like belts are so shocking that they threaten the continuance of this special event.

Additionally, florescent panties can't help.

Lucille “I know where the bodies are buried” of Purchasing is Romeo. She gives him an intellectual flip by repeating Hamlet's to be or not to be speech.

Hairy Al of Receiving, in a matronly coordination from Talbot's, pretends to be Juliet,but hair curls from under his starched dickey.

The kind of Juliet who has escaped directionless passion and serves on committees of blunt,plus-sized women swathed in scarves.

Anyway,these two cooked up their act at Maxie-O's, a chaotic blue-collar establishment. Which might explain a certain lack of polish?

Our CEO will be a May West knockout with the aid of a wig being fitted by Carlos of The Paris Salon.

The new hires, of course, demonstrate confusion. Many depict punk rockers of no apparent sexuality. And they mouth impromptu hip hop lyrics demeaning senior staff. They'll finally ruin everything for everybody.

Naturally those humorless “intellectuals” pretending to work among us pronounce more theories, quoting Freud's depraved nonsense. Swishing noises ultimately drown all their stuff out.

I wanted to wear a blocky mumu and pig's nose,like those raucous football fans,but my wife threatened divorce. How about some famous slut then?
"You? A slut? You don't have the balls for it!"

So, Puritan Maid. Goody Two-Shoes. Can't fool her.

A Face to Meet the Faces


It’s Mask Day and those in Finance sport the malevolent. In the hallway you nearly have a heart attack when some accountant
leaps from his cubicle.

Lucille “I know where the bodies are buried” of Purchasing puts on a glamour number which is breathtaking.

Hairy Al of Receiving dons an almost identical one. (No questions, please, on those two.)

Our CEO meticulously adjusts one crafted from his original face.

The new hires are, of course, hot on actors or athletes. They feel such are clever--everybody has to learn.

Naturally those humorless “intellectuals” pretending to work among us spout their endless theories, but the rest of us
have looked forward to Mask Day.

And we’re certainly not about to let the likes of them wet-blanket it!

Allusive Executive Office

We call him Lopy, from Lopakhin,former peasant who buys and cuts down the cherry orchard. Anyway,he gets hit on the head with a billiard cue or something and babbles some nonsense at his triumph of destruction.

Our own Lopy overflows with inappropriate proverbs. The president lends an ear,nodding sagely.

Additionally, we have Osric,flitty courtier from Hamlet who'd ask the tit's permission. But you can't really tell what our Osric is saying since it's
always in his mouth!

Many! But since this is off the record I'll give you the most toxic. Uriah Heap. And you know who I'm talking about! He passes you a danish
and you wonder if he's washed his hands. And the icing glints in his greedy eyes. Anyway,he's humble,and can't wait to grease your
exit ramp.

Of course,they're all honorable men.

Willy Lomans and George Babbitts? You need a scorecard.

Yeah,you can have affection for these last. They're hammered,not monsters of motive.

Any more doormats? Only the women.

Mr R's Capital Story


Buck a day wasn't that bad in the Depression. Be a long one, but we'd
get five at the end!

Bus left Church and Chapel six am on the button.

Slept the first part,through the crappy neighborhoods.

When I woke up,pretty hills,then foothills in the fog.
Sun getting through. Nice! Guys warmed up too, joking. Innocent stuff.

Well we got there to a mob. Smashed into the bus and beat the living shit
out of all of us! Mostly fists. Baseball bats came apart. Strike.

So we get back to New Haven, bloody and moaning. No money of course.
Have to work for that.
--------------
Memo to Dr Y breaking in Dr G from Rangoon. Don't hit him. Goons of
Globalism sweep in too fast.

Join the Teamsters. Won't be the only PhD.

A Judge Is a Joke

seeing eye to eye with me,
or much worse you, since

Justice can be hustled
by political wind from
out the Great Anus

the Founders knew,
but couldn't imagine

Bush v Gore,aka "Gas
of Putrid Doctrine"
eroding ramparts still.

The Great Flu

decimated New Haven. If
you want to comprehend

real terror,not today's
bushwah.

Nothing availed,though
black doc

whipped up a compound which
helped. His

reputation even reached
as high

as Prospect Street where
plutocrats, too, wished to
survive.

They scheduled visits
through the servants' entrance.

Aesthetically One

with The Culture
of Sucking,
you,

until we say "Job
is yours! Lead us!"

Heroically you try,
but, Old Dog

can't find any-
one to kick it.

Some joke...
their own awful
tragedy

of attachment
awaits.

Story of guy raped

in concentration camp,
a kid really & struggling,
till bread got thrust

round into his face
& he ate.

Germany shot you if
you lost your cap
& the rapist yearned

to insure silence
by taking his. Thus,

he stole another.
Hearing the Luger
at rollcall yet,

victim of ideology
& sex.

The senator's wife pees a lot.

Make sure you got pot at the ready.
Then get there and clamp it on 'er!

And President's misbuttoned shirt
for millions to see! Where were you?
We want rugged, not retarded!

Handing her the pot off camera?
That's not good enough! We're
dealing with disaster here and lots

'd kill for your opportunity
I don't care how much
Daddy gives!

Attitude

This way & that, okay
till now. But, barred
friends gel eyes. When

your phase dessicates,
try parsing acidity un-

der table talk. But how,
when all found hurt?

The Good News

from grad school
was God Is Dead.

Triumphal,us! Not
really much fun
after all

was said & done,
& said again.

Stranded
by the floe,
the act turns

orgiastic &
then hung over
poses harden

to dogma, com-
forting theologians
knowing that course

shows more green
than rough. We stroke
listlessly, after

landing in sexual traps &
rehabs. Till grief scallops
the circuit. God has

reprised his standup,
tighter than ever,flock-

ing us with the most
deadly,meretricious

shepherds the world
has yet stomached.

But hey, be cool. All's
a cycle & we'll come
back. Already planning

to be robbed
of our jewels

in the seediest
Vegas room.

The Education


Corpses still stink but Jay Alldough is on the ground securing construction contracts for GOP donors.

"Making hay while the shines go," he explains.

I understand the president has made sure most workers will get minimum wage only. I wonder what the Department of Labor has to say.

"The what? I needed a laugh. Thanks."

Nonetheless, your clients may not get labor peace.

"Remember the picture off all those submerged school buses in New Orleans? Well,we'll shake 'em out and send 'em to Mexico. They'll come back as one continuous yellow spick- train. One look at it and the workers will zip their mouths all right!"

I'm speechless. It's our axis of evil!

"Hey! You do what you have to do to maximize profit. Such a simple idea even a liberal should understand it."

You'll make millions,won't you? On misery.

"One man's meat. I have no idea what I'll take in. It's a dynamic. I grind the organ and let the monkey shift for himself."

Sounds like you lucked into the bank.

"Virtue is its own reward. And luck is for idiots. Many admire what I do. Your job is to live with that. And don't blame me because you have no connections. Most Americans become slaves by choice. And most of the others waste their time. Politics is the highest good!"

I thought religion was.

"Good to be seen because Church advantages in who you meet there, not faggot ministers or angels in cloudy bleachers singing chords of asshole tolerance."

Ever read Sinclair Lewis? Never thought the George Babbitts would take over the world.

"Well we did while you just so weakly scoffed. This administration finally FINALLY put the absurd eggheads in their place. Hat in hand. Begging. Beneath contempt. Sounds like I'm describing Democrats, doesn't it?"

We finally had a point of agreement.

BBC long ago feared

shriekers if women fois-
ted as news readers.

Borne out on American TV.
But, usual female voice
fishes some baritone coves un-

less snagged by nerves. Please
row home to a belt of

Seagrams &
the sooner the better.