All Over the Place

Conservative Addresses Independent

CON
Look! GOP betrayed us on spending, and
the war’s a fiasco. Incompetence, too,
rife! But these problems are addressable.

Our chief flaw was not explaining
our philosophy absolutely. Our ideas
simply work better than the Liberal

Stew. It seems a paradox, but even
poor folks will do infinitely better
when they're given the elbow room
like everyone else. Freedom! So, we

need another chance. To straighten out
GOP on spending, plus give our great
ideas a real opportunity to work.

Of course it's taking time! Government is
an art. Conservative Government anyway.

INDEPENDENT
Something left t’steal?

Raskolnikov Reduced*

& that’s a good thing.
Soul a roaring mess
when you think of it.

Thank Goodness don’t,
much. Why we need

art to show us then
we say black’s all
well & good but, like,

enough of it already!
You do need hobbies,
sex. Some God can be

OK, not all.
Or nothing
too—ticket to ride.

*the sprawling Dostoevski novel reduced to a tight
90 minutes at the Round House Theatre.--WaPo

Better Quick

“Boots on?” Well that’s
really good one: For

you’re midst Large &
Old Grim cuts in? Per-

haps you get to tell warm
ones, Hey Gotta go
now. Adios Muchachos.

Not hot to be sick, though,
craving Exit. Via Con Dios,
compañero de mi vida.

Office of Love

PRIEST
Everybody’s screwing everybody else in this office!

BOSS
That’s why I called you in as Special Spiritual Advisor.

PRIEST
I’m at a loss!

BOSS
Each and every one has to go to confession, even the Protestants!

PRIEST
You can’t make that compulsory.

BOSS
Oh yeah? Well, you render unto God and I’ll take care of Caesar!

Iraq Colloquy

TRANSLATOR
He say he all scorchy, clothes holes, his testa...his balls-–how you say?--
hang out. Makes disgrace front God, and place he live.

MERCENARY
Tell this burnt fuckhead he got freedom now!

Iraq Colloquy

TRANSLATOR
He says he’s all scorchy, his clothes holes, his testa...his balls
is hanging out. Makes disgrace in front God and place he live.

MERCENARY
Tell this fuckhead he got freedom now!

Famous Last Words Concerning The Second Amendment

-Wez all broke down!

-Fuck this piece-of-shit American car!

-It’s French.

-Worse.

-And cell phone dead.

-It comes to us all.

-Go over and knock on that door. Gently, not like a drunk.

-Just! I’ll throttle these dumb hillbillies outa their wet NASCAR dreams!

Onward Christian Soldiers

When the Righteous kick
in your door & the children
shit in their pajamas,

better have answers, Bunky!

In Arabic
or English.

Since it's the wrong house,
best share laughter at

the stink.

Calculus of Hate

How natives persist in
their ungratefulness!

Look no further than our A-
merican Indian. Africans, too,

never learned after courses
of exhausting benevolence &

now Iraq where they despise
each other completely &
us even more. Oh well! True

White Man's Burden
‘s never a popular load.

To My Friends Getting Laser-Tightened,etc Faces

Good as near as it goes, though
remember Dorian Gray, &
the One-Horse Shay.

Tickets To Ride

I’ve got tickets right here, for the whole encourage.

Stolen. No way you’re getting on.

Well, you’ve stolen the train

Makes no difference how we got it. It’s ours.

These tickets are legal nonetheless and we’d appreciate your
stepping aside.

Ain’t gonna happen. Step aside All aboard for true believers only

But…

Hey, steal your own fuckin train Hey We’re movin

Stop

Uh uh. We’re starting to gain speed. Listen to the rhythm of the wheels.

Abortion is for sluts, the war can absolutely be won!

...no posts till 4/20

The Metronome of Justice

PROSECUTOR
And how this defendant screwed...!

ATTORNEY
Objection!

JUDGE
I’ll allow screwed. It’s vulgar but could be germane.

PROSECUTOR
widows and orphans!

ATTORNEY
Our side stipulates that defendant possibly defrauded others. Widows and orphans
just in the line of fire. Like all the others. A democracy of alleged victims.

JUDGE
We can do without the wisecracks.

PROSECUTOR
Then why are we having this trial?--in reference to the other side’s admission, Your Honor.

JUDGE
I’ll answer that, Counselors. To explore the finer points of The Criminal Law.

PROSECUTOR
I request a recess, if it pleases the court. Defendant’s attorney seems to have agreed
already to most of the charges. It’s a good time to talk.

JUDGE
Denied. Defendant has sawed through the limb he’s sitting on, but it still
hangs there. We must wait. Or you, Mr Prosecutor, must pull it down.
Don’t expect this court to do the work for you.

ATTORNEY
Thank you, Your Honor.

JUDGE
You’re welcome, but I am bewildered for what.

ATTORNEY
For an atmosphere of civility.

JUDGE
How nice! But we don’t have the time for much more of it.











1

Trouble with the turnip truck,

you can always fall off.
Even when you know

your droll sense, well
turned-out and in

the midst of wit-
ty sentence, just

rolling around so
in the rawness.

Last, Delicious Step


-We finally got Pop Pop into Bide-a-Bit.

-Well, then, with him off the board, it’s time to push the ultimate plan.

-Can we get away with it?

-That’s your thing. PR. I’m just a chemist.

-Well, we’ll leave the old man’s grainy face on the box. And keep the branding.
Old-Time Goodness can never really really go out of date!

-That’s baloney. We’ll have the safest product on the market. That’s what counts.

-You’re thinking like a chemist all right. But, I have nightmares where I’m explaining
to a committee of congressmen why there are no food ingredients in our food.

-You just buy them. As naive about politics as I am, I know that!

There

Where the gals wear
super babushkas &

the guys kill
each other for

ecclesiastical succes-
sion,however ancient,or
suppurating local hatreds,

THE AMERICAN arrives,say-
ing Where’s the oil wells,
Mo-fuckin-hammed?

Old Round

The country club lies
below our Cemetery Hill,

so on their heavy day,
a soldier's family

can stare down
at moneyed play.

Kingfishers

Oh the Scitzy-Witzy Wall Street Journal!
Reporters dig sans fear, and write lean,
astringent prose, no matter which

fat, plutocratic ass gets scorched, or mega-
lomaniacal president or ninny congress,

whilst Editorial Page truly thirsts for gold-
old halcyon days with uppity workers
routinely whipped.

Dialog Under a Bridge

-Liberty! We share it!

-Yeah? What you got this week?

-Just the usual.

-Hey! Look at these cans. Leave something in them. Don’t scrape out every bit.
That how you got rich?

-Be careful. You’re just repeating Culture War nonsense.

-Well, I got the liberty to do that. I got the freedom, right?

-Now that’s just sarcasm. I can bring my garbage elsewhere, you know.

-You just like my spot under the bridge...and you bring it here so you don’t
hafta pay anybody. Ever do anything that doesn’t fuck somebody?

-Even if I were you, and, yes, getting fucked in the ordained, natural
course of events, I’d celebrate the freedom people thirst for in this world.
And come here for! America!

-That’s beautiful. I’d like to have a chat with each one! And what the
hell’s all this frozen spinach?

-E coli scare.

-So, give it to me?

-You’re free not to eat it.

-Nah, I’ll cook it up tonight. Maybe it’ll do the job, cuz I can’t take
any more of this liberty!

Military

OFFICER
There’s a goat.

GENERAL
I don’t have time for this shit! Get on with it!

OFFICER
Sorry, Sir. One’s wandering outside the target. Our source on the ground says
everyone in the house is dead. Reliable.

GENERAL
Well, I guess we’ll get the goat this time. The raid is on!

OFFICER
To kill what is dead?

GENERAL
The raid’s for political reasons. You better get to understand what those are.

OFFICER
Pilots put at risk and financial waste too!

GENERAL
Agreed, but nothing to do with it. The Brits hanged a dead man once.
Carried out the order!

OFFICER
With all due respect, Sir, our contemporary stupidity to resonate
with their historical one?

GENERAL
Full speed ahead! But that’s reserved for admirals, no?

OFFICER
Such tragic waste!

GENERAL
Not really. Nothing is wasted in politics. Get the ball rolling!
That’s your sole job now. You’ve expressed your innocent
and repetitive opinions...duty of the young.

OFFICER
Yes Sir!

Escapement

Time is a trick
of interrupting.

Saying to Chaos
Hey! It's us!