Monday, September 30, 2013
Taking One For Old Glory
The Patriotic Pill
The endless wars produced a crop of lustful
young persons, their given being they'll be
likely killed in the next one.
The Conservative government insisted we had
peace, then just half-engaging in only three, and
that they would deal with this too-sexual hangover.
Thus came The Patriotic Pill, which curbed
or eliminated lust. Marrieds were exempt.
(Naturally, sham marriages were tried, but
that dodge was just about ended by requiring
monthly education courses taught by sour clergy.)
Unmarrieds had to report once weekly to large
venues such as stadiums and shopping centers,
where the pill was ingested in front of watchful
robots and human officials.
A side-benefit lauded by Chambers of Commerce
and manufacturers was a certain frenzy which
propelled many to work faster.
Of course, Liberals railed against the pill, and
Moderates asked for it to be cut in half, but
President Dankhorse informed them that
elections have consequences: “The American
People have chosen the whole Patriotic Pill!”
Black Markets of Placebos have arisen and
been as quickly crushed–-the system that
Conservatives have set in motion being not
as surpassingly incompetent as in the past.
“We finally got it right!” bragged Dankhorse.
And Senator Helbore claimed, “We wuz turning
into ancient Rome under the anything-goes
Lib-ruls. When something must be done, we-uns
Conservatives bite our lips and freakin does it!”