Saturday, February 27, 2016
Squeeze
George liked the era of touchie-feely while it
lasted. The office’s buxom women were never
safe from him.
He secretly called them his “Squeezes.”
That was in the language then. Some men,
and women too, having “Main Squeezes.”
His desire to have one led him to several
mistakes. No need to detail, just mistakes
that both parties acknowledge and move on.
It was also an era of amiable breakups.
“Facing reality” it was tabbed.
Things went along this relatively smooth highway.
Until Carlotta. Who never danced with a rose
between her teeth, but should have.
A Fireball!
Unfortunately she went batshit crazy. Her parents
drove down from Albany area to fetch her back.
They were quite genteel and not in the least Hispanic.
Hardly the Mad Lopez Clan from TV.
Smoothed down to generic suburban.
George felt immense guilt. He had never driven
a woman insane before. Like a movie!
And...shaken! Started hanging out with old bachelors,
Detts and Wally, and they hit the hockey games and
drank after.
The usual topic of conversation at the Arena Tavern
after was the team, of course, but it degenerated
to the subject of certifiable women
Soon after, they were joined by Vivian, a woman, full-fledged
in a way, but also a tomboy comprised of jutting angles
and therefore not squeezable in the least. She cheered
and swore and agreed her Sex crackpots.
But one day she went early to the game, to be joined
by them. And talked to a shy Canadian farmboy who
had just joined the team.
This became custom, and she began wearing dresses
and applying minimum makeup.
After a year, the Rangers called him up, and she
joined him in New York and they married.
Great for George and the gang because they got
guest tickets and were willing to take on the
long drive.
Then he met Dilly, who wasn’t nuts.
He had applied a smartphone app he had bought,
and she came out as an eleven percent possibility
of going insane. In the normal range.
Another worthwhile development in this timeframe.
He encountered Budge, who had worked with Carlotta.
“You?” he laughed, “drove her nuts? Not bloody likely!”
And told him that Carlotta had carried on with “Shaunessy-
the-Handsome,” Office Lothario. “Was him made her whacko!”
So, Main Squeeze who isn’t nuts, and old guilt lifted. Life is good!
Labels: Hispanic, hockey, insane woman, insanity, Main Squeeze, squeeze, tomboy
