Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Usual Suspects
The Fay Wray Screaming Contest
The Usual Suspects Film Society of The Culinary University
played two classics for party backgrounds, Casablanca,
and King Kong.
As a result, students knew every line of dialog spoken by Bogart,
Bergman, and Rains, and would often spout one or two,
applicable or not, in various situations.
King Kong was honored by The Fay Wray Screaming Contest,
first instituted during the 4 AM dregs of a keg party.
Never really a contest, since Misty always won going away.
As slim a blonde as Fay, but even more of a belter, a sustained
C over C proved no strain.
When Rets took a job as Pastry Chef at The Mutiny Hotel in Miami, Misty tagged along to help run the front of the house, and they soon developed a circle of young friends.
Thus was held the first Fay Wray Screaming Contest
in Coconut Grove.
Misty again would have won, but elderly neighbors called police.
“We thought it was a murder!” they explained later to Lt Boris Haskell, with all gathered in the courtyard to sort things out.
The complainants in pajamas and robes, the elderly male
went on: "It goes through you! It goes right through you!"
Rets told the puzzled pair, "This looks like the start of a
beautiful friendship."
Misty, when signing the police report, whispered to
the woman, “The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.”
Added Rets, “I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take
much to see that the problems of four little people don’t
amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you
two’ll understand that.”
Later in the apartment, Misty got upset anyway. "Don't worry
about it,” consoled Rets, "they're just Jews."
Labels: Bergman, Bogart, Casablanca, cuisine, Fay Wray, King Kong, Miami, Rains
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Coastals
EAST
I'll hafta go to the West Coast.
The solution's on the ground.
WEST
You've done. And here you are.
The spotlight points with disgust.
EAST
Quite so. The former. Facts before opinion.
WEST
I'm listening.
EAST
You must set out the problem.
WEST
I don't do inventory.
EAST
I'm on my own then?
WEST
Emphatically! Sam Spade after partner Miles
x'd by Mary Astor.
EAST
Wifty, yet calculating.
WEST
You‘ve met my wives?
EAST
No, and I never sang for your father.
WEST
That's okay. My father sang for your father.
EAST
Chums then?
WEST
No. He was too awful.
EAST
Back to the case at hand. I abstract, since
you won't cooperate.
WEST
Do! But shake a leg! Lunch can't be late.
EAST
A hates B because of C. Therefore E is the
culprit.
WEST
You think?
EAST
Not really. By turning the solution upside
down, it's actually V.
WEST
Shall we notify police?
EAST
Not so! We've privatized Justice. You and I
will take out V.
WEST
Our usual method?
EAST
Talk her to death.
WEST
I didn't know she was a she.
EAST
Nor did she. That's where the complexity of
the case becomes complex.
WEST
When you heading back?
EAST
So Murphy, the Irish Wolfhound, can reclaim my
sordid cot? At any rate, I bore you. My tragic flaw.
WEST
One.
EAST
Yes, they're lining up out the door.
WEST
And down the street past the Lyric.
EAST
Starring Humphrey Bogart as Sam.
WEST
That’s what the marquee says. It goes on
The one with Mary Astor.
EAST
That's vague even for us. Get the step ladder.
We'll put up the letters of The Maltese Falcon.
WEST
Or Falcone in the Italian version. And one sounds
the terminal letter.
EAST
Always and forever. Let's meet halfway next
time. I'm worn and torn by air travel, packed
into a tube stinking of fellow men.
WEST
The gals are perfumed. Don't add them to
your satire.
EAST
They're excluded by your recommendation.
Not that they’ll thank anyone!
WEST
Where is halfway, by the bye?
EAST
Pittsburgh.
WEST
Your geography is as brilliant as your wit.
EAST
Nonetheless, my advice to you stays constant:
Take two and hit to right.
WEST
But if I do that I never land the big salary
the sluggers get.
EAST
Amen amen I say to you, they also serve who only
land bloopers.
WEST
Our whole lives are bloopers.
EAST
Leave us to heaven. I’m hungry.
EAST
I'll hafta go to the West Coast.
The solution's on the ground.
WEST
You've done. And here you are.
The spotlight points with disgust.
EAST
Quite so. The former. Facts before opinion.
WEST
I'm listening.
EAST
You must set out the problem.
WEST
I don't do inventory.
EAST
I'm on my own then?
WEST
Emphatically! Sam Spade after partner Miles
x'd by Mary Astor.
EAST
Wifty, yet calculating.
WEST
You‘ve met my wives?
EAST
No, and I never sang for your father.
WEST
That's okay. My father sang for your father.
EAST
Chums then?
WEST
No. He was too awful.
EAST
Back to the case at hand. I abstract, since
you won't cooperate.
WEST
Do! But shake a leg! Lunch can't be late.
EAST
A hates B because of C. Therefore E is the
culprit.
WEST
You think?
EAST
Not really. By turning the solution upside
down, it's actually V.
WEST
Shall we notify police?
EAST
Not so! We've privatized Justice. You and I
will take out V.
WEST
Our usual method?
EAST
Talk her to death.
WEST
I didn't know she was a she.
EAST
Nor did she. That's where the complexity of
the case becomes complex.
WEST
When you heading back?
EAST
So Murphy, the Irish Wolfhound, can reclaim my
sordid cot? At any rate, I bore you. My tragic flaw.
WEST
One.
EAST
Yes, they're lining up out the door.
WEST
And down the street past the Lyric.
EAST
Starring Humphrey Bogart as Sam.
WEST
That’s what the marquee says. It goes on
The one with Mary Astor.
EAST
That's vague even for us. Get the step ladder.
We'll put up the letters of The Maltese Falcon.
WEST
Or Falcone in the Italian version. And one sounds
the terminal letter.
EAST
Always and forever. Let's meet halfway next
time. I'm worn and torn by air travel, packed
into a tube stinking of fellow men.
WEST
The gals are perfumed. Don't add them to
your satire.
EAST
They're excluded by your recommendation.
Not that they’ll thank anyone!
WEST
Where is halfway, by the bye?
EAST
Pittsburgh.
WEST
Your geography is as brilliant as your wit.
EAST
Nonetheless, my advice to you stays constant:
Take two and hit to right.
WEST
But if I do that I never land the big salary
the sluggers get.
EAST
Amen amen I say to you, they also serve who only
land bloopers.
WEST
Our whole lives are bloopers.
EAST
Leave us to heaven. I’m hungry.
Labels: Astor, Bogart, Coastal, East, friendship, Hollywood, West
Friday, January 04, 2013
Knowing you’re
not any…
(as Ladies audit the phrase)
Brad Pitt,
or Leonard DiCaprio—balanced
personas in
the modern sense at least,
not asshole
butches out from the blood flicks.
Back to Bogie,
Cary Grant, Fred Astaire.
Duke Wayne. Each
of whom you’re also not
even close
to. Though could have aped, in
walk or talk,
some fey mannerism. Keeping
the residue of
which after all
these years.
Still crazy.
Labels: Bogart, Bogie, Brad Pitt, Caprio, Cary Grant, Duke, Fred Astaire, Humphrey, John Wayne, Leonard Di, mannerism, screen models
