Sunday, April 14, 2013
Coastals
EAST
I'll hafta go to the West Coast.
The solution's on the ground.
WEST
You've done. And here you are.
The spotlight points with disgust.
EAST
Quite so. The former. Facts before opinion.
WEST
I'm listening.
EAST
You must set out the problem.
WEST
I don't do inventory.
EAST
I'm on my own then?
WEST
Emphatically! Sam Spade after partner Miles
x'd by Mary Astor.
EAST
Wifty, yet calculating.
WEST
You‘ve met my wives?
EAST
No, and I never sang for your father.
WEST
That's okay. My father sang for your father.
EAST
Chums then?
WEST
No. He was too awful.
EAST
Back to the case at hand. I abstract, since
you won't cooperate.
WEST
Do! But shake a leg! Lunch can't be late.
EAST
A hates B because of C. Therefore E is the
culprit.
WEST
You think?
EAST
Not really. By turning the solution upside
down, it's actually V.
WEST
Shall we notify police?
EAST
Not so! We've privatized Justice. You and I
will take out V.
WEST
Our usual method?
EAST
Talk her to death.
WEST
I didn't know she was a she.
EAST
Nor did she. That's where the complexity of
the case becomes complex.
WEST
When you heading back?
EAST
So Murphy, the Irish Wolfhound, can reclaim my
sordid cot? At any rate, I bore you. My tragic flaw.
WEST
One.
EAST
Yes, they're lining up out the door.
WEST
And down the street past the Lyric.
EAST
Starring Humphrey Bogart as Sam.
WEST
That’s what the marquee says. It goes on
The one with Mary Astor.
EAST
That's vague even for us. Get the step ladder.
We'll put up the letters of The Maltese Falcon.
WEST
Or Falcone in the Italian version. And one sounds
the terminal letter.
EAST
Always and forever. Let's meet halfway next
time. I'm worn and torn by air travel, packed
into a tube stinking of fellow men.
WEST
The gals are perfumed. Don't add them to
your satire.
EAST
They're excluded by your recommendation.
Not that they’ll thank anyone!
WEST
Where is halfway, by the bye?
EAST
Pittsburgh.
WEST
Your geography is as brilliant as your wit.
EAST
Nonetheless, my advice to you stays constant:
Take two and hit to right.
WEST
But if I do that I never land the big salary
the sluggers get.
EAST
Amen amen I say to you, they also serve who only
land bloopers.
WEST
Our whole lives are bloopers.
EAST
Leave us to heaven. I’m hungry.
EAST
I'll hafta go to the West Coast.
The solution's on the ground.
WEST
You've done. And here you are.
The spotlight points with disgust.
EAST
Quite so. The former. Facts before opinion.
WEST
I'm listening.
EAST
You must set out the problem.
WEST
I don't do inventory.
EAST
I'm on my own then?
WEST
Emphatically! Sam Spade after partner Miles
x'd by Mary Astor.
EAST
Wifty, yet calculating.
WEST
You‘ve met my wives?
EAST
No, and I never sang for your father.
WEST
That's okay. My father sang for your father.
EAST
Chums then?
WEST
No. He was too awful.
EAST
Back to the case at hand. I abstract, since
you won't cooperate.
WEST
Do! But shake a leg! Lunch can't be late.
EAST
A hates B because of C. Therefore E is the
culprit.
WEST
You think?
EAST
Not really. By turning the solution upside
down, it's actually V.
WEST
Shall we notify police?
EAST
Not so! We've privatized Justice. You and I
will take out V.
WEST
Our usual method?
EAST
Talk her to death.
WEST
I didn't know she was a she.
EAST
Nor did she. That's where the complexity of
the case becomes complex.
WEST
When you heading back?
EAST
So Murphy, the Irish Wolfhound, can reclaim my
sordid cot? At any rate, I bore you. My tragic flaw.
WEST
One.
EAST
Yes, they're lining up out the door.
WEST
And down the street past the Lyric.
EAST
Starring Humphrey Bogart as Sam.
WEST
That’s what the marquee says. It goes on
The one with Mary Astor.
EAST
That's vague even for us. Get the step ladder.
We'll put up the letters of The Maltese Falcon.
WEST
Or Falcone in the Italian version. And one sounds
the terminal letter.
EAST
Always and forever. Let's meet halfway next
time. I'm worn and torn by air travel, packed
into a tube stinking of fellow men.
WEST
The gals are perfumed. Don't add them to
your satire.
EAST
They're excluded by your recommendation.
Not that they’ll thank anyone!
WEST
Where is halfway, by the bye?
EAST
Pittsburgh.
WEST
Your geography is as brilliant as your wit.
EAST
Nonetheless, my advice to you stays constant:
Take two and hit to right.
WEST
But if I do that I never land the big salary
the sluggers get.
EAST
Amen amen I say to you, they also serve who only
land bloopers.
WEST
Our whole lives are bloopers.
EAST
Leave us to heaven. I’m hungry.
Labels: Astor, Bogart, Coastal, East, friendship, Hollywood, West
