Thursday, April 14, 2016
French Press
Datz explained to Gloria the French Press.
Not a lover’s or wrestling move, but a way
to brew coffee.
“So okay,” she shrugged, “you spoon in the ground stuff, and add boil–“
“Not boiling, not quite.”
“Oh! So damn important! At any rate, you wait five minutes, plunge the crap down to the bottom,
etc. But there’s a rub, as Billy Shakespeare
noted in another context: In five minutes,
the mixture cools off just a bit. Defeats
the purpose if you don’t have piping coffee.”
“Ah but I left out a step in my description!
You have poured hot tap water into there
and let it stand for a minute. Pour it out
just before adding the coffee and the
really hot stuff.”
“Bingo!”
“Thus you start with a hot vessel, don’t you see?”
“I’m a hot vessel. You might notice.”
They both stared out the windows to the
foundry, where the windows glowed.
He told his mother in generalities, as if
the men under him had upset things.
“Just when you get a nice routine, some...”
“Cherchez la femme!” pronounced she. Laughed.
“You’re nobody’s fool, Mother.”
“Know the game, is all.”
Labels: coffee, French, French Press, Mama's Boy, Mother, sex, sexy
Thursday, January 07, 2016
Two Caffeinated
Connoisseur
-You’re pretty European with your French Press,
but it’s just making coffee the old-fashioned way:
dump it in. Add hot, but no no no no!
NOT scalding water! Dearie Moi!
-Well, then...apres ze suitable wait, plunge ze
grounds to ze bottom.
-That’s the sissy part.
-Uh, European, as you say.
-When Great-Grandfather worked at the
railroad yards, they had a huge enamel pot
always on. Boiled, reboiled. No filtering.
-But, the grounds ultimately sunk to the bottom.
-That's when the real roughnecks liked it! Ones with
muscles in their shit? They said the last few cups
cleaned them out!
-Good Lord!
-Were on to something! Ever hear of Coffee Enema?
-If it comes to that, I want Kopi luwak!
-What could possibly be the dif…?
-Six hundred bucks the pound! Only the best!
-Golden asshole too?
-You peeked! Thus my modesty doth encore fail alas!
-Such a Drip!
-Another preferred brewing method.
------------------
Coffee Nerves
Plumber Hop quit the business finally.
Opened The Sump Pump Bar.
JERRY
Knocked off the decaf. Left Zombie Life thereby!
HOP
And the nerves presently? Fueled by 200% Columbian?
JERRY
Jingle-Jangle! Jangle-Jingle! A-screech! Shake, Rattle
and...Tremble! Tr-EMBLE!
HOP
And your Lorna?
JERRY
I’m here, ain’t I?
HOP
That bad?
JERRY
May I vulgarly quote?
HOP
I’ll cover one ear.
JERRY
“I can’t stand you one more fuckin second!
Out! Nervous Norvis!”
HOP
Coming from that pretty mouth!
JERRY
She’s not bad. Next to a dog’s ass I’d choose her.
HOP
A special category of praise.
Labels: bar, brewing, coffee, coffee nerves, enema, European, French Press, marriage, railroad, relationship
