Thursday, January 07, 2016
Two Caffeinated
Connoisseur
-You’re pretty European with your French Press,
but it’s just making coffee the old-fashioned way:
dump it in. Add hot, but no no no no!
NOT scalding water! Dearie Moi!
-Well, then...apres ze suitable wait, plunge ze
grounds to ze bottom.
-That’s the sissy part.
-Uh, European, as you say.
-When Great-Grandfather worked at the
railroad yards, they had a huge enamel pot
always on. Boiled, reboiled. No filtering.
-But, the grounds ultimately sunk to the bottom.
-That's when the real roughnecks liked it! Ones with
muscles in their shit? They said the last few cups
cleaned them out!
-Good Lord!
-Were on to something! Ever hear of Coffee Enema?
-If it comes to that, I want Kopi luwak!
-What could possibly be the dif…?
-Six hundred bucks the pound! Only the best!
-Golden asshole too?
-You peeked! Thus my modesty doth encore fail alas!
-Such a Drip!
-Another preferred brewing method.
------------------
Coffee Nerves
Plumber Hop quit the business finally.
Opened The Sump Pump Bar.
JERRY
Knocked off the decaf. Left Zombie Life thereby!
HOP
And the nerves presently? Fueled by 200% Columbian?
JERRY
Jingle-Jangle! Jangle-Jingle! A-screech! Shake, Rattle
and...Tremble! Tr-EMBLE!
HOP
And your Lorna?
JERRY
I’m here, ain’t I?
HOP
That bad?
JERRY
May I vulgarly quote?
HOP
I’ll cover one ear.
JERRY
“I can’t stand you one more fuckin second!
Out! Nervous Norvis!”
HOP
Coming from that pretty mouth!
JERRY
She’s not bad. Next to a dog’s ass I’d choose her.
HOP
A special category of praise.
Labels: bar, brewing, coffee, coffee nerves, enema, European, French Press, marriage, railroad, relationship
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Getting It Together
Dr Petite announced to the European Consortium that the airplane would be assembled in China or Alabama.
There followed lots of Alabama jokes: incest, moonshine, guns, and comical accents.
He told them that Alabama could actually edge China on low wages, and that was good enough for him. As for the rest of it...well...ignorant people everywhere in the world!
He told them that Alabama could actually edge China on low wages, and that was good enough for him. As for the rest of it...well...ignorant people everywhere in the world!
The actual bosses a level above him chose both places.
Jenny the Runt was hired as a floater, first to be a sort of hostess dispensing coffee and tea to anyone touring the new plant.
A very pretty young woman, if tiny. And Dr Petite told her father that she was the equal of the beauties who did the job at the China plant. “And they’re professional movie actresses!”
“Don’t know no China people,” shrugged Horace. “Don't begin with N and that’s good enough for me!”
Labels: airplane, Alabama, China, consortium, European, manufacturing, N-Word, prejudice, Race
Saturday, April 04, 2015
Dream Factory
After the previous night, when both Rip and Caroline actually
left him, Hobie proved scattered in the important scene,
dropping a drink when he toasted the end of the Interstellar War.
But the Polish director wouldn’t reshoot. “Good! Stupido!
Ev-body stupido!”
Also his metallic pants made his rectum itch so, he cried.
“Good! Cry. Is happy time, so cry because!”
Hobie finally got to Dr Rolski, the studio’s European Publicist,
in town to translate in this shipwreck of a production.
“After I graduated from Krakow and signed on here, they told
me Dream Factory, which I correctly translated to Bullshit Factory!
Anyway, I can’t say anything to the director, who belongs in an
institution, American OR Polish. Better, American, since
his English is better than his Polish.
Hobie sunk back into the sofa in Rolski’s cluttered Winnebago.
“In English, Polish, French or German, my life is flying apart!”
“Join the club!”
Labels: bisexual, breakup, director, Dream Factory, European, Hollywood, Polish, shipwreck
