All Over the Place

He ran on overload

countless years. Re-
habs, lawsuits, divorces,
arrests. Legal fees &

psychiatric transport-
ed him near to

breaking. Rivals tabbed
him “thief” in there. But

business prospered & he
commenced sprinting miles

ahead. Then his present wife ab-
sconded with his mistress.

Patrolman Melvin Nutter
collared him in Central
Park offering to show

girl scouts visiting
from Paramus
his “peepee.”

Celebrity Birthdays

this TV morning: 2
anorexics from

show business
I’ve not heard of.

Perhaps a list?
Excluding

Buffalo
optometrists,

most dependable
Republicans.

Dividends Confessed

Then profits chimed in
that they too were
full of shit.

Costs threatened
to ruin everybody.

People rushed to gold,
much of which was
painted bricks.

Economists said everything
was adjusting to everything

else. A good sign
and possibly not,
at any rate,

felons requested more
optimistic cellmates.

What You’re Buying

That you hit Mr Y
with a crowbar in

the freight elevator
of The Z Building

has become lost
in niceties. Con-

ference at bar pro-
duces arm-waving.
Each juror blanks.

Advocate returns.
His wink you relay
to the wife. Flash-

then her own okay
to the mistress.

Presidential

Bitterly oppose A.
Ridicule A’s supporters.
Lose disgracefully.
Claim A your idea.

What You’re Buying

That you hit Mr Y
with a crowbar in

the freight elevator
of The Z Building

has become lost
in niceties. Con-

ference at bar pro-
duces arm-waving.
Each juror blanks.

Advocate returns.
His wink you relay
to the wife, who

flashes her okay
to the mistress.

The Temple of Fear

is larger than the world.
Assassins guard our room.

Contemptuous of all big ideas,
they have a job to do.

Some few escort the coffins
of babies. Though parents weep
ashes, they're consoled by

flags and holy books courtesy
of Wealth. What they sacrificed
for fades in and out.

The Idea

You had an idea. And the more you thought of it the more excited you became.

You tested your idea, stretching it over the rack of your brain, and it remained whole.

You informed your friends, who were shocked at your transcending them. And then so respectful, you asked them
please to lighten up.

You must give a speech! they insist. And though shy, you
do eventually soldier though one.

When you finish, a huge wave of applause laps the auditorium.

You’re mobbed afterwards by some who say they had the same idea but lacked your skill in saying it, and many others
who feel you’re Savior.

The person who stays till the end asks you to join a crusade based on your idea. “But...we can't regain power unless
we whittle things a bit for now. Once in office, rest assured, we'll employ your idea to fuck our opponents till their ears fly off...
and there'll be a job for you.”

You have a job, though not one in which genius gets recognized.

And though you don’t care for vulgarity, you go along when asked to orate their version of your idea to groups.

Mostly, the groups are well-chosen and roar approval, but once in a while a heckler emerges, screaming Sellout! Hypocrite!

You return to the political individual to express your pain.

"Hypocrisy? Baby! That’s the Golden Mean!”

Honey

You like how
waitresses flip it.

Forget motive. But
now everybody
does. Time

closer to cash
in, quick
blond

behind the flutes
asking "That
the whole pile,

is it,
Honey?"

The Chorus Girls

are reindeer w/
shaky head-
racks &

glitter-
y briefs
& tops.

It’s family so
their tits

threaten
to pop out.

A Good Time

We had a lovely picnic. Really cold chicken and icy beer,
and potato salad to die for.

But then they came pretty close. As instructed, I pressed
the panic button on my cell.

And Force-X read the coordinates.

They did lightning work, but we didn’t allow the children to see
the blood. I don’t agree with today’s philosophy. Let them grow up later.

Colonel Beller introduced himself and accepted some chicken only.
He was lovely. Upright and crisply spoken.

“God you’re awfully decent!” I told him.

“All my boys and girls are. Messy job, but they’re beyond sweet.”

My Bus Configures

out of mist, header
blazing. Flat-

ly widening to push
aside corpulent shark

sedans, SUVs resembling
‘38 Fords delivering eggs.

Celebrity Birthdays

on morning news, 2
milkfed nonmovers.

Great giggling se-
ducers, not athletic

girl nextdoor
but one the drug-

gist ran away with,
from menacing wife
and teens.

Shouldn't broadbrush
druggists, since many

return. Then take
to sighs
while measuring.

Though You Often Trained

The Truth Definite
-ly didn’t set you free,
dribbling, the last bead of

the final particular squeez-
ing out long past your
exit. Some reprise

your trip then,
merely to condemn, de-
servedly for bilge.

Hail to Power

Steering. Can turn
hard right while

jerking off. Un-
able to wave with

usual grace,
to the people on

the curb,who none-
theless defer, re-

maining the salt
of the earth.

The Homeless One & The Republican

H
They stole my bike. Can you beat it? Homeless
stealing from homeless!

R
Contemporary life is replete with crushing ironies.

H
Was gonna ask for a buck, but let's say two if I
hafta hear such way-high talk.

R
I'd go for as much as three. But not for the guilty
pleasure Democrats might feel watching you waste
it on booze...

H
Might inhale a sawdust hotdog in there too.

R
but rather the Republican way. I'll teach you
to fish!

H
Know anything about fishing?

R
Not a thing.

H
I'm onboard. It's my life among the assholes.
You ain't one of those Jesus Republicans too,
I hope.

R
Somewhat.

H
Make it five bucks.

Senator


Jesus H. Christ! How many more of these meetings did you
schedule? We're practically down to dogcatchers. All these
petty officials on the take! Always a mistake to leave DC.
Big Time...there.

So, instead of extorting fancy travel, like my colleagues,
I’m mending fences.

Why they gotta sesaw onto the Lear, pockets so stuffed!
Let me tell you, Sonny, I’ll be canonized someday.

Even the scotch tastes better at the office...and, by the way,
never never allow me to be photographed with a cigarette!

Man, how can anybody give these things up? They just
expand you!

Give me that cell phone. I think I've unwound enough to
read memo line there.

This sonofabitch! Wants favors but...in a traditional sentiment
that’s very nearly Shakespearian: Money talks, bullshit walks.

He did? How m...?

Quarter mil? The automobile industry of this country must be
protected! It built America!

But how it's to be protected depends on a trip on that little
red float plane to their lodge in the Upper Peninsula.

Phone him back and tell him that he has caught the train
awfully late, and that I require, besides the lodge thing,
a regular schedule of giving at the office. Like United Fund.

Hey! Bible says he can’t get to heaven anyway, but he can
purchase a measure of paradise here.

Now get the fuck out of here and send in--you already sent in
the grasping clowns--the whores.

THE NEOCONSERVATIVE CONSORTIUM
(supported by those who matter)

Dear Mr Aldan Locknutter:

The sacrifice of your son, Roy Aldan Locknutter on the Altar of Freedom will never be forgotten by this organization.

That is our sacred vow to you.

Aldan, it is a violent and dangerous world, I'm sure you'll agree.

[plug in 9-11 module of impressionistic Bush quotes in italics, spiral pattern, + thumbnails, also spiral, of Bush in yellow construction hat]

But also a world we are reforming!--as our higher duty commands us. We cannot sit in Washington, DC, or Trainwreck, West Virginia and do nothing against Islamofascists.

[plug in Wilsonian claptrap]

Roy Aldan's life was short but beautiful, Mr Locknutter.

[Plug in lines from TO AN ATHLETE DYING YOUNG which a hillbilly might understand]

To turn to happier news, young persons on our staff have monitored the Valley Citizen's stories concerning exploits of your Renton on the gridiron and Steffie on the volleyball court.

This grateful letter is a first step in pointing out that both are eligible to become special "Roy Aldan Locknutter Soldiers." With a substantial signing bonus for each, and for you as parent.

The youngsters can download an application at school from our website.

Rest assured we are committed, as I'm sure the Locknutters are, to memorizing your heroic son!

Sincerly etc etc etc

ps Please excuse us for not including Mrs Locknutter at this time, but our research tells us that, despite the urgency, Moms require a greater cushion of time. God willing, she'll eventually favor your decision.

[plug in Lincoln thumbnail + italics “...shall not perish from the face of the earth!”]

Politician Argue Art

DEMOCRAT
As a famous Abscammer famously said, "Democrats steal the
tickets and Republicans steal the train."

REPUBLICAN
We think big, of course. In everything. Legitimate too.

DEMOCRAT
Like the Mafia?

REPUBLICAN
Walking mid piles of money, we'll suck technique from anyone.

DEMOCRAT
When does an open mind become an open sewer?

REPUBLICAN
Democracy, Freedom, Family. Guns! Stop abortion and Hollywood
smut! That's our standard answer to rhetorical questions.
So, ask no more, Lefty Asshole.

DEMOCRAT
In ten plus years you've far far surpassed our record of
corruption in forty!

REPUBLICAN
Discipline!

Take To the Streets!

But in discrete pockets,and
counseling behavior therein
for annoyed authorities

have microwave cannons
at the ready.Quick siz-

zle to moisty you,who'll lam
your roaring skin fast

away in the rout. Change,
incidentally,in pants,makes hot

spots. If you haven't filled out
your dance program.