Wednesday, May 18, 2016
“Bovine Ruth”
When the nickname came back to
her, she was displeased in her
special, and sweet, way.
"Intended to ridicule and diminish"
was the State's burden as it brought
charges without her asking.
Luncie's misfortune proved the very
rambling form of Maximum Maxine Rucks,
The Judge From Hell!
He'd have twenty-one years to think of
his motives in embarrassing pretty Ruth.
You'd think he'd spend them complaining
about Political Correctness to his fellow Righties.
Instead he became a scholar of cows, seeing the
docile Ruth as a sort of goddess.
The cult spread in Hixson Penetentiary,
culminating in three years with a special
invitation to the wronged Ruth to attend
a picnic of "The Bovine Worshipful Cult."
It so impressed her: the dappled men
reciting bovine facts as to digestion, that
she forgave Luncie. The Warden sent heavily-
iced Cinnamon Rolls!
Other wardens, especially of fractious prisons,
invited Luncie to start chapters of the cult.
Soon he was coordinating the Eastern United
States and Puerto Rico. Traveling with a guard,
then not.
When he was paroled eight years in, he wouldn't
leave. The Warden fitted out a studio apartment
and office in an abandoned cell block and
named him Social Director.
Many more prisons joined in now, the West and
difficult South being swept up. Nowhere that
the saintly Ruth--newly named The Bovine Virgin--
didn't travel that rose petals weren't strewn
in her path.
Bubba Hocks of the Georgia System: “That shit
he sells, he’s the fucking rehab genius!”
Labels: bovine, cow, cult, digestion, Political Correctness, prison, rehab, scholarship
Monday, January 04, 2016
Ancient Threat
Ralph handled the transition
from engineering semi-loner
to Associate Store Manager
quite well.
He did have someWHAT of a
gregarious bent, so saying
Welcome to Walgreens!
or Did you find everything?
took small effort.
Ordering, though, knottier,
thus Chucksy sent from
Satellite Beach to check
his attempt for the weekly sale.
-Cashews with sea salt? Three
cases. About right. Got my
mouth set for 'em!
Prunes, Sunkist, Minis, three
cases also? Uh uh! Quadruple that!
-Wow!
-This is Florida! Wall to wall
old people!
-I've noticed.
-If they can't shit, they kill!
Labels: constipation, digestion, Florida, senior citizen, Walgreens
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Biggest Yak
growing up: old people with
their groaning fixations on
digestion--farts and shit
or lacks thereof
and gas gas gas. Haunting
the lax-antacid aisle, fiery
brick in their chest or up
their ancient ass. Pitiful.
CAPT AHAB STALKS WALGREEN’S
Hilarious! And you know what?
Labels: digestion
