Tuesday, April 14, 2015
What's in Your Swiss Surprise?
The One Person With Sense
Heck's ID doesn’t work at the cafeteria as he waves
his phone. Loudspeaker announcing: "ID not verified!"
A guard takes him to a janitorial closet.
All the brooms and mops hanging there are brand new,
still encased in plastic on the business end.
“How long, Lord? How long?”
“Not SO...!” answers a male voice through the door,
followed by Gloria's “We just verified your ID!”
Indeed the loudspeaker instantly announcing
“This verification brought to you by the men
and women of Your National Guard!”
The door clicks open and Gloria...a crowd quickly
gathers because of her beauty.
She introduces him to the 1-PS which she had
magnetically drawn to her.
“I'm told there's a real shortage of you 1-PSrs,”
remarks Hecks.
“I have trouble myself when I'm looking for one!”
“I found him at the Big Salad Bowl!” Gloria gushes.
“Skip it today. Wiltorama!” -exiting 1-PS as a
camera crew arrives, and follows the couple into
the cafeteria.
He gets the Swiss Surprise.
Gloria, as the cameraman explores her every
angle except up the you know what, tells
Biff Ocknell of 6-Flash News, "They had him in
a broom closet, so I just reached in and grabbed
the best one!”
They break for commercial. Just before the camera
lights come on again, Loretta Spaldino, informs
Gloria: “Say mop this time, reached in for best MOP!”
“But I already said broom!”
“Nobody remembers. Quick survey tells us mop.”
“With the crew finally absconded, Gloria asks him
what’s in his Swiss Surpise.
“I don't know. Cheese.”
“Wow!”
Labels: broom, camera crew, ID, mop, sense, TV
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
All the Pretty Names
Entering the Political Process
When they change my name, I expect some
bureaucratic monstrosity such as Operant 19E,
but am pleasantly surprised.
I start using the multitudinous forms of ID they
send, and everyone remarks on the pretty name.
My girlfriend, Lilly of the Valley, says, "And I
thought I had a lovely name. This one beats it."
Feels good until the election. I'm not really
registered under the new name, so they give me
a provisional ballot.
I later learn I'm a ‘File 13.’ Those votes are trashed,
in short.
I go to my political friend, who shrugs. "You'll be
okay next time. Your name changed for the specific
purpose of knocking it out for this one election.”
“So your party would win!”
“It's no use playing if not to win.”
I join a class action suit and it actually
goes to trial. There the jury spends all its
time admiring our names. The judge finally
throws them out, and the suit.
Only I press for retrial, but my political friend says
his party will promise not to do it again, and give
me a new car.
Only a small electric, but does the trick.
So I have a pretty name and a pretty car. Lilly of the
Valley loves both immensely.
All’s well that ends etc. But, of course, you must
fight for your rights. For the good of the nation.
That never changes. Ever vigilant!
Labels: bribery, election, ID, political manipulation, rights
