Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Played Out
The Big Exhaustion
When Smitty caught The Big Exhaustion, he stayed home and
watched familiar reruns. Soon he switched off the TV and
recited the scripts by heart.
Then, he rewrote them until they morphed into entirely different
shows. Thus, Gilligan’s Island became Mother Knows Worst.
At any rate, he amused himself. Those who didn't passed.
But there were no funerals because the undertakers had BE also.
Just about nobody went to work, though he tried again and again.
Luckily, his automated train kept running. But when he did finally
get to the office, he was alone mid computers all set to search
The Big Exhaustion. No cure, of course, regardless of the health
whackos and their exotic juices. Others averred you’d need gold
bars to buy your way to care.
Those juices abandoned at the office were tasty enough, but useless.
When Dilly Hotz managed to make it in, long dormant thoughts
visited him.
And her. But, no go. Both just tired out of their minds.
They lost track of each other when dogs invaded the company and
ate the envelopes.
It took him two days to walk home through empty streets because
the train just stopped and no one could stir to repair it.
Now only the Southern Stupid shows played on TV, and he proved
too finished to try rewriting their drivel.
So, he turned off the sound and just watched the girls.
Banners across the bottom of the screen announced the authorities
were trying to meet.
Also that The Big Exhaustion had simply quit New Zealand.
And people swarmed the streets and lanes!
America's turn would come. Heading our way!
Hawaii sparked up soon after. Aloha Moments everywhere.
He smashed into the 7-11. Took hours, and only Rice Crispies
remained.
His farts smelled like rice, but it wasn’t all that bad.
Finally, Smitty relented and rewrote the Southern Stupid shows
as Travelogues For Morons. He called it his Southern Strategy.
When NFL took over every channel to replay Bruk Utzler receiving
Lineman of the Week around 2000, Smitty did a video awarding
himself Weak Man of the Line.
Then he pondered: Had Dumbing-Down been the first condition
allowing The Big Exhaustion to take root?
All large questions on hold as The Big Exhaustion suddenly ceases!
Laughter everywhere, and people screaming at their kids!
Smitty decides to do parodies of his parodies, knowing that
never works.
Labels: cynicism, dumb down, entertainment, exhaustion, NFL, parody, Southern, Southern Strategy, TV, video, working, writing
Monday, February 09, 2015
Gay Ranchero Eggs
A Fragment Expressing Attitudes
Uncle Mario, Larkie delivering Tastycakes, and Rocco.
Minnie’s Ranch Luncheonette.
ROCCO
When he came out, his wife didn’t like it one
little bit.
LARKIE
Why? Was it her turn?
MARIO
Disgusting!
ROCCO
I’m quitting! Larkie gets all the good lines.
LARKIE
My day!
MARIO
I liked it better when everything was a deep, dark secret. People weren’t such pains in the ass!
ROCCO
That’s too superficial and ego-centered! Give us the
intricate psychoanalysis your advanced years are
supposed to enable you to puke out.
MARIO
Fuck you! I never did like you! I told my sister...!
LARKIE
Family! I love Family!
ROCCO
Join ours! No requirements.
LARKIE
Can I be gay?
MARIO
No!
ROCCO
Only if you shoot video. If we can teach Uncle Mario, here, to operate a VCR, he might learn something yet.
MARIO
I’m gonna bring you up to the Family, fuckin Rocco! Disrespectful little...!
LARKIE
I love Family!
---
Rocco’s South Philadelphia is unafraid of modern topics. Since there are none. Search him atop this page for further idiotic history.
Labels: Family, gay, Rocco, South Philadelphia, Tastycakes, VCR, video, Western
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Scan
Uncle Harkie
criticized as Mitzi ran through the cable channels.
“That faker!..That idiot!...Stop that imbecile!...
Funny black folks? No thanks!....Young people
mucking everything up. Uh huh?...The News?
When it's about the frauds spose to be giving it?
Off with their talking heads!”
Finally, Zip took out the video camera, throwing
Uncle Harkie's image up on the screen.
“And chuck that fat-faced loser!” he laughed.
Labels: cable TV, criticism, Family, TV, video
