Monday, February 09, 2015
Gay Ranchero Eggs
A Fragment Expressing Attitudes
Uncle Mario, Larkie delivering Tastycakes, and Rocco.
Minnie’s Ranch Luncheonette.
ROCCO
When he came out, his wife didn’t like it one
little bit.
LARKIE
Why? Was it her turn?
MARIO
Disgusting!
ROCCO
I’m quitting! Larkie gets all the good lines.
LARKIE
My day!
MARIO
I liked it better when everything was a deep, dark secret. People weren’t such pains in the ass!
ROCCO
That’s too superficial and ego-centered! Give us the
intricate psychoanalysis your advanced years are
supposed to enable you to puke out.
MARIO
Fuck you! I never did like you! I told my sister...!
LARKIE
Family! I love Family!
ROCCO
Join ours! No requirements.
LARKIE
Can I be gay?
MARIO
No!
ROCCO
Only if you shoot video. If we can teach Uncle Mario, here, to operate a VCR, he might learn something yet.
MARIO
I’m gonna bring you up to the Family, fuckin Rocco! Disrespectful little...!
LARKIE
I love Family!
---
Rocco’s South Philadelphia is unafraid of modern topics. Since there are none. Search him atop this page for further idiotic history.
Labels: Family, gay, Rocco, South Philadelphia, Tastycakes, VCR, video, Western
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Syndrome and its Tragic Stomachers
Rocco and Opera Lamont
ROCCO
Thought you were touring Europe in Porgy and Bess.
LAMONT
Bess, you somebody else's woman now!
ROCCO
That why you're whispering?
LAMONT
Voice went in Milan. Doctors at Penn say take a year off.
ROCCO
Like ballplayer without the millions.
LAMONT
Something like. But I want to ask you of a much more
serious malady: “Obama Derangement Syndrome.”
The newspapers in Italy think it mostly springs from the
way he walks
ROCCO
Lil strut sometimes? Uppity?
LAMONT
Race in there of course.
ROCCO
I used to think that, but we're speaking of Realms of Righty
Gold now. They've transcended Race and sped to pure,
gnashing insanity!
LAMONT
They should declare some saints when this harrowing era is over.
ROCCO
Already entering stages of lachrymose martyrdom.
LAMONT
Can't use a word like lachrymose in Italian South Philadelphia.
Even with its Latin root, that's a Bryn Mawr word.
ROCCO
The suburbs instruct! But let's try to forget that they do
with an Eagles game! Much to cheer about presently,
though of course you can't.
LAMONT
And thus, blessedly, can't be accused of being uppity in
outbellowing Caucasians!
-----
Anything about opera finds an honored niche
in South Philadelphia.
Labels: Bryn Mawr, Eagles, Italian, martyrdom, Obama Derangement Syndrome, opera, Rocco, South Philadelphia
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Rocco, Fr Mike, and the Food Stamp Pope
ROCCO (singing)
Down Argentina way...
MIKE
And a Social Justice Advocate!
ROCCO
They'll call him The Food Stamp Pope. But I'll tell you,
Father Mike, the drooling sentries in my bedroom
put down their weapons in amazement that there's
a continent down there.
MIKE
We all must widen our focus. Present company included.
ROCCO
I might just take that slight hint. In thinking ten years or so a chocolate cardinal might transform to a white pope on that famous balcony.
MIKE
Be an even greater universal day!
ROCCO
I can't wait for the gigantic insuck of ghinny breath!
MIKE
I'll pray for your patience.
ROCCO
Don't bother.
MIKE
For your Catholicism then?
ROCCO
FWB Catholic suffices, thank you.
MIKE
Funerals, weddings, baptisms? Church offers
a greater spectrum. Let's sit down over...
ROCCO
Fettuccini Alfredo?
MIKE
Thin out the sauce and add clams. I don't wanna
be laughed off the handball court.
Rocco encounters few priests in South Philadelphia.
When they leave the rectory, there’s an argument.
Labels: Argentina, Bedroom Politics, Catholic, Conservative, Pope, priest, Rocco, Social Justice, South Philadelphia
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
Juliet
A few modest homes
in South Philadelphia
have Juliet balconies.
"You leave now it's forever,
Obnoxious Ghinny Prick!"
Many feel poetry there.
Labels: Italian, Juliet, relationship, South Philadelphia
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Rocco and Special-Hate Jimmy
Over egg and pepper sandwiches at Celebre’s
JIMMY
I must be slipping. Saw a Republican on CSPAN I didn't immediately despise.
ROCCO
You are, Special-Hate! Won’t be long before you say: “You know, some of their ideas are not entirely idiotic.”
JIMMY
Don't hold your breath.
ROCCO
And--witness!--coming to the fore now, a Gingrich.
JIMMY
That sofa with eyes? He's as full of shit as a Christmas turkey.
ROCCO
Now now, patience! He can lose that stuffing, you know.
Anyway, what a generator of concepts! One a second!
A person gets quite dizzy.
JIMMY
Feather merchant. Carries a huge bag weighing about nothing.
ROCCO
My mother said if you can't say something nice, then ...
JIMMY
Okay okay! He's more personable than the usual insider thief.
ROCCO
That fills my Mom's prescription.
JIMMY
No mine. She was an Italian anarchist, incendiary follower of Enrico Arrigoni . Dad played bocce to get away.
ROCCO
Old school. We got iphones now.
JIMMY
So what? More things change.... Anyway, I'm better off talking directly, even to an imbecile like you.
ROCCO
Nicest thing you ever said to me!
JIMMY
I'm softening all right. There’s no longer a doubt.
ROCCO
Time to die?
JIMMY
Just about. Or walking around dead and not knowing it, like half the world.
All the isms exist in S Philly, even anarchism.
Labels: anarchism, Republican, Rocco, South Philadelphia
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Rocco and Chickie Discuss the End
ROCCO
Chickie, the Brave! Went back to one of the wives!
CHICKIE
Brave? I don’t know. Lots of time brave,
lots of times cowardly. All jammed together
in the latest episode.
ROCCO
Is it over? Again?
CHICKIE
Emphatically!
ROCCO
Bad idea?
CHICKIE
Not at first.
ROCCO
Be all that domestic folderol as it may, you’re getting
up there, Chickie.
CHICKIE
Yeah, the Gathering Up’ll grab my ass up outside
Pat’s Steaks one of these ambiguous days.
ROCCO
Lifted in a vapor of onions.
CHICKIE
Like a bush league ghinny saint!
ROCCO
So what’s the final verdict? The existential question!
Did you shade more towards brave in life?
CHICKIE
Who the fuck knows. I’m busy dying then.
While other regions have quieted, South Philadelphia remains voluble.
ROCCO
Chickie, the Brave! Went back to one of the wives!
CHICKIE
Brave? I don’t know. Lots of time brave,
lots of times cowardly. All jammed together
in the latest episode.
ROCCO
Is it over? Again?
CHICKIE
Emphatically!
ROCCO
Bad idea?
CHICKIE
Not at first.
ROCCO
Be all that domestic folderol as it may, you’re getting
up there, Chickie.
CHICKIE
Yeah, the Gathering Up’ll grab my ass up outside
Pat’s Steaks one of these ambiguous days.
ROCCO
Lifted in a vapor of onions.
CHICKIE
Like a bush league ghinny saint!
ROCCO
So what’s the final verdict? The existential question!
Did you shade more towards brave in life?
CHICKIE
Who the fuck knows. I’m busy dying then.
While other regions have quieted, South Philadelphia remains voluble.
Labels: death.Rocco, South Philadelphia
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Rocco and Cyber-Dating Ralphie "Romance"
ROCCO
So, how went the latest?
RALPHIE
She had two notes: yelling and shrieking.
ROCCO
Unlike your preferred compact Italians, silent and ripe
to sexually explode.
RALPHIE
We met in a coffee shop on South Street.
ROCCO
Check your ID? Pretty old for the venue.
RALPHIE
Her too. But we enjoyed ourselves.
ROCCO
She could talk? When not actually yelling or shrieking?
RALPHIE
Football! She doesn't like West Coast Offense.
ROCCO
Me neither. Throw the fuckin ball down the field!
Nothing to lose but the game.
RALPHIE
She agrees.
ROCCO
I'm guessing, too, resembles a smallish linebacker.
RALPHIE
Bingo! And after, she says "Let's run!" So we run down
South Street. But she slips on some trash in front
of a Goth boutique and breaks a fingernail!
ROCCO
The expected tragedy ensues? Though a tomboy,
she's still a girl.
RALPHIE
Nah! Takes out a bandaid from her backpack. No drama.
ROCCO
What’s next?
RALPHIE
Saturday we shop Reading Terminal Market for picnic
lunch stuff, walk to Rittenhouse Square for--
ROCCO
Why not pull up a spot of grease on the riverside? Closer.
RALPHIE
The long walk's part of the plan.
ROCCO
And will the next be a tryst in your hastily-cleaned
studio apartment?
RALPHIE
I don’t think so. If she proves a yeller there,
my landlady pounds on the door!
ROCCO
Wait just a minute! That shrieking you first described
involves her laughing at your lame jokes!
RALPHIE
Bingo! And I don’t miss the twelve-mile stares of the
condescenders one little bit!
ROCCO
Your ex-wives thought you were funny.
RALPHIE
Pathetic, more like.
S Philadelphia's Rocco turns off the politics for matters
personal and sociological.
ROCCO
So, how went the latest?
RALPHIE
She had two notes: yelling and shrieking.
ROCCO
Unlike your preferred compact Italians, silent and ripe
to sexually explode.
RALPHIE
We met in a coffee shop on South Street.
ROCCO
Check your ID? Pretty old for the venue.
RALPHIE
Her too. But we enjoyed ourselves.
ROCCO
She could talk? When not actually yelling or shrieking?
RALPHIE
Football! She doesn't like West Coast Offense.
ROCCO
Me neither. Throw the fuckin ball down the field!
Nothing to lose but the game.
RALPHIE
She agrees.
ROCCO
I'm guessing, too, resembles a smallish linebacker.
RALPHIE
Bingo! And after, she says "Let's run!" So we run down
South Street. But she slips on some trash in front
of a Goth boutique and breaks a fingernail!
ROCCO
The expected tragedy ensues? Though a tomboy,
she's still a girl.
RALPHIE
Nah! Takes out a bandaid from her backpack. No drama.
ROCCO
What’s next?
RALPHIE
Saturday we shop Reading Terminal Market for picnic
lunch stuff, walk to Rittenhouse Square for--
ROCCO
Why not pull up a spot of grease on the riverside? Closer.
RALPHIE
The long walk's part of the plan.
ROCCO
And will the next be a tryst in your hastily-cleaned
studio apartment?
RALPHIE
I don’t think so. If she proves a yeller there,
my landlady pounds on the door!
ROCCO
Wait just a minute! That shrieking you first described
involves her laughing at your lame jokes!
RALPHIE
Bingo! And I don’t miss the twelve-mile stares of the
condescenders one little bit!
ROCCO
Your ex-wives thought you were funny.
RALPHIE
Pathetic, more like.
S Philadelphia's Rocco turns off the politics for matters
personal and sociological.
Labels: cyber dating, Rocco, South Philadelphia
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Rocco and Chickie Rainbarrel
-Rainbarrel! It's you. Almost as big as life!
-Rocco! Still pretending sarcasm is wit?
-Among other things. Tell me, how came you by this
ridiculous moniker? Relatives tab you thus?
-Who cares what old ghinnies do?
-How about Garibaldi?
-Fuck him especially.
-At last! How I waited for an "Italian" denier!
-Hey! I live in Cherry Hill now, in the middle
of grasping Jews. And they're as full of shit.
-But let us, please, get a good word from you.
Now how about the Egyptians revolting?
-Correct word.
-And the workers in Wisconsin standing up to the reactionary
toads and their oligarchic wingnut bribers?
-Like, make a movie, Rocco! Dip Brad Pitt in grease
for the Egyptian. Oprah can knock off fifty and be the
Wisconsin workette! They got black people there?
I know they color the cheese.
-Like some bread with that acid? But shall we go to family?
Specifically, your teens?
-Sharpening shivs to shove into the old man's back.
-Well, at least little Marie can’t be doing that.
-She's my sweetie-pie!
-That answer makes you Shakespearean!
-Don’t give me the college crap. They just teach fancy
language to lie about the shit you swallow.
-Whoa! Leaving without a traditional transition.
-Have a miserable day.
-----
Rocco thinks the types met in South Philadelphia can’t
be duplicated elsewhere. Of course he’s wrong.
Labels: Egypt, South Philadelphia, Wisconsin
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Rocco and Bitter Bart
ROCCO
So how's it goin’, Bart?
BB
Same-o same-o. Just bought a shitbox car to get me to my
shitbox job--which I'm suppose to be grateful for.
ROCCO
You mean you're FREE to be grateful for. Such freedom, according to the Right, being a gift from God.
BB
Yeah, Free to be fucked by The Man. Like, continuously.
ROCCO
Hey, you filled out the Four Freedoms with that last one! Where's Norman Rockwell when you need him?
BB
Outsourced, so the boss's whore can eat butter creams.
Rocco reports on his short meetings in South Philadelphia.
ROCCO
So how's it goin’, Bart?
BB
Same-o same-o. Just bought a shitbox car to get me to my
shitbox job--which I'm suppose to be grateful for.
ROCCO
You mean you're FREE to be grateful for. Such freedom, according to the Right, being a gift from God.
BB
Yeah, Free to be fucked by The Man. Like, continuously.
ROCCO
Hey, you filled out the Four Freedoms with that last one! Where's Norman Rockwell when you need him?
BB
Outsourced, so the boss's whore can eat butter creams.
Rocco reports on his short meetings in South Philadelphia.
Labels: Norman Rockwell, outsourcing, Rocco, South Philadelphia
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Rocco Meets His Teabagger
ROCCO
Dr Onofrio, Literary Scholar of Defunct American Fascist Writers!
And, of course, present Teabagger--unless I miss my guess.
DR O
Right on, Rocco! Democrats, aka Socialists, tilting the table of money
towards the stinking rabble.
ROCCO
Blacks, you mean. Group you hate the most.
DR O
I hate everybody!
ROCCO
That’s literary. You learned that attitude slogging through your PhD at Penn
with the other malcontents and drama queens.
DR O
No! Literally true. I literally hate...!
ROCCO
Uh huh? How about getting real and ranking your top three groups for me?
DR O
Be glad to. First is blacks, of course. Oh, excuse me, Afro-Americans!
Must be politically correct, the low gear of our pretend democracy.
ROCCO
And the second?
DR O
Can’t you guess? “Oy Marvin! Did yuh ever see such a kikey place
as Atlantic City? I love it! But keep the Rabbi away from the whores!”
ROCCO
Predictable so far.
DR O
The third would be ghinnies, best represent by you, Rocco, all heart if it’s somebody else’s money. And all mouth in any case.
ROCCO
Last time I saw your mom and dad shopping at The Italian Market,
they didn’t quite resemble white-bread Americans from The Main Line.
DR O
I disown them! They’re ghinnies all the way through. Plastic-covered furniture
and a goat in the backyard!
ROCCO
Please call again.
DR O
Try and stop me!
ROCCO
They always come back!–but whatever for?
In Rocco’s S Philadelphia, a child often returns with disdain.
ROCCO
Dr Onofrio, Literary Scholar of Defunct American Fascist Writers!
And, of course, present Teabagger--unless I miss my guess.
DR O
Right on, Rocco! Democrats, aka Socialists, tilting the table of money
towards the stinking rabble.
ROCCO
Blacks, you mean. Group you hate the most.
DR O
I hate everybody!
ROCCO
That’s literary. You learned that attitude slogging through your PhD at Penn
with the other malcontents and drama queens.
DR O
No! Literally true. I literally hate...!
ROCCO
Uh huh? How about getting real and ranking your top three groups for me?
DR O
Be glad to. First is blacks, of course. Oh, excuse me, Afro-Americans!
Must be politically correct, the low gear of our pretend democracy.
ROCCO
And the second?
DR O
Can’t you guess? “Oy Marvin! Did yuh ever see such a kikey place
as Atlantic City? I love it! But keep the Rabbi away from the whores!”
ROCCO
Predictable so far.
DR O
The third would be ghinnies, best represent by you, Rocco, all heart if it’s somebody else’s money. And all mouth in any case.
ROCCO
Last time I saw your mom and dad shopping at The Italian Market,
they didn’t quite resemble white-bread Americans from The Main Line.
DR O
I disown them! They’re ghinnies all the way through. Plastic-covered furniture
and a goat in the backyard!
ROCCO
Please call again.
DR O
Try and stop me!
ROCCO
They always come back!–but whatever for?
In Rocco’s S Philadelphia, a child often returns with disdain.
Labels: Rocco, South Philadelphia, tea baggers
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Rocco and Troubled Jerry
ROCCO
Well your parents are nuts.
TJ
Hey! A relative term here.
ROCCO
You may have absorbed some weird or immature patterns.
TJ
Yeah but I'm finished blaming them. It got tired.
ROCCO
My cue to say a golden phrase to put you instantly on rail.
TJ
What rail? It's 30th Street Station!
ROCCO
Where you’ll grab the R5 someday to
Ardmore and your new, plump wife!
TJ
Hold that thought! Not only is it positive, it's pretty.
Rocco dispenses quick advice in South Philadelphia.
Labels: Rocco, South Philadelphia
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Rocco and Possible Republican, Jinky-Joe
ROCCO
Funny moment on Saturday Night Live. Fake Sarah passed
somewhat genuine one.
JINKY-JOE
How'd the real one do on the show?
ROCCO
Like one totally tight-assed broad.
JINKY-JOE
No surprise. Not her turf. I testified once and was a wreck.
Courthouse not my turf. Platform's her turf.
ROCCO
Yeah, riling up the morons.
JINKY-JOE
You think all Republicans morons?
ROCCO
Not the multitudinous thieves. They're clever. I don't know
where that leaves a closet Republican like you.
JINKY-JOE
Not smart enough to steal.
ROCCO
Therefore a moron.
JINKY-JOE
Hey! I still could vote for the black terrorist Muslin.
ROCCO
No chance.
JINKY-JOE
Well I do lean to Simmering Mac. Hey old guys get up to
piss five times a night! Red phone rings, he's wide awake.
ROCCO
That stupid prick is liable to order the bombing of Alabama.
JINKY-JOE
No way! California maybe.
ROCCO
You ARE a moron like him.
JINKY-JOE
Well, I'm credentialed. Been married four times.
Rocco resides in the Southern portion of Philadelphia, a city Democratic by an astonishing margin,
ROCCO
Funny moment on Saturday Night Live. Fake Sarah passed
somewhat genuine one.
JINKY-JOE
How'd the real one do on the show?
ROCCO
Like one totally tight-assed broad.
JINKY-JOE
No surprise. Not her turf. I testified once and was a wreck.
Courthouse not my turf. Platform's her turf.
ROCCO
Yeah, riling up the morons.
JINKY-JOE
You think all Republicans morons?
ROCCO
Not the multitudinous thieves. They're clever. I don't know
where that leaves a closet Republican like you.
JINKY-JOE
Not smart enough to steal.
ROCCO
Therefore a moron.
JINKY-JOE
Hey! I still could vote for the black terrorist Muslin.
ROCCO
No chance.
JINKY-JOE
Well I do lean to Simmering Mac. Hey old guys get up to
piss five times a night! Red phone rings, he's wide awake.
ROCCO
That stupid prick is liable to order the bombing of Alabama.
JINKY-JOE
No way! California maybe.
ROCCO
You ARE a moron like him.
JINKY-JOE
Well, I'm credentialed. Been married four times.
Rocco resides in the Southern portion of Philadelphia, a city Democratic by an astonishing margin,
Labels: Democrat, election, McCain, Obama, Republican, Rocco, South Philadelphia
Friday, August 08, 2008
Rocco and Bottom-Line Joey
-Hey Bottom-Line Joey, you’re famous for the last word.
-Yeah, that’s the bottom line.
-Who’s gonna win this election?
-Bottom line is Democrats.
-How come?
-Their turn. Republicans have stolen the country fuckin blind for eight years!
-Is there anything left?
-That’s the funny part. There’s still plenty left, even though nobody has ever purloined like the Republicans. They made it art. That’s the bottom line!
-What’s their secret?
-Bottom line: they made Business and Politics exactly the same. That way you could combine the biggest thieves in the nation! Whatta team!
-Will the Dems ever reach that point?
-Nobody ever will again, and that’s the...
-I know! I know!
-Let me say it anyway. It’s my brand.
...
Rocco has strong viewpoints and eccentric friends in South Philadelphia.
-Hey Bottom-Line Joey, you’re famous for the last word.
-Yeah, that’s the bottom line.
-Who’s gonna win this election?
-Bottom line is Democrats.
-How come?
-Their turn. Republicans have stolen the country fuckin blind for eight years!
-Is there anything left?
-That’s the funny part. There’s still plenty left, even though nobody has ever purloined like the Republicans. They made it art. That’s the bottom line!
-What’s their secret?
-Bottom line: they made Business and Politics exactly the same. That way you could combine the biggest thieves in the nation! Whatta team!
-Will the Dems ever reach that point?
-Nobody ever will again, and that’s the...
-I know! I know!
-Let me say it anyway. It’s my brand.
...
Rocco has strong viewpoints and eccentric friends in South Philadelphia.
Labels: political larceny, Republican, Rocco, South Philadelphia
