Saturday, May 31, 2008
Quo Captain Kangaroo?
Desire to kill serious time
(no flowers on the wall)
as my channels scroll by.
About 100, but 3 or 4 prof-
fer florid, ranting preacher-
assholes, and as many in
languages disapproved of
in Mainstream America. (Yet
they laugh and steamily love
through their linguistic disgrace!)
I’d grab anything about football.
Love of Quilting just rolled past.
Are there players who quilt? If so,
more than I can stomach, though
tape of their doing it‘d
lead all nightly newscasts.
Desire to kill serious time
(no flowers on the wall)
as my channels scroll by.
About 100, but 3 or 4 prof-
fer florid, ranting preacher-
assholes, and as many in
languages disapproved of
in Mainstream America. (Yet
they laugh and steamily love
through their linguistic disgrace!)
I’d grab anything about football.
Love of Quilting just rolled past.
Are there players who quilt? If so,
more than I can stomach, though
tape of their doing it‘d
lead all nightly newscasts.
Friday, May 30, 2008
When the Hugely Rich Guy Hangs Over You
& You Inhale His Stinks
“General Electric has never, and will never,
interfere in the editorial process at NBC News.”
& You Inhale His Stinks
“General Electric has never, and will never,
interfere in the editorial process at NBC News.”
Mayberry Machiavellis
got knickers in a twist!
Over a book! Its author
must be ravaged.
The lioness hunts. Oaf-
ish Lion wanders in for
choicest cuts.
got knickers in a twist!
Over a book! Its author
must be ravaged.
The lioness hunts. Oaf-
ish Lion wanders in for
choicest cuts.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Henry VIII & GOP
ROCCO
Why do they call you Henry the Eighth?
H8
Who the fuck knows?
ROCCO
Were there seven before you?
H8
Who knows? If there were they were assholes.
ROCCO
Still the great Republican?
H8
Un-fuckin-shakable!
ROCCO
How’s your boy McCain?
H8
Fine, now that he’s running like a Republican!
ROCCO
What’s that like?
H8
Like the nastiest sonofabitch on the planet!
ROCCO
You got that right!
------
Rocco has appeared many times before. He is a S Philadelphia Democrat who laughs at Republicans–a necessary, though not completely admirable, quality.
ROCCO
Why do they call you Henry the Eighth?
H8
Who the fuck knows?
ROCCO
Were there seven before you?
H8
Who knows? If there were they were assholes.
ROCCO
Still the great Republican?
H8
Un-fuckin-shakable!
ROCCO
How’s your boy McCain?
H8
Fine, now that he’s running like a Republican!
ROCCO
What’s that like?
H8
Like the nastiest sonofabitch on the planet!
ROCCO
You got that right!
------
Rocco has appeared many times before. He is a S Philadelphia Democrat who laughs at Republicans–a necessary, though not completely admirable, quality.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Sense of Common National Purpose For Congress*
Hard to achieve unless
bribes even up.
*Peter Hart
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
American Dish
It’s not really it.
Just looks like it.
Chef is very clever.
So...you eat it.
Ritual! Then we know
you’re one of us. Hey!
rewards here can be huge.
This first symbol is
not very much, really.
It’s not really it.
Just looks like it.
Chef is very clever.
So...you eat it.
Ritual! Then we know
you’re one of us. Hey!
rewards here can be huge.
This first symbol is
not very much, really.
Monday, May 26, 2008
The Free Chinese
On a business channel,
amusement at the “crazy”
Chinese who have capped
prices at the gas pump.
In the Land of the Brave,
you’re free to lean over.
Oil execs plumped before
congressional committee.
Convenient. They could be
cuffed together and perp-
walked out. Imagine these
business channels then.
The hurt, the outrage!
Oh well, thieves, too,
need messengers.
On a business channel,
amusement at the “crazy”
Chinese who have capped
prices at the gas pump.
In the Land of the Brave,
you’re free to lean over.
Oil execs plumped before
congressional committee.
Convenient. They could be
cuffed together and perp-
walked out. Imagine these
business channels then.
The hurt, the outrage!
Oh well, thieves, too,
need messengers.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Divorce Hearing
-She spends the whole day watching the Shoes and Hair Channel.
-And he “works”–so called!
-House a mess.
-He’d lift a finger?
-We moved from the old house because it got full of shoes. We can’t sell
it unless we clean it out, and it’s like they’re reproducing in there!
-Creative Writing! And he’s a sex brute! With enough kinks for a dissertation
in abnornal psych!
-There’s no sex. How could that compete with shoes?
-And FOOT-ball! You’d think THAT was the world.
-Instead of her HAIR!
Judge: I’ve heard enough. Divorce granted on basis of incompatibility.
Let the attorneys work out the financials and have a copy on my
desk inside a week. Then I sign off, and I do mean SIGN OFF!
-She spends the whole day watching the Shoes and Hair Channel.
-And he “works”–so called!
-House a mess.
-He’d lift a finger?
-We moved from the old house because it got full of shoes. We can’t sell
it unless we clean it out, and it’s like they’re reproducing in there!
-Creative Writing! And he’s a sex brute! With enough kinks for a dissertation
in abnornal psych!
-There’s no sex. How could that compete with shoes?
-And FOOT-ball! You’d think THAT was the world.
-Instead of her HAIR!
Judge: I’ve heard enough. Divorce granted on basis of incompatibility.
Let the attorneys work out the financials and have a copy on my
desk inside a week. Then I sign off, and I do mean SIGN OFF!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Indiana Jones
wrapped into kissing
blond in some clip
½ seen. Kissing
is not fleeing
1000 Nazis in-
tent on ravaging
your non-sexual ass.
Achieves smarmy art
form in Chick Flicks.
Should be banned
for adventure films.
Just a sop to ladies.
& mistaken one. They
desire the breakneck
race to blood, guts,
thunder as much.
More? Revenge
for dolls?
wrapped into kissing
blond in some clip
½ seen. Kissing
is not fleeing
1000 Nazis in-
tent on ravaging
your non-sexual ass.
Achieves smarmy art
form in Chick Flicks.
Should be banned
for adventure films.
Just a sop to ladies.
& mistaken one. They
desire the breakneck
race to blood, guts,
thunder as much.
More? Revenge
for dolls?
Friday, May 23, 2008
Political Impulse
-Well, she does have this bump on her nose.
-Oh my! It’s a very little bump. More like a...
-And she sputters when she gets nervous.
-I windmill! So what?
-Are you here to help or what?
-Or what. I’m an “Or What” person.
-Never mind all that posing. How about “Bump Nose sputters that
she wants to improve the cafeteria...”
-Uh huh. But...?
-I can’t think just now. You fill in the rest.
-With what?
-Use your imagination. For the first time.
-I get it! It’s like being back on the playground and becoming the mean kid!
-Chose any role you want. Let’s just get me elected.
-Well, she does have this bump on her nose.
-Oh my! It’s a very little bump. More like a...
-And she sputters when she gets nervous.
-I windmill! So what?
-Are you here to help or what?
-Or what. I’m an “Or What” person.
-Never mind all that posing. How about “Bump Nose sputters that
she wants to improve the cafeteria...”
-Uh huh. But...?
-I can’t think just now. You fill in the rest.
-With what?
-Use your imagination. For the first time.
-I get it! It’s like being back on the playground and becoming the mean kid!
-Chose any role you want. Let’s just get me elected.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The Threat
MEMBER
Blistering op ed! “Why I’m Leaving the Party”
A LEADER
So I hear and do in whole disbelieve.
MEMBER
Party of Race, War, and The Rich, he accuses.
A LEADER
The Holy Trinity.
MEMBER
Never mind the wisecracks. How do you counter? On Race, say?
A LEADER
We’re itching to get started on this Half-Darkie of theirs!
MEMBER
Worst than I thought. And war and...?
A LEADER
(sings) You can’t have one without the other.
MEMBER
You’re pretty lighthearted about this.
A LEADER
I’m not worried. We’ve unified traitors before.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Sluts & Phrases
Both parties corporate
handmaidens, or hand-jobbing
sluts, not to put too dainty a point.
Republicans divert from their Masters
1%. Coy Dems about 3. Phrases retain:
Party of Lincoln; New Deal. Etc.
Eyewash.
Both parties corporate
handmaidens, or hand-jobbing
sluts, not to put too dainty a point.
Republicans divert from their Masters
1%. Coy Dems about 3. Phrases retain:
Party of Lincoln; New Deal. Etc.
Eyewash.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The Imagination Group
LEADER
Well, we can win the war! Just came down from on high.
MALE WRITER
How do you define win?
LEADER
We don’t define anything. Your job is to pack the horseshit into the box and...
FEMALE WRITER
Throw in some God. Make it like rape...with hymns.
LEADER
No, wrap it in beautiful paper. With ribbons!
FEMALE WRITER
Ah those ribbons, the female role. I can do it! Oh the pride!
MALE WRITER
Oh the horror! I’d like to strangle all my Creative Writing instructors.
Could’ve majored in Sewer Engineering!
LEADER
No difference.
LEADER
Well, we can win the war! Just came down from on high.
MALE WRITER
How do you define win?
LEADER
We don’t define anything. Your job is to pack the horseshit into the box and...
FEMALE WRITER
Throw in some God. Make it like rape...with hymns.
LEADER
No, wrap it in beautiful paper. With ribbons!
FEMALE WRITER
Ah those ribbons, the female role. I can do it! Oh the pride!
MALE WRITER
Oh the horror! I’d like to strangle all my Creative Writing instructors.
Could’ve majored in Sewer Engineering!
LEADER
No difference.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Incident
Well, old Senator had “Seizure.”
Evacuated by copter to...We
know the drill, nothing
left undone in Million-$ Tech. In
Florida we have thousands daily
midst Emporiums of Trade. Take
a chair, &, if lucky, lovely
young woman pats your wrist
gives you water & teases you
to stick around. Anyway, it’s
a truly sweet final picture–if
that’s what it is. It, at any rate,
passes,
or you.
Well, old Senator had “Seizure.”
Evacuated by copter to...We
know the drill, nothing
left undone in Million-$ Tech. In
Florida we have thousands daily
midst Emporiums of Trade. Take
a chair, &, if lucky, lovely
young woman pats your wrist
gives you water & teases you
to stick around. Anyway, it’s
a truly sweet final picture–if
that’s what it is. It, at any rate,
passes,
or you.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
GP’s Office
-Next is Mrs...
-Oh God! One of them again. I never know what to say...
-You may have noticed that I’m one of them.
-And a rare example. Without imaginary symptoms.
-You’re married, Doctor!
-To a mysterious woman. Or aren’t you all? Oh well, if I could’ve hit
a curve ball, I might’ve made it in baseball.
-And that’s all we throw?
-Just about.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Roomies Looking for Roomies Eschew
“Drama Queens”--Jeez, they want more
of their own. American simmerers &
various cowards who won’t confront.
But will explode, eventually. And how!
Give those drama queens a second
look. Their thrusting out emotion
might be uncomfortable, but
a shortcut.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Der Alte
Old guy promises end
of Iraq war in ‘13.
Can’t wait for the parades!
Sousa beats on triumphant
drums! The Huzzahs! Working
on my Huzzah. ‘ll be something!
When it gets this higher chance
to mature.
Old guy promises end
of Iraq war in ‘13.
Can’t wait for the parades!
Sousa beats on triumphant
drums! The Huzzahs! Working
on my Huzzah. ‘ll be something!
When it gets this higher chance
to mature.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Rocco & Irish Danny
ROCCO
Look at this magazine. Actress...well, from the movies anyway...shows tons of
plastic surgery. Jesus!
IRISH DANNY
Skin on her face stretched like on my super-hard wang.
ROCCO
You mean she looks like a prick?
IRISH DANNY
Yeah. One somebody painted a grotesque face on.
ROCCO
You’ve outdone yourself this time o vulgar one!
IRISH DANNY
Fuck everybody!
ROCCO
Such cynicism’ll rot your pipes.
IRISH DANNY
Fuck! I’m leaking from everywhere now!
ROCCO
Look at this magazine. Actress...well, from the movies anyway...shows tons of
plastic surgery. Jesus!
IRISH DANNY
Skin on her face stretched like on my super-hard wang.
ROCCO
You mean she looks like a prick?
IRISH DANNY
Yeah. One somebody painted a grotesque face on.
ROCCO
You’ve outdone yourself this time o vulgar one!
IRISH DANNY
Fuck everybody!
ROCCO
Such cynicism’ll rot your pipes.
IRISH DANNY
Fuck! I’m leaking from everywhere now!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Informal Debate
DEMOCRAT
Republicans HAVE no principles.
REPUBLICAN
Nonsense! I can detail ten right off the bat. Solid!
DEMOCRAT
Do it then! Whatever they are, you’ve betrayed them.
And some among you know that to their very core.
REPUBLICAN
Don’t be dramatic. It’s not a film with Jimmy Stewart.
DEMOCRAT
Let’s hear these principles then. Start with ones not for sale.
REPUBLICAN
Well now you’ve handcuffed me totally!
DEMOCRAT
Republicans HAVE no principles.
REPUBLICAN
Nonsense! I can detail ten right off the bat. Solid!
DEMOCRAT
Do it then! Whatever they are, you’ve betrayed them.
And some among you know that to their very core.
REPUBLICAN
Don’t be dramatic. It’s not a film with Jimmy Stewart.
DEMOCRAT
Let’s hear these principles then. Start with ones not for sale.
REPUBLICAN
Well now you’ve handcuffed me totally!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Rocco & Old Man Reading Newspaper
OM
Trying to lock these ranting preachers around candidates’ necks.
ROCCO
Whack-jobs, but so were many prophets.
OM
You saying these babblers are prophets?
ROCCO
Only the ones in stretch limos.
Rocco is Ambassador from S Philadelphia.
OM
Trying to lock these ranting preachers around candidates’ necks.
ROCCO
Whack-jobs, but so were many prophets.
OM
You saying these babblers are prophets?
ROCCO
Only the ones in stretch limos.
Rocco is Ambassador from S Philadelphia.
Monday, May 12, 2008
By the Numbers
A zillionaire paid for our Republican Boot Camp, seminars to re-instill basic values.
The first class was Tax Policy, nicknamed by the students, L-N. Low or No.
Later in the day, Government Regulation. P-N, they said. Plenty of Nothing.
Then after dinner, Financial Futures, tabbed H-T-S for How To Steal.
A zillionaire paid for our Republican Boot Camp, seminars to re-instill basic values.
The first class was Tax Policy, nicknamed by the students, L-N. Low or No.
Later in the day, Government Regulation. P-N, they said. Plenty of Nothing.
Then after dinner, Financial Futures, tabbed H-T-S for How To Steal.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
TV Telescopes
Thus European Soccer Championships
run concurrently with diving competitions.
Those with picture-in-a-picture glimpse
Italian Academy Award performances, also.
Thus European Soccer Championships
run concurrently with diving competitions.
Those with picture-in-a-picture glimpse
Italian Academy Award performances, also.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
You play the clown
& pants fall down, in met-
aphor, très coy. When as-
sassins verge, or guts,
you'll join the circus.
& pants fall down, in met-
aphor, très coy. When as-
sassins verge, or guts,
you'll join the circus.
Friday, May 09, 2008
In Line @Walgreens
At head of which, red-
faced woman furiously
dispenses coupons to
cashier. She’s coiled for
argument & gets it. (Perhaps
expirations, or trying to
mate with wrong products.)
The seven of us behind frit-
ter...until the manager gets
paged. Then the endless, spit-
ting & querulous parsings with
him. No one in line says a thing.
We don’t even bleat. Ten
minutes pass. In
some infinite realm of mercy,
Cosmetics’ register opens
and I streak there.
As I finish, the woman
has finally reconciled, trans-
ported to Bargain Valhalla, her
eyes twin fires of triumph!
The person behind her,
a Vietnamese woman,
drops a few words
which strike as daggers of
ice, the offender sneering back,
but off-balance nonetheless,
gathering her spoils. No wonder
there’s hatred of immigrants.
After finding traction, they
won’t eat shit. Americans!
At head of which, red-
faced woman furiously
dispenses coupons to
cashier. She’s coiled for
argument & gets it. (Perhaps
expirations, or trying to
mate with wrong products.)
The seven of us behind frit-
ter...until the manager gets
paged. Then the endless, spit-
ting & querulous parsings with
him. No one in line says a thing.
We don’t even bleat. Ten
minutes pass. In
some infinite realm of mercy,
Cosmetics’ register opens
and I streak there.
As I finish, the woman
has finally reconciled, trans-
ported to Bargain Valhalla, her
eyes twin fires of triumph!
The person behind her,
a Vietnamese woman,
drops a few words
which strike as daggers of
ice, the offender sneering back,
but off-balance nonetheless,
gathering her spoils. No wonder
there’s hatred of immigrants.
After finding traction, they
won’t eat shit. Americans!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Ache of the Cursing Heart
Rocco Addresses Tuesday night poker, South Philadelphia, USA
Yeah I’ve been hearing it for almost eight years.
Lied into war, stolen elections, eavesdropping
on old ladies as part of the general terrorist bullshit...
mega etceteras!
And nothing gets done. The fucking of America
by Wall Street Pirates predates crooked Bush.
He and vicious Dick only perfected the art form.
When they die they’ll be screwed into the ground.
But that’s all trivial: Something has to happen to transform
chickens into men.
Or the new guy, too, ’ll stick it up your feathered ass till
your beady eyes protrude even more.
Rocco Addresses Tuesday night poker, South Philadelphia, USA
Yeah I’ve been hearing it for almost eight years.
Lied into war, stolen elections, eavesdropping
on old ladies as part of the general terrorist bullshit...
mega etceteras!
And nothing gets done. The fucking of America
by Wall Street Pirates predates crooked Bush.
He and vicious Dick only perfected the art form.
When they die they’ll be screwed into the ground.
But that’s all trivial: Something has to happen to transform
chickens into men.
Or the new guy, too, ’ll stick it up your feathered ass till
your beady eyes protrude even more.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Important Name
Formerly of Congress, Chenoweth
held off western flight: refusing to
submit to pat-down search. Let’s see
the regulation! insisted she. Uh uh,
can’t, this law’s Secret! For con-
venience call it The Hit-
ler-Goebbels Law.
Formerly of Congress, Chenoweth
held off western flight: refusing to
submit to pat-down search. Let’s see
the regulation! insisted she. Uh uh,
can’t, this law’s Secret! For con-
venience call it The Hit-
ler-Goebbels Law.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Kentucky Derby
FATHER
“They killed her!” she screamed, “and slammed her door.”
MOTHER
She had built a kind of paper doll of Eight Belles out of
construction paper. She loves horses, but I don’t supposed
you noticed that.
FATHER
I noticed it! I tried to explain through the door that they had
to put the horse down. No use. Can’t you go in there and...?
MOTHER
Let her grieve. It’s genuine.
FATHER
Can’t we adopt a boy? I need someone on my side. Can’t win here.
MOTHER
That’s trivial. Life isn’t TV. You just can’t stand the sobbing. Guilt?
FATHER
What the hell are you talking about?
MOTHER
You kill us! That’s what I’m talking about.
FATHER
“They killed her!” she screamed, “and slammed her door.”
MOTHER
She had built a kind of paper doll of Eight Belles out of
construction paper. She loves horses, but I don’t supposed
you noticed that.
FATHER
I noticed it! I tried to explain through the door that they had
to put the horse down. No use. Can’t you go in there and...?
MOTHER
Let her grieve. It’s genuine.
FATHER
Can’t we adopt a boy? I need someone on my side. Can’t win here.
MOTHER
That’s trivial. Life isn’t TV. You just can’t stand the sobbing. Guilt?
FATHER
What the hell are you talking about?
MOTHER
You kill us! That’s what I’m talking about.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Female Taser Parties in Florida
Spokesman for the firm:
Nobody better ever bother
these hot ladies with
their hot fists.
“Excuse me ma’am, I’m
looking for Duval
Street? Oh my God!
What? Aaaagh!”
Spokesman for the firm:
Nobody better ever bother
these hot ladies with
their hot fists.
“Excuse me ma’am, I’m
looking for Duval
Street? Oh my God!
What? Aaaagh!”
Torturing Humor
-Only one woman in the program. A special project.
-Shoulda been easy to waterboard. They got their mouths open most of the time.
-She was sorta advisor on suicide bomber fashions.
-You’re shittin’ me!
-Well, a few other areas we wished to know.
-What did...?
-Took her into hangar at Baghram. Backed her into spinning propellor.
-Oh my God!
-She didn’t peep, until...
-What? What?
-Dis-aster.
-Oh fuck you! Too too old a joke. We’ve been dis-BRAINED is the problem!
-CIA requirement.
-Are you sure we’re not gonna pay for all this shit? Look at Hitler’s
home movies. All those guys laughing at der Fuhrer’s witticisms
looked like us.
-Much better dressed.
-Only one woman in the program. A special project.
-Shoulda been easy to waterboard. They got their mouths open most of the time.
-She was sorta advisor on suicide bomber fashions.
-You’re shittin’ me!
-Well, a few other areas we wished to know.
-What did...?
-Took her into hangar at Baghram. Backed her into spinning propellor.
-Oh my God!
-She didn’t peep, until...
-What? What?
-Dis-aster.
-Oh fuck you! Too too old a joke. We’ve been dis-BRAINED is the problem!
-CIA requirement.
-Are you sure we’re not gonna pay for all this shit? Look at Hitler’s
home movies. All those guys laughing at der Fuhrer’s witticisms
looked like us.
-Much better dressed.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
The Trust
You sink into the 100-yr chair, inter-
viewing the VP hire three hours
straight. CEO expects meticulous re-
port, one you’ll spend a week at.
“You’re here,” he says, “for sagacity,
experience, a higher judgement!”
But it’s getting you
out of the way.
You sink into the 100-yr chair, inter-
viewing the VP hire three hours
straight. CEO expects meticulous re-
port, one you’ll spend a week at.
“You’re here,” he says, “for sagacity,
experience, a higher judgement!”
But it’s getting you
out of the way.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Friends of George*
-Hey we ALMOST finished it. The wrong toilets came. None of our fittings work.
-So, what did you do?
-We installed ‘em! What else?
-So you shit into a...?
-Container really.
-Even the Iraqis’ll wise up when they overflow with crap.
-Hey! They used to shit in ditches. We’re improving their lives.
*A lot of money was wasted on phantom reconstruction projects in Iraq left
incomplete because of poor contractor performance. In other words,
US tax payers made an involuntary contribution to Friends of George, which
would be a good way of summing up the Iraq occupation in general. -Juan Cole
-Hey we ALMOST finished it. The wrong toilets came. None of our fittings work.
-So, what did you do?
-We installed ‘em! What else?
-So you shit into a...?
-Container really.
-Even the Iraqis’ll wise up when they overflow with crap.
-Hey! They used to shit in ditches. We’re improving their lives.
*A lot of money was wasted on phantom reconstruction projects in Iraq left
incomplete because of poor contractor performance. In other words,
US tax payers made an involuntary contribution to Friends of George, which
would be a good way of summing up the Iraq occupation in general. -Juan Cole
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Guantanamo Quota
-I’m bringing it to you immediately. I’m not a sneak and figured
you should know.
-Yeah, well he’s a fresh one, with his pretty good English and little,
batty eyes of his.
-He asks and asks for it. I finally couldn’t help myself.
-Well, let’s keep quiet after this. Some people‘d like to throw both
of us under the bus.
-What I’m hearing.
-But...that’s the quota: you only get but one Up-the-Ass.
-I’m bringing it to you immediately. I’m not a sneak and figured
you should know.
-Yeah, well he’s a fresh one, with his pretty good English and little,
batty eyes of his.
-He asks and asks for it. I finally couldn’t help myself.
-Well, let’s keep quiet after this. Some people‘d like to throw both
of us under the bus.
-What I’m hearing.
-But...that’s the quota: you only get but one Up-the-Ass.
