Friday, June 03, 2016
Jesus In a Suit
Scene: Small inner room of
Back Door Tavern, where
Bloody Marys being concocted,
adding secret ingredients.
ART
The Army of Ecuador just marched
through my mouth.
BARTENDER MORKIE
Merry Christmas! Drink slow.
JESS
(reprising his sketch role as
last night’s Little Miss Innocence)
“Your largess doesn’t impress me, Sir.
I’ve seen bigger.”
ART
I can’t even visualize Mr Completely Good
with his pants off.
JESS
But you played him well as a raging hypocrite.
ART
Easier in the old days, when the Board sent us
fallible CEOs. Now we got Jesus in a suit!
JESS
Our sketch last night is the first step in his
destruction!
ART
I’ll drink to that! But he’s been singing all
morning.
JESS
His goodness is a slap in the face!
ART
Just another in a line of today’s utter frustrations.
JESS
We can’t really hurt him?
ART
Not a way!
JESS
It’s a Class Thing.
ART
Yeah, he’s got it and we’ll never have it.
JESS
Must pray to the Devil!
ART
HIS plate is full of the real world!
JESS
Maybe Jesus in a Suit will transition
to a skirt.
ART
Then we’d just turn all PC!
JESS
Or be shot?
ART
World’s gone to shit!
JESS
Drinking’s last White Privilege!
ART
Can’t pry that from our...
JESS
dead pale hands!
Labels: angry white men, Bloody Mary, Christmas Party, drinking, NRA, office, PC, Political Correctness, satirical sketch, White Privilege
Saturday, December 26, 2015
The Christmas Party, very nearly shot
-I missed the young people?
-Yeah, my girls left with swarthy strangers.
-Seduction From the Seraglio?
-Shut up and drink!
-Agreed! I'm catching up.
-Hurry!
Labels: Abduction From the Seraglio, alcohol, Christmas, Christmas Party, father of girls, friends, Mozart, Seraglio
Thursday, December 24, 2015
Power
The one single desired tidings of joy and bitterness, as she had recently staged a breakup with her forever boyfriend.
The children wanted to play with their new toys to the point of smashing them against others, and tears and exhaustion.
The men to return to the football game on the tube as it wandered to its artless conclusion.
And drink.
But the women, gathering torn wrappings, needed
to depart, resigned to a two-hour process thereof
before finally getting on the road.
Enter Aunt Dot, unshakable resolver of impasses!
The last car left fourteen and a half minutes later.
She freelances also.
Labels: children, Christmas, Christmas Party, drinking, Family, powerful personality, powerful woman, toy
Saturday, May 02, 2015
An Innocent Anent
Young Raxxy invited to the Big Christmas Party,
unheard of for a first-year employee.
Unfortunately, the cruder types said things
such as "Who did YOU blow?" They turned
everything to teasing sex. No surprise there.
And were, of course, jealous.
Mrs Carker and Ms Miller schooled on what
to say in the receiving line. Light. Pleasant.
They rehearsed him in the warehouse, cardboard
boxes representing the founder and his usually
soused wife.
Ms Miller put her hand on his ass to represent
what the wife might do, and the women couldn't
stop laughing.
Came the Big Night and he blushed a bit while
wishing the couple Merry Christmas, and
mentioning the snow promised by the hysterical
local channel.
Whereupon Dr Massey gripped his hand super-
tightly, looked scarletly terrified, and died.
There were jokes after a suitable period,
and a bit of celebrity.
But immediately after, Detective Minsker
and Patrolman Held kept exploring his
comment as to the snow.
Raxxy seemed permanently red to them, suspicious.
Minsker finally told Held to let the young
man go. “These pure types piss me off no end!”
“Frauds, like everybody else.”
“Yeah, but we can't pinch him for being an asshole.”
Darlene Billingsly-Marks finally told him that all
the girls at work were scared of him.
"But I'm not."
Labels: Christmas Party, criminality, fraud, innocence, investigation, sex
