Saturday, December 22, 2018
Sex, Pointed
-Boys’ Night Out? I didn’t remember.
-I notified you every way but Certified Mail!
-And you’re going TO…?
-Bowling.
-Sport being the Asshole Temple of
American Macho Males!
-Something like that.
-Well the girls would like one also! And we’d
like to try Bowling.
-Do! By yourselves! Spare us the travesty!
The little petite stomp-arounds at your
mutual incompetence! So so breathlessly
CUTE! HOLD THAT POSE!
-Women can be serious at sport, you know!
-Sure! Maybe one doesn’t show? Then the
impromptu Assassination Squad. Now I’d
call that serious all right! Tongues like razors!
-Oh? Somehow I so DO hold hope out for us
performing something well that isn’t also vicious!
-Possible!...with real thoroughbreds from another
stable.
-SO NOW WE’RE HORSES?
-Only the Long-Faces in your pretentious midst.
Labels: bowling, debate, female, gossip, horseface, male, marriage, relationship, sport
Saturday, October 11, 2014
(Mountaintops Taken)
Giru, Bowling Alley
-I worry ALL THE TIME!
-Nothing all the time.
-I thought, maybe God? Give it to...?
-Depends on which one.
-Was brought up Catholic.
-That's a good one for worry.
Jewish best. Various Protestant
sects a mollycoddle third.
-Leaving out Moslem.
-Those people? All they do is
kill each other!
-Sounds prejudiced, o Exalted One!
-A strong prejudice or two stamps
a character!
-Well...that does it for worry, then?
Now, there's another problem that...
-Stop! Gotta bowl.
-Do you get mostly strikes?
-Far from it. The sport defies goodness.
Three strikes and I'm outa here!
-Mixing your metaphors.
-Show your badge, Detective Language Police!
Labels: bowling, Catholic, God, guru, language, Moslem, Protestant
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Revelation
INVESTIGATOR1
We have Lucinda Ardenti Rohllerz as your
third wife.
ROHL
And last. She pretty much did the institution in.
INVESTIGATOR1 and 2
We can understand that.
ROHL
But I’ve gone too far! No further until I see some
credentials.
INVESTIGATOR1
Which we're instructed not to show.
INVESTIGATOR2
If you'll bear with us, just to help
us flesh out the story here.
INVESTIGATOR1
The Bowling Disaster?
ROHL
Ouch! You got that?
INVESTIGATOR2
And much more.
INVESTIGATOR1
Would you mind...?
ROHL
No. Might do some good. Anyway I was a first class
bowler. Tops for our terrific team. And then
in the City Championship I inexplicably threw
a couple of gutter balls. Everybody was thoroughly
pissed, and yet embarrassed for me at the same time.
INVESTIGATOR2
Gutter...? (then something in quick Italian from 1)
ROHL
Mystery clearing, Gentlemen. You're from Vatican!
INVESTIGATOR1 and 2
We can neither confirm or deny...
ROHL
Investigating Lucinda? I don't understand.
She was a handful and fiery, but...
INVESTIGATOR1 and 2
Yes!
INVESTIGATOR1
You've of course have heard the expression:
The Devil can appear in any form?
ROHL
This is like something the gang at Lippy’s Kool Kup’d
cook up! But their absurd surrogates wouldn’t hold the
grave expressions this long without cracking up.
INVESTIGATOR1
A grave matter indeed.
ROHL
Her?
INVESTIGATOR2
We think so.
ROHL
Well, it was a hell of a fight before her decease.
INVESTIGATOR1
One would think.
ROHL
But I pretty much gave as good as I got.
INVESTIGATOR2
Before the bowling.
ROHL
Are you saying that she...as the Devil...?
INVESTIGATOR1
We have records pointing there.
ROHL
What a shock! Give me a second or two.
INVESTIGATOR1 and 2
We understand.
ROHL
In...a way it was like my other two marriages.
So I never suspected...
INVESTIGATOR1
One wouldn't, of course.
INVESTIGATOR2
Did you ever see any scorching? Places
she had recently been?
ROHL
Not really. Just the verbal variety. I thought
she was just, as I said, a handful!
INVESTIGATOR1
And continues to be!
They asked him many more questions after that.
And cautioned him to tell no one. Informing
him also, that any copy of their report
would be forbidden him.
ROHL
I don't have to read it. Everything makes
more sense now.
INVESTIGATOR1
We'd like to leave you with a special kit.
ROHL
Now let's just hold on there! I'm not that
superstitious. Not going to give in to that!
INVESTIGATOR2
In the event she comes back?
ROHL
No way! This is Century Number 21 for Godssakes!
The two made the sign of the cross at this.
He got their umbrellas. The reason he talked
to them from the start was his boredom
from the beastly rain. When he opened the
outside door for them, Rohl changed his mind,
and they graciously left the kit.
INVESTIGATOR1
We have Lucinda Ardenti Rohllerz as your
third wife.
ROHL
And last. She pretty much did the institution in.
INVESTIGATOR1 and 2
We can understand that.
ROHL
But I’ve gone too far! No further until I see some
credentials.
INVESTIGATOR1
Which we're instructed not to show.
INVESTIGATOR2
If you'll bear with us, just to help
us flesh out the story here.
INVESTIGATOR1
The Bowling Disaster?
ROHL
Ouch! You got that?
INVESTIGATOR2
And much more.
INVESTIGATOR1
Would you mind...?
ROHL
No. Might do some good. Anyway I was a first class
bowler. Tops for our terrific team. And then
in the City Championship I inexplicably threw
a couple of gutter balls. Everybody was thoroughly
pissed, and yet embarrassed for me at the same time.
INVESTIGATOR2
Gutter...? (then something in quick Italian from 1)
ROHL
Mystery clearing, Gentlemen. You're from Vatican!
INVESTIGATOR1 and 2
We can neither confirm or deny...
ROHL
Investigating Lucinda? I don't understand.
She was a handful and fiery, but...
INVESTIGATOR1 and 2
Yes!
INVESTIGATOR1
You've of course have heard the expression:
The Devil can appear in any form?
ROHL
This is like something the gang at Lippy’s Kool Kup’d
cook up! But their absurd surrogates wouldn’t hold the
grave expressions this long without cracking up.
INVESTIGATOR1
A grave matter indeed.
ROHL
Her?
INVESTIGATOR2
We think so.
ROHL
Well, it was a hell of a fight before her decease.
INVESTIGATOR1
One would think.
ROHL
But I pretty much gave as good as I got.
INVESTIGATOR2
Before the bowling.
ROHL
Are you saying that she...as the Devil...?
INVESTIGATOR1
We have records pointing there.
ROHL
What a shock! Give me a second or two.
INVESTIGATOR1 and 2
We understand.
ROHL
In...a way it was like my other two marriages.
So I never suspected...
INVESTIGATOR1
One wouldn't, of course.
INVESTIGATOR2
Did you ever see any scorching? Places
she had recently been?
ROHL
Not really. Just the verbal variety. I thought
she was just, as I said, a handful!
INVESTIGATOR1
And continues to be!
They asked him many more questions after that.
And cautioned him to tell no one. Informing
him also, that any copy of their report
would be forbidden him.
ROHL
I don't have to read it. Everything makes
more sense now.
INVESTIGATOR1
We'd like to leave you with a special kit.
ROHL
Now let's just hold on there! I'm not that
superstitious. Not going to give in to that!
INVESTIGATOR2
In the event she comes back?
ROHL
No way! This is Century Number 21 for Godssakes!
The two made the sign of the cross at this.
He got their umbrellas. The reason he talked
to them from the start was his boredom
from the beastly rain. When he opened the
outside door for them, Rohl changed his mind,
and they graciously left the kit.
Labels: bowling, devil, marriage, Vatican
Friday, January 11, 2013
The Discussion
I’m
Stephanie. The sensible one.
When the
fierce crisis hit, the family held a discussion.
Mom played
the usual sweet conciliator, Dad harumphed
his way to our shared illusion of
respect.
Junior, per
usual, flew off the handle as I set out the alternatives.
Gramps
listened, and we puzzled over where he was.
But then convinced
us with alarming clarity that Option E doubtless our best choice.
Proved a
disaster! We suffered horribly for years.
Then, all
reversed and made us happy again!
Gramps, a
few more stops down the Alzheimer Line, said our Guardian Angels went bowling up
in heaven, and concocted the miracle between strikes or pins or whatever.
Frames?
Thank you.
Labels: bad decision, bowling, decision, Family, family discussion, Guardian Angel
