Sunday, April 03, 2022
Sen
So & So
from Such & Such
gets poured into hotel's limo.
Smashed & High
he shrieks patriot-drivel
& racy ditties.
Back at the Bash
Fr K zips up PANTHER
basketball jacket,
just far enough
so Roman
Collar still shows.
“35 years in Church,
wouldn’t change a thing!”
Meantime, Sen poured from
limo, carried to his “complimentary” suite.
Week later he votes for war.
2 weeks after that in Booze-Junk Rehab: “VOTE REPUB,
WAR! GIVE PUSSY DEMS NOTHIN! So baby or 2 dies?
Snifflers should exit public life!”
It’s TALK! He doesn’t mean it.
Soul Singers entertain at Bide-a-Bit the following Friday.
He won't go.
Labels: Catholic, Church, Democrat, politics, rehab, Republican
Monday, March 28, 2022
Cynic1&2
1/So passed he,
with priest
mumbling last rites
& our Bud buying
whole Bag?
2/Yup. Catholic
Blivet-Belief!!
1/Mercy on his alleged soul!
--but more things dreamt than
our philosophy they say.
2/ Name one!
Labels: Blivet, Catholic, cynical, Last Rites, religion
Monday, January 14, 2019
Couple
-She has a reputation for sweetness.
-Deserved?
-Now and again.
-When not?
-Lady Macbeth!
-That tough?
-Add fists.
-How terrible!
-Oh I don’t know. She gives
as well as she gets.
-I don’t believe that, Coward!
You’re certainly stronger,
-But it’s all a kind of Catholic
Mutual Aid Society. I’m Head Priest,
she’s Head Nun. So, worry not.
-Uh huh? And who gets you under
control, Father?
-The Bishop! Her brother. He’s not
much in the pulpit, but practicing
his active brand of the Faith?
-I can remember your face marked
up once or twice.
-Never removes his ring!
-Well it’s all of it goddamn sick!
-Heal thyself!
-Gladly, since nobody gets smacked around.
-Many varieties of Truth.
-None bloody!
-I usually just begin agreeing with
Saints like you, and they eventually
depart with thumb up righteous ass!
-Won’t wave goodbye, then.
Labels: Bishop, Catholic, Lady Macbeth, nun, priest, religion, violent couple
Thursday, December 13, 2018
Ends
-Kelli and I finally had THE TALK!
-The Delay Card disintegrating in your
crippled fingers?
-Think...Mudstorm-Tsunami.
-(sings) Where were you blown to?
-Separate trees!
-Oak, Christmas, what?
-Can there exist a Female Variety?
-Better be!
-Her final announcement, anyway:
she’s switching to girls altogether.
And starting Wholesale!
-She must hate herself.
-The only profound question concerns
the transferability of faked orgasms.
-She can search the literature.
-Or Feminist Poetry?
-At any rate, you both have some
time to think now.
-Uh uh! Enough of that shit already!
Moving to the desert before she wades
into Social Media blaming me. Expect to
be pissing my pants with some regularity.
-For my sake, practice stationing yourself
downwind right now!
downwind right now!
-What’s your, uh, sister doing?
-The usual nothing.
-On the market again?
-Yeah, but not to Jews!
-I’m a Catholic!
-Worse.
Labels: bi, bisexual, breakup, Catholic, feminism, Jew, macho, relationship
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
Power Apres
-Wow! Thanks!
-You ordered the best.
-Bears repeating: Wow!
-Can Jill bring you something
to drink?
-Uh, Jill?
-You met her. Very quiet.
-I hope she stays that way.
-You pay for discretion from my
whole staff. It’s guaranteed.
-No leaks?
-If I have something to say, I
come right out with it.
-Uh oh!
-But never a worry here. Ever.
If...you allow a word of advice?
-Please.
-Always, in everything, deal with Pros!
-I try, but Washington is such a masquerade!
-Speaking of which. Come the first Tuesday
each month. In costume.
-You’ll be wearing...?
-Catholic Schoolgirl.
-Count me in!
Labels: Catholic, Catholic Schoolgirl, costume, Professionals, prostitution, Washington
Saturday, May 27, 2017
-MacGarvey
never found after Hurricane Roxanne.
-Swept Out to Sea Theory?
-But two Madeline Ochs were found! Alive! Identical!
-Had he transformed to the one?
-Up for tenure, so I sat on it.
-Now with anti-science repubs in, of course anti-
tenure altogether!
-Profoundly stupid!
-So? Politics preventing this beyond-important story?
-Is the Pope a Catholic?
-Some women-hating Cardinals dispute even that!
-Oh well, even in acidly disputatious times, the beer remains good!
-Mac-Madeline should pull up his-her skirt and sit down for a schooner!
-Got no problem with that!
Labels: anti-science, anti-science Republicans, beer.disputatious times, Catholic, hurricane, sex switch, trauma
Friday, July 08, 2016
Article of Faith,
or Nun
Since it’s Sister Dorothy
on the stand,
the fresh Assistant DA dare
not paint her
in his usual ways of scatter-
ingly candied
wench or The Whore of Babylon.
When she returns to her seat in
the courtroom, worry
vanishes from that section. And,
mooing commences. Moving
the Judge to gavel order.
Labels: Catholic, courtroom, DA, judge, Law, mooing, Whore of Babylon, women
Monday, April 11, 2016
Love In This Time
The couple who itched together,
scratched together. Often with
chants and prayers and mantras.
Naked a good part of the day
to let the air get at them.
Medical Science supplied many
pills and ointments, of course.
But best relief came from a
goose grease purchased online
from The West Virginia Granny
Women, LLC.
They slathered each other at
bedtime, and then made a form
of ritual love.
1
Which specifically consisted of...
1 2
Subscribers only beyond this point.
2
Nuns at Catholic colleges forbidden
to subscribe re Church Directive Alfredo.
Labels: Catholic, itch, lotions, medical condition, pills, ritual, salves, sex
Saturday, March 19, 2016
College: getting in, getting on
Gritting of Teeth
-Larry didn’t get into State. Letter yesterday.
-A shame. My office will send you a list of
courses he should take in the junior college.
Then, next semester...?
-Be automatic?
-Nothing is. Just let me know when he’s
applying. Which you should have done
this time! Why didn’t...?
-Because I hate to owe!
-Grit your teeth, Joe, way things done.
...
Her Mother and Rachel Discuss Freshman Year
at Rosary College
-I put you with good Catholic girls.
-Well...trying to be good, let’s say.
-That’s the same as good.
...
Routes to the Top
-Aren’t you just a bit apprehensive about
getting in? I kept rearranging my application
materials before sending the whole package
off. Then I got sick!
-Good luck! I’m all set.
-Why the confidence?
-As a alcoholic, and the son of social boozehounds
of the highest order, I’ve met the important
people.
-And that should do it?
-Where you been?
-A planet where you study all the time!
-That might not hurt.
Labels: Catholic, class, college, college admission, drunk, Jew, who you know
Wednesday, February 03, 2016
Subject
We gathered another evening
in the church, our priest
assuring us that the army
would arrive--and behave.
We knew of the commander,
perfumed and polite.
Two leerers showed up, evidently
the avant-garde. They told themselves
jokes, but then asked the priest to pray
for them.
He did, and they hit themselves and
sobbed.
We were intellectual Catholics, unused
to display.
And the rest of the rapist-murderers
proved as demonstrative.
We became Good Germans.
The phrase unfortunate after its
hundred year age, but there
you have it.
Labels: Catholic, conquered, Good German, intellectual Catholics, invasion, priest, rapist-murderers
Saturday, December 05, 2015
Ancient Transgressions
-When they still delivered in this neighborhood, went out of a morning to get the milk. Bottle showed black and white, all splotchy.
-Defective? Off?
-Sin.
-Wow! Recall your particulars?
-Blocked to this day.
-What a Catechismal doozy! I'm envious! But...you had Confession. Could be absolved.
-Never took, even up to this more ambiguous time.
-So, really, we got a kind of Major League Sinner here!--if I'm not mistaken. And how does Jill-Ann...?
-She's as pure as the driven snow!
-How nice for you?
-...before the road crew rumbles past, plowing huge
ice boulders into your driveway.
-And making it difficult to get around?
-You don't get around Jill-Ann!
Labels: Catechism, Catholic, Confession, friendship, guilt, ice, relationship, snow
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
The Judy Garland Yacht Basin
Actually, just a small park where
the kids launched their toy sailboats.
But, unknown to Bud, reason for the
slang title, men met there past curfew.
He knew of no curfew himself, often
walking late at night, sitting on a bench
and thinking.
A process interrupted by a police raid
one evening.
Even in a Fascist municipality, he was
quickly dismissed, Judge Roark suggesting
he nocturnally ramble elsewhere.
He kept to his studio apartment, wearing
a path into the carpet.
Until Sudsy, his downstairs neighbor,
remarking on his soft singing one day
in the elevator: "I know why the caged
lion sings."
A knock when one not possible one evening,
and it's Father Maguire. "Trolling," he
claims, "but not in the cyber sense."
Yes, his family had belonged. No he never...
Well, he'd try Mass, uh huh?
He did, and before long was roped into helping
with the Youth Group. Joining Stelly, as the only
singles chaperoning.
She had lost a husband in Iraq, and was mega
serious.
No hope there?
Well, a couple of coffee dates, and much more
talk than both were used to.
Emptying, to reveal the unfortunate truth.
At work, Ripper and Sunday told him of tests
to ascertain whether she was crazy.
Since most were, it seemed the best course
not to apply any.
The big event for the kids was New Years Midnight
Mass, followed by breakfast.
Stelly and he did the cleanup, and he walked her
home post 3AM.
Never to really return to his studio--thereafter only
used for storage.
Well, what Rome doesn't know...?
The Italian Period of Sensed Religious Anxiety
wouldn’t be lengthened, however.
The couple had a small wedding in April, wily
Fr Maguire presiding.
Are they happy?
Two adults, so there's a fair enough chance.
She, of course, is not crazy. A little too much
the other way, but they're working on it.
Labels: Catholic, crazy, crazy women, hook-up, Iraq, Judy Garland, lonely, priest, restless, Youth Group
Friday, May 22, 2015
Mickey Katz and the Climate Kiljoys
Jordy stretched. At six feet and unbelievable
suppleness. All of which translated to
mega-sexy to some men. Most.
As a little girl, she was a gymnast, and coaches
foresaw an Olympic champ! But her post-hippie
parents gave her the decision, and she told
them she preferred the pre-practice stretching
to anything.
So, that’s all she did for years, with the exception of
touring with a woman’s volleyball team. There, she
lacked the fire to really spike one into an opponent’s
face.
But she saw a portion of the world, instructive in
placing herself later.
So, she happened! That is, she would show up in
a selected place, and stretch.
Crowds gathered, to say the least.
Her first outfits were a sort of abbreviated middy.
Sailor kind of stuff with little white cap.
A manufacturer sponsored her after a while, and
his version of the middy for teens sold out in an hour!
Since the more aggressive men tried approaching her,
a security firm hired.
In here somewhere, MIT studied her body. They found
everything in the right place. In spades! And a sort
of one-of-a-kind double-jointedness.
The sexual appeal which left men panting and moaning
was not of academic concern.
She had a float in the St Patrick’s Day Parade. Stretching above
a double blue ring of police officers.
Even the Times remarked on her micro Notre Dame cheerleader
outfit. “In The Wearing of the etc, not much green to be seen.”
She wore it again a month later, stretching before the Jesuit
seminarians of Markham, Massachusetts. The State Police
had to be called to bolster her own security guys.
How many young men lost their vocation is anybody’s guess.
But the "Markham Moan" eventually heard even in little kids’
playgrounds everywhere.
Rome came in later and changed the architecture: no outfacing
windows, everything looking down on an inner rose garden
courtyard where women forbidden.
Church claims they’re not, but they are.
On the Late Show, Bipsy Harsell ordered them to cut to
commercials when Jordy showed new moves.
In the interview portion she claimed celibacy, but “The one man
is out there somewhere with the magic key!”
Cell towers got overwhelmed all over America.
She, of course, went international. A Lily Marlene in tiny muslin
scraps in Berlin. A kind of Maggie Thatcher, licentious milkmaid--
or something--in London. Her sole mistake.
But, she saved it all for Paris. She became Lindbergh, stretching
for all she was worth before a replica Spirit of St Louis against
a foggy night crossed with searchlights.
Crowd in excess of three hundred thousand!
There she was very briefly spirited away by Sorbonne
students, all of whom got bloodied.
After a long rest, her next gig was to be The Native
People’s Meeting in Northernmost Canada. “Inuit Maid.”
But it was effectively stopped by Mickey Katz and the
Climate Kiljoys of Miami Beach, representing all Florida
beach communities. They reasoned that the body heat
alone would shrink icebergs and probably flood Florida.
They didn’t think that Jordy could do it alone...but
Mickey wisecracked that particular way.
Well, Jordy retired after that, not wanting to hurt
the ecology for following generations.
She lives unknown in an unnamed town.
But that might change since the new president,
a drunk, wishes to declare her a National Monument.
Labels: Canada, Catholic, craze, ecology, Florida, happening, iceberg, Lindbergh, provocative female action, stretching, women's sports
Friday, April 10, 2015
The Final Solution
-The Catholic Church is too nit-picky in declaring
martyrs, and it therefore takes too long. Thus, we’ve started The Martyrs’ Bureau.
-And as a Conservative Protestant Patriot, I’m applying!
-Who’s tormenting you?
-Hollywood!
-No one takes them seriously!
-Then, other religious. All because I insist that God
is a tree and not a rock!
-Let me get my pen.
Labels: Catholic, martyr, martyrdom, Protestant, religion
Thursday, February 12, 2015
The Art of Legislating
-Well, for the ten thousandth time, the devil
is in the details.
-We’re the devils!
-Don’t get theological on me! Our fellows
rely on us to hammer out a deal.
-Just speaking to you is sacrilege, according
to a good many of my voters.
-Mine too, and we will rape their purity
once again this night.
-You’re a Catholic: you’ve got Confession.
I’ve just got elevated thought.
-Well, hold it down so we can talk.
-And as grimy as it all proves, our better angels
will drift in when we’re exhausted.
-I think we should belay the holy or infernal
imagery. We’re...sleazy car dealers in a seedy
part of town.
-My battered Ford and a thousand for your Chevvie!
-When we shake hands on that, we lift the neighborhood.
Labels: Art of Compromise, Catholic, compromise, Confession, core voter, devil, Devil in details, ideological purity, political purity, rape, theology.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
(Mountaintops Taken)
Giru, Bowling Alley
-I worry ALL THE TIME!
-Nothing all the time.
-I thought, maybe God? Give it to...?
-Depends on which one.
-Was brought up Catholic.
-That's a good one for worry.
Jewish best. Various Protestant
sects a mollycoddle third.
-Leaving out Moslem.
-Those people? All they do is
kill each other!
-Sounds prejudiced, o Exalted One!
-A strong prejudice or two stamps
a character!
-Well...that does it for worry, then?
Now, there's another problem that...
-Stop! Gotta bowl.
-Do you get mostly strikes?
-Far from it. The sport defies goodness.
Three strikes and I'm outa here!
-Mixing your metaphors.
-Show your badge, Detective Language Police!
Labels: bowling, Catholic, God, guru, language, Moslem, Protestant
Friday, August 08, 2014
(As Translated by Scallywags)
Parables For Children
-The little boy put a white pebble in a hidden box
every time he attended Mass.
When he went to count them much later, instead of
many pebbles, were three.
-So...the times he really DID Mass!
-Ponder this: the archetypal religious story.
Moral as heavy as The Earth itself!
-But be sure to stick your thumb up your ass whilst.
Labels: archetype, Catholic, Mass, religion, story moral
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Rocco, Fr Mike, and the Food Stamp Pope
ROCCO (singing)
Down Argentina way...
MIKE
And a Social Justice Advocate!
ROCCO
They'll call him The Food Stamp Pope. But I'll tell you,
Father Mike, the drooling sentries in my bedroom
put down their weapons in amazement that there's
a continent down there.
MIKE
We all must widen our focus. Present company included.
ROCCO
I might just take that slight hint. In thinking ten years or so a chocolate cardinal might transform to a white pope on that famous balcony.
MIKE
Be an even greater universal day!
ROCCO
I can't wait for the gigantic insuck of ghinny breath!
MIKE
I'll pray for your patience.
ROCCO
Don't bother.
MIKE
For your Catholicism then?
ROCCO
FWB Catholic suffices, thank you.
MIKE
Funerals, weddings, baptisms? Church offers
a greater spectrum. Let's sit down over...
ROCCO
Fettuccini Alfredo?
MIKE
Thin out the sauce and add clams. I don't wanna
be laughed off the handball court.
Rocco encounters few priests in South Philadelphia.
When they leave the rectory, there’s an argument.
Labels: Argentina, Bedroom Politics, Catholic, Conservative, Pope, priest, Rocco, Social Justice, South Philadelphia
Saturday, June 23, 2012
The Return
- (sings) California there I went. Right there where they
love all bent.
-Well you’re back now. And it’s zero at the bone
with all that brutal ice.
-I don’t know if I left Bruce or Betty.
-That’s okay. You’re neither one yourself,
nor both, so you survived.
-Do they still have confession?
-Yeah, but where do you start?
- ...confused.
-Not a sin. But Rome wants exactness.
And preferably, number.
-Why have they made it so hard?
-Priests gone tone deaf from mere melody.
Labels: California, Catholic, Republican Sex
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Past kept around
only for reasons
of Catholic guilt.
Otherwise, full
speed ahead,
moderately.
Means I’ve learned
nothing? Not so.
Just don’t know
what it is yet.
only for reasons
of Catholic guilt.
Otherwise, full
speed ahead,
moderately.
Means I’ve learned
nothing? Not so.
Just don’t know
what it is yet.
Labels: Catholic, Catholic Guilt, guilt, history
