Saturday, January 05, 2019
Too Late Smart
-That Pa Dutch proverb says it ALL.
Too soon old, too late schmart!
-If ever.
-Amen.
-Let me revise that to never. Just when
you got it figured out how to hit the last
bizarre curveball, Mother Nature hits
YOU with one totally unspeakable!
-Sends me to my knees?
-You who are too proud to be beg turn
into the world’s meechiest, lowest,
prideless…
-Stop! Lower than whaleshit?
-Whaleshit is Mt Everest to you!
-So? What’s left?
-Can’t hear you. Can no longer
hear...Labels: defeat, Fate, friends, God, gods, hubris, inevitability, Nature
Sunday, October 14, 2018
Darker Proverbs
-”Every man for himself!
And God for nobody!”
-So instead of God
as merciful and
all-seeing…?
-giving not one
Flying Fuck, rather!
-Can't accept that!
-Or won’t?
-Same.
Labels: cynicism, folk wisdom, God, irreligious
Wednesday, July 11, 2018
Retrospect
-As Reaper looks on approvingly,
chaining cigarette breaks...
-She gives stuff away?
-To the bareass walls!
-All that accumulation! All those years!
-Definitely!
-Years I wasted! Gone for ill and nothing!--so much neurotic and weak.
-Nonsense! You “You’d.” What more
could be asked?
-MUCHO negative shit in there!
-It’s a whole freakin package with
everybody.
-That bad?
-Designed by God.
-Will He answer questions?
-Of course not!
Labels: accumulated goods, conduct, death, giveaway, God, Reaper, waste
Tuesday, May 01, 2018
Friends Into Theology
-Where were you when we walked
on the moon?
-Alive.
-That vague?
-That’s me. Will I recall more clearly
in Heaven, do you suppose?
-I think it’s always a golden present
tense there. Quite lovely!
-Good coffee? Can I order Kona?
-Think of it, it appears!
-Being good was tough. You need
nice coffee!
-Of course, we might be barking up
the wrong tree. Heaven, like, completely
spiritual!
-Sounds like Hell!
-Don’t be flip!
-I thought I was.
-Your nickname, but you know what
I mean!
-Will I be able to continue my great love
there with my Jennifer?
-The spiritual aspects.
-Those aren’t the ones I’m thinking of.
-No!
-How do I transfer? I mean the roasted-
ass bit probably a myth. Hell might be
a better fit for the two of us.
-You can’t speak for Jen.
-God himself better not try THAT!
Labels: behavior, coffee, God, heaven, Hell, hereafter, love, sex.
Monday, September 18, 2017
Stay Misty For Me
--or the odds matter
Misty a bright acquisition!
Judge was optimistic about her
sticking.
He gave it 70-30.
But after the first week, and her
pouting after he couldn't obtain
tickets for Slammo & Chutzy...?
50-50.
After all, wasn't real anger, but
severely funked disappointment.
Even odds held another week.
Then she announced she was moving
to Freeport, and, thank you, needed
no help in doing it.
“Let's stay in touch!” brightened he
anyway.
“I'll be awful awful busy!”
So, not a chance. Plus, she put on her
determined face. Which, pretty as she
was, could still horrify children and
small dogs.
Well...plenty other games in town!
He was a realist in realizing the breakup
was partially his fault.
15-85.
But, really, what a Foursquare Bitch!
He had actually lucked out!
His new date, Larsy, asked him repeatedly,
"What did you say?"
She out-vagued the field.
Odds would take some thought in her case.
For their next good time, she showed up at Early
and Marcom, instead of Four Corners!
How long before she’d forget his very existence?
Anyway, he finally decided on 100-1 they’d
ever arrive anywhere.
About right. She finally left with a high junkie
as woefully scattered.
Our hero, yes, cried.
Isn’t it the accumulation of things that leads
us there?
10-1 we’ll all do it at some murky stage.
Or acute.
Will of the Almighty? I heard God and the
Angels washed their hands of relationships
worldwide.
Satan, though, keeps his oar in.
Propelling his Rowboat of Fools!
Labels: date, dating, fools, friendship, God, odds, rejection, relationship, Satan
Saturday, August 26, 2017
HEAVEN AND HELL–-if you’re into dichotomies
Heaven Can Wimp
-I tried our 800 number and
reached an Indian.
-Sing-songy voice?
-I got used to it.
-We’re not all wireless yet,
budget restraints, and those
wogs are rotting the lines
with their curry breath!
-Whoa! Pretty racist.
-All in fun.
-Anyway, he helped me.
-Not him, the Marketplace!
We can afford him and
therefore give better service
than with your Christian crybabies.
-Really?
-Time and a half for overtime!
Give me a break!
-So Heaven’s a marketplace
economy?
-The only sacrosanct thing here.
-How about Love and all that
dreamy stuff.
-Not expressly forbidden, but we
worship The Market.
-God devised it?
-But of course. Don’t tell me that
you’re one of those Lefty Nitwits!
-No, I’m a good little angel.
-Say it loud and often. Otherwise
I only hear that you’re requesting
a transfer!
-No way! Adore that Marketplace!
Absolutely! No reservations!
-That’s better! Hey! Free donuts
tomorrow. Pass it on.
-SUPER YUM!
////
Hell Is For Heroines
-I'm just back and they want
me to go out again.
-Why so?
-Harassment. My specialty.
-Sexual.
-Of course. I go after Macho-Boss-Assholes,
and fry their little balls, believe me!
-You're tough!
-That I am!
-But good. As am I. Sometimes I wonder
why...?
-We're not in Heaven?
-I do wonder!
-Don't! It's simple. There are no
women in Heaven.
-I don't believe that.
-Absolutely true!
-Oh come on! Heaven is all dullard
males?
-Worse than Hell if you ask me!
-Then how about all the St Teresas
from here and there?
-Okay. Okay. A few women.
-You're a serial exaggerator!
-Yeah. Guilty. It's...just that we
have more Hell in us!
-And thank God for it!
Labels: God, heaven, Hell, Indian Call Center, market, marketplace, men, Sexual Harassment, women
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Self etc Help
-Everybody's hot after these
Models of Behavior now.
-All over the net!
-How would you describe mine?
-Running in front of a tsunami and in
danger of tripping.
-That totally precarious? What can I do?
-Nothing.
-I could pray!
-As I said, nothing!
-God could grant me a few milliseconds a day!
Lay out my case.
-Not entirely impossible, I suppose.
-BREATH returns to me now!
-Oh ye of...Great Faith!
-Best I can do!
-Who knows?
Labels: behaviior, faith, friends, God, Prayer, psychology, self-help, tsunami
Sunday, April 03, 2016
The Man Who Found Himself
-Oh there you are! Moping about your
certainties? And Beatitudes? Blessed are the...!
-Where’s that garish tramp of yours?
You couldn’t have farmed her out to
ruin the lives of others!
-Vamoosed!
-Good riddance! Depravity!
-Even took that florescent lipstick that had
rolled under the...
-You’re a Moral Disgrace!
-Add Drunk.
-I was going to.
-Check!
-Plus...that financial rigamarole that confused
others, but not me. Just a crook is all!
-Booze haze mostly, but I’m walking it back.
I’ll make whole anyone who...?
-Wouldn’t our Mother be proud!
-I want you to come along again. In her name
I’m keeping off the Grass too! Presently.
-I pray to God he vaporizes you!
-There IS one, then?
-I know that my Redeemer liveth!
-Good thing! Who else could stand the both of us?
Labels: conscience, God, immorality, Libertine, marijuana, moral, prissy, Redeemer, redemption, religious, sex, split personality
Tuesday, January 05, 2016
Signing Anyone Up?
-We need a Revolution!
-Last time I looked, each one of them
comprised of people. And all kinds.
Sorry, Republicans, with your bribing
billionaires!
-I think we can get Democrats.
-If they can extract themselves from footnotes?
Besides, they put a puppy in a commercial,
and figure it totally sews up the Women’s Vote.
-What do the Republicans put in a commercial?
-Worldwide Industrial Paradise where all choke to death!
-Brought to you by Free Market?
-And God on his better days!
-I heard He made a killing on commodities.
-That was War.
-Did Money ever lose a war?
-Maybe early on. Still want your revolution?
-Absolutely!
-Then you hafta understand the guys in the Havana Airport I saw. Sweepers. One asked
"Are we sweeping this floor for Socialism?"
“That, and coffee and cigarettes.” Smirking other.
-They took a half-hour break then.
-Are you saying Fidel lost them?
-Only his words. They loved him still.
-Is there...a bottom line in this somewhere?
-Neither party understands those guys:
The American Versions thereof!
-Who does?
-Trump!
-Jesus!
-He’ll bring around the coffee and cigarettes,
argue with them as to who’s more full of shit!
-We can still get these guys for the Revolution!
-Not in a textbook you can’t!
Labels: Capitalist, Cuba, Democrat, Fidel, God, Republican, revolution, Socialist, Trump, visionary, worker
Thursday, October 15, 2015
A Baby in Something
Just One Crisis
Hopey, somehow, became a sort of project
manager for the new condos being built
for artists.
He had been merely one who scraped a
down-payment for an efficiency apartment.
The Plumbers Union president astounded by pulling
his members from the site!
Shouting at Hopey “It’s a 14E job and you want 14!”
What could that mean? He went into the plans on his
computer, but could find nothing.
Then he became paralyzed. Hours fled. Finally called
the only true adult he knew. A former big man who
knew others. “You sound like a dove that flew into the
side of a building. He looks dead, then staggers
a bit, but in the end, flies away!”
“I’m...looking dead!”
A scheme hatched where this Smit would phone a city bigshot.
In An entirely different department, but he, in turn, knew
who else to call.
Plus, Hopey had to reach as many people as possible
at Licenses and Inspections.
He did, re 14, 14E, and was soaked and dazed at the end.
The following day, the union guy came to his cramped
office and screamed. Hopey screamed back. Both men
grew exhausted and the union chief finally whispered,
“We’ll all come back tomorrow, but you’re absolutely
assuring me the work lands between 14 and 14E.
I don’t want any freakin legalities!”
Hopey phoned his new mentor that night to thank him.
He sensed an atmosphere of patient realism, and thus
exclaimed “I know. I know! I’m a baby!”
“Everybody’s a baby in something. You grow up
because people depend on you.”
“Don’t! Don’t depend on me! Ever! I can’t fuckin stand it!”
“Do you believe in God?”
Dead air, and then “No.”
“Too bad.”
Labels: artist, baby, condos, contract, God, handling conflict, legalities, plumber, Union
Tuesday, September 01, 2015
The Transformative Moment
-I was addressing a mob of Southern Cretins
when it kicked in!
-Thereafter, you believed the righty bullshit?
-Amazingly!
-You departed The Bank of Cynicism and
never returned.
-I wouldn't say that, not exactly. In my personal
life I still fuck immensely around. And not cynicism, Play!
-Would God approve?
-Can't live on Him alone.
Labels: cynicism, God, hypocrisy, political hypocrisy, politics, politics of cynicism, Right, Southern
Monday, May 11, 2015
Decision Affecting Ducks
-As Big Bad Republicans, it’s time
to stop the play-acting!
-My best part!
-And reform Social Security!
-Got formula?
-Hardly Draconian! Start on
the receiving end. Twenty-
percent cut across the board.
-Statesman-like. But...whereof
that twenty thereafter?
-Why, half to our Billionaires.
-Faith not being quite its own reward?
-Investment!
-Other ten?
-To me and thee!
-God DOES have a plan!
-Go easy with that, or he’ll have his hand out.
Labels: billionaires, God, graft, Republicans kill Social Security, Social Security
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Pie,Sky
The Latest Thinking
-There IS Pie in the Sky! It's for Wealthy,
of course. But, crumbs fall.
-And, if I run around hysterically, with
my maw agape?
-You'll benefit!
-And, since I'm standing, like to present
my jive version of The Star Spangled...
-Like? I'd say it's a requirement. But, sing
it straight. We always prefer Straight.
-Not in thinking.
-No, never there.
-When did your bullshit start? That it could
reach this enormous wattage?
-Why, with God.
-He's a Republican then?
-Another insane one! We could never run 'im.
Labels: God, pie in sky, Republican, Star Spangled Banner, trickle down
Monday, March 16, 2015
Sauce. Goose. Gander. Eventually.
-He reeks of insincerity! Especially when they
force him to lard in God-references.
-I give him a pass in that case. That's merely
Hypocrisy. They usually run neck-and-neck with
the other side there.
-Their Hypocrisy-Triumphantalism being a passing phase?
-Most definitely! It’ll shake out to both having predictable scoundrels that way.
-Is Hypocrisy the Golden Mean then?
-There can be no other!
Labels: "democracy, God, Golden Mean, hypocrisy, political hypocrisy
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
2035, Divine Year
-However celestial the goal, it still
required some old-fashioned politics.
I won't bore Your Magnificence with
the grimy details.
And, of course, this is for you, and...
doesn't include the wife?
-Her? A God? I can see that you couldn't
stretch things THAT far. It's fine. She'll be
satisfied if it's just me.
-Okay, the Senate and House will be
called together in a week, compulsory!
And you be declared a God!
-I'm humbled.
-We have yet to work out holidays in your
honor and where the temple is to be built.
-I'd like a small one on The Mall, but a
much larger one back home. I'll live in
the later and receive sinners. In the
former, folks can go to my image and
pray to me for The Nation!
-Finished! Or as good AS! My only worry is that
it sets a precedent.
-One and done! I'd say.
-Well, the Democrats could come back in, and
eventually want to declare one of theirs a...
-The very idea is absurd on its face!
Labels: declaring a God, Democrat, divinity, faith, Faith and Politics, God, politics, Republican
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Involving Incident
THE BLUFFS CHRISTIAN HOME
Homer Shnitzman, MD
Delbert Hans, MD
Loretta Menton-Hale, MD, PhD
Two Orderlies:
-Nothing ever happened on my vacation before.
I caught a break!
-Surprised the news never penetrated the Poconos.
-Only Panic-Weather TV there. STORM OF THE CENTURY!
-Well, anyway, one of our ninety year olds grabbed
a young girl visitor. He “sprung” from Supply Room.
-Did she escape The Fate Worse Than Death?
-By kicking him in the balls, hard and repeatedly.
-Ouch, I think–-whatever is left of that shrunken package,
at any rate.
-Shnitzy wants us to sign on to new, ever-watchful regulations.
-Even if good sports crap on TV?
-That new lady Doc said the old fart had “reverted to Pure Male!”
-Did he now? Something in the water? That one’s a snip!
-The Church has declared her husband a martyr.
-Not shocked.
-What if...one of our women reverts to Pure Female?”
-Much more serious!
-Too Scary!
-God wouldn’t let it happen.
Labels: Alzheimer, dementia, doctors, God, men, mental hospital, Old Age, orderly, women
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Sign, Initial
-You're sure, then? B and not A?
-Sure. Yes. B.
-Then, you sign here, and I initial
your signature as being from someone
I know.
-Done!
-Not quite. "The Statement of Intents and
Purposes." Mine. You must read it and
then...
-I already tried. It's incomprehensible.
-Lawyer-Language.
-I'll sign.
-No, just initial.
-Are we almost done?
-Yes! Believe it or not, though, I must ask you
once more as to B.
-I feel like saying "and may God have mercy
on my soul!"
-I too. We must be old-fashioned types.
Besides...it would be phrased: If there
is a God, would you like that apparent entity
to have mercy on your soul?
Both laugh.
-We mustn't laugh. Too serious.
-It's a bitter laugh. Fits all situations.
Labels: CYA, disclaimer, fill out form, form, God, Lawyer Language, mercy
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Women of the Same Name
Denises
Denise 1 captains barges.
Steady as she goes! she went.
Having had it with Larky's imbibing.
Denise 2 climbs aboard Good Ship Drunk.
Organizing. Does his many closets first, un-
covering all the bottles and trashing them.
Larky orates painfully, abusing his
few friends. They, preferring the souse
to the louse, rashly vacate him. As does
Denise 2, in favor of a Latin stud
who likes their fiery dancing
more than firewater.
But a funny thing happens to Larky
after Denises. He sobers to the near-
corpse stage of Professing Puritans.
Denise 1 barges back,
taking him in tow
with a taut line.
His favorite proverb, When
the Devil cannot come himself
he sends a woman! goes mod.
Truly clearer now
for the first time
he substitutes God.
Labels: alcoholic, barge, devil, God, organizing, women
Thursday, December 04, 2014
Practicing Cynics
-But I’m not Jewish!
-I get it. We start with the punchline! Then safari
back through your whole range of ethnic
prejudices to ascertain just what you are.
-I love this game! And you don’t shoot any little
bundles of electrons representing aliens. Or sell
off those parts of Atlantic City not occupied by
glitz-seedy-boffo casinos.
-Do I ask questions? Is that the drill?
-You can. Or I can give a patriotic speech?
-How much will you take not to?
-What has ruined Patriotism in this country?
-Patriots. So-called. Or self-designated.
-The trouble is all the little pissy wars! We need one
we can sink our teeth into. A big one with arty posters.
-It’s not a real war without them. They rally one!
-Loose lips sink ships!
-You’re Hungarian!
-How did you know?
-The hot way you embrace dead concepts.
-You’re amazing!
-I’m about to exhibit modesty. Now THAT’S amazing!
-We had gotten far off the topic, and then...!
-Amen amen I say to you...
-that if a man gives a fish to another man, well what
good is that?
-Uncool.
-But if he LEARNS to fish!
-Then he can also learn to love minimum wage with squat benefits.
-There’s the patriot we’ve been seeking! But, not now! I’m busy dreaming of shoving rich people through eyes of needles.
-I, as God, will bless you!
-Don’t bother! You’ve been a disaster for me!
-You expect too much! I’ll put my batting average against anyone’s!
-Well, I’d never sign you. Too much baggage.
Labels: Atlantic City, Baseball, casino, God, Hungarian, Jewish, patriotism
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Hereafter, Hereafter?
Two. One Topic
-I go with Thomas Wolfe: We walk the streets
of life alone.
-That’s awful! How about friends? Besides, I feel a Presence. For this journey, and the next.
-Comforting...for you.
-Why not for you?
-Should I make something up?
-Of course. Why not? Yes!
-I was being sarcastic.
-Then yes, yes, yes!
Labels: death, friends, God, hereafter, Presence, solitary
