Tuesday, September 06, 2016
Medical Opinions
Ricky and Noggs left the former’s
Stag Party since both on call as
Ambulance Techs.
Driver Jellybean picked them up.
And then, the three fetched Mr Ackeny of
that neighborhood.
Later, the partiers, only a bit flushed from their
one-drink limit, when Ackeny peeked out from a
thicket of tubes to wheeze “It’s probably nothing!”
Noggs agreed super warmly, with a scattered
anecdote of a Joe Early of Morningside picked
up last week clammy-gray and trembling, but
discharged almost immediately at Receiving.
“And he looked like Death warmed over!”
“But,” Rick whispered, “it’s probably... everything.”
Labels: ambulance, death, hospital, medical emergency, techs
Thursday, July 14, 2016
“Eat!”
Dr Lotz called a meeting to gently reprimand.
Starting with himself. He got on the scale in front
of everyone.
“Two nineteen! Should be one seventy!”
Didn’t insist the others weigh themselves.
Physical evidence in straining seams, pot bellies,
expanded derrieres etc.
Even Scrawny the Chief Orderly and his assistant,
Fred Astaire, aka George Hebberly, resembled
Macy parade floats.
As to the patients, there for therapeutic weight loss?
They seemed to do better and better, while the same
principles enlarged individual doctors, nurses, and others.
Ripper Askew, Engineer, could wait no longer. He presented
the plan to reinforce the floors to the Board.
A genial bunch who just laughed at the staff predicament,
but okayed the remedial construction
Fortunately, just before a massive influx of new
patients, the old ones being discharged a week earlier.
As the construction gang waited to begin, the
steel girders and rebar piled on the grass
and the cement truck revolving its huge barrel,
the building collapsed, crushing all staff in
the process of vacating. Unfortunately, handling
last-minute chores.
The Grand Opening of the New Serenity Falls
in a year.
At that, Architect Hap Happersly of Happersly,
Keenan, Otz, Merriweather, and Dingel, wisecracks.
“If you had polar bears on the staff instead of docs
and nurses, these floors will hold. Drive in some
General Patton tanks. The back bank of elevators
will send each one to a specific floor!”
But, one serious sign: the new staff devours
the luncheon, and catering company “Eat!”
rushes in more.
Labels: addition, doctors, fat, hospital, nurses, obesity, patients, staff, unstoppable
Saturday, February 20, 2016
The Women Who Sweep In
Keenly
Queenly
(Sometimes Drama-Queenly)
-It’s not that the hospital wasn’t prepared.
We knew she was coming! But Mosley, RN,
left the front desk to pee, and in that space,
she swept in. Volunteer Denise not up to it!
-But still explained it wasn’t visiting hours, etc?
-She swept by her and up the elevator and
into the unit!
-Unstoppable!
-Dr Holtzel just coming off shift and no
match for her. Soon he was following
orders in practically a sleep-walk.
-She makes men zombies?
-Just about. Okay okay, win some, lose some.
-But how can we be better prepared next time?
-Stiffen each line! She should never reach the doctor!
Never even get out of the parking garage! So let’s
get real officers in there, not old men playing pocket
pool who retired during the Carter Administration!
-I heard that sometimes they sweep in in teams!
-No hope then. That’s all she wrote!
-Why...am I laughing? It’s so potentially toxic!
-It’s funny? Not!
-No, I just thought have any of these women
actually, literally, swept in? Using a broom?
-Don’t be ridiculous!
Labels: bossy women, Carter, dominant women, Drama Queen, hospital, plan of defense, pliant men, sweeping women
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Conflict In the Cancer Ward
When The Wit passes,
the doctors and nurses become doubly
morose.
The new patient, Bertram Runcey
Carruthers, strict in life and worse
approaching death, wouldn’t say shit
if he had a mouthful.
“Oh Well!” from Head Nurse, Frederika,
“They also serve, etc. And, a little nobility
won’t hurt this time.”
“Fuck nobility!” counters assistant, Delsey,
too outspoken for her own good.
“You’re too outspoken for your own good!”
reminds Frederika.
Labels: authority, Cancer, hospital, nobility, nurses, wit, youth
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
The Hyphen
When he was diagnosed with a disease containing a hyphen, interest grew within the hospital.
Physicians visited from departments which had no
hyphen diseases.
A group of doctors even came from Buffalo, asking him questions and texting their impression to each other.
They further asked him to recommend a strip joint
and he told them he knew only of Peaches Flambé,
a Gentlemen's Club, but only because Channel Six
had interviewed neighbors objecting to sex
in the parking lot.
This news inflamed them, so much that one apologized,
"It's all the snow."
It proved time for his cocktail of drugs which brought him diarrhea and hallucination. An hour later the nurse administered the countervailing dose bearing
constipation and headache.
One day they told him he could go home and he did.
He put the drugs in the freezer because throwing
them into the toilet would be a toxic, thus antisocial, act. Friends came by with herbal teas, a few of which
he actually liked.
A year later he went for tests and they told him
he no longer had hyphen disease.
He went back to his apartment feeling comme ci
comme ca.
Death would come someday, of course, checking
into a local motel and watching a football game
with the sound off.
Then leisurely walking over, knocking softly
because of the late hour.
When he was diagnosed with a disease containing a hyphen, interest grew within the hospital.
Physicians visited from departments which had no
hyphen diseases.
A group of doctors even came from Buffalo, asking him questions and texting their impression to each other.
They further asked him to recommend a strip joint
and he told them he knew only of Peaches Flambé,
a Gentlemen's Club, but only because Channel Six
had interviewed neighbors objecting to sex
in the parking lot.
This news inflamed them, so much that one apologized,
"It's all the snow."
It proved time for his cocktail of drugs which brought him diarrhea and hallucination. An hour later the nurse administered the countervailing dose bearing
constipation and headache.
One day they told him he could go home and he did.
He put the drugs in the freezer because throwing
them into the toilet would be a toxic, thus antisocial, act. Friends came by with herbal teas, a few of which
he actually liked.
A year later he went for tests and they told him
he no longer had hyphen disease.
He went back to his apartment feeling comme ci
comme ca.
Death would come someday, of course, checking
into a local motel and watching a football game
with the sound off.
Then leisurely walking over, knocking softly
because of the late hour.
Labels: disease, doctors, hospital
