Sunday, May 15, 2022
Mean Man Marries
his pointed equal--stating
it mildly.
She, then, does worry
as he garners facts
in a game played
to win! Only! Thus,
topping her--though some-
what methodically?
Not a bit of it!
She yells back
against his truly-
learned babble. He
simply…CANNOT…
understand her: his
Proclamation!
Then, in bed, it’s
quick results
or do something else!
(Often involving her
Honda Scooter.)
His few friends pop round
thereupon, telling
him GROW UP!
Lately…worst yet…
occasions arise
whence
he forgets snide.
Sarcasm’s driving
beat coddling
old love ballads
nobody believes.
Yet THEY do! This odd PAIR!
She shades 40 mph later:
Lower Commerce Bypass. He
grips her dearly! gold jersey
twists both their names mid flash-
ing silver dragons on his back.
He calls them Yeks, Nekkie.
Labels: couple, cruel, mean, switch, wit
Tuesday, April 05, 2022
Once More
"Why not say it AGAIN?"
He clams up, latter nodding for goodbye.
In 2 wks, they meet by accident.
"I still don't know what's WRONG!"--she.
"Try mushy Hallmark Channel for
Woman-WIT!"
Labels: dense, Hallmark, repetitive, wit, Woman
Tuesday, March 29, 2022
end
-(sings) I'll take you home AGAIN, Kath...
-Another stupid song?
-I thought...your name being K...?
-My mother Irish, father kike.
-Oy! Begorah!
-I hate you!
-Witless, it's a leap for you.
Labels: dumb, incompatible, Irish, Jewish, wit, witless
Monday, December 10, 2018
-Cremation in the Nation!
-Your wit acknowledges no bounds.
-Hey, it’s the way the ball, like, careens!
Dr Elling and wife, Nathalie, disgusted
at Red’s initial comment as to the family
of eight incinerated in the blazing SUV.
But Red had been puzzlingly depressed
the whole rainy week before that crash
into the huge oak on Appletree Lane.
into the huge oak on Appletree Lane.
Besides, his Secret of Life WAS laughing
at whatever small people thought taboo!
Their little fears would forever bring kicks.
Labels: attitude, behavior, cruelty, detachment, inhuman, showing off, tragedy, wit
Wednesday, December 05, 2018
The Woman Who Couldn’t Count to Four
Had tried, with disastrous results!
Adored men! A collector.
No end to her cleverness, she’s
now on 3gg.
Himself, a self-professed wit.
Labels: cleverness, intellect, men, strategy, wit, women
Saturday, November 24, 2018
The Rural Wit
so quick in skewer-
ing women n’all
other spicks! Though
Global Warmists
horse-laughed each
and every freezing day!--
getting them even hotter.
Yo! Lots of cases
everywhere must
show us how
our Rural Wit is just
The Cat’s Meow!
Labels: country humor, country vs city, ethnic, Global Warming, rural, satire, wit, women
Wednesday, October 31, 2018
Date
unrelentingly Austrian School!”
“More like Austrian FOOL!”
Mari had had enough.
Surprising Andre, since she
had been so quiet on this
first date arranged by sadistic
mutual friends.
The second surprise: She insisted
on another meeting!
“Thought I’d actually enjoy expressing
a few random thoughts about mySELF?”
He agreed with sudden grace.
Already planning the text cancelling out.
“Any stage being too small for two
such wits!” he announced to Carol
at the office next day.
“Uh huh? Two MALE wits, I’d agree!”
“You women are a blatant CONSPIRACY!”
“Never forget it!”
“Where are the snows of yesteryear?”
Puzzling her, so he didn’t add “And
the girls who gush over obvious
brilliance?”
Labels: blind date, competition, ego, female, intellectuals, male, wit
Sunday, October 28, 2018
An Explanation of History
Every thirty years
people laugh at
different things.people laugh at
Thursday, March 15, 2018
Going Back to Get Back
Registered with Bureau of Revenge
on a whim really.
Oh there were those to get back at.
But nothing Major League.
Save for the one flit who wheedled
the whole room to laughter at my
expense the once.
I tried to walk back his punishment,
but they wouldn’t change their mind.
Given a stammer.
Believe me, his future witticisms
would fall completely flat while
he forced words out!
At any rate, that was enough.
Too small of me, I felt, to go on
with other cases.
But. Not so fast. One against me.
Brought by Jennifer Darlington’s
Sister.
Hereinafter: JDS.
Who claims I met her shaking sister
in a hallway, and she shook so, I
wisecracked “Shall we dance?”
Weak! But it hurt her forever since
she had Muscular Dystrophy.
Who knew?
Now I offered to abjectly apologize!
Wouldn’t work. She’d feel I’d just
turn new words against her!
I’d write it then. Thoroughly heartfelt!
That’s the best way to lie, scoffed they.
Meantime, the computer had made
JDS into JEROME Darlington’s Sister.
All discussion ceased! He the meanest ever!
Sent away then, their wondering if I’d even get homel
Labels: cruelty, hurting, revenge, weak, wit
Thursday, November 02, 2017
The Intelligent Boundary
the crowd at the sign.
NO CLEVER PEOPLE BEYOND THIS POINT
-WE’RE not clever?
-Nope. Homeboys with Homesense!
-Not so bad.
-And when we get together with the rest of us
Un-Clevers, everything won’t be all fucked up!
-Any other differences?
-Personal Pronoun “I” gets rested.
-Whew! How’d it get as far as it did?
-Couldn’t resist all the BRAIN POWER!
Labels: cleverness, common sense, native intelligence, pseudo intellectual, wit
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
Points of View
Out for his customary early evening
walk, Bart decides to watch the end
of the softball game.
There a hit himself! With the wives
and girlfriends of the players, via
well-timed wisecracks.
But it came back to Officer Hertity,
friend, as “Some old guy talking
dirty!”
His wife, Lark, told him to look in
the mirror for several minutes!
But he saw just a very old,
harmless,
blinking,
buffoon.
Little tufts of hair in ears.
Labels: entertainment, misunderstanding, old, perception, pv, wit
Saturday, October 07, 2017
Wit Abounding
Hoaks left the ad business after
thirty years to take on the PR
of a small for-profit college.
His task unlimited, he decides to
remake the departments, starting
with Physics.
Where the professors overwhelmed
by huge ideas to the point of
incoherence.
He bought them a few academic
prizes, and they, grateful, took
lower salaries.
Reporting to the President, a
heavy equipment lessor in
real life. “...and here’s hoping
they keep their hands out from
under pinafores!”
“Pinafives, while you’re at it!”
America! Wit everywhere!
Labels: American Wit, for-profit, higher education, wit
Saturday, September 23, 2017
The Man Who Lost His Mind
...and no one noticed
I am he.
Oh, perhaps there’s a brain stem
or something left.
Enabling me to operate on a
primitive level.
To fake it.
I wonder if I had relied on this
for the many years before losing
my mind.
I still work the same job, my
colleagues just as boisterous,
or cutting, as usual.
Live in the same messy studio.
With the exception of one desk,
the surface of which I keep
uncluttered.
A special art has developed
where I space objects on it
weekly.
Enabling me to breathe
much more freely.
Go figure!
About a year into my 90%
brainlessness, I sought the
advice of the wisest man I
know. My old professor of
Interpersonal Problems.
He listened. And then laughed.
“Welcome! My mind left over
five years ago.”
So! A reunion of sorts of the
brain deficient.
All we could do for the whole
conversation was chuckle and
guffaw as to how we’ve fooled
everyone.
But then I turned serious!
I had so many questions!
Chief of which: Do women lose
their minds proportionally?
He couldn’t stop laughing then.
Five minutes elapse, my thinking
he’d need medical treatment.
Finally he breathlessly blurted out “Not...
in the least. They...never do. You see,
they had none to begin with!”
Stop here! Feminists, please.
And plot no revenge of any type!
Especially intricate, quite above
my head!
It was a joke!
Actually I love women more and
more tremendously since I’ve
lost my mind.
I gravitate to their conversations in
the office.
I seek places where they congregate
and I bathe, bathe in their loveliness,
and non-threatening wit.
One of these for lunch. An old paneled
establishment where the chef rules.
He makes me a thumping cheeseburger
that defies gourmets. It shouldn’t succeed,
but does deliciously!
(I should say here that when I possessed
a mind I was a vegetarian.)
I hardly come up for air when I devour it!
Then burp and discretely fart with some
abandon, my chin greasy which I
darent napkin-dab for a while in my
gustatorial ecstasy. Ahhhhh! Shine on,
wondrous chin!
Then I turn my attention to the women
dining there. The lovely, bubbling
conversation. The buoyant laughter.
I could swim therein forever. It is
flawless!
Until...she without flaw!
Enters!
Drop-dead gorgeous! an understatement.
Sitted at a corner table, and draws all eyes
towards her as head waiter leaves maroonly.
The other women make excuses to each
other, and fairly quickly depart.
Just me and her.
And do I walk by her and stumble and
shyly apologize, and this awkwardness
the beginning of great romance?
Not a bit of it. Grow up, o Hollywood
Infected.
I flee too! But linger outside to watch
her through the window, street life
shoving at my back.
Alone, she is breathtakingly beautiful
in a shaft of rancid light.
I can take no more of her looks.
And loneliness. So walk away fast!
I’ve been promoted at work, thus
lacking most brain power helps.
Have a new, spacious apartment and a
cleaning lady, an ageless babushka.
Also, about to marry.
I’ve been honest with Tess.
She quips “Who needs a freakin
brain anyway? Or even much money?
Kind hearts are hardly witty, but
they’re purest gold!”
Labels: faking, feminism, humor, kindness, lose mind, marriage, wit
Saturday, August 12, 2017
The Man Who Answered All Questions
tired of his cleverness, and absently
stroked Sidney Carton, the least
mysterious cat in the lower valley.
Who darted away, then back to bite.
"You little bastard!"
Hardly witty.
Labels: cleverness, know-it-all, Sidney Carton, wit
Wednesday, July 19, 2017
Yip and Hoke
of the fuckin chair! I hit the Mute on the remote,
but didn’t work.
-Immutable?
-What the fuck does that mean?
-I had an idea when I started, but lost it.
-Mind’s a terrible thing never to have.
Labels: friends, irascible, loud commercials, wit
Monday, April 03, 2017
Della and Rack Consider a Film
-“NITWIT SWITCH, the sex romp to end all etc.”
-I like Doris Hadley.
-She can’t save it.
-Thin gruel anyway. A stupid woman
becomes a stupid man. Give me a break!
-The opposite plot being impossible.
-How’s that?
-Dodo as a lady? The softening and love
he learns in the process makes the usual
macho imbecility impossible.
-You said impossible twice!
-I’m a woman.
-How about inconceivable?
-Not after three babies!
-You’re...too quick for me, aren’t you?”
-Not too dead to notice? Look out you
don’t lose your male union card.
-Or union suit?
-Nice try!
Labels: back and forth, quick wit, repartee, sex change, sex difference, sex patterning, sex roles, wit
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Motives Here and There
When The Knucklehead died, we made a history
of his quotes.
His wife and two daughters took it as wit.
Our Charlotte and Dumpy had tee shirts printed:
JE SUIS KNUCKLEHEAD
Tough sell in a time of solidarity with nothing.
We gave most to Goodwill.
Labels: Goodwill, Je suis..., knucklehead, solidarity, wit
Thursday, December 03, 2015
Knowing the Competition
Songs, Old and New
Triple-B and Saint Franny showed up early for the picnic.
Monikers for Ball Busting Betsy, and, from History.
Fran once cleaned a shower that had been puked in, saying
“It’s nothing.”
His role of scissoring greens, and hers of tossing and bossing
understood, there was no trouble. Initially. But she began
feeling restless.
Final result: He ends up sobbing and retching under an oak.
Another scalp for her, though much much too small a challenge.
She awaited the main thrust as the gang filtered in.
Uh uh. Everybody as hostile as she.
Jason Terrible snatched the salads away, saying he would
pretty up the work of three year olds! He rode herd on
the Hilton kitchen in real life, so Triple-B overmatched.
“How about you stir your capacious ass and get me some
radishes?”
She did, and was dismissed.
St Franny annoyed everyone, but had fallen asleep.
Triple-B eased past him to the grill people. Where, nobody spoke to her.
She eventually drifted through gossip knots, holding her own, but just.
Oh well, ended up at twilight, sitting over the mud at riverside, her
capacious ass sagging a hammock from the Carter Administration,
and one inch above weeds. Knees shooting up past her ears, bones!
Not a good look.
Sucked on a tall bitter lemon and vodka, half and half.
Passed out.
Jed Aurmel and his former student and present antagonist,
“Hannah” Harks, thought they should do something.
“Maybe she’s dead!”
“Forever bringing up The Ideal, Professor?”
She was actually Millie, but a Hannah had poured water
on a drowning man in an old song.
Labels: ball breaker, competition, cruelty, friends, Hard Hearted Hannah, hostility, picnic, weaponized wit, wit
Wednesday, July 08, 2015
Free Range or
The Mountain Goat Leaps From Precipice to Precipice
–-and back again to piss
-Two of the nicest ever, and they're getting married!
-The cauldron! Will determine if each is really nice,
or faking it.
-A percentage thing?
-Either way, I go for the nice, and seek it everywhere.
-Even the phoney...?
-Hey! We need a lubricant to keep us from each
other's throats!
-So, shake it until you make it?
-Any which way, or every which way!
-You talk in cliches.
-I'm taking that nicely. Besides, you’re one too,
-The important question always: Do you hafta
do one or two?
-Two.
-That’ll delay the revolution.
-I’m too nice for that.
-Do you think when you’re sitting there?
-Daydreams! What else?
-Well, the act itself.
-I don’t think that Mother Nature wants us
to worry so.
-She’s nice that way.
Labels: changing subjects, friends, interchange, language, wit
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Raffish Distaff
-You’re one hell of a femme fatale, Cynthia!
But the caustic wisecracks undermine it all.
-Can’t help myself.
-Shouldn’t the sex come first?
-That’s up to it.
Labels: distaff, femme fatale, sex, wit, witty woman
