Friday, February 06, 2015
The Collection
PATIENT
Explosive diarrhea and vomiting.
Followed by an obsessive desire
to sing the Candyman song.
PHYSICIAN
You're in luck! Your insurance
company just issued a code for
all of that.
PATIENT
Great! Otherwise this visit'd cost
me a thousand.
PHYSICIAN
Give or take.
PATIENT
Just out of curiosity, is there a Medicare
code too?
PHYSICIAN
Who gives a shit about those leeches?
They’re at Death's Door anyhow.
PATIENT
Nice collection of ceramic elephants you
got here.
PHYSICIAN
Make the office homey.
Labels: insurance, insurance codes, medical insurance, medicare, Republican
Friday, April 17, 2009
Settling
-One of the side effects is death and that's what he got.
-Christ! A little pill to nourish his aging dick!
-Dangerous world.
-And I'm guessing I put check in the widow's hand tomorrow,
before she hires attorney?
-Bingo! Called "Fucking the Widow!"
-If I'm lucky!
-One of the side effects is death and that's what he got.
-Christ! A little pill to nourish his aging dick!
-Dangerous world.
-And I'm guessing I put check in the widow's hand tomorrow,
before she hires attorney?
-Bingo! Called "Fucking the Widow!"
-If I'm lucky!
Labels: insurance, side effects
Monday, March 09, 2009
Short Financial Episode
INTERNAL CRITIC
I just have a couple of things to say and I’m outa here.
One, this firm has leveraged itself into absurdity. Eventually you have
to possess money! You must pay! No matter how many rings a circus has,
it eventually finds itself dark and nobody in the seats.
Two, we’ve fallen into the insurance business with credit default swaps
or whatever asinine labels they bear. There is no, I repeat, NO cash reserve
to pay claims. Not only will they come soon, but they’ll be arriving in floods!
I’d like to say we’re bankrupt, but it’s far worse. We’re actually ruined!
Well, I said my piece. Thanks for listening. And now I’m DEFINITELY outa here!
(door clicks)
COMMITTEE MEMBER
Wow!
CHAIRMAN
What a pussy!
INTERNAL CRITIC
I just have a couple of things to say and I’m outa here.
One, this firm has leveraged itself into absurdity. Eventually you have
to possess money! You must pay! No matter how many rings a circus has,
it eventually finds itself dark and nobody in the seats.
Two, we’ve fallen into the insurance business with credit default swaps
or whatever asinine labels they bear. There is no, I repeat, NO cash reserve
to pay claims. Not only will they come soon, but they’ll be arriving in floods!
I’d like to say we’re bankrupt, but it’s far worse. We’re actually ruined!
Well, I said my piece. Thanks for listening. And now I’m DEFINITELY outa here!
(door clicks)
COMMITTEE MEMBER
Wow!
CHAIRMAN
What a pussy!
Labels: bankruptcy, credit default swaps, insurance, leverage
Monday, August 25, 2008
The Insurance Seminar
LEADER
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What was that word? Say that one again, Rookie, but softly.
NOVICE
Claim.
LEADER
That's a misunderstanding, perverse and mischievous!
NOVICE
Part of the industry.
LEADER
No no no! That's the thinking that'll sink yuh! Repeat!
ALL
That's the thinking that'll sink yuh!
LEADER
Premium! That's the word! That's the magic. That's everything.
There's nothing else! Premium!
ALL
Premium! There's nothing else!
NOVICE
So why bother getting insurance?
LEADER
Why for protection! Grownups will buy it, and I'll train you to be
a grownup to administer it. Then, everybody’ll understand the world!
NOVICE
The world is shit!
LEADER
Bingo!
LEADER
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What was that word? Say that one again, Rookie, but softly.
NOVICE
Claim.
LEADER
That's a misunderstanding, perverse and mischievous!
NOVICE
Part of the industry.
LEADER
No no no! That's the thinking that'll sink yuh! Repeat!
ALL
That's the thinking that'll sink yuh!
LEADER
Premium! That's the word! That's the magic. That's everything.
There's nothing else! Premium!
ALL
Premium! There's nothing else!
NOVICE
So why bother getting insurance?
LEADER
Why for protection! Grownups will buy it, and I'll train you to be
a grownup to administer it. Then, everybody’ll understand the world!
NOVICE
The world is shit!
LEADER
Bingo!
Labels: claim, insurance, premium
