Friday, November 17, 2017
His Own Man
Ralphie the Salesman had
two bosses, and never
knew which would show.
Teresa Wong founded
Chinese Women Warriors
on historical evidence.
She taught Oriental Studies
at Baruch College.
But, somehow, was the only
Chinese member of the group
presently.
Ralphie's wife Kesselly belonged.
This night she goes to a meeting.
Ralphie has invited Hart Lizzo
to watch the Yanks against Clevelnd
on TV.
Hart his retired mentor at Glurtzman Industries.
He fades in just after Kess storms out in her
warrior outfit.
The game goes well, the men awash
in Bud and Fritos.
Yanks lead by ten! after only two
innings.
Cleveland being humiliated, and
Ralphie loves humiliation.
Hart eventually snores lightly,
but gets startled awake at the
announcers shouting, and
pronounces
"Oceans of bullshit!"
When Kess get home it takes the two
of them to wake him.
Next day at work Hanzy asks him what
Burke has instructed, and nods sarcastically.
Truth is Ralphie did what he pleased, and told
whichever boss in range that the other boss
had okayed it.
Thus he bought the cheapest chocolates
Walgreen sells for Mrs Renton of Renton LLC
who had come through with fewer orders lately.
She's touched! Gives him three quick orders
on the spot.
He has bought the identical box for his wife.
No occasion, just ‘Love Day!’ as he’ll tell her.
He has a plan for Teresa Wong and her too.
Feeling that the Chinese Warrior Women
has descended into gossip, and that
Teresa too busy to care, he researches
small hand axes on the web. Gives them
one each.
Ends up storing several in the basement.
Correctly, because General Linda Snelling,
will tell him to send them all to her.
And bill The Warriors.
Then Dr Teresa Wong gains interest again,
devising a drill for the women where,
of course, they brandish the axes at the
piggish War Lords.
At the Yankee game a few weeks later, Hart
intones through snores, “Oceans of Bullshit.”
“Yeah, and beautiful!”
Even the Yankees being humiliated by
the Red Sox can't deflate a Salesman!
Labels: Baseball, Chinese, gifts, salesman, salesmanship, women, Yankees
Sunday, July 06, 2014
Meek Mockum
Bert liked to inform the salesmen personally
of their raises and bonuses. Thus he took
Sammy out to an elaborate champagne
lunch at Mario’s.
“I’m rounding out twenty years, and you’re
the best I’ve ever seen!” he toasted him.
“Meek Mockum!” replied this Ace.
Bert changed the subject to baseball, and things
flowed from there. Sammy having sharp opinions
re the underperforming Yankees.
Anyway...was Bert’s first exposure to Sammy’s
Tourette’s. Pretty much nothing. He wondered
what the clients saw, but who cares if somebody
could sell like that? And, no tics yet.
His cellphone vibrated, and when he glimpsed the screen,
he told Sammy, “Gotta take this. A few seconds.”
Was Honey, as could be discerned by “Honey...
please Honey...Honey! Paris!”
Before he could flip the phone closed, her hissed
conclusion carried: “Take the tickets and stick em
up your ass!”
Bert then spouted “Meek Mockum!” Four times.
Mario’s brother, their waiter, sped over. Then, he repeated
Bert. Sammy repeated him, and Bert, and himself.
At the next table, a woman fell to the floor, foaming it from
the mouth, blurrily, it sounding more like “Moo-oo-hoo!’
Her husband sang "In fair London City,
where girls have big titties...”
When the ambulance came, the attendants, under
the principle of removing the least affected,
piled this singer into the back.
“I blame it on the TV,” Attendant A remarked when underway.
“How about video games?”
“Absolutely!”
“Bicycles?”
“I don’t get that.”
“Nor anything else. Look! Time nailed it: The Empathetic Society.
It’ll kill us!”
Labels: empathy, Executive, salesmanship, Tourette, Yankees
Saturday, March 09, 2013
A Moral Tale–in a car dealership would you believe?
When Rell's line dipped far below Despicable's on
the sales chart, the boss wanted to talk.
He told him he had no excuse, but “Proverbs” finally
forced out of him the personal crisis.
Sort-of-girlfriend Jenny had left for Disney with some slickster.
-Examples gross as earth exhort you!
-Or something.
-Hey, you had no deal with her, really. Gotta lock them in!
Then there was the feud between him and the new carwash man he had labeled Jimmy Too-Slow.
-You're picking on him! He's retarded. If you can't hit the donkey you hit the saddle.
And lately, Too-Slow had appeared knowing, had put on this sarcastic face, Rell confided. Plus, a surprisingly effective insult or two came from out of this...dope!
-Everybody knows! So what? Anyway, nothing stings like the taunt of a fool. Listen! You straighten out the personal, you sell more cars. First thing, get rid of the revenge daydreams. Huh! I struck a chord by your look! Goofy whispering filthy things in your ear, is he? About Jenny and Whatsisface?
-Something like.
-Something like...you must be the only car salesmen with so few words.
-Perhaps.
-Yeah, perhaps. At any rate, when you see her again don't act all cold. Kill her with kindness.
He took this last proverb to heart, and she eventually burst into tears. They started planning their wedding.
And his sales line hopped above Despicable's. Wiping out that perpetual sneer. Thus, some revenge did take effect.
A dish best eaten cold.
Labels: car dealer, competition, proverbs, Romance, salesmanship
Saturday, October 08, 2011
Presentation
With ritual,
does it sell
the same
with man
and sex-
ual ape?
Labels: Presentation, ritual, salesmanship
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Careers
When used cars went bust
he leaned back on rust-
y psych degree, repaired
to marriage counseling, prin-
ciples of sunny salesmanship
upon despair.
Labels: marriage counseling, salesmanship, used cars
