Thursday, June 23, 2022
Commercial Baseball
Tonight highlights
the requisite
number of players, 9,
attempting to re-
semble themselves
being roles. It's
give&take,
feel&fake.
An interview post-
abstracted error proves
vaguely contrite.
(Thence to tart selves
beside these.)
Fans go insane, leap electric-
ally at clearer happenings.
A loud drive off the bat
cannot be snared, departs,
thus, the demarcated field.
This proves noisier yet for
your fortunate team. Poor
for the other bunch, gimlet-
ing overlong as haughty gesture
of futility. & so what
do YOU do?
Fraud with More Rules?
& which takes greater
time?...if anything
does, to drop thee
of any proper absence
feigning authenticity.
Anyway, forget present
for timing’s precedent,
the replay coming
so very simply,
before itself. Its nice pre-
cision surpassing
the original, just, for
Science maintains Hence
as Must. Of course,
any awakening fits.
Labels: appearance and reality, awakening, Baseball, Commercialism, reality, replay, sequence, timing, TV
Sunday, March 27, 2022
Double Plays
Jilly Rendogh
Tinkers “for-
Evers” to Chance
this new guy. Old
One pulling tricks!
Labels: Baseball, Game of Love, lovers, Modern Love
Thursday, September 20, 2018
BALL
most always did.
Countering tons of sheer American-Horseshit, neither place had any discernible effect on my character,
which alternated between timidity
and mindless brass.
and mindless brass.
My new First Baseman, JJ, stood for
no such alternation in himself!
Young Mr Perfect!
Soft, Super Polite, always the right words. I couldn’t be him to my shame, and
therefore couldn’t receive the neighborhood association
trophies he did.
trophies he did.
Following season, SURPRISINGLY, considerably less of a paragon at First Base. The Swarthy One!
WHERE’S JJ? Moved? I ask him.
Yeah, to Convalescence!
Total Nervous Breakdown! he went on,
and family has money.
What’s that? Total WHAT? ask I.
What you think it is.
Well...so...J Jreturns NEXT season.
Hairball departs.
Hairball departs.
Mr Perfect again at First Base!
Will he again go crazy?
Initial game back, extra innings
impinging twilight.
Becomes up to me to save it...ball
sharply bounding, I stretch, leap,
sharply bounding, I stretch, leap,
tumble in a cloud
of retching,
darkening dust.
darkening dust.
SOMEHOW in my glove! Hop up,
throw to J, not my usual rainbow
arc, though, a laser!
Hey! So I’m the Hero this time and
not him!
I see that stitched ball spinning
very softly now...
so so
many years past...
Bright
above
and shadowed
under…
traversing
pain.Labels: adolescence, anxiety, Baseball, fear
Sunday, November 26, 2017
Strike Three Medals
1 Ratch's new company could only
use him as a temp for a few years, but...
an implied promise of permanent
employment later, with great benefits,
kept him hooked.
Finally, he decided the latter course
a management lie.
That's when his brother-in-law
offered him a partnership!
Since nothing this man had
ever done prospered in any
remote way, Ratch figured
he'd lose ten percent of his
savings before retirement.
A sacrifice to his long-
suffering sister and
three squalid brats.
Well, lovely and delightful
children, of course!
Anyway, what makes a terrific
surprise?
Ratch retiring five years
later, only losing five percent!
The brother-in-law actually
on his feet, relatively
speaking.
He toasts the family all at his
final party, and, sardonically,
after their exit from.
With battle-scarred business
veterans at this...and the dive
bars ensuing .
Finally got to bed, laughing
and very drunk.
2 Lydia persisted with her
Bum of the Month Program.
Exaggeration, since she managed
to endure but two or three of
these toxic, prevaricating, emotional
miscreants a disastrous year.
For many-yyyyyy years! Oy!
She didn't wear out, but stayed
bright!
As shiny as the ass on a car salesman's
cheap pants.
Speaking of which--but the opposite
to the occupational stereotype:
Very Plain Joe-- brother Curt managed
to fix her up with.
Who nobody would ever think of marrying.
Lord!
She married him!
Great! Escape from the grimy foxholes
of the Single Wars.
Her great accomplishment before this
was, of course, tying up these harmful
men so they couldn't inflict their reflexive
lies on any other’s impressionable
sister for that particular time period.
And Steady Joe never lies.
Hey! One or two would defog the dullness, but...that’s life.
3 Laurel was willing to fight for the good in Mers, Oklahoma, but never could find it.
The new minister was helpful, but the board
asked him to leave when it was discovered
he had a boyfriend in nearby Hensler.
Laurel thought to move there also, as a way
of supporting him, but her mother developed
incurable gas.
Labels: Baseball, doing good, gas, loneliness, marriage, relationships, retirement, working conditions
Friday, November 17, 2017
His Own Man
Ralphie the Salesman had
two bosses, and never
knew which would show.
Teresa Wong founded
Chinese Women Warriors
on historical evidence.
She taught Oriental Studies
at Baruch College.
But, somehow, was the only
Chinese member of the group
presently.
Ralphie's wife Kesselly belonged.
This night she goes to a meeting.
Ralphie has invited Hart Lizzo
to watch the Yanks against Clevelnd
on TV.
Hart his retired mentor at Glurtzman Industries.
He fades in just after Kess storms out in her
warrior outfit.
The game goes well, the men awash
in Bud and Fritos.
Yanks lead by ten! after only two
innings.
Cleveland being humiliated, and
Ralphie loves humiliation.
Hart eventually snores lightly,
but gets startled awake at the
announcers shouting, and
pronounces
"Oceans of bullshit!"
When Kess get home it takes the two
of them to wake him.
Next day at work Hanzy asks him what
Burke has instructed, and nods sarcastically.
Truth is Ralphie did what he pleased, and told
whichever boss in range that the other boss
had okayed it.
Thus he bought the cheapest chocolates
Walgreen sells for Mrs Renton of Renton LLC
who had come through with fewer orders lately.
She's touched! Gives him three quick orders
on the spot.
He has bought the identical box for his wife.
No occasion, just ‘Love Day!’ as he’ll tell her.
He has a plan for Teresa Wong and her too.
Feeling that the Chinese Warrior Women
has descended into gossip, and that
Teresa too busy to care, he researches
small hand axes on the web. Gives them
one each.
Ends up storing several in the basement.
Correctly, because General Linda Snelling,
will tell him to send them all to her.
And bill The Warriors.
Then Dr Teresa Wong gains interest again,
devising a drill for the women where,
of course, they brandish the axes at the
piggish War Lords.
At the Yankee game a few weeks later, Hart
intones through snores, “Oceans of Bullshit.”
“Yeah, and beautiful!”
Even the Yankees being humiliated by
the Red Sox can't deflate a Salesman!
Labels: Baseball, Chinese, gifts, salesman, salesmanship, women, Yankees
Tuesday, November 01, 2016
The man who knew little else
often fell back on his
five favorite subjects.
Then one day he forgot
even them.
He didn't panic, having seen
similar in his older friends
at the diner.
Stayed in his room a week
and studied five new subjects.
Acutally, one wasn't new, but
he didn't know it.
Off to the diner, then with a sort of
unwritten diploma he granted himself.
He did well in disputes when he steered
the discussion to one of his expert areas.
Especially well in Baseball Statistics,
American League--no wonder, it was one
of his old subjects.
Lumpy Osgood, cameraman, heard him one
morning and told Hasgood Hetterly of
Good Morning Muncie!
Who had him on.
Now, Hasgood brought everything softly
around to sex–-this showbiz “edge” made
suitable to Hoosiers.
Impossible with our scholar since he knew
absolutely nothing in that area.
He threw out many baits but our chum
recited the batting averages of players of
Ukrainian origin.
“Don't ever tout me anyone like that again!”
Hasgood later cautioned Cameraman Lumpy.
Labels: argument, Baseball, diner, eccentrics, favorite subjects, sex, TV
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
The Way She Knows
Desirous. He. But,
inspired rust.
A for effort, but she sends
him to the minors for seasoning.
Though the problem is talent,
not experience.
Charts his progress via
smartphone. Her recent
candidate sports romantic presence,
more than a bit overmuch
here and there.
He'll be severely hurt
to figure in a Three Team Trade
bringing the original back.
And under immediate pressure!
Hey! She knows no other way!
“Don’t like the heat? Then
skip the kitchen, BoyKid!
The little local girls remain
to love. Don’t ask them
anything.”
Labels: Baseball, love, relationship, sex
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Averages
-Most of the guys are hitting
around 200! And confused!
-Shall I say the words for the
terribly extracted from?
The abstracting words?
-Performance Enhancing Drugs!
-You said them for me. I must keep
you around for arguing with my
girlfriend. That way we both can lose.
-Our heroes have LOST 50 to 100 points!
When they gobbled up that crap, even
their shit had muscles!
-Happies up the pitchers! And as the former
addicts get more and more frustrated,
they throw them more and more junk.
-How can they get away with it? They're
doctoring the ball!
-Easy. They're not feeding it pills!
-Or injecting it?
Labels: Baseball, baseball and drugs, batter, doctoring ball, junk, PED, pitcher
Monday, October 12, 2015
Parts of Baseball
Utley slid
to History.
Suspended
for an act
countless others
perpetrated
with impunity.
Take true menace
from the game?
Tea-Hiatus
install,
instead?
And go ahead
and replace
the Bulldogs with
Biche Frisons.
Labels: Baseball, Biche Frison, bulldog, Chase Utley, slide, tea
Thursday, July 23, 2015
The Green Distance
His name set on the wall
honoring select old
players. Miscellaneous
flowers grow
next to his feet during the pro-
tracted ceremony...petals fall.
(All allowed to later
dry in parched times
for the team.) A green
distance away, two wags
listen, straddling the cylinder
holding the tarp, alert
to unroll it in rain
before the real game. “So?
I'll, like, never ever forget
whatsisname over there!"
Nods that way as the lurch-
ing ritual drones back from
past the outfield. “Hey!
I will!" exerts his mate
against whistling feedback,
whipping behind him
with his baseball cap,
as if at a horse,
forcing the stag-
gering crowd up to a bit
of entering gaiety.
Labels: Baseball, forgotten, honor, retired player, Wall of Fame
Friday, July 10, 2015
The Record
I'm a Second Baseman. Nine years with Cleveland,
and fadeout ones with two others.
Our agency has an office in Cleveland, and when I
drop by, a customer or two remembers.
Even my bonehead plays appreciated. By me also.
Well, anyway, the short of it: I had a career of respectable
averages, not Hall of Fame, but respectable.
Other places in the country, I haven't been heard of.
People tell me this with relish. A couple yesterday
in New York quite sharp: "Well, we never HEARD of you!"
I never understand the hate behind these comments.
The couple's face full of it. A fury. Like, somehow,
I intrude.
Labels: Baseball, Cleveland, envy, Hall of Fame, records, second base
Wednesday, February 04, 2015
That Toddling Town
-Doctors give it a big long name, but she's...soluble.
-Jeez! Like Wicked Witch of the West that Dorothy
flunged the bucket on?
-Same. She'll melt too.
-Who was the other one, that nice witch, anyhow?
-Billie Burke.
-Sounds like ballplayer. Anyway, should be a law against being that nice.
-Still hunting one up like that?
-Nope, terrified of the entire sex.
-With the exception of our own biodegradable doll!
-What'll we do? And I thought you said soluble.
-Both. Take her to Wrigley and her beloved Cubbies tonight!
I got a huge NASCAR umbrella if it rains.
-But, if a real gully-washer?
-With my arthritis, I crawl, but you can take her
in your arms and run! How come you can still run?
Every symptom in the Medical Dictionary, and you
run like the wind!
-I don't know, but I've taken a lot of shekels from
the neighborhood kids in bets.
-Ever really compete anymore?
-Couple weeks ago in Skokie. Driving though
and here's a 10-K!
-Win your age group?
-Won the whole damn thing! Was on TV and
everything!
-I only watch the weather-panic channels.
-Storm of the Century! Blizzard of the
Century! Heat of the...!
-Knock it off! Don't be as lavish as they are!
-Jeez! Biodegradable! Soluble!
-Comes to us all. If we hafta flee, we'll
meet at Murphs. Order for me before I
creak through the door.
-Drink our troubles away?
-Toast all the gods besetting us!
-That buys time.
-That's all we want.
Labels: Baseball, biodegradable, Chicago, Cubs, NASCAR, Skokie, soluble, Wrigley Field
Thursday, December 04, 2014
Practicing Cynics
-But I’m not Jewish!
-I get it. We start with the punchline! Then safari
back through your whole range of ethnic
prejudices to ascertain just what you are.
-I love this game! And you don’t shoot any little
bundles of electrons representing aliens. Or sell
off those parts of Atlantic City not occupied by
glitz-seedy-boffo casinos.
-Do I ask questions? Is that the drill?
-You can. Or I can give a patriotic speech?
-How much will you take not to?
-What has ruined Patriotism in this country?
-Patriots. So-called. Or self-designated.
-The trouble is all the little pissy wars! We need one
we can sink our teeth into. A big one with arty posters.
-It’s not a real war without them. They rally one!
-Loose lips sink ships!
-You’re Hungarian!
-How did you know?
-The hot way you embrace dead concepts.
-You’re amazing!
-I’m about to exhibit modesty. Now THAT’S amazing!
-We had gotten far off the topic, and then...!
-Amen amen I say to you...
-that if a man gives a fish to another man, well what
good is that?
-Uncool.
-But if he LEARNS to fish!
-Then he can also learn to love minimum wage with squat benefits.
-There’s the patriot we’ve been seeking! But, not now! I’m busy dreaming of shoving rich people through eyes of needles.
-I, as God, will bless you!
-Don’t bother! You’ve been a disaster for me!
-You expect too much! I’ll put my batting average against anyone’s!
-Well, I’d never sign you. Too much baggage.
Labels: Atlantic City, Baseball, casino, God, Hungarian, Jewish, patriotism
Thursday, March 21, 2013
The Owner
The mayor begged, so he drove one of the Lincoln
convertibles in the victory parade.
The baseball champs were merely minor league,
but tell that to the crowd!
Each back seat held two players, and in the passenger seat a civic stalwart.
Except in his case he somehow got the Catcher’s voluble Dominican wife,
who showered him with Spanish and kisses-–TV cameraman running alongside.
“Please,” he implored--though not much could happen
at ten miles an hour--“me honcho automobile. No safe!”
“Si si si!” and kept kissing him.
When the parade ended, he got to his company.
Bonnie, Prince, and Charlie were fielding calls.
Charlie saying "Mr Higgins, how are you?
More to the point, how’s that daughter
who wins all the prizes? Listen, I just
have to take a few seconds to straighten
out this hysteric on the other line.
So, please hold. A few seconds guaranteed!"
A 100% from the boss on that one. Make it personal
and light, the first commandment.
He found out, too, that Prince and Bonnie had
fielded some new business.
So all had gone well with the Royal Trio.
Upon going to bed that night, Carrie laughed
"You were smooching it up pretty good with
Conchita Fireball!"
"She wouldn't leave me alone!"
"Corky and Mickey on the sports show claim
the video could go viral."
"Hope not! I probably look silly."
"Of course you do! And it's a good thing."
"Uh...could I take two Zantacs? They're only 75s."
"Yeah, be daring."
The mayor begged, so he drove one of the Lincoln
convertibles in the victory parade.
The baseball champs were merely minor league,
but tell that to the crowd!
Each back seat held two players, and in the passenger seat a civic stalwart.
Except in his case he somehow got the Catcher’s voluble Dominican wife,
who showered him with Spanish and kisses-–TV cameraman running alongside.
“Please,” he implored--though not much could happen
at ten miles an hour--“me honcho automobile. No safe!”
“Si si si!” and kept kissing him.
When the parade ended, he got to his company.
Bonnie, Prince, and Charlie were fielding calls.
Charlie saying "Mr Higgins, how are you?
More to the point, how’s that daughter
who wins all the prizes? Listen, I just
have to take a few seconds to straighten
out this hysteric on the other line.
So, please hold. A few seconds guaranteed!"
A 100% from the boss on that one. Make it personal
and light, the first commandment.
He found out, too, that Prince and Bonnie had
fielded some new business.
So all had gone well with the Royal Trio.
Upon going to bed that night, Carrie laughed
"You were smooching it up pretty good with
Conchita Fireball!"
"She wouldn't leave me alone!"
"Corky and Mickey on the sports show claim
the video could go viral."
"Hope not! I probably look silly."
"Of course you do! And it's a good thing."
"Uh...could I take two Zantacs? They're only 75s."
"Yeah, be daring."
Labels: Baseball, business, minor league, shyness, Spanish, Zantac
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Defining Moments
When the new ballpark opened, our gang hit the open house. Actually taking turns at the batting cage, like our high-paid heroes.
Jixxy performed his usual athletic mishmash,
but cheered the rest of us.
He passed that night.
I thought, when coherent, an autopsy with one so young? But Doc confided,
“Nah. Bad heart since a kid, in the family.
Knew his days were numbered and spent
them in...well, love really.”
I spoke at the service about Lincoln’s phrase:
with charity for all.
Felt inadequate after, that my words not much.
But my girlfriend, Fay, whispered, “You were great, what you said!...well, Lincoln and Jixxy belong in the same breath is all. But I just can't be like them. I just can’t. I try, but...
God knows I try!”
“Nah. Bad heart since a kid, in the family.
Knew his days were numbered and spent
them in...well, love really.”
I spoke at the service about Lincoln’s phrase:
with charity for all.
Felt inadequate after, that my words not much.
But my girlfriend, Fay, whispered, “You were great, what you said!...well, Lincoln and Jixxy belong in the same breath is all. But I just can't be like them. I just can’t. I try, but...
God knows I try!”
Then she exploded in tears and I didn’t know if it was for Jixxy or her or everything.
Labels: Baseball, death, funeral, insight, Lincoln
Sunday, February 26, 2012
What Once Was Said
MANAGER
(Initially while charging Umpire) It’s a game! Baseball!
Heard of it?
UMPIRE
I’m acquainted.
MANAGER
Got rules! You don’t make it up. It’s not fuckin
Alice in Wonderland!
UMPIRE
And would you be Alice?
MANAGER
You had a mouth on you when you was a player–-
to use that term loosely.
UMPIRE
Well now I’m an umpire and you can use that term
any way you want cuz YOU’RE OUTA HERE!
MANAGER
I’d recommend eye doctor but you’re too stupid to read the fuckin chart!
UMPIRE
All going in my report. Hope you got fat wallet.
MANAGER (while players drag him off in dust cloud)
...fat HEAD!
UMPIRE
I’m guessing you just passed ten thousand bucks!–-
not to mention my just awful hurt feelings.
MANAGER
(Initially while charging Umpire) It’s a game! Baseball!
Heard of it?
UMPIRE
I’m acquainted.
MANAGER
Got rules! You don’t make it up. It’s not fuckin
Alice in Wonderland!
UMPIRE
And would you be Alice?
MANAGER
You had a mouth on you when you was a player–-
to use that term loosely.
UMPIRE
Well now I’m an umpire and you can use that term
any way you want cuz YOU’RE OUTA HERE!
MANAGER
I’d recommend eye doctor but you’re too stupid to read the fuckin chart!
UMPIRE
All going in my report. Hope you got fat wallet.
MANAGER (while players drag him off in dust cloud)
...fat HEAD!
UMPIRE
I’m guessing you just passed ten thousand bucks!–-
not to mention my just awful hurt feelings.
Labels: Baseball, manager, umpire
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Kissing the Blarney Stone
doesn't mean you go full
on from there. Stage fright
could bring terror, whence
you finally spew fragments
of nonsense. Or insult
render tongue-tied,
the gorge rising overlate
to excoriate vile malefactors.
During other events what
you think wit sets the room at
edge. And In matters of true love,
the signal might come anew
for a fast one, and you spin a-
way, a screwball. A googly.
Labels: Baseball, blarney, Blarney Stone, Cricket
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Bat Masterson Expects Tourists
My three teams won huge
games last night. Trifecta!
Payoff emotional yet--no
gambling. Best left to pros.
My rare attempts show not
heedful scheme, but ham-
my plunge. Thus do poker
players know me.
They wait icily
for ill cues.
Friday, August 05, 2011
News From The West Coast Remains
just. My team ahead, pros-
pering. Little time left
for a comeback by
the other when I retire.
Final score will be sent
to me over the net
in the morning. I'll check it
and click to read the story.
So? We've always done this
before, reconstructing history--
sans tech though. With loss
you put the best face on.
Even dictators can't reverse it.
just. My team ahead, pros-
pering. Little time left
for a comeback by
the other when I retire.
Final score will be sent
to me over the net
in the morning. I'll check it
and click to read the story.
So? We've always done this
before, reconstructing history--
sans tech though. With loss
you put the best face on.
Even dictators can't reverse it.
Labels: Baseball
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Greatest Patriots
seem to be at ballgames.
Open with National
Anthem, God
Bless America at
seventh inning stretch
Hemingway wrote
whores generated
same, but another
time and place.
Labels: Baseball, patriotism
