Tuesday, November 27, 2018
Funny
What’s so funny?
Indeed, what his office mates
laughed at was more often
cruel. Some asinine, pretentious
individual getting humiliated,
and the like.
He was better than that.
And even when the humor
was more cosmic, restrained
himself.
Such as when the drunken
pastry chef collapsed in
death, imprinting the delicate
batter with his face.
His family baked and ate same.
So what? Primitive Christians
all felt superior to.
Nothing funny here! Move on!
Said office mates eventually
tired of explaining why...anything--
labeled him a stick.
Fair enough, until Jennifer-Jo
caught in the wind one dark
Spring workday morning.
Demonstrating, thus, the modern
equivalent of bloomers.
She apologized, as Jerome did for
witnessing this weird fluorescence
in stranger light.
The image stayed with Jerome.
Intruded, really.
He lingered in the Break Room
one day, and they laughed about
other things.
Somehow discovering each to be
passionate and driven...at additional
impromptu meetings.
Oh well, skip ahead. Who couldn’t
guess the rest?
Neighboring state had looser
laws, so they eloped there of
a weekend.
The homespun wife of the
Justice assembled a wedding
ceremony, her perpetually-
high and Millennial son as
Best Man.
His C over C hilarity ignored
then...but roared about in stories
for children, Trevor and Cynthia,
later.
then...but roared about in stories
for children, Trevor and Cynthia,
later.
Trevor gushed that it was an old
Hollywood Romantic Comedy!
Cynthia: Same stale crap!
Labels: attitude, behavior, humor, office, repression, romance.work, taste
Monday, May 14, 2018
Picnic
Merrill wondered aloud as to
his courage. Or lack thereof.
Judd laughed that anyone who
had lived with Sissy for a year
earned the medal exempting
him from all shaky masculine doubt!
That joke proved contagious, even
degrading into drool.
Jeremy, our Brit, scalded the American
way of turning everything into a joke!
But Heather informed him that any
race that said so many asshole things
like The Battle of Waterloo was won
on the playing fields of Eton, well…!
Carla pipes up then.
As a lesbian.
What else?
Labels: American, British, courage, female, friends, humor, lesbian, male
Saturday, September 23, 2017
The Man Who Lost His Mind
...and no one noticed
I am he.
Oh, perhaps there’s a brain stem
or something left.
Enabling me to operate on a
primitive level.
To fake it.
I wonder if I had relied on this
for the many years before losing
my mind.
I still work the same job, my
colleagues just as boisterous,
or cutting, as usual.
Live in the same messy studio.
With the exception of one desk,
the surface of which I keep
uncluttered.
A special art has developed
where I space objects on it
weekly.
Enabling me to breathe
much more freely.
Go figure!
About a year into my 90%
brainlessness, I sought the
advice of the wisest man I
know. My old professor of
Interpersonal Problems.
He listened. And then laughed.
“Welcome! My mind left over
five years ago.”
So! A reunion of sorts of the
brain deficient.
All we could do for the whole
conversation was chuckle and
guffaw as to how we’ve fooled
everyone.
But then I turned serious!
I had so many questions!
Chief of which: Do women lose
their minds proportionally?
He couldn’t stop laughing then.
Five minutes elapse, my thinking
he’d need medical treatment.
Finally he breathlessly blurted out “Not...
in the least. They...never do. You see,
they had none to begin with!”
Stop here! Feminists, please.
And plot no revenge of any type!
Especially intricate, quite above
my head!
It was a joke!
Actually I love women more and
more tremendously since I’ve
lost my mind.
I gravitate to their conversations in
the office.
I seek places where they congregate
and I bathe, bathe in their loveliness,
and non-threatening wit.
One of these for lunch. An old paneled
establishment where the chef rules.
He makes me a thumping cheeseburger
that defies gourmets. It shouldn’t succeed,
but does deliciously!
(I should say here that when I possessed
a mind I was a vegetarian.)
I hardly come up for air when I devour it!
Then burp and discretely fart with some
abandon, my chin greasy which I
darent napkin-dab for a while in my
gustatorial ecstasy. Ahhhhh! Shine on,
wondrous chin!
Then I turn my attention to the women
dining there. The lovely, bubbling
conversation. The buoyant laughter.
I could swim therein forever. It is
flawless!
Until...she without flaw!
Enters!
Drop-dead gorgeous! an understatement.
Sitted at a corner table, and draws all eyes
towards her as head waiter leaves maroonly.
The other women make excuses to each
other, and fairly quickly depart.
Just me and her.
And do I walk by her and stumble and
shyly apologize, and this awkwardness
the beginning of great romance?
Not a bit of it. Grow up, o Hollywood
Infected.
I flee too! But linger outside to watch
her through the window, street life
shoving at my back.
Alone, she is breathtakingly beautiful
in a shaft of rancid light.
I can take no more of her looks.
And loneliness. So walk away fast!
I’ve been promoted at work, thus
lacking most brain power helps.
Have a new, spacious apartment and a
cleaning lady, an ageless babushka.
Also, about to marry.
I’ve been honest with Tess.
She quips “Who needs a freakin
brain anyway? Or even much money?
Kind hearts are hardly witty, but
they’re purest gold!”
Labels: faking, feminism, humor, kindness, lose mind, marriage, wit
Thursday, March 02, 2017
Christian Humor
Nudge-nudge,
Jew-Jew.
Labels: anti-Semitic, anti-Semitic Right, Christian, Christian Humor, humor
Friday, March 04, 2016
Hollow Loss
When the sawmill left the mountain,
joining the factories, most of the
houses were boarded up as their
inhabitants sought work in the city.
Through some miracle of God,
the squabbling legislature voted
a new tourist lodge. Five hundred jobs
when finished!
If you knew someone, or bought in,
or both.
My family did some picking and
singing, so we were signed up
as entertainers. Didn’t cost us much.
Since Grandpa told the corniest
jokes in Christendom, our act
evolved to a short musical:
Hillbilly Annals.
Because we got our meals also, went
awfully well.
Until Grandma wandered off.
Some of those black hollows too
treacherous to search, thus
never found.
After a month, Grandpa starting
saying in the act that a bear ate
her and immediately died.
Don’t get put off! That’s our humor.
Labels: economic depression, economy, hillbilly, humor, mountains, Show Business
Tuesday, September 08, 2015
No candy here:
Mornisey was ugly.
“Don’t you just adore my face?”
He asked cashiers.
They answered it was lovely,
sharing the jest.
Some went further, by claiming
not to be Mr or Miss America.
Joked himself through...anyway...
“Body like a block of crap!”
went his rap. Well then,
“He accepted him-
self for who he was!”–uh huh?
Thus saith self-help language,
which aids no one, really. Hey!
he played his hand and
who doesn’t?
Did he marry a beauty?
Gain, too, riches before?
Considering the motivation,
you’d think...SOMEthing!
Dwelt solo in a loft,
pretty-picture-surround,
until the Big Cough
did siege him! Terminally.
You want better in this town?
Get a dog.
Labels: compensation, death, dog, handsome, humor, loneliness, looks, self-depreciation, ugly
Monday, November 10, 2014
Leans, But Unafraid of Truth
One of our gang is a newspaper columnist. Unlike us,
he leans Right. But, you can always bank on a
stinging answer, no matter where you’re coming from.
“How come they can’t let go of the O’s Community
Organizer past?”
“Makes them seethe anew. They like that. Hand in glove
with Race–-if anybody pulls up in a Purple Scion and asks.”
“Why don’t you write about it? Don’t wanna sound Lefty?”
“I have no care as to how I sound, and never have! But the
sneer in question is cheap coin. I’ve upgraded my Treasury.”
“What kinda newspaperman are YOU?”
“I don’t know: Leaving the yellow but not quite for the pink.”
There he laughs uproariously. He enjoys no humor but his own,
and that so fully, it’s an embarrassment.
Labels: columnist, Community Organizer, humor, Left, newspaper, Obama, Race, Right
Monday, August 18, 2014
Meeting Lovely Men
Bert and Gert
-Now you take Karl. Hates Jews and Blacks
and Spicks and Women and Gays...uh,
Moslems of any sex and shade.
-Covers the Waterfront. And afterthoughts.
-But is open about it all and funny!
His wisecracks about Political Correctness
are hilarious. Does one witty routine there.
-Comedian of Hate.
-You're overstating! Especially since he's
the loveliest guy you'll ever meet.
-I've met lovelier.
Labels: black, hate, Hispanic, humor, Jew, Political Correctness, women
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Jokes (w/notes)
A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
My meticulous and exhaustive analysis: funny!
Why? Read Freud on wit and humor to fry your brain as ef-
ficiently as Don Quixote's on bushwah knightly romance.
My father to brother and me. No circus this year. Elephant
shit in the coffee pot and they couldn't find the grounds.
Now THAT is American Humor: verbal, surreal, and scatological.
A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
My meticulous and exhaustive analysis: funny!
Why? Read Freud on wit and humor to fry your brain as ef-
ficiently as Don Quixote's on bushwah knightly romance.
My father to brother and me. No circus this year. Elephant
shit in the coffee pot and they couldn't find the grounds.
Now THAT is American Humor: verbal, surreal, and scatological.
Labels: Don Quixote, Freud, humor, joke, scholarship
