Thursday, June 14, 2012
Bankers plunge
with house money
insured by People.
They lose rawly,
then beg for help.
Too big to fail, al-
lows rueful Uncle.
So, up, brushing knees
to snap ecstatically in-
to macho vaudeville
boast of fucking
everyone.
Labels: bailout, bankers, FDIC
Friday, January 30, 2009
The Cure
-So banker-brokers stole huge bonuses from Uncle?
-who should ask for them back!
-Good luck with that!
-I have a fix. Pick one at random...against a wall...shoot ‘im dead.
-Wow! That cold and quick? No trial?
-After.
-So banker-brokers stole huge bonuses from Uncle?
-who should ask for them back!
-Good luck with that!
-I have a fix. Pick one at random...against a wall...shoot ‘im dead.
-Wow! That cold and quick? No trial?
-After.
Labels: bailout
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The Banker, Recently Rejuvenated
-Well, Mr Big Time Banker! Haven't had the chance
to chat since the huge government bailout.
How do you feel about it?
-Like I'm in Vegas playing on House Money, a whore
at each elbow.
-But you don't sense the folks who are furious
over Capitalism, the obscene pay packages and
golden parachutes. And now this payout for
incompetence and greed!
-Blips.
-What would it take to wake you up.
-I could turn that question back on you and your impotent ilk.
-The guillotine worked in another feverishly corrupt period.
-I'll worry about it when the time comes.
-Well, Mr Big Time Banker! Haven't had the chance
to chat since the huge government bailout.
How do you feel about it?
-Like I'm in Vegas playing on House Money, a whore
at each elbow.
-But you don't sense the folks who are furious
over Capitalism, the obscene pay packages and
golden parachutes. And now this payout for
incompetence and greed!
-Blips.
-What would it take to wake you up.
-I could turn that question back on you and your impotent ilk.
-The guillotine worked in another feverishly corrupt period.
-I'll worry about it when the time comes.
Labels: bailout, capitalistic corruption
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Drinks At The Club–2 Bankers
-Government buying toxic mortgages, investing in banks.
-Here's to Socialism!
-To sarcasm, more like. Look! ’ll turn back from public to
private when the ship gets righted.
-I hope not! That's just prose. This is pure poetry!
-Too ironic for that.
-I’ll grant that, too. Frosting on the cake. John Q getting fucked again,
even after the dizzy mortgages we slicked him with.
-Oh well! What’s he there for? I mean, why candy it over?
-The tragedy of the consumer...keeping with our literary theme.
-If tragedy can be applied to such mental midgets.
-Bottoms up! The mental midgets are paying for the drinks.
-Poetic Justice! I’ll take the last lit-ree word. How very silly is
Literature anyway!
-Government buying toxic mortgages, investing in banks.
-Here's to Socialism!
-To sarcasm, more like. Look! ’ll turn back from public to
private when the ship gets righted.
-I hope not! That's just prose. This is pure poetry!
-Too ironic for that.
-I’ll grant that, too. Frosting on the cake. John Q getting fucked again,
even after the dizzy mortgages we slicked him with.
-Oh well! What’s he there for? I mean, why candy it over?
-The tragedy of the consumer...keeping with our literary theme.
-If tragedy can be applied to such mental midgets.
-Bottoms up! The mental midgets are paying for the drinks.
-Poetic Justice! I’ll take the last lit-ree word. How very silly is
Literature anyway!
Labels: bailout, bankers, fucking John Q
Monday, October 13, 2008
Prayer
Banker sits at desk, denying building on fire.
Door flings open to reveal interior of giant
prophylactic, spangled Uncle Sam with fireman’s hat.
-Get in here! balky banker. You’re rescued!
-I’ll join you, but further communication must be
through my lawyers.
Conversation in “tunnel”
-Not here to arrest but to help, o paranoid one.
Go ahead and order the new granite countertops for
your vacation palace.
-I’d have to see the bailout details. And I’ve been
reading vindictiveness against my class!
-That’s the liberal press. They want justice, of all things.
-Well, last thing I want!
-Stop worrying. I promise that your nervous gas’ll begin smelling
like roses pretty soon!
-I’m worrying!
-Hasn’t Uncle always taken care of you? And has he always helped
you fuck the suckers?
-Amen.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Needle's Cousin, Priest From Oakland
ROCCO
So is Needle dudeing up some ecclesiastical duds for you?
PRIEST
I'm activist, Rocco. Right now getting heating fuel to
Oldsters. Warmup jacket and jeans my vestments.
ROCCO
Activist, hey? And in Socialist Oakland? You're danger
to the Free World for sure.
PRIEST
No theory, Rocco. The practical, real, gritty. That's my
Earthly Paradise.
ROCCO
It's not for me! I'd rather go to that St Regis Paradise the
IGA bankers frolicked at on Treasury's bailout money.
PRIEST
Did Uncle Sam pay for the whores they ran through there?
ROCCO
Father! You were in seminary too long. Uncle IS the whore!
PRIEST
Uh uh. Let's apply the Jesuit razor of logic to this: The whore
doesn't pay the John!
ROCCO
Oh?
Rocco views the world from S Philadelphia
Labels: bailout, St Regis, Uncle Sam Whore
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Haste Makes Plenty
We act today! Same bonus scale as last year if you're agreeable. Reason for this hasty meeting: Bailout will pass House and prez signs tomorrow.
So, we’re Free Market today, sorta on Uncle’s dime tomorrow.
I'd like an additional 2-mil gift to our lobbyist, who really suckered...that is skillfully persuaded, vital congressmen.
We act today! Same bonus scale as last year if you're agreeable. Reason for this hasty meeting: Bailout will pass House and prez signs tomorrow.
So, we’re Free Market today, sorta on Uncle’s dime tomorrow.
I'd like an additional 2-mil gift to our lobbyist, who really suckered...that is skillfully persuaded, vital congressmen.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Bailout Party !!!!!!!!!!!!!
When: Fri Oct 10, 3 hrs prior to “Last” Train to Greenwich.
Where: The Usual Place
Senate has spoken, and House goes along this time!
Wow!
Don't miss the chorus of young brokers singing
We can't live on half a million.
So we're gonna join a union!
Rush to what our
Bigger Clients crushed!
HAIRY LEGS DISPLAYED !
The older fellows will dance a bonus ballet
wherein the necessary blocks of moolah
will be lifted from Uncle Sam's pocket
while he, of course, snoozes.
Tiffany working on party favor of
gold buckets inscribed to John Q who is
more stupid than we could have dreamed!
The evening will close with a solo by one
we all recognize singing:
I fucked everybody
and instead of jail
they're showering
greenbacks on moi.
Hail to the greatest country
imaginable! Where pirates
like me can stick it so far up,
the nation's eyes water!
Be there or Be Square! Join the tribute to our fellow citizens!
When: Fri Oct 10, 3 hrs prior to “Last” Train to Greenwich.
Where: The Usual Place
Senate has spoken, and House goes along this time!
Wow!
Don't miss the chorus of young brokers singing
We can't live on half a million.
So we're gonna join a union!
Rush to what our
Bigger Clients crushed!
HAIRY LEGS DISPLAYED !
The older fellows will dance a bonus ballet
wherein the necessary blocks of moolah
will be lifted from Uncle Sam's pocket
while he, of course, snoozes.
Tiffany working on party favor of
gold buckets inscribed to John Q who is
more stupid than we could have dreamed!
The evening will close with a solo by one
we all recognize singing:
I fucked everybody
and instead of jail
they're showering
greenbacks on moi.
Hail to the greatest country
imaginable! Where pirates
like me can stick it so far up,
the nation's eyes water!
Be there or Be Square! Join the tribute to our fellow citizens!
Labels: bailout, bailout party, Wall Street Pirates
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Protoplasm and the Curmudgeon
PROTOPLASM
Well, there’s a lot of blame to go around.
CURMUDGEON
Don’t give me that watery milk! The blame is on Wall Street Pirates and the legislators and regulators they bribed!
PROTOPLASM
Well, we’ve got to do something.
CURMUDGEON
Yeah, empty out the jails and herd the whole thieving gang into ‘em!
PROTOPLASM
Well, there’s a lot of blame to go around.
CURMUDGEON
Don’t give me that watery milk! The blame is on Wall Street Pirates and the legislators and regulators they bribed!
PROTOPLASM
Well, we’ve got to do something.
CURMUDGEON
Yeah, empty out the jails and herd the whole thieving gang into ‘em!
Labels: bailout, Wall Street Pirates
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Grassroots
WOMAN'S VOICE
What's on about the bailout? It flopped, right?
MAN (watching TV)
The governed wouldn't consent to bankers sticking it up their ass
and getting the gift of seven hundred billion to break it off even further in.
WV
I'm not gonna fold these underpants. They're disintegrating! Into the trash!
MAN
When it's my turn to fold, your panties are inviolate.
WV
Is that McCain? I can hear his voice.
MAN
Some nasty little prick looks like he's been dipped in Clorox.
Oooops, there's the other fellow, the one with a brain.
I like his color--coffee with a dash of cream.
WV
He picked that woman to jazz things up, McCain did.
MAN
She could do the same at a funeral home. Eureka! Here's an ad for her.
WV
What's it say?
MAN
That she's not really stupid.
WV
Is Biden that smart?
MAN
He speak encyclopedia articles, in number of words anyway. And just edged Mickey Mouse in the polls.
WV
How's she doing?
MAN
Still dumb.
WV
No I mean in the polls.
MAN
Have you heard of the concept of Absolute Zero?
WV
Aren't you just saying that cuz she's a woman?
MAN
That much shit for brains transcends sex.
WOMAN'S VOICE
What's on about the bailout? It flopped, right?
MAN (watching TV)
The governed wouldn't consent to bankers sticking it up their ass
and getting the gift of seven hundred billion to break it off even further in.
WV
I'm not gonna fold these underpants. They're disintegrating! Into the trash!
MAN
When it's my turn to fold, your panties are inviolate.
WV
Is that McCain? I can hear his voice.
MAN
Some nasty little prick looks like he's been dipped in Clorox.
Oooops, there's the other fellow, the one with a brain.
I like his color--coffee with a dash of cream.
WV
He picked that woman to jazz things up, McCain did.
MAN
She could do the same at a funeral home. Eureka! Here's an ad for her.
WV
What's it say?
MAN
That she's not really stupid.
WV
Is Biden that smart?
MAN
He speak encyclopedia articles, in number of words anyway. And just edged Mickey Mouse in the polls.
WV
How's she doing?
MAN
Still dumb.
WV
No I mean in the polls.
MAN
Have you heard of the concept of Absolute Zero?
WV
Aren't you just saying that cuz she's a woman?
MAN
That much shit for brains transcends sex.
Labels: bailout, Biden, McCain, Obama, Palin
Monday, September 29, 2008
John Q and The Mega-Mega Banker
JQ
One eighty bil, huh? Isn't that the age of the earth or something?
MMB
I don't know and I don't care.
JQ
Just deliver the bailout cash, hey? And what do we get
in exchange?
MMB
My ancestors would give you a thrashing for insolence!
JQ
And you're always trying the bring back the good ole days, right?
When you're not thrusting the begging cup?
MMB
You're too ignorant to understand.
JQ
I understand that it's a culture war and you're winning--
even when whining and begging.
MMB
And there's not a fuckin thing you...!
JQ
Laser guillotine. Now there's an idea.
JQ
One eighty bil, huh? Isn't that the age of the earth or something?
MMB
I don't know and I don't care.
JQ
Just deliver the bailout cash, hey? And what do we get
in exchange?
MMB
My ancestors would give you a thrashing for insolence!
JQ
And you're always trying the bring back the good ole days, right?
When you're not thrusting the begging cup?
MMB
You're too ignorant to understand.
JQ
I understand that it's a culture war and you're winning--
even when whining and begging.
MMB
And there's not a fuckin thing you...!
JQ
Laser guillotine. Now there's an idea.
Labels: bailout, bailout culture war, culture war
Friday, September 26, 2008
Rocco and the Wharton Professor
ROCCO
Well well! Mrs Onofrio's little boy, now teaching at
Wharton School of Gouging Capitalism, University
of Pennsylvania. So, DR! Onofrio, how’s the latest
government bailout of the fiercely independent
private sector going?
DR O
I’ve screamed about these excesses for five years!
ROCCO
What do you teach at Right-Wing Wharton anyway?
DR O
Economics.
ROCCO
What is that, exactly?
DR O
Nobody knows. It’s in Discovery.
ROCCO
So? Tell me, is this new government ownership of
private companies Socialism or Communism?
DR O
Who the fuck cares!
ROCCO
Wouldn't want your department chairman hear that, would you?
DR O
Okay Rocco, so I'm a fuckin hypocrite. It's a big club.
ROCCO
The biggest. And don’t despair that nobody listens to you.
First fuckin grownup lesson.
------
Strivers leave Rocco’s South Philadelphia, but they always return–
most often for Mama’s food.
ROCCO
Well well! Mrs Onofrio's little boy, now teaching at
Wharton School of Gouging Capitalism, University
of Pennsylvania. So, DR! Onofrio, how’s the latest
government bailout of the fiercely independent
private sector going?
DR O
I’ve screamed about these excesses for five years!
ROCCO
What do you teach at Right-Wing Wharton anyway?
DR O
Economics.
ROCCO
What is that, exactly?
DR O
Nobody knows. It’s in Discovery.
ROCCO
So? Tell me, is this new government ownership of
private companies Socialism or Communism?
DR O
Who the fuck cares!
ROCCO
Wouldn't want your department chairman hear that, would you?
DR O
Okay Rocco, so I'm a fuckin hypocrite. It's a big club.
ROCCO
The biggest. And don’t despair that nobody listens to you.
First fuckin grownup lesson.
------
Strivers leave Rocco’s South Philadelphia, but they always return–
most often for Mama’s food.
Labels: bailout, bailout Communism.Governent takeover Socialism, Government takeover Communism, socialism
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Prospect
-Nobody’ll buy this vile shit. It’s too toxic! There are no more suckers left! Period!
-Looks like Uncle Sam will.
-Yeah, the hick from the sticks.
-Nobody’ll buy this vile shit. It’s too toxic! There are no more suckers left! Period!
-Looks like Uncle Sam will.
-Yeah, the hick from the sticks.
Labels: bailout, toxic, Uncle Sam
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Mega-Maximum Screwing of John Q -- a kind of Psychodrama
Cast
John Q -- The Patsy
Wall Street -- The Criminal
Government -- The Enabler
Setting
Any Disgusting Place
...
Background Music, Kazoo, Sounds a Little Goofus to Me
JOHN Q (Entering, skinny and harried)
Something brutal has barged up my rectum!
Cut music
Lights come up to reveal two enormously bloated, florid twins.
WALL STREET
Stop whining!
GOVERNMENT
(To Wall Street) I'll second that! And am I gonna show you
a few new tricks! For one thing, give you his money in order
for both of us to fuck him blind! Well, blinder.
JOHN Q
I can't see!
GOVERNMENT
That’s the idea.
WALL STREET
This is actually hilarious!
GOVERNMENT
Be careful! There's moral hazard in laughing at the lower orders.
JOHN Q
Can’t anyone help?
WALL STREET
Always with his hand out!
GOVERNMENT (to John Q)
Hey! It’s a democracy. Nobody preventing you from forming
a constituency with all the other losers!
WALL STREET
And Man do we love losers!
GOVERNMENT
Well, anyhow, after all the falderal and bailouts, o wondrous Money God, have you learned anything?
WALL STREET
Next time, steal more.
Music up full. Stars and Stripes Forever
Cast
John Q -- The Patsy
Wall Street -- The Criminal
Government -- The Enabler
Setting
Any Disgusting Place
...
Background Music, Kazoo, Sounds a Little Goofus to Me
JOHN Q (Entering, skinny and harried)
Something brutal has barged up my rectum!
Cut music
Lights come up to reveal two enormously bloated, florid twins.
WALL STREET
Stop whining!
GOVERNMENT
(To Wall Street) I'll second that! And am I gonna show you
a few new tricks! For one thing, give you his money in order
for both of us to fuck him blind! Well, blinder.
JOHN Q
I can't see!
GOVERNMENT
That’s the idea.
WALL STREET
This is actually hilarious!
GOVERNMENT
Be careful! There's moral hazard in laughing at the lower orders.
JOHN Q
Can’t anyone help?
WALL STREET
Always with his hand out!
GOVERNMENT (to John Q)
Hey! It’s a democracy. Nobody preventing you from forming
a constituency with all the other losers!
WALL STREET
And Man do we love losers!
GOVERNMENT
Well, anyhow, after all the falderal and bailouts, o wondrous Money God, have you learned anything?
WALL STREET
Next time, steal more.
Music up full. Stars and Stripes Forever
Labels: bailout, screwing John Q, Wall Street Thieves
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Helping the Committee
CEO
Though they don't know it yet, the Bonus Committee met
at my house last night and okayed doubling last year's
individual totals. Handle it! Except for the two newer VPs.
Give them mil each. I thought this decision should be
made prior to the Government takeover. Relieve them of it--a favor.
ASSISTANT
So the virtual committee strolled up that lovely walk flanked
by hostas.
CEO
By what?
ASSISTANT
Hostas, a flower.
CEO
I don't know one fuckin one from the other. We hire a spick.
CEO
Though they don't know it yet, the Bonus Committee met
at my house last night and okayed doubling last year's
individual totals. Handle it! Except for the two newer VPs.
Give them mil each. I thought this decision should be
made prior to the Government takeover. Relieve them of it--a favor.
ASSISTANT
So the virtual committee strolled up that lovely walk flanked
by hostas.
CEO
By what?
ASSISTANT
Hostas, a flower.
CEO
I don't know one fuckin one from the other. We hire a spick.
Labels: bailout, executive bonus, Wall Street
Monday, September 22, 2008
Dialog In a Pretending Democracy
John Q
Let me get this straight--and you've complicated things so
as to make that nearly impossible–-we're to buy the toxic
debt that you accumulated though greed and stupidity?
MEGA BANKER
That's about it. The former imperative, that is,
not the naive editorial.
John Q
Sounds like yet another nudge-and-wink time to me.
We'll get screwed on price and everybody‘ll pretend we're
stealing the crap. Man! Attention Bribe Central! Red Alert!
MEGA BANKER
O ye of little Capital faith!
John Q
And where’s the reciprocity? What do we get in exchange
for bailing you out?
MEGA BANKER
What part of Go Fuck Yourself don't you understand?
John Q
Let me get this straight--and you've complicated things so
as to make that nearly impossible–-we're to buy the toxic
debt that you accumulated though greed and stupidity?
MEGA BANKER
That's about it. The former imperative, that is,
not the naive editorial.
John Q
Sounds like yet another nudge-and-wink time to me.
We'll get screwed on price and everybody‘ll pretend we're
stealing the crap. Man! Attention Bribe Central! Red Alert!
MEGA BANKER
O ye of little Capital faith!
John Q
And where’s the reciprocity? What do we get in exchange
for bailing you out?
MEGA BANKER
What part of Go Fuck Yourself don't you understand?
Labels: "democracy, bailout, ripoff, socialism for rich
Saturday, September 20, 2008
The Usual Sedition
-I'm bypassing bonus committee and declaring double last year’s
amounts. Alleviate morale problem before government takeover.
-But! If it gets out...
-I'll be out before that.
-CEO ever been lynched?
-Nah! That'd be for just deserts. I'm talking unjust deserts.
-Chief, your wit shines through the shit-storm!
-I'm bypassing bonus committee and declaring double last year’s
amounts. Alleviate morale problem before government takeover.
-But! If it gets out...
-I'll be out before that.
-CEO ever been lynched?
-Nah! That'd be for just deserts. I'm talking unjust deserts.
-Chief, your wit shines through the shit-storm!
Labels: bailout, bailout sedition, bonuses, CEO
Thursday, September 18, 2008
The Procession
-I heard you before you got here. We take the profits, you
get the losses.
-Our mantra. We have bankers, brokers, insurance dudes. And your
government, John Q, in its infinite wisdom and in loving memory of
our generous bribes, has bailed us all out.
-And now you're celebrating. In togas, yet. Wrong look
for fat, pink shoulders. Except the women swarming around.
They sure look wild. Some frenzy!
-They're a part of a serious, religious, ritual. Our Dionysian
explosion of gratefulness. Prodigious Screwing comes later.
All for the right reasons.
-And the wine, phew! Everywhere. Perhaps you could spare...?
-Not a chance! Not your end of things. We don't flick
any fuckin flagons to finks.
-No harm in asking.
-Ah that’s where you’re wrong. Great harm! Know your place!
-Wow! Three guys carrying an immense dick!
-Vulgarity entirely inappropriate! It is a sacramental object!
-What will you do with it?
-Stick around.
Labels: bailout, dionysian, rewarding criminals, screwing John Q
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
One Side of Debate On Economy
Well the million buck shack on the mountain is out. What with the government
taking over and Senators threatening our bonuses, this family tightens
the belt on vacations!
Okay okay. Little one we saw for seven-fifty? Call the realtor up there.
You wonder what the poor people are doing? Don’t make such jokes.
Plenty of people like us have been ruined in the past, and some even
jumped outa windows!
Yeah that was before bailouts! Hey! Temporary fix. We’ll get going
again and even stronger!
No, not fucking the people! And I thought it was cute when you protested
everything in college.
Well the million buck shack on the mountain is out. What with the government
taking over and Senators threatening our bonuses, this family tightens
the belt on vacations!
Okay okay. Little one we saw for seven-fifty? Call the realtor up there.
You wonder what the poor people are doing? Don’t make such jokes.
Plenty of people like us have been ruined in the past, and some even
jumped outa windows!
Yeah that was before bailouts! Hey! Temporary fix. We’ll get going
again and even stronger!
No, not fucking the people! And I thought it was cute when you protested
everything in college.
Labels: bailout
Monday, July 28, 2008
Republican gets up & goes to work in the morning;
Democrat goes down to mailbox to pick up his check.
-according to Florida GOP spokesman.
Well, that can require a little effort!...
mailbox could be outside in rain, etc.
Whereas Republican Wall Streeters
only have to wait for Uncle Sap
to bring in the bailout, bowing
and scraping.
Labels: bailout, Democrat, Republican
