Friday, November 16, 2018
The Fate of Some Quotes… & Odors
first night she’s asked
Is it still the same old glory,
the fight for love and story?
“He had it bass-ackwards!”
she tells Shift Partner,
Jippy Erst after they book
the pie-eyed questioner.
“At any rate, it obviously
reeks of piss,” shrugs he.
“It’s bad enough to ever smell
it just a little off yourself!”
“Could ruin a lot of things,”
he nodded.
Labels: allusion, drunk, fear, personal, police, quote, urine
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Criminal Justice, Creative Branch
-You're the nicest criminal yet!
-Thanks. One and done! The guy
was insulting, and I had been
in a frenzy. My girlfriend having
left with most of my clothes.
-Her new fella your size?
-You got it!
-Well, anyway, Simple Assault.
Another shit case to clog the
books!
-Sorry. Not really interesting,
I know.
-Here comes the deal from the
printer. Here! Just sign it.
-Sure! Get it over with! Uh?
Whoa! This is entirely wrong,
I'm afraid. Lots of...financial
double-dealing it looks like.
-We...need someone to admit to
this one.
-But...as much as I'd like to...!
-No jail time! Guaranteed! Maybe
dismissed off the bat from lack
of evidence. Whereas your shitty
little infraction depends on the
judge's mood.
-Oh well then...easy come, easy go!
I become a respected...banker it
looks like...instead of a hothead.
-We’re rising you in status!
-And...can't stop laughing?
-It's the job!
Labels: assault, banker, banking, class among criminals, criminal class, detectives, financial, financial con men, guilt, hothead, no jail time for big financial cons, plea bargain, police
Saturday, November 05, 2016
Two Views,
Two Prophets
Moses come down from the mountain
to inform him.
-The world ends soon. But a new world.
With you in charge! Tell no one.
Beans prepared.
...
-They finally roust out “Moses”?
-That robe had a stink about it I couldn’t
describe.
-Precinct chipping in buy him a new one.
Labels: Moses, police, prophet, world end
Friday, October 21, 2016
Den Scene
Dad leaned back from his laptop to pantomime catching a fish.
Quietly laughing then to Astella, who resumed looking out the window.
Neither saw Detectives Haller and Jasso.
The former eventually reaching in and closing the laptop.
Put it under his arm.
The latter, a former Crimson Tide Football center,
lifted Dad by the elbow.
Astella noticed now.
But the three left so quickly!
She just stared out the window once more, eventually into the space the squad car had vacated.
Labels: con man, Crimson Tide, cyber crime, detectives, Family, police
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
A Prophet
The Man Who Discovered IT in New Haven
cozied. Kept quiet. But flourished
in health!
Others questioned him and he merely
laughed.
As a matter of fact, became apparent
to many that they diminished as he
increased.
His happiness became unbearable, and dark
things were therefore hinted as to his fate.
Especially since he began to rub it in.
“Look at you pukes!” and the like.
Women decried his behavior to his face,
since the men afraid of him.
He did listen to them--“the Fair Sex”--
and decided to share his secret in a loving
and not arrogant way.
He built a small platform of two by fours
and brute-forced it to the New Haven Green.
For some reason, his lecture had to be
delivered naked.
He endeavored to explain why in the poetic intro,
but Patrolmen Cassady and Pesticci, snatched
him in his transported, blinking, rhetorical midst.
Called in a crane, too, from the Streets Department
to trundle the platform to their yard.
Yale shortly wanted it. Putting together a display
for the Peabody Museum of “American Prophets,
from John Brown to...” well, our latest, local, flowering.
Labels: Health, lecture, New Haven, Peabody Museum, police, prophet, righteous, self righteous
Wednesday, January 06, 2016
Civilized Solution
Everybody grew angry at Kadija for her DWB arrest.
The officer for the additional form he had to fill out,
and which he kept screwing up; his partner because he
had to fix the screwups. Woman Desk Officer
who was obviously superior to anyone on earth!
Kadija’s father sent his lawyer, Harding Kell, to get her
out on bail.
He dropped her at Gem's apartment. Jasmine showed
up later. Then, they worked up a list of white men and
women to drive them.
Labels: Driving While Black, police, Race
Saturday, December 13, 2014
The Massive Footprint
Detectives Romey and Pearl
Herve Best, Carpenter, reported
it from his cell and stuck
around as instructed.
“No human made that!” Pearl emitted.
And Romey started hinting
that Bell had fashioned a form
from wood and pressed it
in the mud. Bell laughed.
“Let me point out here and here!
Places where things ain’t square.
No carpenter would let that go like that.
He’d a-put the levels to it in the shop.”
“Makes sense,” Pearl shrugged.
"Then we got us a monster...”
“Or another hoax! Police
Work being a hoax a day
presently.” Spat Romey. Patrol-
person Joanne Harrel,
taking the pictures.
Went back to the car
for the molding kit, then
“What’ll I tell my future grandchildren?
With all their cop toys! Years later?
With all these jokes on us?”
“You served with distinction!” Pearl began,
“And a fool, both.” Romey finished.
Labels: Bigfoot, bitterness, forensics, hoax, police
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Rear Guard Death
CORONER
What's left of the old Republican?
OFFICER
Just a corroded money clip and a bitter laugh.
CORONER
I can get DNA from the former, but is it
usual the laugh goes on after death?
OFFICER
The Jesus Freaks say it's start of Hereafter.
CORONER
Not a welcoming one.
OFFICER
C’est la...every fuckin thing. Should stop
in the next hour.
CORONER
Bring me a body next time.
OFFICER
We all have desires.
Labels: coroner, death, police, postmortem, Republican
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Risks of Modern Life
“Usually get sold in pairs. Up to you. Fine then! The deuce
will do it! Your profile shows Mazda SUV. Better yet! Calders
will carry them out, and get them in that locked compartment
back there. Overcautious? Why look for trouble?”
But Flip forgot to tell Glad when they exchanged cars, and
he took the Altima for state inspection to Hoppy's Garage.
Back from the appointment only to find squad cars and a Hazmat
Team, plus five officers carrying automatic rifles. And Glad inside
the house shrieking “Green Ooze! I can’t get the stink off!”
The Captain pulls up, siren and multitudinous blinking lights,
white, blue, red. Siren spinning down to a ticking. Lights dim.
His red face seems to pulse then.
"Isn't all of this overkill?" Flip shouts, waving both arms.
"Not in our experience."
Labels: emergency, Hazmat, police, strange purchase
Monday, July 14, 2014
Just Like That
Chapter One
-I’m outa gas with all my stupid lines, and fixated on Delly.
-Delly! That Strawberry Blonde? No dirty male sock has hit
the floor of her apartment in many a year.
-Has she swung the other way?
-She swings no ways. Done. Finito! Case closed, as we say
in the trade.
-It’ll take the cleverness that has fled me.
-The bullshit you mean.
-If you will. I’m done, you’re right.
-How about your self? Not much of a commodity but what you have.
-She’s a beauty. She’ll laugh.
-Laughing is halfway there. Seriously, how about a direct approach
where you tell the truth? “Just the facts, Ma’am.”
-How...can you recognize...?
-Trust yourself! You’ll be giving evidence as to your physical and
moral fitness.
-I hardly think much of the person you’re referencing!
-Humility. She’ll eat that up! Go under her window like Romeo.
-So, get under her window and...?
-Howl.
-Not much of that in my family.
-How about moaning?
-I can do moan.
-And when she opens the window...!
-Throws open the sash, in poetry.
-Very well! Tell her it’s urgent that you speak to her!
-What if she says no?
-That’s when you must sustain.
-How so?
-Say anything! Keep the babble up to wear her down.
-What if I wear down?
-You can’t! Hafta get up to that apartment!
-For the male sex?
-Screw the rest, for yourself!
-Okay I’m up there. What...?
-Tell her you can’t live without her!
-The truth again? That’s tough for somebody who...
-Forget all that. A New Dawn!
-But...you’re...half kidding, yes?
-Just half. It’s the cop in me. Lotzaluck!
-I just might fool you.
Chapter Two
He had been watching before clerks opened the stores
on Church Street. Chief thought a rash of vandalism
could spread there from the surrounding neighborhoods.
His friend flew by in his red Mitsu convertible, scarves
flinging back from a strawberry blond.
Chapter Three
The Lieutenant’s champagne-fueled Wedding Speech has so
many cynical asides from a bed of mush, his wife gestures
for him to sit down.
That, the second shot; the first being his friend succeeding.
Labels: cynicism, giving up, police, Romance, romantic advice, romantic strategy
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Present Wife Laconic
(Last one, emergency a minute!)
At any rate, put her in our Expedition to her Aunt's country
place, and then don my faux military garb, complete with
AK-47 won at church.
Not much time, due to her casual warning.
Join the Assassination Squad on their sweep of our floor,
no one the wiser.
They flood off the elevators as I merge smoothly, imitating
their duck-and-poke Swat Team manner.
We batter down doors that are unlocked.
Lingering, then, within domestic sets of sofas, and tables with
toasters. Lost for meditative seconds after determining the
absence of the persons in the photographs about, which the
others match with ones on phones.
Usually the leader, when we gather in the hallway again, lights
a cigarette, indicating All-Clear.
But today he performs a vicious uppercut with his weapon,
so up the stairs we go to 15.
All stealth lost in our thundering, but 15 perceives slowly,
being mostly retired.
Bipsy-Lou has rigged the elevator not to stop there again,
till the cleanup and refurbishment complete.
There's a waiting list already.
The leader has been mildly reprimanded for overzealousness, and
my wife has returned, casting bucolic Instagram snaps on House-TV.
Labels: assassination, future, militarism, murder, over-reaction, police
Sunday, April 06, 2014
Dangers in the Enjoyments of Children
Characters
“They ripped me from my group and tried to rape me!
Through the back part.”
Patrolperson Mary Cort had him sign his statement,
and then drove Pinocchio home.
Meantime, the two accused admitted they desired Goofy,
but couldn’t wait.
When she got back, Chief proclaimed, “I’m telling mayor
no more parades! Attracts wrong element.”
“But my daughter and Jiminy Cricket! And I love When
You Wish Upon a Star, his lovely falsetto in there!”
“Download it. Who’s preventing? Anyhow, no more perverts
going up the chute of Kermit the Frog!”
“Maybe just a personal point of view problem there, Chief?”
“I got THAT all right!”
Labels: Goofy, Jiminy Cricket, Kermit the Frog, parade, Pinocchio, police, rape
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Officer Loses It
Cop
Mitch loved the action part of policing. Dozed off
during lectures, and messed up paperwork.
Alive as he has ever been while chasing a burglary
suspect over the wet cobbles fronting Darsen’s
Shoes. Spotted him exiting a Chase branch bank,
and radioed for help.
In keeping with the Victorian theme, Old Man Darsen
had installed boot scrapers. Mich’s forehead ends
up on one.
Sgt Olgrow discovers him after cuffing the suspect.
Mitch had rolled over with a groan, and Olgrow, in
the dim light from the old-fashioned streetlamps,
sees the gash as filling with red mica.
Mitch gets on. He doesn’t yet know the year. Speaks to
Gwen who isn’t there, but left him months before his
accident.
When? he asks himself in a clear moment.
The first thing he says to the doctor that next
morning. “It’s funny. Somebody named When.”
After a year the old doc says it takes time. Young
one recommends early retirement.
The city throws a nice party. Even the Governor,
who’s considering a Presidential run, emails him
later.
He’s learning the computer afresh and it’s his
first message. First he reads the Subject Line as
“Grim Christ Fixer” but shakes and shakes his
head until “Great Crime Fighter” appears.
Gwen never returns, though he feels she has.
Has conversations, even arguments.
The green trees have turned liquid. He jams his
eyes shut when this happens.
Labels: crime, forced retirement, head injury, police, recovery from trauma, traumatic injury, visions
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Politics Waxes and Wanes
But Poker Is Forever
“Who melt this dess?” Mick-Mack, our Teapartier, exclaimed.
“Finally losing it totally!” Worse remarked.
“Don't you DISH?” He meant wish.
Worse was for ‘Worse than a Communist.’ Our leader, Clock,
had stepped in back then, pronouncing no more politics,
but Worse's name stuck.
When Mickey-Mack didn't show the next time, Clock tried
home and cell, then called police. Everybody always had
gotten here, or phoned.
Patrolperson Webberly entered at the next game, asking us
questions. MM had disappeared without the proverbial trace.
Worse guessed he spontaneously combusted in rage.
But the Professor scoffed that all such cases on shaky science.
“Rather, he fell into the river and drowned.”
“Like in Goodnight Irene?” Worse asked him.
“...his body f-loating to sea, then slowing sinking.” On went
Professor, as if with the body.
“Full fathom five
our colleague lies,
his bones are coral made.”
Webberly sat in for the first time.
Now she’s a Captain and never misses. She's also ‘Nose.’
Though a beauty, one generous proboscis. When winning,
she often says “The Nose knows!”
Our teapartier never found, so less anger in the game,
and world.
The professor opines that he could be discovered,
or a fragment, if the department only thought outside
the box...!
Nose claims they’re required to do only that presently.
“Who melt this dess?” Clock yells at that moment.
We all laugh. The perennial ‘Dealt this mess’ never
again would be said that way here.
Clock finally announces the evening’s last hand,
and muses that he has played twelve years and
is twenty-four dollars ahead. “But that could be
behind. Since I lost my Evvie, my bookkeeping
is suspect."
“Well she left a legacy: Made you into a total pussy!”
Worse snaps.
Nose finally goes down the aisle with a house dick
from Sears. We’re all invited and like him off the bat.
But he couldn’t play. No couples!--from sad experience
with pair who continued their sniping into the game.
Clock dismissed them forever.
They wanted a vote, but he said “I’m the vote.”
“Who melt this dess?” our bride laughs now.
“Don't you worry about hubby's fidelity while you’re doing
your cutthroat thing here?” Clock occasionally kittenish.
“I never worry about anything. Wasted effort. I’ve seen the dregs
of everything and I’m immensely better off. Immensely!”
Well, rest of us still sorta worried a bit about our lost teapartier.
Icy cold case. But I guess that's life , or Poker, or something.
Labels: disappearance, Poker, police, rage, Republican Tea Party, tea party
Sunday, May 19, 2013
The Highwaymen
Pudge instructed Half-Loco in crossing.
“Make it close, so you can give the finger
to trucker.”
“You keep doing that and you misjudge one
day and they blot you up later on!”
Pudge laughed. "Ain't ever gonna happen that way."
He was right. He died in his sleep during a hellacious rainstorm.
Next morning Half-Loco borrowed a cellphone from
maintenance guy picking up tree limbs, to tell
Social Worker Fanny.
She, at the Station later, to Desk Sergeant “Pip” Ryan:
“I'm afraid one of my homeless passed.”
“Yeah? When he shooda run or punted?”
“Is everything a joke?”
“Definitely!”
Pudge instructed Half-Loco in crossing.
“Make it close, so you can give the finger
to trucker.”
“You keep doing that and you misjudge one
day and they blot you up later on!”
Pudge laughed. "Ain't ever gonna happen that way."
He was right. He died in his sleep during a hellacious rainstorm.
Next morning Half-Loco borrowed a cellphone from
maintenance guy picking up tree limbs, to tell
Social Worker Fanny.
She, at the Station later, to Desk Sergeant “Pip” Ryan:
“I'm afraid one of my homeless passed.”
“Yeah? When he shooda run or punted?”
“Is everything a joke?”
“Definitely!”
Labels: death, highway, homeless, police, sarcasm
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
The man who was meticulous in just about everything
went completely! Sgts Calderone and Mixx called to
pocket park fronting the new condos on West Division
Street, 9:12 PM.
He was alternately giggling and roaring up into fluffy
snow, whole white scene lit by highrise windows.
Said Sgts labeled “Nut Squad” at precinct: last week
breaking up a fist fight between Napoleon and
Mickey Mantle, Calvary Baptist Soup Kitchen.
Aforementioned meticulous one claimed to be
Steve Jobs, proving he pretty much kept up.
Footprints in the snow ultimately told the story
of his struggle.
Labels: delusional, Mickey Mantle, Napoleon, nervous breakdown, nut, police, Steve Jobs
Sunday, March 31, 2013
The Very Lonely Man
decides to talk to everyone.
The cops ultimately notice
this super-voluble enthusiasm
and hold him for observation.
Police psychiatrist opines
went too far but is otherwise
normal. When he gets back to his
efficiency, mail shows invitations
to a wedding, a bar mitzvah, and an
installation at Knights of Columbus.
Labels: affability, Bar Mitzvah, Knights of Columbus, loneliness, police, social, wedding
Monday, October 15, 2012
Archive
We're the River Boys, our chief antagonists the
Mountain Boys. We labeled them derisively, their
hailing from a hilly section of the city, but
they liked the name.
Rumbled many a time! Let’s call the results a draw.
The historical highlight was the State Street Chaos,
where the fight spilled out of Delahome Park and
blocked traffic to and from downtown for three hours.
That was a mix of brawling kids, and cops using clubs.
Our pact forbade weapons. Fists only.
Register-Courier, it was, came up with STATE STREET CHAOS!!! Excoriating the mayor and police chief.
The latter was a florid boozer who couldn't get away
with only words this time. He actually responded.
Police Academy grads were sent away to study
Gang Control in New York and Chicago.
When they got back they made inroads, but the atmosphere
in the neighborhoods was changing anyway. Both places
being seriously boutiqued, and with shopping centers
planned. Pennys to anchor theirs and Sears ours.
Slums were cleared under federal programs and nostalgia
buffs complained mightily. But the housing stock was lousy
and shoddy, however picturesque. (We had a couple of
houses slide into the river during a downpour.)
And the women had gotten the bit in their teeth, actually
picketing downtown for equal pay. Which would have been
enough, but they wanted to enforce “feelings” on everyone.
Some men responded by drinking more, others by hugging
while meeting. In the cultural wave, the younger River Boys
and Mountain Boys became feminized.
The older guys have dug in, sort of. A representative fellow
we call The Ambassador, lives among us now, having taken
a job on a barge. But he comes from the "mountains."
Actually was a ringer there, import from New York’s Bowery.
Real Neanderthal who fought in the welterweight class under
the name of Packy-o McFarland.
He's a bit outspoken and we quote him often. "Where can you get a fuckin drink around here? All the dives have
pasted nautical crap on the walls, and the bartenders
are college graduates.
The waiters were old men with long aprons and black
shoes and limpy feet. Now they’re squirts bullshitting
about wines.”
“What the fuck do the women want? They turned
the whole city into a chick flick already! How ’bout
a rap, side of the head, to help straighten the dears out?”
With prompting of his sister-in-law, a Domestic
Relations Officer dropped by, but determined
he was all talk.
I’m just back from a sales conference where I met an old
Mountain Boy. We spoke of our memories of State Street,
and he pointed to a scrape on his chin he said I gave him
I apologized. Forgotten to take off a ring in the frenzy.
We laughed at it all. What’s left?
“You know,” I told my son when I got back, “Lots of changes
for the better, but...something lost too.”
“Yeah, stupidity!”
Labels: gangs, gentrification, police, rumble
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Nice Guys Finish Dead
Here comes the bride,
there goes the groom.
Say, a doc. What does
he know of women?
What’s learned in labs
and practice? She
never relinquishes
a dark beau, and
obliterating Doc’s dough
by shopping doesn’t cut it.
Much more sits there in
insurance. They plot
and murder so
moronically, cops
on to it immediately.
Med school needs
a hardheaded course
taught by police.
A walk through
Murderer’s Row
of Blondes.
Labels: blondes, murder, nice guys, police
Saturday, April 02, 2011
Snap Course In Municipal Progress
When Marcy made Captain, she told the other detectives she could no longer be goosed. The announcement was greeted with sober applause, but none when she hinted that the horseplay should cease anyway.
Unfortunately, she became the next violator, goosing a young lieutenant who shrieked in such a feminine voice that the departmental sadist threatened to tease him forever.
But was brought up short by having his nose rearranged.
This fisticuff happened the very day the Head of Detectives expired at a Mets game.
Marcy was again promoted, and her first duty involved interviewing the splat nose, who threatened suit.
She fired him after saying he was the sorriest excuse
for a detective she ever saw.
He hied to the Chief of Police, who asked the mayor
to reign Marcy in.
His appeal was so successful that the mayor instead decided
to move Chief’s retirement up to one year from two.
This upset Chief so much he played even more golf that particular week, traveling to the state capital where a new Arnold Palmer Signature course had just opened.
Incidentally, to appeal to his cousin, a legislator.
When the legislator phoned the mayor, the locks
got changed on the Chief's office and it was given
to the press he was immediately retiring
for health reasons.
Meanwhile, Marcy was confronted by Junior Detective Lillian____to the effect that she was lodging a complaint
with The Human Relations Commission regarding the
frat boy imbecility of the department.
She showed her a cartoon her boyfriend had drawn for the newspaper showing Marcy as shepherdess against a weedy meadow. The caption: Can fading Bo Peep tame
the stubborn sheep?
After Lillian departed, Marcy took the cartoon into the bathroom and held it up beside her face.
Burst into sobs at the fat, trashy figure. After framing
it, tears splashing the glass, and hanging it in the
bathroom, she made an appointment at a spa for
the complete works.
After her first full spa day, where Harold saw her hair as the challenge of a lifetime, her new mentor in the mayor's office sent his tailor to measure her for the Chief of Police uniform!
Things were moving too fast for just about everyone, and
prior to her swearing-in, she wore the uniform to a
meeting of roiled detectives.
She apprised them of the fact that any incident of horseplay would result in the whole department being reduced to the rank of the most junior detective. Also, that the young male lieutenant was now Captain, Head of Detectives.
He proved to run a tight ship, and the wall behind Chief Marcy's desk eventually filled up with awards.
She brought out the cartoon from the bathroom
and installed it amid them.
When Marcy made Captain, she told the other detectives she could no longer be goosed. The announcement was greeted with sober applause, but none when she hinted that the horseplay should cease anyway.
Unfortunately, she became the next violator, goosing a young lieutenant who shrieked in such a feminine voice that the departmental sadist threatened to tease him forever.
But was brought up short by having his nose rearranged.
This fisticuff happened the very day the Head of Detectives expired at a Mets game.
Marcy was again promoted, and her first duty involved interviewing the splat nose, who threatened suit.
She fired him after saying he was the sorriest excuse
for a detective she ever saw.
He hied to the Chief of Police, who asked the mayor
to reign Marcy in.
His appeal was so successful that the mayor instead decided
to move Chief’s retirement up to one year from two.
This upset Chief so much he played even more golf that particular week, traveling to the state capital where a new Arnold Palmer Signature course had just opened.
Incidentally, to appeal to his cousin, a legislator.
When the legislator phoned the mayor, the locks
got changed on the Chief's office and it was given
to the press he was immediately retiring
for health reasons.
Meanwhile, Marcy was confronted by Junior Detective Lillian____to the effect that she was lodging a complaint
with The Human Relations Commission regarding the
frat boy imbecility of the department.
She showed her a cartoon her boyfriend had drawn for the newspaper showing Marcy as shepherdess against a weedy meadow. The caption: Can fading Bo Peep tame
the stubborn sheep?
After Lillian departed, Marcy took the cartoon into the bathroom and held it up beside her face.
Burst into sobs at the fat, trashy figure. After framing
it, tears splashing the glass, and hanging it in the
bathroom, she made an appointment at a spa for
the complete works.
After her first full spa day, where Harold saw her hair as the challenge of a lifetime, her new mentor in the mayor's office sent his tailor to measure her for the Chief of Police uniform!
Things were moving too fast for just about everyone, and
prior to her swearing-in, she wore the uniform to a
meeting of roiled detectives.
She apprised them of the fact that any incident of horseplay would result in the whole department being reduced to the rank of the most junior detective. Also, that the young male lieutenant was now Captain, Head of Detectives.
He proved to run a tight ship, and the wall behind Chief Marcy's desk eventually filled up with awards.
She brought out the cartoon from the bathroom
and installed it amid them.
Labels: municipal politics, office horseplay, police
