Wednesday, February 29, 2012
BBC Interview of Virginia Anti-Abortion
Enforcement Group Members
BBC
I guess we must start with the controversies. As you might know, the governor is getting a document ready to curtail
your responsibilities.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
Hey! Being Cunt Cops, there’s not enough to do.
BBC
Which is what caused you and Commander Lincoln here
and others to stop a Richmond motorist? He says you
roughed him up.
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Well, Commander Polk did.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
Makes no difference who. We got immunity. Polk just
wanted to make him a man.
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Besides, we all chipped in and bought him a nice pink purse.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
Eye-talian.
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Now that’s ignorant. We say ghinny where I come from.
BBC
Moving right along....
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
You’re not spose to make the jokes. That’s our job.
BBC
Quite right, uh, accurate.
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Let’s get to the orgy. You’re dying to.
BBC
Okay then, Roanoke Times called it a homosexual one.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
(singing) When I’m not near-uh the girl I love-uve...
COMMANDER LINCOLN
(also) We love-uve the boys we’re near!
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
All piddle-paddle. Who cares? This Twenty First Century for godssakes!
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Queer shit sells!
BBC
What doesn’t is the much more important accusations of persistent Racism.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
Stop there, Limey Person!
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Yeah, but you did nail it. Persistent!
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
That ain’t our fault. We’re just Cunt Cops. Look! You hafta be the biggest fool on God’s Green Earth not to know that these are political jobs. My Daddy a State Senator and Linc’s there, Mega Contributor.
COMMANDER LINCOLN
In a perfect world, they’d be co-auctioneers at Slave Market.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
“What do you bid for this totally sexual woman?”
COMMANDER LINCOLN
“Coal black if that’s your preference!”
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
Did they start with a prayer?
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Nah! That’s now.
Enforcement Group Members
BBC
I guess we must start with the controversies. As you might know, the governor is getting a document ready to curtail
your responsibilities.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
Hey! Being Cunt Cops, there’s not enough to do.
BBC
Which is what caused you and Commander Lincoln here
and others to stop a Richmond motorist? He says you
roughed him up.
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Well, Commander Polk did.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
Makes no difference who. We got immunity. Polk just
wanted to make him a man.
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Besides, we all chipped in and bought him a nice pink purse.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
Eye-talian.
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Now that’s ignorant. We say ghinny where I come from.
BBC
Moving right along....
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
You’re not spose to make the jokes. That’s our job.
BBC
Quite right, uh, accurate.
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Let’s get to the orgy. You’re dying to.
BBC
Okay then, Roanoke Times called it a homosexual one.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
(singing) When I’m not near-uh the girl I love-uve...
COMMANDER LINCOLN
(also) We love-uve the boys we’re near!
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
All piddle-paddle. Who cares? This Twenty First Century for godssakes!
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Queer shit sells!
BBC
What doesn’t is the much more important accusations of persistent Racism.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
Stop there, Limey Person!
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Yeah, but you did nail it. Persistent!
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
That ain’t our fault. We’re just Cunt Cops. Look! You hafta be the biggest fool on God’s Green Earth not to know that these are political jobs. My Daddy a State Senator and Linc’s there, Mega Contributor.
COMMANDER LINCOLN
In a perfect world, they’d be co-auctioneers at Slave Market.
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
“What do you bid for this totally sexual woman?”
COMMANDER LINCOLN
“Coal black if that’s your preference!”
COMMANDER JEFFERSON
Did they start with a prayer?
COMMANDER LINCOLN
Nah! That’s now.
Labels: anti-abortion, GOP and Race, homosexuality, Law, law enforcement, Virginia
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Firm
ASSOCIATE
Is it in hiding? Soon to flower forth in an old magnificence?
Has it been smashed down so thoroughly that we can't
expect it soon? And thus must we be patient?
Is it an abused child in a filthy ditch, thrusting forth
a dirty hand for a nickel?
HEAD
What's your point, Counselor?
ASSOCIATE
Simple! Where is Justice in this case?
HEAD
Never use that fuckin word in these chambers again!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Mamba Snake in Coffee Room
At least the dream offhand.
Dr L in last-gasp Freud-speak
pounces "repressed Homosexuality!”
Dr Y counters with “slithering Evil!”
But Dr P scoffs at their “Theological
lies!” His trump, the latest: “Nothing
ever means anything. Period.” Quoting
Duke Ellington’s “It don't mean a thing”
then--to lighten the explicator’s touch.
“And it most definitely ain't got no swing!”
2 wags add. Anyway, P’s approach fated
to lose in Academy life. They
simply won’t promote you:
be meaningless anyway!
Our Freudian, though, frets
not, what with clinical Texas
and Virginia probing vaginas.
Labels: Freud, morality, Nihilism, Texas, vagina, Virginia
Sunday, February 26, 2012
What Once Was Said
MANAGER
(Initially while charging Umpire) It’s a game! Baseball!
Heard of it?
UMPIRE
I’m acquainted.
MANAGER
Got rules! You don’t make it up. It’s not fuckin
Alice in Wonderland!
UMPIRE
And would you be Alice?
MANAGER
You had a mouth on you when you was a player–-
to use that term loosely.
UMPIRE
Well now I’m an umpire and you can use that term
any way you want cuz YOU’RE OUTA HERE!
MANAGER
I’d recommend eye doctor but you’re too stupid to read the fuckin chart!
UMPIRE
All going in my report. Hope you got fat wallet.
MANAGER (while players drag him off in dust cloud)
...fat HEAD!
UMPIRE
I’m guessing you just passed ten thousand bucks!–-
not to mention my just awful hurt feelings.
MANAGER
(Initially while charging Umpire) It’s a game! Baseball!
Heard of it?
UMPIRE
I’m acquainted.
MANAGER
Got rules! You don’t make it up. It’s not fuckin
Alice in Wonderland!
UMPIRE
And would you be Alice?
MANAGER
You had a mouth on you when you was a player–-
to use that term loosely.
UMPIRE
Well now I’m an umpire and you can use that term
any way you want cuz YOU’RE OUTA HERE!
MANAGER
I’d recommend eye doctor but you’re too stupid to read the fuckin chart!
UMPIRE
All going in my report. Hope you got fat wallet.
MANAGER (while players drag him off in dust cloud)
...fat HEAD!
UMPIRE
I’m guessing you just passed ten thousand bucks!–-
not to mention my just awful hurt feelings.
Labels: Baseball, manager, umpire
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Victorian Author
-So how are you getting on, clean little person?
-Ever so prettily, Sir or Madame. Your story is wonderful,
full of such lovely places and bully people! And talking trains
and animals. Fairies that disappear and come back the very
next moment!
-Enjoy it while you can, for soon you'll be slapped with
a wet-mackerel moral
Labels: children's books, Victorian
Friday, February 24, 2012
Fear Obama!
Marxist! This
from the fascist
horrors on
American Radio.
(To the pros, he’s
Center-Left;
opposition being mostly
Center-Right--presently,
though, sucking up to
a furiously insane base.)
At any rate, these rank
“shows” have sponsors.
Boycott!
Labels: Fascist Radio, Marxism, Obama, Republican
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Power and Scattered Sugar Pacs
X finally promoted, how
he asserts himself
in the coffee room!
We thought temporary,
soothing old bruises,
but soon, the Mussolini
chin thrust. Now has
list been posted de-
manding we clean
up our acts: too solo
for order. After
Luther, what?
X finally promoted, how
he asserts himself
in the coffee room!
We thought temporary,
soothing old bruises,
but soon, the Mussolini
chin thrust. Now has
list been posted de-
manding we clean
up our acts: too solo
for order. After
Luther, what?
Labels: coffee room, Luther, Mussolini, promotion
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
More Things Remain the Same
Celebrity buys it: un-
der crap-mysterious
circumstance. You
preceded, big toe
sporting tag. So,
your routine lab work
tossed aside. Thus...
chilling much longer.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
NBA
-Got me one bent dude
lost nearly everything!
Owner helped get ‘nother
n’ he’s fuckin up what’s
left! Plus suckin all new
stuff for hisself!
-Yeah, but let’s put our
minds in the game!”
-I just fuckin can’t!
-Got me one bent dude
lost nearly everything!
Owner helped get ‘nother
n’ he’s fuckin up what’s
left! Plus suckin all new
stuff for hisself!
-Yeah, but let’s put our
minds in the game!”
-I just fuckin can’t!
Labels: exploitation, financial advice, NBA
Monday, February 20, 2012
Chuckie the Center
blows out both knees after
two years, switches to academics.
Highlight reel: Microbiology's Meershim:
“You'll get these unknowns if I must skip
dinner! Mrs M a Kraut too, but assembles ex-
traordinary lasagna! Your own assembly too
sloppy, but if you ever acquire technique,
you'll hear singing. Everything, deep down,
is art.” Mrs Leonard in English hits the same note:
“We call it Composition. Not smash-together!”
Memory of young math prof. Fuzzier. Taciturn save
when filling blackboards in chortling frenzies.
And now the Athletic Department, which shunned
when he went studious, elects him to its Hall of Fame.
He stares at the wall where Jilly has removed photos
and banners and highschool awards. Cleaning.
But she leaves for the last time, taking
her old cheerleader stuff. Lately, he tries
math apps on his tablet. He can answer
many problems by a sort of rote, but
how others fall to surprising intuition!
On the plane the Captain proves a woman.
Ends her staid routine with a wisecrack
re wastrel brother to a sparse audience.
He sprawls in back and whispers, "Well,
in my case, half a man better than none."
Labels: athletics, college, Hall of Fame, studies
Sunday, February 19, 2012
The Speech
Though L didn't like giving the speech to girls, he was
next when the occasion came up at the country club.
Intelligence had revealed that agents listened to girls
primarily, their news of boyfriends giving many clues
as to troop movements.
“Ladies,” he began, “it's a simple enough message:
Loose Lips Sink Ships. Was made famous in World War 2.”
“They're numbered! I thought it was a perpetual state!”
moaned Lisa.
“Plenty of time for questions after!” he told her.
But she and Gwen never stopped chatting, newly impelled
by the sight of a young man on the putting green.
“See! I told you! Cutest butt ever!”
It was as if the young man knew they were watching-–
much leaning and stretching to retrieve golfballs
from holes. Gwen and Liz emitted sucking sounds
and said he was murdering them.
L soldiered on and finished his talk. There were no questions.
He gave an account when he got back to the office. Dr T
announcing "Hey! I had three girls and they were empty
heads for a good while. Then...overnight! And some have
driven everybody crazy in the silly phase, but then led
rebellions to shove Dad from the top slot in the firm!”
“Nice. There's hope. I...got the name of this young man who perfects his game while others fight and die.”
Dr T read the scrap of paper and crumpled it up for his
pocket. "We can’t go there. Nobody can."
"But Sir, this kid...!”
“Stop there or you'll sound like the enemy. They DO
take it to extremes.”
Though L didn't like giving the speech to girls, he was
next when the occasion came up at the country club.
Intelligence had revealed that agents listened to girls
primarily, their news of boyfriends giving many clues
as to troop movements.
“Ladies,” he began, “it's a simple enough message:
Loose Lips Sink Ships. Was made famous in World War 2.”
“They're numbered! I thought it was a perpetual state!”
moaned Lisa.
“Plenty of time for questions after!” he told her.
But she and Gwen never stopped chatting, newly impelled
by the sight of a young man on the putting green.
“See! I told you! Cutest butt ever!”
It was as if the young man knew they were watching-–
much leaning and stretching to retrieve golfballs
from holes. Gwen and Liz emitted sucking sounds
and said he was murdering them.
L soldiered on and finished his talk. There were no questions.
He gave an account when he got back to the office. Dr T
announcing "Hey! I had three girls and they were empty
heads for a good while. Then...overnight! And some have
driven everybody crazy in the silly phase, but then led
rebellions to shove Dad from the top slot in the firm!”
“Nice. There's hope. I...got the name of this young man who perfects his game while others fight and die.”
Dr T read the scrap of paper and crumpled it up for his
pocket. "We can’t go there. Nobody can."
"But Sir, this kid...!”
“Stop there or you'll sound like the enemy. They DO
take it to extremes.”
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Assembly
And if you're good
I'll search for wood.
One element. Let's
add looming love.
But the sort
not comfortable
when there's dust under
the bed. Takes all kinds.
Lil traveled with
a vacuum but
was flying
apart then.
Labels: cleanliness, love
Friday, February 17, 2012
Citizens United
Everyone knows it's wrong
and that fascist shitheads
on the Supreme Court
are carrying the day.
To understate.
Labels: Citizens United, Supreme Court
Thursday, February 16, 2012
When the Revolution Peters Out
Oh, massacres still inflicted
on Left, Right, and Innocents.
Not, though, with requisite spirit.
The Rich, who had joined their
money in the Caymans, return
to buy each side. Senate recalled on
proviso that bribe-taking less ad hoc
and more coherent. House, who had
purloined in even greater chaotic
measure, invited to stay home.
The Supreme Court has died--
God bless them every one!--
in the dilated struggle. GE
insists it remain thus.
Packing a bag in Jackson,
Senator Hilbo laughs
"Tits on a bull anyways!"
Labels: House, Left, revolution, Right, senate
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Washington Ritual
bespeaking near-exhaustion
when Chair and Vice aver so
much hard work performed
by each other. Of a higher order
of toil, of course, than plumber Hortie
and apprentice wrestling a waterheater
of a broiling August into the Achuff’s
crawlspace. As is the reward: legislator
boarding contributor’s private jet for
Kenya, there to rack up meat and
a coal black slut. Both worked into
the same story for the crackers.
Labels: Congress, junket, work
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Widows and Orphans-–a Speculation
-So you bet on their eviction?
-Into the snow and ice!
-And you relish it!
-More if a huge truck flings by and throws up
frozen mud!
-Just deserts in your mind?
-The widow married a weak fool and taught the children
to revere his shoddy memory!
-Well, let's leave them in metaphor, still huddled!
-Let's not, for I'm also wagering that the Goody Two Shoes
of the church will rescue them. Warm food and beds!
-So you also make money from hope?
-I don't really discriminate.
-But the times they can be most volatile!
-Yeah! Thus the more I don't hedge. I plunge!
-It could end up you out there freezing and shattered!
Ruined!
-Then I would await the church ladies and steal their
pretty purses.
-How can you live with yourself?
-I just keep on betting I can.
-So you bet on their eviction?
-Into the snow and ice!
-And you relish it!
-More if a huge truck flings by and throws up
frozen mud!
-Just deserts in your mind?
-The widow married a weak fool and taught the children
to revere his shoddy memory!
-Well, let's leave them in metaphor, still huddled!
-Let's not, for I'm also wagering that the Goody Two Shoes
of the church will rescue them. Warm food and beds!
-So you also make money from hope?
-I don't really discriminate.
-But the times they can be most volatile!
-Yeah! Thus the more I don't hedge. I plunge!
-It could end up you out there freezing and shattered!
Ruined!
-Then I would await the church ladies and steal their
pretty purses.
-How can you live with yourself?
-I just keep on betting I can.
Labels: speculation, Widows and Orphans
Monday, February 13, 2012
GPAC, the fiercest con-
servatives meet up in
DC (where the 25-cent tip
reemerges from the vault.)
Overlap, of course, with GOP--
(though it’s hated periodically for
the few vilely RINO outriders. Kept
out by Bible Roarers, thank
The Lord!) When Republican Con-
vention lured NYC, pimps bought
their whores roller skates.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Many women talking
jars the universe, yet
girls mid forests,
laughter skip-
ping trees and
static ponds, have
angels pausing
their sweet chords.
Labels: girls, women, women talking
Saturday, February 11, 2012
The Loner
-You've isolated when you should have knocked around
with all kinds of people. Now, a crisis. So you fall back
on principle or some other absurdity.
-Are you a psychiatrist?
-I have eyes.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Justice
John Q clinks
quarter into
Little League can
& Loaves and Fishes!
it morphs 100x for
1040. Such increase
scorned by The Rich
as encroachment,
so clergy taught
to string it up mid
soft, apologetic bans.
Labels: 1040, income tax
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Political Consultant, 2020
-One of each, hey?
-Nirvana!
-Aren't you afraid this bi-life will...?
-Not about me, but my mighty fortress, Mr Pure!
-The reporters are exhausting themselves trying to find...
-He came in after midnight once. Donut sugar on
his face, ukelele in hand. Been sailing with Sweetie
along Moonlight Bay.
-But the darkies aren't singing in your version.
-Nope, pressed the mute button.
-You should do the same with him.
-Not necessary. He just recites Mother-Country-
and Being Nice! Plus, of course, Wife.
-Twin empty heads once they debarked against the
moon and into our political life.
-That's exaggerated. Why I passed him a lemonade
yesterday and he took it to his lips, not his forehead.
-This is a nightmare fantasy. There is no me, no bi-you,
no egregious halfwit of a future president!
-I'd pinch you but it would violate an oath.
Labels: Political Consultant
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Something Done at Board Meeting
“It's my outfit,” finally laughed Aunt Jemima,
“and I've a few things to say. Cease and desist
your Power-Point, Attorney Smerge!
And Tear down this chart! Mr Goring-Chuff.”
“It's my outfit,” finally laughed Aunt Jemima,
“and I've a few things to say. Cease and desist
your Power-Point, Attorney Smerge!
And Tear down this chart! Mr Goring-Chuff.”
Labels: Aunt Jemima, board, Power-Point
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Kissing the Blarney Stone
doesn't mean you go full
on from there. Stage fright
could bring terror, whence
you finally spew fragments
of nonsense. Or insult
render tongue-tied,
the gorge rising overlate
to excoriate vile malefactors.
During other events what
you think wit sets the room at
edge. And In matters of true love,
the signal might come anew
for a fast one, and you spin a-
way, a screwball. A googly.
Labels: Baseball, blarney, Blarney Stone, Cricket
Monday, February 06, 2012
Rhetorical Rebels
told to mince
aside
for those with
physical
in mind.
told to mince
aside
for those with
physical
in mind.
Labels: rebel, revolution, rhetoric
Sunday, February 05, 2012
A Process
When he chucks
his existence in-
to abstraction,
he understands it.
That, too, proves flat,
but no getting back.
Labels: abstraction
Saturday, February 04, 2012
Like a blind horse, on
they plod at nothing
or at task.
Favorite song could be
Help Me Make It
Through the Night,
though they never ask.
Labels: blind horse
Friday, February 03, 2012
New Ones
When C And G move into the neighborhood, some call
their house Faggot Ranch.
But they grow popular, walk their dogs and chat. And laugh.
Become civic minded. Not hard here: we only have
the June Fete.
They take charge of the Beanbag Toss and a crowd of
youngsters gathers.
I ask my Jeanette. "They treat us like adults! Not the
shit-condescension we get from you and your
despicable friends!"
"What do kids know?" scoffs Bicky. "Let the world smash
them up a bit and they won't take fairies for hobbies.
Besides, those lovebirds are Democrats for sure!
All Fruits are Democrats and all D-”
“Too wide a brush!” I admonish. (He's actually a great guy when not on liberals or Jews.)
“Fuck you with that brush!”
When C And G move into the neighborhood, some call
their house Faggot Ranch.
But they grow popular, walk their dogs and chat. And laugh.
Become civic minded. Not hard here: we only have
the June Fete.
They take charge of the Beanbag Toss and a crowd of
youngsters gathers.
I ask my Jeanette. "They treat us like adults! Not the
shit-condescension we get from you and your
despicable friends!"
"What do kids know?" scoffs Bicky. "Let the world smash
them up a bit and they won't take fairies for hobbies.
Besides, those lovebirds are Democrats for sure!
All Fruits are Democrats and all D-”
“Too wide a brush!” I admonish. (He's actually a great guy when not on liberals or Jews.)
“Fuck you with that brush!”
Thursday, February 02, 2012
“Sup R Pac”
-Robot’s terrific!
-You think so? Great!
-How’d you come up with–?
-Since Supremes say we’re a person, we decided to run ourselves instead of pouring money into nitwits.
Charity begins at home.
-Every right to!
-Of course needed a spokesman who wouldn’t tire
of repeating bromides, nor get videotaped with
a live boy or a dead girl in his bed.
-Greatest nation on the face of the Earth! What does
the robot do for sex?
-We’re not there yet. We’ll eventually move in a girl
robot for him. But it’s hard enough now just to program answers for the wild yahoos attending Town Halls.
-Opposition have homo robot?
-What else?
-And is ours a right-to-work robot?
-Emphatically! But we can’t, of course, offshore him.
-No perfection save in Heaven.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Sauna
-Well the Great Man! Pink and full in form.
-Yeah a disappointment, I know. Normal male...
no more no less.
-No matter. They bow and scrape when you got
your pockets on!
-Many do. I don't desire it, but can't deny it either.
-Let's see now: the right pocket stuffed with Republicans.
And the left...
-It’s very nearly balanced out.
-But you prefer the right, yes?
-Only because they believe such utter shit.
-Do the Dems believe in nothing then?
-It seems that way since they don't suck up the bribes
with the same ecstasy.
-It’s not a bribe if you believe it anyway!
-Good point. So my Republican parasites really
more honest?
-Yeah. I guess. But leave us not get theological whilst naked.
-Nor to the marriage of true minds admit impediments.
-Playing against type now.
-I have to do something.
Labels: bribery, Democrat;, Republican, wealth
