Saturday, May 31, 2014
Wuzawoowuz!
“I sold rights to it to Charlie Hokk. He put it on T-Shirts, mugs,
the whole smear!
Would you believe that then I had to pay him a thousand each
time I said it in the act? And it was once my trademark phrase!
I tried others, of course, but came back to it. Adoring public!
So, I made a mistake. And the million he paid me was all pissed
away anyhow. C’est la...whatever. Win some, lose some. Others
called off due to Acid Rain! Hey! Wuzawoowuz!-–can say it cuz
it cost me nothing in private conversation.
How did I become a comedian?
Everybody laughed at me growing up! Got to like the sound.
That’s AT me, not with me?
So what? Who gives a shit? You wear yourself out worrying
about crap like that.
Wuzawoowuz!
Can I put it on my tombstone? Well, that’s advertising medium too!
Maybe he’ll relent to acknowledge the public’s love of me.
Yeah, love. Don’t act so shocked!”
Labels: comedian, comedy, laughing, saying
Friday, May 30, 2014
Champion of Whatever
Solon and Aide
-Whatever happened to Fiercely Independent Champion
of the Working Man and Woman?
-Not a thing. You keep saying it!
-Won't your Wall Street Bankers get pissed?
-You don't get to be a Wall Street Banker unless you
know everything is bullshit.
-Or a Senator?
-Church Dude...whatever. You name it!
-And your favorite movie, The Sound of Music?
-And you’re (sings) a bird that is learning to sing.
-The NRA wants me blasted away.
-No rhyming in the office!
-Where do you stand on Gun Control?
-I don’t stand anywhere. For anything. I persuade.
-What are you persuading your gun nuts to...?
-Not to bring a bazooka to a pea-shooting contest.
-The latter weapon will be a great help when the black
and Hispanic Marauders come down the hill!
-I’m persuading ‘em: Stay up there!
-Let’s start casting you as Peacemaker!
-Bi-fuckin-partisan!
Labels: black, bullshit, compromise, gun control, Hispanic, NRA, senator, Wall Street, Working Man, Working Woman
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Missing the Niceties
Young Law
Mike and Dolores required to read alternative
sections of the 147-page Telemark Industrials v
Hopkinsen Leisure Manufacturing to each other.
He: Isaac Babel said that a comma in the right
place stabs the human heart.
She: I got your right place! Stick it up your ass!
Labels: Babel, Law, law suit, lawyers, overkill, vulgarity
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Depending on Them
On this heavy day,
the gull can hardly
lift his wings, thus
wrinkling
the universe
somewhat less.
Somewhere else
along the globe
a brother or sister
beats with the untir-
ing vigor they know
is instantly required.
Labels: balance, globe, Nature, seagull
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Trio, Marooned
“Jicks and I thought we’d avoid the jealously thing, if you...?
We shared you?”
But Marnie tells them she’s a Jill seeking another.
Jicks and Bell agree it’s just bad luck.
They continue to work on the large dugout canoe.
On huge-moon nights they have heard faint slapping noises
from a nearby island. Why the women washed clothes at that
hour makes for much speculation.
They decide on a night raid, to kidnap three. Marnie just
laughs when they ask how she can be sure she’ll pick a Jill.
Comes the raid, finally, and the sea turns rougher than Bell
has planned, the moon obscured by low clouds. They come
tantalizingly close, the laundry song booming in the stormy
atmospherics. Lightning illuminates the mass of women.
Then the canoe is swept out into the further, stroboscopic
ocean, where the rain eventually ceases.
Their luck changes at first light when they’re picked up by a
Chinese freighter.
The women doctor treats them equally, but with a tiny smile
towards Marnie.
Who lives in Beijing presently; the men have successfully married,
but dream the laundry song of moonlit nights.
Labels: Beijing, Chinese, jealously, marooned, moonlight, raid, rescue
Monday, May 26, 2014
Episodes re Healthy Fear
-It's wrong that we characterize our
co-workers. Like, “Bossy Millie.”
She can be bossy but there's a
great deal more to her.
---
"What was all that about in there?"
"The Moralist wants finer detail."
.....
-What's up?” I had to ask...way the air felt then.
-Max and Jenny in a helluva fight! She stormed
out forever!”
-Sorry I asked.
I've not asked since, some twelve years.
Now when I encounter the beginning of a slippery
atmospheric, I intuit problems and run away like hell!
Labels: bossy, label, romantic quarrel, running away, stereotyping
Sunday, May 25, 2014
2 clerks inside the music store
The Process of Certain Arts
-The gathering of guitar students out there.
-Raw beginners and somewhat advanced.
-The latter pretty good.
-One person hangs apart. Royalty. Doesn’t
speak to any of them.
-The Master Teacher comes rarely, and
only for him.
-He’s so terrific, you’d think nothing
left to teach him.
-Little things here and there.
-Anyway, they’ll hafta hurry. Master
Teacher goes on tour in a month.
-Then our new artist joins the band
backing some mega star. Already signed.
He'll get solos when she rests.
-Didn’t know that. And! After all the years
of booze and broads and drugs and acclaim...?
-It’s back here as the new Master Teacher.
Twenty pounds lighter and nerves about shot!
-How many more of these cycles we got left,
before we die or retire?
-Same.
Labels: and rock n roll, booze, cycle, drugs, guitar, Master Teacher, Music, music instruction
Saturday, May 24, 2014
The College Objective
Asking heavy questions about
inconsequential things. That’s
Humanities. Science finds
the animating nonsense. Fairy-
lands of Arts fog any goals, putz
around in marshmallows.
The Business School, of course,
features heavy lifting. Grounded
in philosophy of Galt. Halt-
ing dingbats and dancers
at the door. In Engineering
nothing changes in the mind.
Should have kept the slide-rule.
Labels: arts, business, college, Engineering, Galt, Humanities, university
Friday, May 23, 2014
Wax and the Lady
It’s hard to address a waxy box. Nothing writes on it, and labels fall off.
Yet Maxine gave him 52 of all sizes for his birthday.
“No you can give me something every week of the year!” she crowed.
He consulted Standing Bear of the Utes.
Turned her into actual crow.
She’s missed, and he’d still like a word with her from time to time.
But no crows have answered yet, though one stole his watch from a picnic table. He had taken it off
to check his pulse.
Labels: birthday, crow, gift, magic
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Present Wife Laconic
(Last one, emergency a minute!)
At any rate, put her in our Expedition to her Aunt's country
place, and then don my faux military garb, complete with
AK-47 won at church.
Not much time, due to her casual warning.
Join the Assassination Squad on their sweep of our floor,
no one the wiser.
They flood off the elevators as I merge smoothly, imitating
their duck-and-poke Swat Team manner.
We batter down doors that are unlocked.
Lingering, then, within domestic sets of sofas, and tables with
toasters. Lost for meditative seconds after determining the
absence of the persons in the photographs about, which the
others match with ones on phones.
Usually the leader, when we gather in the hallway again, lights
a cigarette, indicating All-Clear.
But today he performs a vicious uppercut with his weapon,
so up the stairs we go to 15.
All stealth lost in our thundering, but 15 perceives slowly,
being mostly retired.
Bipsy-Lou has rigged the elevator not to stop there again,
till the cleanup and refurbishment complete.
There's a waiting list already.
The leader has been mildly reprimanded for overzealousness, and
my wife has returned, casting bucolic Instagram snaps on House-TV.
Labels: assassination, future, militarism, murder, over-reaction, police
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
New Republican Governor
The Sweet Aesthetic
-My first agenda item: kicking the shit out of these
teachers' pensions.
-Left'll scream! Another wealth transfer from the
middle-class to the Got-Rocks.
-Uh huh? You know the beauty of that theory?
-None!
-No, it has the sweet aesthetic of being spot on!
-Well, let's not acknowledge it as such.
-No worry. They don't have the balls.
Labels: Governor, pensions, Republican, spoils, teachers, wealth, wealth transfer
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Selecting Cable
And Merry Melodies, Not
Bloomberg favors me of Saturdays
by showcasing true business leaders.
With vision yet. Rest of week,
ultra right-wing creeps and Loon-
y Tunes basically full of shit.
John Galt, if he slid an
icy hand in your pocket.
Labels: Bloomberg, business, John Galt, leader, Right Wing, vision
Monday, May 19, 2014
"Work"
Lift That Bale!
Like most Americans
I’ve worked
hard,
or fled.
Former not quite matching
Larry the Plumber of
a hundred-degree day
wrestling a water heater
through a dogshit
crawl space.
Presently under back treatment
from Dr Trellsor, he will
man the tiny office
and dispatch his guys. Now
time to watch BENGHASI REDUX.
There he might detect
how hard legislators toil,
telling each other of it, oil-
ing over party lines
to do so. Sighing
at the end.
Work.
Hard.
Uh huh?
Labels: Benghazi, Congress, self-congratulatory, work
Sunday, May 18, 2014
The Man Who Forgot Everything
Eventually, as expired Mom had
predicted, his name. Found it,
of course, on bank statements
but enough was enough.
Changed legally to Huggert Dahl.
The women liked the Dahl part
since he was blankly handsome.
And the Huggert gave them excuses
to hug. Darlene, as per her nature,
proved the most passionate.
And the most insistent. They marry.
When friends throw rice, he asks
what that is. Truly,
never mind. Recalls enough for her
to leverage direction. One must, she
feels, in every match.
Labels: forgetfulness, marriage, power, sex
Saturday, May 17, 2014
The Win
Chupsy never said anything clever. And coming close to 40.
One night when the whole gang assed around, all looked to
him for some mystical reason, and he...emitted a something
to make everyone cringe.
The whole group turned its back as if praying for the shame
to vanish.
And then it happened. A new remark, somewhat esoteric, and yet
fitting the topic on more than one point.
A beat or two, and then the spontaneous roar of laughter.
He was much congratulated, but people often avoided him after.
Expecting that laser wit to cut them mid mot.
Needn't have bothered. One-shot wonder.
Labels: friendship, loser, table wit, wit
Friday, May 16, 2014
Moral, But Short
Breaking Up Proving Easy To Do
His Medical Girlfriend informed him she had
found a one less boring.
But, knowing he'd be a mope acquiring another
woman, she advised taking care of himself--
for his prostate.
He took the advice, even to professorial levels,
buying many books and tapes and DVDs.
At meetings in the plant, he frequently excused
himself as the frenzy descended.
The result, upshot? Well the one instance
where the Old Wives spot on: He went mad!
The nurses at Single Pine have a nickname
for him. Unimaginative but accurate.
Labels: addiction, breakup, masturbation, mental illness, relationship, sex, sex addiction
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Litanies Gather
Rooms Have Power
Makes no difference
their size.
Big meeting takes place
once in medium,
and he is terrorized
on the stairs by
CEO fleeing,
and moans inside,
finally "darting howls."
He did spare in his art time.
Labels: business, business cliches, CEO, meeting, room, terror
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Are All Answers Questions?
C shunned involvement
as A detailed the quarrel
with B. C uh huh-ed and
mmm'd at random peaks,
feeling it would play out.
Never did, and the bitterness
weighed on C so much that
a meeting arranged, moderated
with such great skill and emotion
that the hatchet buried.
In C's back. Both parties henceforth
despising this incompetent peacemaker.
Who becomes a thoroughgoing mess.
Is this where it all had to go? C never
believed in Destiny, but A, B, did.
Will those who feel the world being shaped
shape our world?
Or is this heavy question showing off
on its own accord? Like most.
C shunned involvement
as A detailed the quarrel
with B. C uh huh-ed and
mmm'd at random peaks,
feeling it would play out.
Never did, and the bitterness
weighed on C so much that
a meeting arranged, moderated
with such great skill and emotion
that the hatchet buried.
In C's back. Both parties henceforth
despising this incompetent peacemaker.
Who becomes a thoroughgoing mess.
Is this where it all had to go? C never
believed in Destiny, but A, B, did.
Will those who feel the world being shaped
shape our world?
Or is this heavy question showing off
on its own accord? Like most.
Labels: bury hatchet, peacemaking, quarrel
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
The Chinese Century
For Love and Glory
-We're supposed to be into the Chinese Century,
but look at their New Years, and all the nonsense
with dragons. Dragons! Oh my!
-You're implying no more dragons to be feared,
and even slain?
-Cut it out!
-How about metaphorically? Buoy us up a bit!
-I don't deal in figures of speech.
-I bet you don't even want Mickey Rooney and
Judy Garland to find an old barn in Connecticut
and put on a show!
-Not really.
-Or Fred and Ginger to dance by signs of
railroad stations right up to Broadway's Palace?
-Toodley-doo.
-But people want a show! To see one or...
-My show's the bottom line.
-A fine and private place,
but none, I fear, do there embrace.
-Poetry! The very definition of useless.
-Let’s make a movie!
-Where I'm converted to bullshit at the end?
Buying statues for the peasants’ church?
-Better than your version.
-Mine just wins!
Labels: businessman, Chinese, Dragon, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, John Donne, Judy Garland, Mickey Rooney, movies, New Year, poetry, reality
Monday, May 12, 2014
Question For the Ages
Well, One
Do they disappear?
The unfinished
tasks in dreams?
You worked so hard,
but then woke up.
Perhaps there's
a repository, so
some person in Bangladesh
or Argentina checks one out
and commences on it. If thus,
something of yours actually
gets finished. Hallelujah!
Labels: dreams, finishing tasks, universal dreams
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Boxes
“Who died and made him God? He’s half our
age and gets us trembling! It’s a farce.”
“Later.”
"He’s incompetent and we’re heading
for disaster!”
“Soft-pedal a bit till we’re outa here.
Then, we’ll talk. Like, really cool it!”
The lobby was all tile and the sound of the
disintegrator deafened me.
George ended in a sealed waxen box.
“I warned him but, well, bit headstrong.”
Not the first time I had addressed such a box.
Labels: future, leadership, political disaster, speaking out, totalitarian
Saturday, May 10, 2014
There Will Always Be
and be and be
-Have you sampled the new facilities
in Piccadilly?
-Sounds like music hall banter.
-Feels a bit like it too. Ridiculous. Multisex!
-Oh? How is...?
-You punch up a board of colored lights
for your exact preference.
-Sounds more public than I’d prefer.
-I said it awkwardly. Rather like an iPad, really.
-If it's clean, I could care less about...
-Well, it creeps me out a bit, I'm afraid. The whole
exacting process.
-Buck up! England expects each person to do
that person's duty!
-Shall I pack up my troubles in my old kit bag
and smile, smile, smile?
-One quite sufficient.
Labels: England, multisex, music hall, public bathroom, World War 1
Friday, May 09, 2014
Horrid Conclusion!
The shack in the rear of the dingy apartment house was vacant
and decrepit. A club of boys last used it ten years ago.
Macky met Clyde there, hissing “Benghazi!”
“It’s back then?” Clyde started striking his face with his fists.
“Yes, and I’m...getting your pants down now. I’m gonna f--!”
“No!”
“Don’t struggle. Must be done. For the Party. And God! And Patriotism!”
“I wanna kill myself!”
“No shit? Changed my mind. Struggle!”
Labels: Benghazi, Benghazi Party, politics, Republican Dead Horse
Thursday, May 08, 2014
Wakes tied up
Tries figuring particular knots, but all types, from granny to complex.
Can hop around, but stops.
Too late, since old man downstairs complains.
Patrolmen Minnerty and Rauch are responding. In their
good time.
The complex keeps them busy.
Gets one hand semi-loose for breakfast. Toasted frozen
waffle, strawberry jam, coffee. It takes twice as long, and
tries sliding rather than hopping, for quieter results.
Finally phones Gwen whose father brought her up as sea
person, other ways a boy.
“Like to meet you for lunch but I’m all tied up.”
She's finally horrified. “First step in elimination process!”
She rushes there to untie. He recommends in his discomfort
a butcher knife, but she insists it’s important not to cut.
Some ropes communicating.
Can hear patrolmen in hall. “Let's get this sissy in sisal!”
She quickly sends the wrong floor signal.
“14! In all my documentation!” screams Officer Minnerty.
“Nah, 15. It’s blinking its ass off!”
Can hear them in elevator as they ascend. Officer Rauch hisses. "1407 or 1507: we’ll get both sonsabitches!”
A fight with a retired welder ensues. Shots.
“They’ll straighten it out” she whispers.
“Somebody could be dead by then.”
“No way! They can’t shoot accurately. At any rate,” flicking the
last knot aside, “say goodbye to this apartment. You’ll never
see it again.”
“I can’t leave in pjs!”
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
Labels: future, government murder, knots, seamanship, tied up
Wednesday, May 07, 2014
The Christian Sector
of the NSA sings
Let's all Gather
Information
By the River.
Tuesday, May 06, 2014
Temperatures in Turning Them Out
The Art of It
-You're a perfect example of the Hired Gun!
Turnout Specialist for the Democrats
hired away by Republicans. Differences?
-Vast! With the Dems, cut and dried. Checking
this list against that. Arranging transportation
for old ladies in nursing homes, etc. And
just around election time, more or less, not
24-7
-And with those tough, rather than functionary
Republicans?
-Never stops! And much more emotional. Putting
all the media in play, especially radio. Why a special set of under-lock surveys demonstrates...
-Uh oh! Nerd Alert, Nerd Alert! Wanted lectures,
woulda stayed in school. Give us the phrase
that encapsulates it! Now!
-Keeping the Crazies white-hot!
Labels: crazies, Democrat, election turnout, hired gun, Republican
Monday, May 05, 2014
Ending Sleep
Since fully 70% of the working population
had ceased sleeping, Republicans have pushed
for a 12-hour workday.
Those workers who have gotten so hyper
so as to frighten their family have been
prescribed Golden Gophers, severe
downers from the University of California
lab, the same that invented NoSleepEver.
Come aboard! beckons the National Bureau of
Health TV ad, showing a gleeful train running
by graveyards, celebrants singing at the top
of their lungs and passing around trays
of food.
“Why snooze away a third of your life?”
actor Marcus Headly resonates near its close.
The swift train dopplers as we no longer see it.
Then, Marcus repeats.
Thus it’s all doppler.
Labels: downer, medication, pill, sleep
Sunday, May 04, 2014
Porno Talk
-I'm not there with porn. Watching others doing it? No thanks.
-Would it matter if it were two males?
-I've not thought.
-Well...extraneous, or upsetting?
-Maybe, some of the latter.
-Lesbos?
-Please! No!
-How about watching yourself with a partner? Name the sex.
-I don't know.
-Well, I'd say you're about halfway there as a pervert.
-Perhaps a quarter.
-At any rate, a weak case.
-Yup. I'd put the world asleep. If they paid any attention at all.
-No chance of that!
Labels: homosexual, lesbian, porn, pornography
Saturday, May 03, 2014
Question As Bizarre As Most
-Every other Blue Moon, we get a wedding
between two nearly spent duckies at Bide a Bit.
TV offers them up as "cute."
-At that age, each must hold all kinds of sins
and guilts. And secrets!
-Sure! If both pure, why bother marrying?
Labels: retirement community, senior, senior romance, wedding
Friday, May 02, 2014
Faith and Congress
Tap-Dancing in the House
-You came here an indifferent Christian.
-Comic-book version of Bible in my office.
-Then the Evangelicals steamrolled the party in your state.
-And The White Flame of Faith has shot from my ass ever since!
-How could you do it so fast? Metamorphose like that?
-Called Method Acting. Brando taught me. And Cockroaches.
-Uh huh? And what if by some Kafka-esque miracle, the whole
shebang turned atheist?
-Need you ask? God wouldn't bless our work, but who gives a shit?
-That last phrase encapsulates your service.
-Something has to.
Labels: atheist, Bible, Brando, cockroach, Congress, Evangelicals, faith, hypocrisy, Kafka, Metamorphosis
Thursday, May 01, 2014
Movements
-The New Incoherence just about swept most musicians out.
And now with Ragged Incoherence...?
-It all finished me, and the group.
-They...glue rags together before each performance!
-Clever enough, so they can flip around here and there and
show their little things.
-Rather prodigious in the case of Mickey-Mel-Mookie, my daughter's favorite. And each instrument, too, becomes a laugh. They pass them hand to hand. And in the performance we witnessed, all converged for a laser-slashed finale on
one drum-set, obliterating it in a frenzy.
-Yeah? Well there's still real music elsewhere!
-And you wish to represent it by teaching “Intro” at this obscure
junior college?
-An ambassador!
-Well, there are already PhDs in The Incoherences, and you just have the bachelor's. But you studied with eminent classical persons, and performed worldwide. At any rate, I'll get you before the committee. Don't be surprised if you’re bombarded with anagrams. DKM is Deaf Kraut Music, after Beethoven. MM is Metronome in Molasses--what they call Sinatra, Beatles, Ella Fitzgerald etc. JOM equals Jerking Off in Mirrors, or Jazz. HC means Hick Central, or Country. Many more coined relatively recently, but you'll be up for them, I'm sure.
-We always got warnings, but never thought sheer ignorance would
take over.
-You're one to help lead the counterrevolution. I'm done! With teaching, family, and committee work...and nerves permanently on edge with the traffic shrieks of Ragged Incoherence!
Labels: Beatles, chaos, Ella, incoherence, jazz, Music, musical revolution, Sinatra, style, taste
